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2015

June 13, 2015 - Nathan's Debut on The Onslaught

MOJeffie made what I suppose was meant to be an ominous announcement early on in the evening, stating, "The Bigfeets are active."
There are NO Bigfeets...so I'm not worried...end of story.

We were also being attacked throughout the evening by what we first thought to be Mothra...but actually turned out to be a very large, annoying cicada...

We had a special guest with us this evening, as Nathan Bobbett joined us.
Nathan is one of Azkath's newest co-hosts on The Last Exit For The Lost. Nathan is a Brony...and also, weird as this may sound...the father of my...well, Mandy's...yeah, you get the picture...
Yes, Nathan was the unfortunate victim of Mandy's out of control hormones on No Pants Day and he is technically the baby daddy of this...thing...growing inside of me...and I really don't want to discuss this overly much. It's insane to think about, especially when Jeffie throws out little tidbits like, "How are you going to deliver the baby?", and "Are you going to have to turn back into Mandy when it's time to have the baby?"
Neither of those questions, of course, have any real answer...at least none that I care to speculate about. All I know is this kid is growin' unbelievably fast, and I have no clue as to how we're going to get it out. As a matter of fact, I think something may have been mentioned about a "Chainsaw C-Section"...which just makes me wanna find a cave to hide in for the next couple months...
Interesting side note: When Joe found out Nathan's last name was Bobbett, hilarity ensued as the "Lorena" jokes started spewing forth. Now, Nathan assured us that the spelling is different, but Joe's not buying it for a second.

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June 5, 2015 - Fireworks, Porn, and Jeffie's Mental Decline

IMG 7776This week we were short a person, as Rick was in Rochester checking out Noisem at the Bug Jar, which left the show to Joe, Josh, and myself...along with a very messed up Jeffie.
Now, of course, Jeffie's pretty messed up most times, but he's at least capable of constructing complete sentences...well, usually...
Anyhow, at first, he was only capable of repeating "Hi!", over and over...to the point where it got really annoying...which actually made for a normal night with Jeffie, anyhow! But, Joe eventually started getting really frustrated, demanding whole sentences from Jeffie, assuring him that beatings would continue until he started making sense! Hey...sometimes you've just gotta show Jeffie some tough love! Honestly, my first thought was that maybe something had "happened" to the last Jeffie, resulting in an unexpected demise, and the spawning of a new Jeffie. And, when I suggested this, it seemed like that may have likely been what happened.
He started making progress as the night went on, I'm happy to say. He even took some time to learn my name again, although there was a bizarre moment when he confused "Randy" with "candy"...and attempted to bite a chunk out of my head...
Things started coming together throughout the evening, as Jeffie continued to obsess over the whole "Randy-candy" thing. He seemed very confused and frustrated at not being able to explain what was wrong, and we were starting to get frustrated in our own right...and then somebody mentioned the name "Mandy"...and it all made sense...
Randy...candy...Mandy...
Jeffie had seen the No Pants Day 2015 video...
See, the problem here is that Jeffie showed up at No Pants Day AFTER I'd been possessed by Satan and forced to assume the Mandy character again! He thought I'd gone the entire evening wearing pants...and I had not...and he discovered this all when he watched the video on YouTube, and saw me running around as Mandy, wearing candy underwear.
So, yeah, Jeffie was traumatized by all of that, and is also claiming that I personally ruined candy for him.
At least we figured out what the hell his problem was!

Further antics saw Jeffie riding me around the new digs like a pony, which was utter hell on my knees. It was suggested that perhaps I may need firecrackers shoved up my butt to get me moving, and much to my dismay, a fairly wide array of pyrotechnic thingamajigs (Roman candles and worse...) was revealed, and all of them were recommended as items that could be placed into my rectum.
Just one more reason to dread the coming weeks...especially the Fourth Of July.

-Randy Metalwulf

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May 29, 2015 - Metal in Nature

Metal in NatureI'm happy to say that this week we were joined by the one and only Crappy The Clown, who lastvisited us early last year. For those unfamiliar, Crappy has quite the history amongst the regional entertainment scene. He's fronted both Stool and Punch Drunk Monkeys over the years, he's been onstage with Gwar, he's been involved with professional wrestling...truly, a clown of all trades! And, deep down in his crappy heart, he's a pretty damned decent dude. We love the guy to death, and he can come hang with us any friggin' time he wants, as far as we're concerned!

Anyhow, we began this week's show sitting amongst nature, enjoying the cool spring breeze that was blowing through the trees outside our new digs. I was actually enjoying the hell out of it, myself, but the other guys didn't really care for being devoured by blood-thirsty insects, so we eventually moved back indoors.

Bunch o' pussies...

I mean, really, bear in mind that they were all flipping out over maybe getting West Nile virus, while at the same time ridiculing the hell out of me for actually going to a doctor when I was struck with a recent dose of the plague!

Yeah, I got sick...went the entire winter healthy as a horse, for the most part, while Joe, Seriah, and Rick were going through bouts of illness. We get to spring...one of the worst ones in recent history when it comes to allergens floating about, I know I'm not the only one...and I get laid low with my first bout of bronchitis in four and a half years.

Yet...apparently I'm less manly for getting it treated. I guess I was just supposed to suck it up and ride it out, blah, blah, blah...

At least I'm not afraid of a few mosquitoes...

It was actually suggested that my recent run of cigarette smoking may not have helped my cause, and I won't argue the logic. That, along with a worse than normal allergy season, very likely contributed to all of the unpleasantness. Azkath even went so far to suggest that, along with the smoking and other factors, that perhaps getting possessed by Satan again on No Pants Day played a part...possibly making me come down with the Satanic Plague.

Scary stuff, but not as scary as what's likely to happen to me if I start smoking again. Azkath broke out the big guns this time, firing up what I at first thought was a chainsaw...but was, in fact, a weed whacker, which is apparently capable of taking down small trees...

If that's not incentive to lay off the smokes, I don't know what is!

Another interesting item of note from this week...

Azkath seems to think I could be pregnant, which is utter nonsense when you consider the biological aspects. Still, he seems to think, based on a message I'd sent him regarding my dose of the plague, that I could have a bun in the oven. But, hey, just because vomiting happened to be among my symptoms (and not normally associated with bronchitis, at least not in my experience), it doesn't mean I'm defying the laws of nature.

But, his line of reasoning is this...

On No Pants Day, I was possessed by Satan, once again becoming Mandy. As Mandy, I apparently...ummmmm...molested Nate, one of his newer co-hosts on The Last Exit For The Lost. I, of course, have no recollection of this at all.

Honestly, it's gotta be a fluke. That vomiting could have been the result of something I ate...like that peanut butter and pickle pizza I'd been...craving...a couple...weeks...back...

Oh shit...

- Randy Metalwulf

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May 22, 2015 - You Would Think Randy Would Learn...

Bloody RandyWe kicked the show off with a few classic tracks from the legendary Ronnie James Dio. Hard to believe that five years have already passed since his death, but what's not so hard to believe is the musical legacy he left behind. He'll never be forgotten!

Sadly, Joe and I weren't able to share our memories of that Septic Flesh/Moonspell show in Rochester, as our interview didn't pan out. Instead, he and I went out to Donselaar's for the first night of Finger Lakes Metal Fest. Honestly, probably the right choice, considering the awesome performances we were able to check out that night!

Yep, Finger Lakes Metal Fest 2015 has come and gone, and what a great time it was! I mean, there were certainly no doubts, because Metal Fest is always a blast, but I will now go on record to say that the 10th anniversary was among the best of them!

Randy (or RJ as he likes to be called) from Thirteen South even came out to share some of his memories of the day. As a matter of fact, we dubbed him Mr. Metal Fest, due mostly for his involvement not only with his band, but also because he joined Blood Snot on stage to provide vocal support. For the record, Blood Snot doesn't actually have a regular vocalist, and RJ was improvising lyrics off the top of his head. Pretty fucking impressive, when ya think about it... He also paid a visit to the stage during Ire Clad's set to provide some backing vocals to "Force It Down", which is always a blast to watch! So, yes, many fond memories of Finger Lakes Metal Fest 2015 were shared, and we all agree that we're looking forward to seeing it continue another ten years and beyond!

That was the happy portion of the show...

Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when I was once again thrown under the bus for smoking. Now, I've actually been pretty good about keeping the habit under control, but as I've said before, I tend to crave tobacco strongly when I'm in social settings. Don't know why this is, really, but in the interest of not being a mooch, I will usually purchase a pack to float me by, especially when I know there are a number of shows coming up in a short period. And, I get the fact that the guys are really just looking out for my well-being, I really do! But, come on... I mean, I've heard of tough love, but these guys take it to a whole new level, as was already proven when Joe clotheslined me through a table last November. (Yes, the video is on our website...) This time was perhaps a bit less brutal... or not... hard to say. It certainly wasn't pleasant. First off, Azkath bloodied me up with a rusty chain, and I would have said that was punishment aplenty... but, these guys LOVE to go to extremes, so in the interest of "cleaning the wound", he liberally poured peroxide into the wound... and followed it up with rubbing alcohol... and, because that must not have seemed like it was good enough, he poured on some lighter fluid next. He then struck a match, and turned me into Ghost Rider for about 30 seconds...

I hate to sound like a broken record, but I sure am glad that clones heal quickly.

- Randy Metalwulf

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May 15, 2015 - An Anvil for Randy

Joe and the AnvilSo, this show was initially introduced by the Puckered Starfish of the show as Jeffie's Metallic Onslaught... he was promptly reprimanded... It was a difficult show to get through, and not just because the recording process for the evening was utterly plagued with technical difficulties. I'll get to the meat and potatoes of the evening soon enough. This show was initially broadcast on what was the first night of Finger Lakes Metal Fest, meaning Rick was to be emceeing that while Joe and I tended to some business at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester, NY, where we had an interview scheduled with Septic Flesh. In fact, it was even suggested that I may have perhaps ended up getting sacrficed by Septic Flesh...or Moonspell...possibly even both! Obviously that was not the case...

We'd reminded Jeffie of his sudden departure the week before, after playing two tracks from Deez Nuts. Sadly, the mere mention of that incident prompted a sudden round of "My Crotch, Your Face", resulting in the teabagging of my ear by Jeffie. Ewwwwwww...

Joe discussed his difficulties in being able to escape the grasp that the plague has had on him in recent months. Apparently once that crud settles in, it's a pain in the ass to get rid of. Jeffie felt that he had just what Joe needed in the form of a high protein infusion. In fact, he presented Joe with what he called a "fapaccino". Note I did not say FRAP-accino... He did, indeed, specify FAP-accino... Guess we all know where the protein was coming from, huh? Jeffie's insistence that it was cherry-flavored AND made with love (yep...I'm sure it was...) didn't really do much to encourage Joe to try drinking it. Jeffie, however, did take a drink of it after adding a bit of bleach to it for flavor. Which, hey, that's fine if he's into that kinda thing... sadly, I am not, but I couldn't seem to convey that sentiment fast enough to prevent him from forcing some of it down my throat. It's a small miracle that I didn't actually puke... actually, it was more like a curse, because to be honest, I WANTED to puke...

It was only a matter of time before Joe's wrath was unleashed on Jeffie, this week in the form of a very large wrench. As a matter of fact, Jeffie ended up with some visible dents in his skull, although he didn't seem to feel a thing. As a matter of fact, a little bit of duct tape seemed to patch things up nicely. It was even suggested that some of the dents looked vaguely "punk", which seemed to please Jeffie. I even told him that I could use some nuts and bolts to make him look even MORE punk...

Things almost got terribly out of hand, though, when Joe broke out the Black Anvil Of Doom. It had actually been quite some time since we'd seen the anvil. In all seriousness, I can't remember when I last encountered it. I DO remember that there was a challenge for all of us to see how far we could lift it... and that I couldn't lift it past waist level... Joe seemed to have different memories, claiming that I'd actually gotten it over my head. Which is not even remotely true. Joe, however, HAS gotten that thing over his head, and how he did it without blowing his testes out completely... well, that is a complete mystery. Honestly, if you want to see something very impressive regarding the anvil... watch Necro Zombies From Beyond Space, where you'll see Ire Clad's Eric Rodriguez actually run while CARRYING it. 

But, I digress...
 
Joe seemed to think it would be amusing to pick the anvil up and hand it to me, which pretty much resulted in my rib cage coming close to imploding. Honestly, that freakin' thing is HEAVY... Jeffie thought it would actually be fun to have Joe toss the anvil... as in playing a game of "catch" with it. In fact, Jeffie went one better, suggesting that it would be more fun to have Joe toss the anvil and bounce it off of my belly. I saw only one way that scenario would end, and it included the splattering of my entrails as they blew out of my asshole... So, imagine how surprised we all were when Joe tossed the anvil, and it bounced off my belly, and then was caught by Jeffie, who used his teeth. Crazy how we're able to completely defy the laws of physics on this show...
-Randy Metalwulf
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May 8, 2015 - What Happened with Randy...

MOSo, I should probably take a moment to bring things up to speed, as I was unable to join our merry little group on the previous installment of the Metallic Onslaught. I had previously been set up for the murder of Jeffie by RJ from Thirteen South. Seems the neighbors had called the police after RJ threw Jeffie's severed head through their window... and I ended up in jail... Joe and Rick were able to get me out for one night so we could take in The Rods, who were performing that Friday night at Suzy's Tavern in Auburn, NY. Great show, as always, and this one actually featured a bonus in guest vocalist, Veronica Freeman of Benedictum. Veronica helped close the set with a trio of classics that had been previously been immortalized by the late, great Ronnie James Dio. Instead of letting me just go home after the show, Joe and Rick simply returned me to jail... It was actually Jeffie (a fresh clone of Jeffie, that is) who got me released from jail by arriving and showing that he was not, in fact, dead at all. Which puts me in an awkward position, because although Jeffie claims that he's "saved" me many times in the past, this time he well and truly did save me... and I actually have to be grateful to him...
At least I'm back!
 
Azkath joined us in the early portion of the program to discuss the events of No Pants Day on The Last Exit For The Lost. Traditionally, this event would have taken place on our show, but with our current circumstances being what they are, we celebrated in Ithaca. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that we were also having a special We Love Satan show in conjunction with No Pants Day... Didn't sit well with me, to be honest. I mean, the last time I took part in a We Love Satan show, I was possessed and tickled, resulting in the explosion of my head...and another cloning on my part...and the eventual use of my prior remains for demon-infused jerky...
 
Once again I was possessed by Satan, and I completely lost track of time for a bit. The shock was pretty substantial when I came back to my old self and discovered I was wearing white thigh-high stockings and edible underwear.
Apparently Satan thought it would be amusing for me to become "Mandy" again... And to make matters worse, I was briefly reunited with my Brony side. Honestly, I came out of the experience not liking No Pants Day quite so much anymore. 
 
I ended up on the end of a moderate Azkath beating when it was revealed that I'd had a couple of moments where I'd fallen off the tobacco wagon. I haven't started smoking full bore again, but yes, there have been a handful of lapses, usually when I'm at a show. Always seem to get the urge when I'm in a social setting...maybe I need to become a hermit... 
 
We enjoyed another round of retro gaming as I was playing Burger Time on the Intellivision, while Joe took in some Frogger and Millipede on Azkath's computer. Always fun to revisit some of the classics!
 
Jeffie dropped in for a bit, but he got really put out with us when we played a couple of tracks from a band called Deez Nuts. We've actually been playing them quite extensively in recent weeks, and let's face it, it's a fun band name to say over and over!  DEEEEEEZ NUTSSSS!!!  So much fun! But, Jeffie doesn't seem to like it when we all chant it, over and over. Which is fine, because for once we've got some of our own annoying ammunition to toss back at him! Life is good!
-Randy Metalwulf
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May 1, 2015 - The Great Outdoors

Outside

So, due to the nice weather, The Metallic Onslaught broadcast from outside in Azkath's yard. The yard is a little creepy. There are birds, owls, deer, coyotes, raccoons, bats, and perhaps bigfoots. It was very Metal. Randy was missing, and stories as to exactly where he was were confused. He was apparently arrested, then bailed out, then taken back to jail, and eventually a new Jeffie went to free him. Turns out, RJ decapitated Jeffie the previous week, and threw the head through a neighbor's window. That brought the cops, unlike other Jeffie deaths. They arrested Randy, but Azkath pinned a note explaining it all to a new Jeffie and sent him to free Randy. This was the last they knew as of this broadcast. This should have been No Pants Day, but due to the change in studio, and with Randy and Jeffie missing, no celebrations occurred. All pants stayed on. No Pants Day was instead celebrated the next night on The Last Exit for the Lost

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April 24, 2015 - RJ frames Randy

RJ Visits

Recap by Randy "MetalWulf" Smith
 
An early topic of discussion centered around some recent shows that were attended by us.
First case in point was the Nightwish show in Buffalo that Josh and I attended at the Town Ballroom that also featured Sabaton and Delain. Can't describe how awesome that show was, although we only really got to hear Delain as they wrapped up the last few songs of their set. They sounded pretty tight from where we were, though! Sabaton were incredible, and got an amazing response from the Buffalo crowd. Honestly, the guys seemed very humbled by the fans reaction. Nightwish were just flat-out amazing. Probably one of the best live bands on the planet, and I highly recommend seeing them if they ever roll through your town! 
Of course, Joe had to get a bit of ball-busting in by suggesting we'd actually gone to see Nightwish On Ice, a joking reference to the band's reputation for performing "Disney Metal". He'd even gone so far to refer to me as a "Pretty Disney Princess", but I just take it with a grain of salt, mostly. I know Nightwish isn't everybody's cup of tea, and that's okay!
While Josh and I were in Buffalo, Rick was at the Rapids Theater in Niagara Falls with my brother Bill and his awesome girlfriend, Annie, where they took in Testament and Exodus, along with Shattered Sun. Testament's been performing both The Legacy and New World Order in their entirety on this tour, and I have it on good faith that that, also, was a solid show from all bands involved!
A couple nights later, Joe, Rick, Josh, and myself were all in Rochester to catch Death Angel and Corrosion Of Conformity Blind at the Montage Music Hall. Great sets from both bands, and we were fortunate enough to get interviews with both Ted Aguilar from Death Angel, and Karl Agell from CoC Blind, both of which you can currently view on my YouTube page (Randy MetalWulf).
 
For months we'd been anticipating the evening when Azkath fired up the old Intellivision that's set up in our new digs, and this was the night we got to get our game on! Yep, we delved into some old-school 4-bit awesomeness with Kool-Aid Man, Masters Of The Universe, and Astrosmash...none of which I seemed to be able to excel at, but it was still damned fun!
 
RJ from Thirteen South had dropped in for a visit, which had Jeffie in a bit of a panic. As a matter of fact, Azkath had been hanging with us for a bit, and had mentioned that Jeffie was hesitant about coming out, knowing that RJ was possibly making an appearance. But, when it seemed like RJ may have been a no-show, Jeffie showed up and was enjoying some Intellivision time of his own.
But, RJ showed up, making Jeffie a little uncomfortable. Some may remember that Jeffie had the crap beaten out of him by RJ awhile back while we were still at WEOS. This happened because Jeffie had touched RJ's chin, not a good idea as it turned out. Well, RJ has since grown a beard, and Jeffie just couldn't keep his hands to himself, which is often the case. He touched the beard, and RJ started throwing Jeffie around the room like a ragdoll. 
Gotta say, the evening ended on a bit of a mixed blessing. On the plus side, RJ pulled a knife and dragged Jeffie outside, screaming at us on the way out the door, "YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!"
A few moments later, RJ came back in alone, wiping blood from the knife...before putting it into my hand, making sure my fingerprints were all over it...
And, to make matters worse, Joe, Rick, and Josh all left the building in a hurry, as I was left holding the knife, with the sound of the Hamster Dance (the music that usually accompanies a Jeffie death) playing, followed soon thereafter by the sound of sirens.
Yep, I got out of Dodge damned quick, and have been layin' low, hoping this all blows over... 
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April 17, 2015 - A Rubber Band on Randy's Head...

Rubber Band on Randy's Head

So, imagine my surprise on this evening when Joe actually started apologizing to me for the amount of abuse they'd been putting me through in recent weeks. As a matter of fact, Joe had gone so far as to say that maybe they needed to be more nice to me!
I was a bit shocked, really didn't know what to say...and it really didn't matter, because it didn't take long for things to return to normalcy. In fact, things went south rather quickly following Joe's apology.
It all began when Jeffie started offering me gifts to make up for harming me. Gifts like a cobweb-infested stuffed monkey...and the handset from a cordless phone...and the hat that was really a soft case meant for a laptop. This latter item, when placed upon my head, apparently made me resemble Sally Field back in her days on The Flying Nun...
Anyhoo, the abuse got under way again, seemingly due to my lack of gratitude for the gifts...and the fact that I made Jeffie cry when I got brutally honest with him about the damage he had been inflicting on me..and the fact that Jeffie got so upset that he left the building.
Ya see...somehow, all of this was MY fault... 
Numerous implements of destruction were brought into play, among them a giant fly swatter that had been a gift to Azkath from my brother and his girlfriend. Just another day at the office for me, I'd been beaten with it before. I will say this, though, I hadn't expected Joe to try to make me lick the fly swatter. That little episode cost me a tooth, which Joe promptly attempted to fix with a power drill...taking two more teeth out in the process.
Joe had also found some caulk that he wanted to seal my mouth shut with, and I made it abundantly clear that I didn't want caulk anywhere NEAR my mouth.
That's right, think about it... 
He also found a rather disturbing item hanging on Azkath's wall in a different room. It was a pair of ceramic heads on a board, a wolf and a bear to be precise. Honestly, it looked like an old Boy Scouts project, but c'mon...Azkath, in the Boy Scouts? Nope, there had to be a far more diabolical meaning to it all. Joe ended up placing the item on my chest, saying it was a necklace. I just took it all in stride.  
Jeffie eventually returned after a bit, carrying a leather case, which he promptly bludgeoned me with. That was bad enough, but he'd put a small layer of what I hope was talcum powder in the bottom of the case. Even a small layer made a hell of a cloud in that room, in fact, Josh had to depart for greener pastures, due to allegies.
Now, Jeffie clocked me pretty hard with that thing. He actually rattled my teeth a little, so I'd had about enough. I picked the case up and started dishing out some payback...causing more powder to fill the room, making it even harder for people to breathe...it was a hell of a mess, to be honest...
 
But that wasn't the ultimate indignity of the evening. Oh, no...not even close...
 
Jeffie took a large, thick rubber band and placed it around my head like a bandana.
This actually had two effects.
The first thing it did was pull my forehead up, widening my eyes by quite a lot. I remember thinking, "Who needs Botox?"
The second thing it did was to cut the circulation to the crown of my head, causing it to turn red and swollen...and wrinkly...and gross. 
I swear, the top of my head looked like a freakin' prune...and even worse, it was suggested that the top of my head looked like a nut sac! Which was actually a pretty accurate assessment, as I peeked at the photos that were taken.
All of this was recorded for posterity, so you'll all have the chance to see for yourself! 
- Randy MetalWulf
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April 10, 2015 - Jeffie Regenerates...

Everyone...

Recap by Randy "MetalWulf" Smith
 
So, before getting down to the meat and potatoes of this week's show, I need to backtrack to just after last week's show. We were all preparing to head home when Jeffie sank into the mud in Azkath's driveway. The last thing we saw before departing was his hand waving to us just before he disappeared for good. Honestly, I had to resist the urge to reach out and high five him before he was completely submerged.
 
What...you didn't honestly think I was going to pull him out, did you?
 
Let's face it, we knew it was only a matter of time before another Jeffie was made, so it wasn't a big deal. We'll never be rid of him...
As a matter of fact, Joe was a bit disappointed that Jeffie wasn't there to abuse me in his unique fashion. Personally, I didn't miss it at all, and was looking forward to a relatively sane evening. But, Joe decided to fill the void of not having Jeffie on hand by taking it upon himself to abuse me.
For starters, he started beating me with a plastic bucket, effectively splattering my nose across at least half of my face. That was bad enough, but Joe didn't seem to think so, as he also decided he should wing the bucket lid at me, Frisbee-style. Bear in mind, when he flung it at me, I was using one hand to try to stem the flow of blood and snot from my nose. The other hand tried to deflect the lid, but I missed,..and had my forehead split open for my troubles.
I was subjected to further indignities when Joe took a whisk broom and decided to brush my teeth with it. Apparently Jeffie had been spotted at one juncture using that very same whisk broom to clean out his dingleberries...
A milk crate was used on my knees next, which is just flat-out adding insult to injury, because my damned knees don't need help to get any worse than they already are... 
Next up was the very same cheese grater that Jeffie had used to shred my forehead just a couple weeks earlier. Joe decided to use it to shred my throat, pretty much eradicating my Adam's Apple. Gasping and choking, I soon lost consciousness and may have perished completely if Josh hadn't attempted to give me mouth to mouth. Notice i say "attempted", because I must have sensed something terrible about to happen (again...), and regained my consciousness just in time to see Josh lowering his head down to mine.
Yep, I awoke screaming...
 
As previously mentioned, we were well aware that another Jeffie would join us at some point. We weren't expecting the next one quite so soon, but he arrived, explaining that he had cut off one of his fingers prior to sinking into the mud, because he can now regenerate himself from severed body parts.
Which will serve as a reminder in the future...when a Jeffie dies, BURN THE BODY!!! 
 
So, with a fresh Jeffie once again walking in our midst, the abuse continued...
 
Jeffie put the plastic bucket over my head, and then decided to try knocking the bucket off using a hammer. My nose, which had been healing quite nicely up to this point, endured further trauma.
This was followed by a quick game of "My Crotch, Your Face", which is horrific enough on its own. Totally unnecessary if you ask me. I hope the blood stains NEVER wash out of his jeans...
At some point Jeffie got hold of my phone, promptly placing it in his pants, which led to Joe calling my number, leading to Jeffie experiencing a Beach Boys moment in the form of good vibrations...
 
Jeffie next broke out the styrofoam, which led to all-out war, as it usually does when that substance is introduced to a scenario.
Really, and I'm speaking from the heart here, you haven't lived until you've beaten the snot out of someone with huge pieces of styrofoam. I mean, yeah, it makes a HELL of a mess, but it's so much freakin' fun! Yep, Jeffie and I pummeled the hell out of each other for a good length of time. Other implements of destruction were also brought in, because these moments pretty much turn into a hardcore wrestling match. This particular bout came to a close when Jeffie turned on a Shop Vac and took the hose to my face...
And, last but not least, for some bizarre reason, Joe thought I had sprung a leak, prompting Jeffie to turn on Azkath's air compressor to reinflate me through my belly button. You can only imagine the carnage from there...just think of the restaurant scene from Monty Python's "The Meaning Of Life", but this time with rice and sausage chunks splattering the entire room.
Yep, it's a good thing us clones heal fast... 
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