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The Metallic Onslaught

The Metallic Onslaught is a long running Metal show that dates back to at least 1985 where it started on WEOS in Geneva, NY. It is currently in syndication and airs on numerous radio stations, both terrestrial and internet based every week. What you can find here is access to the archives of the show, with a few shows going way back to the early days. You can find some of our band interviews, collections of Best of materials, local concerts (only to upstate New York where the show is based), and much more. The archive still has a lot of holes, but we are working on filling it out. Enjoy what is here, on demand, and all for free. 

The Metallic Onslaught is devoted to playing you the best new Metal every week, usually with a set or two of Old School Metal as well. In between, we seek to entertain. It gets weird, silly, slapstickish, and just plain disturbing. And there is always more to come...

Latest Shows Uploaded...

  • January 25, 2019 - Jeffie and the Snowmen...

    Thanks to my tendency to forget things, I didn’t arrive to the show prepared to take part in the proposed Randy Death Match. In turn, the room was overflowing with gratitude.

    In the wake of a massive snowstorm that had recently passed through, Jeffie told us how he had attempted to make a snowman and bring it to life, ala Frosty. Not surprisingly, it didn’t work. He had even tried using a wide variety of hats, but to absolutely no avail. In frustration, he set the hats on fire, thereby melting the snowman.

    The unfortunate side, more than anything, was that he’d done this on the front lawn of a school, and had stolen all the hats from school children. And then paused to wonder why the police and teachers got so angry...

    Josh and Tim arrived, and Jeffie had suggested an activity that I can only think of as the Jumping Frenchmen Challenge. Apparently French lumberjacks are very ticklish, and if you startle them with a tickle, they’ll do whatever you tell them...? Don’t look at me, I’m just repeating the nonsense that Jeffie was spewing out.

    In the “I Should Have Just Kept My Mouth Shut” department, I’d lamented that nobody had remembered my birthday the previous week. This resulted in a series of lap dances from Jeffie, Tim, and Eric, which further resulted in about a week’s worth of mental trauma.

    Better to just age gracefully AND quietly...

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  • January 18, 2019 - Jeffie's Naked Adventures

    0108192141a.jpgJeffie spent a pretty good chunk of time throughout the show running down some of the places he’d visited during his road trip. The running theme seemed to be the best and worst places to fun around naked.

    Case in point, it seems he got kicked out of Carhenge for exactly those reasons. As it turns out, he didn’t get kicked out of Yellowstone Park, but did end up doing significant damage to his unmentionables when he tried to run through a geyser like it was a lawn sprinkler. I got the strong impression that The Rockies weren’t a good place to run around naked, and he firmly claimed that there is absolutely no good time at all for that kind of behavior in Death Valley. I guess it’s too hot during the day and too cold at night.

    I can’t believe we actually offered this as a solution, but perhaps we just need to establish a nice commune for Jeffie...JUST for Jeffie...where he can run around naked to his heart’s content. A bit of climate control and a reasonably nice place to sleep, toss in a bit of food for him from time to time...he’d be fine.
    In more unclothed news, it was established that at some point in the future we were going to have a Randy Death Match. Specifically meaning that I would strip down to my man-kini while Jeffie and Eric (keeper of the NippleNuts) attempted to push each other into me.
    The loser being whoever I successfully latched onto...

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  • January 11, 2019 - The Good News about Bigfoot...

    MO

    Recap by Randy: So, this week saw some surprises...not all of them good.

        Serra, Keeper Of The Nipple Nuts, was back on hand, and assured us that Nipple Nuts are not just edible, but they also regenerate. I’m still trying not to think too hard on what exactly a fucking Nipple Nut is…

        Tim had returned, and had some dude named Josh with him. Funny, I almost think we had a Josh on the show once upon a time...pretty sure he wandered into the Dog Park, though.

        And, much to our disappointment, Jeffie had returned from his voyage to Washington. Now, bear in mind, he had initially been summoned to Washington, D.C. by President Trump, and had mistakenly ended up in Washington state...on the exact opposite side of the country.
        Apparently Trump had made a request of Jeffie, since he was in the area, to investigate Bigfoot sightings. And, according to Jeffie, it seems that Bigfoot does well and truly exist. I guess it’s no coincidence that most photographic evidence of Bigfoot is blurry...it is apparently his natural state. Like, his very molecular structure is such that you can’t view him clearly.

        Jeffie also assured us that Bigfoot is amazingly well equipped, in his own words referring to ‘foot’s genitalia as “quite a piece of machinery”. He also claims that it also drags on the ground, so there’s usually a third trail that most people don’t talk about after a sighting occurs.Quite frankly, these claims just gives rise to more questions that I really don’t feel the need to know the answer to. Like, knowing some things might just drive me into a state of Lovecraftian madness. I’d like to avoid that if at all possible!

        I guess food came in the form of nuts, berries, and ‘shrooms, which just provided even more horrific mental imagery. I must say, though, we were somewhat interested to discover that Bigfoot isn’t really as out of touch with society as we may have guessed. According to Jeffie, Bigfoot is an internet user, and even speculated that the aforementioned genitalia may also work as a WiFi hot spot.
        Impressive piece of machinery, indeed!

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  • January 4, 2019 - First Show of the Year...

    MO

    The first show of 2019... A Little Bit Of Background…

    Recap by Randy: Wow, been awhile, hasn’t it?
        So, in the interest of bringing folks somewhat up to speed, November of 2018 saw me get a hip replacement. This occurred following a slip on some ice when Jeffie sent me on a mission to find Joe, who he had fired the prior week. Seems Jeffie has some clout with our President, and had Trump’s blessing to fire anybody on the show. Something like that, anyway…

        Anyhow, sometime during my recovery, Joe returned, but referred to himself as Country Joe...no relation to “Country” Joe McDonald (or The Fish), for the record. Presumably Joe returned somewhat to normal in the consecutive weeks.

        We also somehow acquired a new co-host. Someone Azkath referred to as Sara…? Sarah? Serra? Oh, Hell, we’ll go with Serra until someone says otherwise…

        But, yeah, he's supposedly "The Keeper Of The Nipple Nuts", and now our new co-host. I must say, he fits right in with all the weirdness. So, moving right along…

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  • November 17, 2017 - The Dink and Dinkus Hour

    Jeff beaten from back in 2002On this edition of The Metallic Onslaught we continue through some clips from the Best of CD's, as well as commenting on some of the DVD material. Jeffie also continues to read from his list of Doctor Stories...

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