June 13, 2015 - Nathan's Debut on The Onslaught

Published in 2015
The Movie
The Evidence

Jeffie made what I suppose was meant to be an ominous announcement early on in the evening, stating, "The Bigfeets are active."
There are NO Bigfeets...so I'm not worried...end of story.

We were also being attacked throughout the evening by what we first thought to be Mothra...but actually turned out to be a very large, annoying cicada...

We had a special guest with us this evening, as Nathan Bobbett joined us.
Nathan is one of Azkath's newest co-hosts on The Last Exit For The Lost. Nathan is a Brony...and also, weird as this may sound...the father of my...well, Mandy's...yeah, you get the picture...
Yes, Nathan was the unfortunate victim of Mandy's out of control hormones on No Pants Day and he is technically the baby daddy of this...thing...growing inside of me...and I really don't want to discuss this overly much. It's insane to think about, especially when Jeffie throws out little tidbits like, "How are you going to deliver the baby?", and "Are you going to have to turn back into Mandy when it's time to have the baby?"
Neither of those questions, of course, have any real answer...at least none that I care to speculate about. All I know is this kid is growin' unbelievably fast, and I have no clue as to how we're going to get it out. As a matter of fact, I think something may have been mentioned about a "Chainsaw C-Section"...which just makes me wanna find a cave to hide in for the next couple months...
Interesting side note: When Joe found out Nathan's last name was Bobbett, hilarity ensued as the "Lorena" jokes started spewing forth. Now, Nathan assured us that the spelling is different, but Joe's not buying it for a second.

Jeffie, who always claims to be trying to "help" me, seemed pretty put-off by the fact that I have hairs growing from parts of my ear. This is actually nothing new, and has only gotten worse with middle age. In fact, I told a little story regarding the disappearance of hair from parts of my anatomy (my legs included...) and the appearance of hair where it never existed before (my ears...parts of my back and shoulders...). It's pretty bizarre, to be honest...
Anyhow, in the interest of "helping" me, Jeffie tried removing one of those hairs with a pair of pliers, and also broke out the scissors. He succeeded in removing the hair...and most of my left ear. Once again, I was grateful for the fast healing that we clones seem to have going for us...

Jeffie ended up with two phones in his pants simultaneously this week, mine and Nathan's, and it was actually Josh who was making the phone calls this time. I think this proved almost too much for Jeffie to bear, as his pants dropped to his knees, revealing tightie whities and thighs that were even whiter. This actually proved too much for Joe, who usually is a fairly resilient being. But, this particular vision of Jeffie put him over the edge, and the next thing you know, he was outside...puking on Nathan's car...
I believe at some point in the evening Josh also puked on Nathan's vehicle, quite likely after being on the receiving end of Jeffie's favorite game, "My Crotch, Your Face". Can't say I blame Josh for getting ill...there was substantial thrusting on Jeffie's part. That would have made me puke, as well...
Good thing for Nathan that Jeffie discovered that I was ticklish, because if he hadn't, I never would have made that mad rush outside to pee on the car, cleaning off all of the unsightly vomit...
Josh surprised the shit out of us by almost knocking Nathan over just by using his mastery of Air-Fu. Truth is, Nathan weighs about ten pounds soaking wet, and just the breeze of Josh's punches and kicks not-quite-hitting Nathan...well, it was almost enough to take Nathan down. Hell, Josh even beat Nathan in two separate arm wrestling matches! It was actually almost brutal!

I should also note that Nathan was treated to a nice, fresh Fappuccino courtesy of Jeffie. He even topped the Fappuccino off with some of my breast milk (yes, it seems I'm lactating...). Amazingly enough, this didn't seem to trigger another vomit reaction from anybody.
Jeffie actually had another use for the main ingredient in his Fappuccino and used it in something he called his "Head Creme"...which he ended the evening applying liberal amounts of to MY head. Apparently it was scented with lavender. I don't know about that part, but I can definitely say that the stuff gave me a nasty rash, leaving my head red, raw, blistered, and itchy.
It's moments like that that I'm not only glad for my fast healing capabilities, but also for the fact that I can just change my skin...

- Randy MetalWulf

Playlist

Ghost - Cirice
The V - Ready To Run
Sideburn - Evil Ways

Doomentor - Maligne
Johnny B. Morbid - It Came From The North
Myrkur - Haevnen
Enlighten - Devourer Ov Stars
The Great Discord - A Discordant Call

Skinless - Barbaric Proclivity
Survival - Under The Knife
Orok - Will To Power

Maruta - Erode
Immortal Guardian - Victory Shore
Thy Art Is Murder - Light Bearer
Deiphago - Red Dragon Of Chaos
Battlecross - Not Your Slave

Demon Lung - Raped By A Serpent
Lorna Shore - Death Gowns
Nekrogoblikon - Get In The Bag
Leprous - Third Law
Divinex - Drift Away

Lucifer - Purple Pyramid
We Butter The Bread With Butter - Bang Bang Bang
Wrvth - Endless Haze
George Kollias - Invictus
Cattle Decapitation - Manufactured Extinct

Thrust - Posers Will Die
Demolition Hammer - Downwind Death
Abattoir - Bring On The Damned
Kreator - Toxic Trace
Machine Head - Davidian

Armored Saint - Mess
E-Force - Double Edged Sword
Entrails - Abyss Of Corpses
Turbowolf - Rabbits Foot
Our Transfixion - Tyranny

Age Of Shadows - Prophet's Warning
Beyond Fallen - Sacred Ground
Haste The Day - Fail
Helloween - The Swing Of A Fallen Sword
Paradise Lost - Victim Of The Past

Lamb Of God - Still Echoes
Tony Gabriele's Orbynot - Corporate Noose
White House Burning - White House Burning
Caustic Method - Six Feet
Weedeater - Cain Enabler

Dysentery - Paranoid Division
Eschaton - Animus
Putrid Offal - From Plasma To Embalming
Ninilistinen Barbaarisuus - Let Them Perish
Shattered Sun - Awaken

Connoisseur - Orc Summer

Tagged under