January 16, 2015 - Joe and the Special Chair

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

It was waaaaaay too damned cold to sit in the regular studio this week, so we actually found ourselves comfortably seated in Azkath's living room for this broadcast. Funny thing, too, because there was actually no sign of Azkath anywhere for the entire evening. Must have been occupied with other things, I guess.
What we DID end up with was another visitation from Jeffie, who seemed to have an unusual fascination with fisting tuna. And, yeah, I know that's a difficult image to scrub from the brain, you have my apologies...
Speaking of things that can't be unseen, I may as well put this out there officially, 'cuz I can't remember if I'd brought this up yet. The subject of No Pants Day came up, specifically the Brony incident, or what I like to sometimes think of as the Night Of The Magical Rainbow Nipples. Now, it wasn't very long ago that Seriah Azkath posted a certain video to my Facebook page, suggesting that it was time for me to "raise the bar". His words, not mine. 
So, with all that being said, I am going to give fair warning that this year, on No Pants Day, I plan on doing just that. The bar will be raised, this plan has actually been in the works since No Pants Day of last year. Allow me to apologize, PROFUSELY, in advance.
And no, I'm not going to get naked, although that would pretty much be the ultimate No Pants Day scenario. Still...never say never, right?
At some point in the evening Jeffie thought it would be amusing to cut my heart out with a pair of scissors. I forget why this seemed so entertaining, but it doesn't matter, I guess. Good thing I'm actually a clone, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this. Funny, Jeffie had even mentioned that one of the "perks" of being a clone is that all parts are optional. As a matter of fact, he cited an incident where they'd dismembered him and had a scavenger hunt to find all of his parts and put him back together. Totally fucking sorry I missed out on that, too! Sounds like a BLAST!!!
Anyhoo, I discovered, upon regaining consciousness, that my heart was not only cut from my chest, but was also among the missing. Yeah, no sign of the damned thing, I still don't know where it is, for certain. Although I do have more than a couple of suspicions...more on that in a bit, though...
The latter part of the evening saw Joe make a bizarre discovery about the chair he was sitting in. It had...control knobs and other assorted...thingies...and such. He was pretty excited, I've gotta say. Even asked how many speeds that thing had.
Honestly,  I don't even know what that thing runs on. I sincerely thought Joe was joking when he said he was going to take that chair for a spin. I mean, I'm pretty sure we ALL thought he was joking, but then he was gone! Tore outta the place like it was nothing, leaving a gaping hole in Azkath's wall, which let all that cold air into Azkath's living room, where we had all been sitting comfortably, until that moment.
Jeffie had attempted to latch on for the ride, but apparently lost his grip and stumbled blindly in the dark until he ran, head-first, into some livestock in the pasture across the road. The jackass ended up getting his head stuck up the ass...of a REAL jackass...
Karma's a crazy fuckin' thing, ain't it?
Anyhow, after Joe filled us in on that little adventure, he promptly told us that he was going to take another ride. Jeffie was able to jump into his lap just seconds before Joe zoomed off again. We've had no further contact from either of them. So, if you see a couple of goofs attempting to break the sound barrier in a recliner, just back up and slowly walk away...and be thankful they're not trying to warp into hyperspace.
And, yeah, I'm pretty sure they've got my heart with them, wherever they may be...


Gouge - I Smell Of Rotten Death
Falloch - I Shall Build Mountains

Armageddon - Fugitive Dust
Death Rattle - Doomsday
By The Graveyard Tree - Murder Haus
Napalm Death - Stunt Your Growth
Orden Ogan - In Grief And Chains

Air Raid - Victim Of The Night
Bloodbath - His Infernal Necropsy
Dead City Ruins - Dio
Angelus Apatrida - Serpents On Parade
Shadow Eden - Young Frankenstein

The Last Ten Seconds Of Life - Ballad Of The Butcher
Adrenaline Mob - Snortin' Whiskey
Acherontas - Therionic Transformation
If These Trees Could Talk - The Sun Is In The North
One-WaY Mirror - Confusion Core

Marduk - The Blond Beast
Raunchy - Digital Dreamer
The Oxford Coma - My Riad
Iron Lamb - Backstabbers
Bullet - Hawk Eyes

The Project Hate - Defy Those Words Of Who Was, Who Is, And Who Is To Come
Goat Semen - Holocausto

Question Of Honour - Power
Aethyr - Sanctus Satanicus
Jorn Lande & Trond Holter - River Of Tears

The Longing - Sword & Stone
Drum Wars Live - Bark At The Moon
U.D.O. - House Of Fake
Heaving Earth - Forging Arcane Heresy
Crypt Sermon - Into The Holy Of Holies

Nasty Savage - Stabbed In The Back
Wargasm - Bullets & Blades
Baphomet - Leave The Flesh
Savatage - Devastation
Cerebral Fix - Tower Of Spite

Order Of The Dead - Sucking The Marrow
Ravenscroft - Cult Of The Damned
Emigrate - Eat You Alive
Krokodil - Skin Of The Earth
The Ghost Inside - With The Wolves

The Passion Of Our Souls - Everything
Lich King - Mascot War
Nunslaughter - Ride My Nightmare
Crackhouse - The Hits Just Keep Coming
Sodom - Sacred Warpath

Shredhead - Walk With The Dead
Hellish Outcast - Morbid Attraction
Night Demon - Heavy Metal Heat
NilExistence - Screams Form Silence
Undead Messengers - Never Fall

Misery Kills - Give 'Em Hell
Lord Dying - An Open Sore