October 20, 2012 - Zombie Randy

Listen to the Show - More Pictures


KIX - Girl Money

Saints & Sinners - Wheels Of Fire
Skid Row - Slave To The Grind

Danger Danger - Slipped Her The Big One
Queensryche - Anybody Listening?
Trixter - Waiting in That Line
Damn Yankees - Come Again

Kik Tracee - Don't Need Rules
Great White - Twice Shy
Firehouse - All She Wrote
Ozzy Osbourne - Mr. Tinkertrain

My Dying Bride - Like A Perpetual Funeral
Acaro - Throne Of Blood
Cradle Of Filth - Frost On Her Pillow
Grand Supreme Blood Court - Circus Of Mass Torment
Mammoth Mammoth - (Up All Night)Demons To Fight

Bison B.C. - Finally Asleep
Opium Warlords - This Wind Is A Gift From A Distant Friend
The Sword - Eyes Of the Stormwitch
Affiance - Class Dismissed
The Paramedic - Clarissa Didn't Explain This
Wintersun - Land Of Snow And Sorrow
Geoff Tate - Take A Bullet
Tiamat - Thunder & Lightning

The Pestilence Choir - Lizard King
The Sorrow - Buried In The Deep
Slam One Down - Hell Doesn't Want Me
The Acacia Strain - Doomblade
Beyond The Threshold - First Blood
No Bragging Rights - Hope Theory
Pro-Pain - Nothing Left

Kiss - Back To The Stoneage
Lynch Mob - Slow Drag
Dio - Lord Of The Last Day
Down - Levitation
Pathology - A Bleak Future

Surrounded By Monsters - Ask Mr. Owl
Cradle Of Filth - Huge Onyx Wings Behind Despair
Grand Supreme Blood Court - Bow Down Before The Blood Court
Red Fang - Crows In Swine
Orden Ogan - Land Of The Dead

Kingdom Come - Break Down The Wall
Pig Destroyer - King Of Clubs
Pig Destroyer - Permanent Funeral
VoiVod - Mechanical Mind

The Sword - Cheap Sunglasses
Recap by The Metal Wulf
So, for those who may have been a little confused in the first hour of the show, I'll take a moment to bring everybody up to speed.

You see, many, MAAANY years ago, before Joe started hosting the Metallic Onslaught, there was a show called Rockin' Rage, hosted by Drew Hammond. Joe had been trying for quite some time to get Drew to come by and spin some classic 80's hair metal for us, and this past Friday, that's precisely what happened! Gotta say, it was a pretty good mix of tunes thrown in there.

I take full responsibility for the Damn Yankees track, by the way. "Come Again" is one of my favorite Tommy Shaw songs, outside of Styx. Not gonna deny it.

Don't be surprised if we happen to get Drew to sit in with us again, all told, the whole thing went really well!

I got a chance to vent a little bit about the cluster fuck that was the Rob Zombie/Marilyn Manson show at the Main Street Armory last Tuesday night. Amazingly enough, I got through the whole discussion without swearing. Seriously, I wasn't very confident in my ability to do that, that's how upsetting the whole situation was, and I was one of the lucky ones...

So, if you weren't there, this is what transpired:

Over an hour wait for the doors to open, in not-very-warm weather. At least it wasn't precipitating...

Doors were to open at 6:00, and didn't open 'til after 7:00. Bill, Erica, and I were fortunate enough to get inside with just enough time to visit the rest rooms and take a peek at the over-priced t-shirts before Manson took the stage.

No opener, by the way, although DJ Starscream (Slipknot's Sid Wilson) was to have that slot in J Devil's absence.

So, people were still lined up outside during Manson's set. General agreement seems to be that there were in excess of 3,000 people who missed at LEAST half of Manson's set. That's better than half the people in attendance, as more than 5,000 people were packed into the Armory for this show, literally elbow to elbow, front to back, through the whole damned place...Which brings me to another point of annoyance. Why do they constantly oversell this place? If it took that long to get everybody in, I shudder to think what would have happened in the event of an emergency and everybody had to vacate in a hurry. I'm pretty sure that a fire that night would have made the Station Night Club tragedy look like a weenie roast...

Numerous complaints regarding security, as it was the second time this particular company had worked the Armory. I, personally, didn't see anything too out of the ordinary, although I question why they seemed more interested in shining their lights in people's cars while we were waiting to get in.

Zombie and Manson both kicked ass, so at least that was a plus.

Anyway, it took the Armory two days to address the situation, after many of us had spent that time addressing it in our own manner.

In a nutshell, a miscommunication between Zombie's Production Manager and the Armory staff resulted in the stage being assembled late in the day, cutting into the time the doors were to open, as well as cutting into the time that the opener was to take the stage. The Armory seems bound and determined to place all blame on Zombie's staff, and maybe rightly so. Still, my point is how does this venue NOT research the artists they're booking?

I mean, come on, Zombie brings a show that rivals any other act known for big stage productions, including KISS.

Enough about that, though...

So, we saw the return of Jeffie, who had mistakenly traveled to New Orleans to find Joe a handful of weeks ago. If you remember correctly, Joe had been vacationing in Lake George, and Jeffie got very, VERY sidetracked...

We'd spent previous weeks dreading his return, 'cuz lets face it, none of us really wanted to think about what kind of trouble he could have been finding down in Cajun Country. I mean, for all we knew he could have taken up Alligator Wrestling and was planning on returning with some reptilian companionship. Of course, had he been actually eaten by a gator....hmmmmm...I suppose we could always send him back down there...

Anyhoo, he returned, and it was worse than any of us could have anticipated. Actually, I think some of us may have been somewhat prepared for this possible scenario. For my part, I probably just found the idea to be too farfetched to take seriously.

But, as it turns out, Jeffie had gotten mixed up with a Voodoo Priestess...named Papa Shango...


Yeah, I know, I said it myself. Papa Shango was a short-lived WWE Wrestler about 20 years ago. The character was god-awful, and they eventually reintroduced the guy as Kama...who eventually had his greatest success when he became that Ho-lovin' Pimp Daddy, The Godfather. But, Jeffie insists he never heard of the guy, and that this Papa Shango was a woman.

Yeah, it makes my brain hurt, too, I know...

Honestly, I just chalked it up to the possibility that maybe he'd partied a bit too much, but then...I've never known Jeffie to be much of a drinker...unless it was bleach. Silly guy just LOOOOVES his bleach...

So, whoever this lady was, she supposedly taught Jeffie how to turn people into zombies.

Yep, pure ridiculousness. Sheer idiocy.

I think the only thing she taught him was how to be more of a clumsy oaf than he already was. Every time I turned around Friday night, he was flat on his face, looking like he'd been getting his ass kicked. And on more than one occasion, I'd turn my head to see him with his head in Josh's lap.

Yeah, you can only imagine what THAT looked like! Hell, at one point I had to tell them to get a damned room!

And what's more, he seemed to be confused as to what was wrong with me! Apparently, I was supposed to be turning into some kind of wrestling zombie. Yep, utter fucking nonsense. I mean, I admittedly had a couple of moments where I was a little disoriented, but I chalk it up to lack of sleep. I mean, I really DO keep some crazy hours. Hell, look at the time of night that I'm writing this! It's almost 2:00 a.m., for Chrissakes!

But, Jeffie would have you thinking I was turning into a zombie, and beating him up, which I suppose wasn't his plan, as he seemed to be wanting me to beat up on Josh or Rick.

He's such a goof, I swear...

Outside of that, there was another brief discussion concerning this whole cake-eating thing. Quite frankly, Azkath has successfully turned me off of cake for the time being. Honestly, I can't think about the stuff without stifling the urge to vomit, profusely. To make matters worse, Jeffie seems to think it would be a wonderful idea, and wants to take part in it somehow. Hell, I assured him that if he and Dave want to eat cake off each other, go for it! I'll even record it, as long as I don't' have to take part!

But, Jeffie seems to think he'd rather referee. Weird...

Doesn't matter, though, 'cuz it just ain't happening' folks.

October 13, 2012 - Where Hope Resides Visit

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Saint Chaos - Pressure
Testament - Dark Roots Of The Earth
Witchcraft - White Light Suicide

Enslaved - Forsaken
Gojira - Planned Obsolescence
Dio - Fever Dreams
Dio - Black

Rush - BU2B
Down - This Work Is Timeless
VoiVod - Mechanical Mind
Holy Grail - Dark Passenger

Where Hope Resides - Our Demons
Deceased - Luck Of The Corpse
The Acacia Strain - The Mouth Of The River
The Sword - Veil Of Isis

Where Hope Resides - Regrets & Remorse
Pig Destroyer - Book Burner
Pig Destroyer - Iron Drunk
Pig Destroyer - Kamikaze Heart
Early Graves - Pure Hell
Downfall Of Gaia - Drowning By Wing Beats

Where Hope Resides - Intro
Where Hope Resides - Clocks
Illdisposed - I Am Possessed
Incantation - The Hellions Genesis
My Dying Bride - Hail Odysseus

Kiss - The Devil Is Me
The Infrared Radiation Orchestra - Bed Of Nails
Re-Machined - Maybe I'm A Leo
AC/DC - Squealer
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Killer Kane
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Bean Stew
Lynch Mob - World Of Chance

Kix - No Ring Around Rosie
Mongrel - Bored To Death
Motorhead - Iron Fist
Castle - Ever Hunter
Judgement Day - Demon Fire
Axe Wound - Destroy

Pathology - Earth's Downfall
Converge - coral Blue
Sylosis - What Dwells Within
Before The Dawn - Throne Of Ice
Dethklok - Biological Warfare

Vindicator - Fire Escape
Warnot - The Crow Will Die
Scelerata - In My Blood
Abiotic - To Burgeon And Languish
Antropomorphia - Anointment By Sin

Ashes You Leave - Summers End 


Recap by The Metal Wulf

Where Hope Resides joined us in the studio this week for an interview, and everything went pretty smoothly, considering they're pretty young (they range in age from 16-20) and it was also their very first interview. All told, I think they handled themselves very well, and should we have them back some night, I'm sure it will be that much easier next time!

In all honesty, it was a relatively calm evening until Azkath once again brought up that insane money-making idea of Dave and I eating cake off of each other.

I don't remember much, really, there was another of those black-out moments after I confessed to genuinely liking cake...and things got a little blurry after that...

Funny thing is, after I recovered my senses, I found a fuzzy pink pig attached to my hand, and it was assuring everybody that I was okay. The pig, (now known as Renaldo...), ended up enduring one of the most horrible beatdowns that a toy has ever suffered on the show.

Seems that Azkath doesn't like puppets. Go figure...


Poor, poor Renaldo...


October 6, 2012 - Cartoons and the birth of the Cake Idea!

Listen to the Show
The Infrared Radiation Orchestra - Airborne
Dio - Black
Kix - No Ring Around Rosie
Kiss - Wall Of Sound
Iron Maiden - Space Truckin'

Castle - Alcatraz
Down - This work Is Timeless
Witchcraft - Dystopia
Gregorian - Hurt
Judas Priest - Riding On The Wind

Steve Harris - Us Against The World
Miss May I - Day By Day
The Sword - Veil Of Isis
Holy Grail - Dark Passenger
Daylight Dies - Ghosting
Dethklok - Killstardo Abominate

Between The Buried And Me - Extremophile Elite
Cutty Sark - Hardrock Power
Deceased - Torn Apart By Werewolves

Sinister - Transylvania (City Of The Damned)
The Graviators - Evil Deeds
Satan - Hunt You Down
The Acacia Strain - Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow
Therion - Lilith
Pig Destroyer - The Diplomat
Paradise Lost - Fear Of Impending Hell

Pathology - Asphyxiation Through Consumption
Axewound - Victim Of The System
Texas In July - Without A Head
This Or The Apocalypse - Guant And Fierce
Converge - Empty On The Inside
Sylosis - Monolith
Glamour Of The Kill - World's End

Murderdolls - Die My Bride
Savatage - White Witch
Bullet - All Fired Up
Eluveltie - Of Fire, Wind & Wisdom
Threshold - Staring At The Sun
Saxon - To Hell And Back Again
Kiss - Shout Mercy

Evocation - Crimson Skies
Advent Sorrow - Withered By Her Curse
Stygian - Hollow
Weapon - Crepuscular Swamp, Unhinged Swine
All Dinosaurs - Ragnarok & Roll

Onward To Olympas - Wolf's Jaw
Beyond All Recognition - Arriving With The Sun
Sinister - The Final Destroyer
Scum Of The Earth - (Mindless) Dead Things
Tygers Of Pan Tang - These Eyes
Deceased - The Luck Of The Corpse

Black Country Communion - Confessor
Lynch Mob - Slow Drag

Recap by The Metal Wulf

We get on some strange discussions sometimes, and Friday night was chock full of them.

Somehow we got on the topic of Ed Sullivan, which led to a further discussion of Futurama and whether or not Ed's head had been preserved on the show. I mean, obviously Richard Nixon's head has been featured abundantly, but not so sure about Ed...

Of course, me being the old-school Dungeons And Dragons geek that I am (and I'm not talking about that God-awful 80's cartoon series, I'm talking the actualy Role Playing Game...), I proudly mentioned that Gary Gygax had been featured at one point.

But then, I was the only member of the Onslaught who knew who Gary Gygax was...sigh...

From there, Josh asked if Tom Baker (Dr. Who, circa 70's-80's) had ever been featured, and I'll be damned if I know...kinda boggles the mind, really...

And that wasn't the end of the cartoon discussions.

Can't remember what it was I was laughing so hard at, but I started snorting into the mic, and Joe mentioned that at least I didn't snarf into the mic.

For those unfamiliar with the term, "snarfing" is Onslaught slang for laughing so hard that you pass things through your nose, usually liquids, and sometimes at an increased velocity, resulting in the spraying of people in front of you...

Of course, Snarf was also a character on Thundercats, which is what brought the conversation to cartoons.

Somehow Thundercats led to Voltron, which I mentioned that I was never personally wild about, as I had always thought Battle Of The Planets was better. Joe seemed highly disappointed in my lack of love for Voltron, but what can I say, I just couldn't get into it.

I will say this, Voltron beat the piss out of a certain live-action rip-off of it that came along in the 90's. God, I fucking HATED Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers...ewwwwww..

I think it was Josh who brought up Thunderbirds, an old 70's children't sci-fi program that featured marionettes, and was actually way too creepy for a lot of younger kids to watch. I know I couldn't hack it...

Gotta say, it's discussions such as these that pretty much cement the fact that we are all hopeless DORKS!!! And, really, that's okay. Most true metalheads are, I've come to find out.

So, Azkath was on hand again. Seems that Jeffie somehow got diverted last week. He had been sent to visit Joe, who was vacationing in Lake George, but he somehow ended up in Louisiana. One can only imagine what kind of weird stuff he's gonna be spewing whenever he returns...if he returns...

Azkath seems to have an idea for me to make some serious cash, but it would have to include Dave from the Last Exit. It's been made known to me, fairly recently, that Dave and I actually share a...unique...fan base.

Yeah, let's just leave it at that...

Anyhoo, this...fan base...would most likely find it highly entertaining for Dave and I to strip down into our underwear and wrestle in cake...eating the cake off of each other.

Azkath assures me that this wouldn't be considered gay, as there would be no actual sex. Now, I can honestly say that this doesn't even sound remotely fun to me, I don't care how entertaining it would be to a certain percentage of the male population. I mean, positive feedback is good, and I appreciate the support, but...I'm just not goin' out of my way to encourage it, ya know what I mean?

Especially when Azkath mentioned that adding Josh to the mix would be like adding meat to a cake sandwich...

Not for all money in the world, o Demon...Moving on to a fun topic, and one that I'm really excited about, we briefly discussed Azkath's next indie film, "Necro Zombies From Beyond Space". Now, he's been working on this movie for awhile, and we had all hoped to have helped him finish it last year, but it just didn't work out. However, things have actually fallen into place nicely over the past few months, and the project is very close to being completed!

Not gonna ruin the story for you, but I will say that if you follow either The Metallic Onslaught or The Last Exit For The Lost, you won't be overly surprised by some of the humor, and you'll see plenty of familiar faces from both shows, as well as some local musical talent in various roles.

It's been a lot of fun taking part in this thing, and I can't wait to see the finished product! I'm sure we'll have more to say on the subject as it gets nearer to completion!

September 29, 2012 - Stygian Visit

Listen to the Show


Ire Clad-Force it Down
The Sword-Winter's Wolves
Witchcraft-Ghost House
Metallica-Trapped Under Ice
Judas Priest-Bloodstone
Death Angel-Voracious Souls
Spater-Rat Salad
Alice in Chains-Angry Chair
Cradle of Filth-Hell Awaits
Burn Everything-Maintain Radio Silence
Burn Everything-Vengance and the Night Sky
Stygian-Believe in Nothing
Paradise Lost-Crucify
Mercyful Fate-Curse of the Pharaohs
Mercyful Fate-Into the Coven
Mercyful Fate-Black Funeral
Stygian-Unholy live
Stygian-Seventh Kingdom
Tankard-Son of a Fridge
Iron Maiden-Killers
Hate Machine-Bring in the Butcher
Metallica-The Four Horseman
Encrust-Shrieking Infestation
Witchcraft-White Light Suicide
Stygian "Breaking Away"
Loopus "Schitzo"
Nine Treasures "For Whom the Bell Tolls"
Void Moon "On the Blackest of Nights"
Between the Buried and Me"
Vision of Disorder "Annihilator"
Holy Dragons "Project A119"
Sinister "Unheavenly Domain"
Flotsam and Jetsam "Suffer the Masses"
Agent Steel "Nothin Left"
Sanctuary "Die for My Sins"
Helstar "Leather and Lust"
Hades "In the Mean Time"
Mekong Delta "Confession of Madness"
Tourniquet "Spectrophbic Dementia"
Target "Nuclear Waste"
Gregorian "Close My Eyes Forever"
Eluivetie "Lament"
Recap by The Metal Wulf
Jesus Christ, the damned month's over! Where the hell does the time go? Damn, I'm gettin' old...

So, Joe was enjoying some vacation time this week, leaving Rick in charge. Meaning, of course, that Murphy's Law was going to take full advantage of us. Yep, if something could have gone wrong, it seemed to be doing just that, and all with a band in the studio!

But, we muscled on through, got things sorted out, and eventually we were able to just kick back and enjoy playing some kick-ass music .Nope, not a perfect show, but then, hey, I kinda think perfection is sorely over-rated sometimes...

Stygian joined us in the studio with a very cool selection of demo tracks.

Crazy how things come together in just a matter of a few months. Back in May, the members of Stygian were without a vocalist, and it had been stated that they'd be hoping to find one at Finger Lakes Metal Fest. And, as it turned out, it was there that HorseFace bassist/vocalist Jesse Halstead had been approached about being the new singer for Stygian.

Now, anybody who's heard Jesse sing can tell you that this choice was a no-brainer. The guy has an incredible voice, and an extremely impressive range. His style is more than suitable for Stygian's sound, and I for one am really excited to see where all this is going to lead in the coming months.Check 'em out!

No Jeffie this week, but Ken Smith (who's joined us here and on The Last Exit on more than one occasion) had joined us, bearing a gift of warm, steamy, and oh so tasty venison tenderloin. Damn, that was some good stuff.

Yep, the Metallic Onslaught, the only radio show in the area where we will fully admit that we're eating ROADKILL DEER!

It's all good, not like it was a gory, squishy roadkill. I understand that the corpse was highly intact when it was found in Rick's driveway, and it was fully capable of consumption.


Azkath was on hand, and for some reason I had a couple of blackout moments. I even ended up having a repeat of a moment I had on the Last Exit where I could have sworn there was a gorgeous redhead in the studio. On both occasions I wasted no time offering to give her a back massage, only to discover it was actually...Ken...

Ummmm...I don't wanna think about that anymore...

And, from there, I apparently flipped out again when there was some mention of eight owls and dead hawks.

Ive gotten the impression that my little "moments" are actually getting worse. Scary, especially knowing that I have absolutely no recollection of my behavior. I mean, with Halloween approaching, who knows what else could possibly go wrong?

I should also mention that, according to Azkath, Jeffie had been sent off to Lake George to visit Joe. Bear in mind that Joe was on vacation at this time, and was probably not very receptive to a visit from ANY of us. I'm pretty sure we'll be feeling the repercussions from this on our next show...


September 22, 2012 - Where did Frank Go?

Listen to the Show

Kyng - Pushing And Pulling
Before The Dawn - Throne Of Ice
Cutty Sark - Hardrock Power
Dokken - Victim Of The Crime

Re-Machined - Pictures Of Home
Black Country Communion - Confessor
Tygers Of Pan Tang - Man On Fire
Skalmold - Midgardsormur

Steve Harris - The Chosen Ones
Candlemass - The Killing Of The Sun
Deceased - The Luck Of The Corpse
Deceased - Torn Apart By Werewolves

Becoming The Archetype - The Weapon Breaker
Between The Buried And Me - Lay Your Ghosts To Rest
Prototype - Into oblivion
Scum Of The Earth - Zombie Apocalypse

Engel - Cash King
Where Hope Resides - Clocks
Tiamat - Thunder & Lightning
Local H - They Saved Reagan's Brain
Beyond All Recognition - What We'll Die To Defend

MX Machine - Devils Highway
Korn - Shoots And Ladders
Korn - One
Cloudscape - Pull The Brake
Bullet - All Fired Up
Black September - Solitude

The Amity Affliction - R.I.P. Bon
NettleCarrier - The Boiling Point
Bane - As Chaos Rises
Backhill Project - Power Of The Night
The Gardnerz - Transilvanian Hunger

The Graviators - Feelin' Low
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - The Last Run
The Last Vegas - Evil Eyes
Vision of Disorder - Annihilator
Encrust - Grime Maidens
Hate Machine - Anger Is King
Nine Round - Comics And Columns

Saltillo - Gatekeepers
Cutty Sark - Die Tonight
Mongrel - The More I Bleed
Stolen Babies - Mousefood
Devin Townsend Project - True North

Down - Misfortune Teller
As I Lay Dying - Defender
Judas Priest - Bloodstone

Hooded Menace - In The Dead We Dwell
Pro-Pain - A Good Day To Die    


Recap by The Metal Wulf

So, last week's show ended with Joe in complete ecstasy after a Jeffie massage. Seriously, from where I was sitting, it sounded like one of those Happy Ending moments. Hell, even Rick said it sounded like there was some Man-Love goin' on! And Joe DID seem a little evasive regarding the topic...

And this week, it was Josh's turn! Yep, somebody made the observation that Josh had sounded like he'd made pudding in his pants following a Jeffie massage. I'd never seen Josh so relaxed in my life!

Okay, while I'm at it, I may as well tackle this topic.

Seriously, we may have actually found a use for Jeffie. I think he'd make a great masseuse for the Metallic Onslaught. No bullshit, the guy has got some amazing skills when it comes to back massaging. The trouble is, he tries to wander away from the back, and tries to focus on places that don't require that kind of attention.

I'm thinking if we keep the guy focused, he'll do just fine!

There was further discussion involving the Lyons Zombie Walk on October 20. I'm really looking forward to taking part in this, to be perfectly honest. However, I can personally assure everybody that I will NOT be incorporating a Zombie-kini in my costume scheme, and definitely not a a Zombie Banana Hammock. I'm pretty confident that I'll be fully clothed, if not a little tattered and bloody and pale...which is kind of the general idea...

For those interested, there's a $5.00 admission fee if you donate two cans of food, otherwise you can take part for $10.00. This is going to be a great time, and I'd love to see a huge turnout for this!

Music-related topics centered on Steve Harris' (Iron Maiden) solo album, British Lion. In a nutshell...I'm actually kinda sorry to say that most of us are pretty underwhelmed. Not to say that it's terrible musically, but I think we all agreed that a better vocalist could have been acquired. I mean, how do you go from recording with Bruce Dickinson to...that...

Yep, just wasn't feelin' it...

And then there's Between The Buried And Me, who I just can't seem to fully embrace. Trust me, I fully respect them as musicians, but I just can't listen to them for long without wanting to tear my brain out...

One of the stranger moments of the evening came when Jeffie wanted to know where Frank was. I have no earthly idea who this Frank is, but apparently he's a little guy that is supposed to live under my left man-boob.

Trust me, there's nothing under there that shouldn't be there...I assure you...

A discussion of Jeffie's body odor resulted in both Josh and I getting Pit Stops (think WWF, Nasty Boys...), which is an experience I fully could have done without. Really would rather not experience that anytime soon.

And then there was a comment made about walking on the sun. Apparently Jeffie feels that if we've been on the moon, maybe we should attempt to try the sun next. He even seems confident that if we did it at night, nobody would burn up.

Yeah, you go right on ahead and test that theory, Jeffie old boy...good luck with that...

September 15, 2012 - The MO Massage Therapist

Listen to the Show - Two 15 minutes blocks are missing from the show. Sorry, out of our control.
Testament - Man Kills Mankind
Dokken - Broken Bones
The Last Vegas - Beat To Hell
Kiss - Hell Or Hallelujah
SouthWicked - Graveyard Of Bones

Judas Priest - Screaming For Vengeance
Judas Priest - Riding On The Wind
Tracer - Too Much
Y&T - Hurricane
Graviators - Forlorn

Castle - Alcatraz
Lynch Mob - Sucka
Down - This Work Is Timeless
Dew-Scented - Thrown To The Lions
Dust Bolt - March Thru Pain
Striker - Terrorizer

As I Lay Dying - Defender
Witch Cross - Alien Savage
Acid Witch - Rabid Werewitch
Stolen Babies - Dried Moat
Mongrel - Zombies Of War
Deceit - Wolfman

Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Devils Island
Encrust - Cult Of The Cross
The Chariot - Tongues
I Am War - A Nightmare
Vision Of Disorder - Hard Times
The Faceless - Ten Billion Years

Devin Townsend Project - Liberation
Hirax - The Mouth Of The Beast
Kix - Midnight Dynamite
Pride Of Lions - Tie Down The Wind
Eminence - Written In Dust
Destinity - Reap My Scars

Megadeth - Hook In Mouth
Alice In Chains - Sickman
Down - Open Coffins
Meathook Seed - My Infinity
Obituary - Final Thoughts
Black Sabbath - Die Young

Pro-Pain - Bloodlust For War
Hooded Menace - Summoned Into Euphoric
Kill Ritual - Coat Of Blood
Texas In July - Bed Of Nails

Vio-lence - Calling The Coroner
Nile - Supreme Humanism Of Meglomania
Ektomorf - Never Surrender
All Hail The Yeti - Bloodguilt
Widow Sunday - Open Eyes
Vore - The Unseen Hand

Hate Machine - Bring In The Butcher
Deceased - Shrieks From The Hearse
Harm - Another Conspiracy
Vision Of Disorder - Blood Red Sun
Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Last night pretty much drove the fact home for me. Yep, summer is pretty well dead and gone for this year, like it or not. As a matter of fact, our show next week will likely coincide nicely with the Autumn Equinox.

Not to get overly depressed at the thought, early topics rouched on the upcoming Holiday season.

First of all, Rick mentioned an upcoming Zombie Walk that will take place in Newark next month. Can't remember the specific date as of this writing, but I'll be keeping everybody up to date on this, as it seems at least a couple of us Onslaught folks will be taking part.

This event will also feature a "Thriller" dance-off contest...which, I personally guarantee, will feature absolutely NOBODY from the Metallic Onslaught. Nope, don't care how funny it may look, but it just ain't happening. No Moon-Walking for me, thanks...and certainly NO BUTT CLAPS, either, as discussed on the show...

We'd made a discovery that Oreo was releasing a limited edition cookie with a Candy Corn-inspired middle. Let's face it, when it comes to Halloween treats, candy corn really wasn't what you wanted to have a bag full of at the end of the night. I mean, personally, I never hated it, but there was better stuff to be had, for sure. The rest of the crew all agreed that they HATED candy corn.

This, of course, led to a further discussion of what exactly candy corn was made of, which I believe Josh was going to research. Unfortunately, I don't remember any further discussion on this topic, 'cuz we'd moved on to the subject of Christmas.

(Yeah, I know, nobody wants to think about it, but look around, folks, it's slowly rearing it's head, like it or not...)

So, really, how DOES Santa pack so much into that giant sack of his? We spent a good portion of a talk break discussing things that Joe had received one Christmas, mostly Star Wars toys (LARGE Star Wars toys...), and we were quite frankly amazed that Santa could carry soooooo much in that big ol' sack of his.

I should stress that there was some concern over Santa's sack being so big and red, but we also established that at least it wasn't blue...in which case, perhaps Mrs. Claus needed to take care of her man just a little better...

Jeffie had arrived following his visit to last night's 2CW show in Auburn, NY. Yes, our 2CW friends were once again setting up a ring right in the middle of Suzy's Tavern and providing a fun-filled evening of wrestling action. Crazy how they're able to do this. Bear in mind, when they were there earlier in the year, they actually had a Steel Cage match in the bar! Crazy...

But, yes, Jeffie was all pumped up, having met WWE Hall Of Famer "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. Hell, personally, I can understand his excitement, people generally loved Hacksaw back in the day. Not one of the most innovative ring talents of his time, but definitely a highly charismatic and entertaining individual.

There was a little concern later on when Rick, Josh, and Arydaea ( aka. Foul Mouth Girl) were found to be MIA. Jeffie took advantage of this disappearance to take his place in "The Rick Hole". This eventually led to some bad things happening, which further snow-balled into catasrophic results for Jeffie later in the evening....

In a nutshell, while the others were gone, Jeffie took a moment to stuff both Rick's cell phone AND his laptop down his pants. Seriously, it's AMAZING what this guy can put in his pants. If I hadn't ever seen it for myself, I'd NEVER beleive it. It's absolutely MIND-BOGGLING, I tell you!

Anyhoo, Rick, Josh, and FMG returned, and chaos ensued as soon as Rick found out the fate of his cell phone.Yep, he pummeled the living shit out of Jeffie, one of the worst beatings I've ever seen the guy get. Honestly, I think it was on a par with the beatdown he received from "Bad Boy" Barry Hardy and "Mean" Mike.

And that was just for the cell phone!

Imagine the beatdown that occurred when Rick found out that his laptop had made it's way into that Nether Realm known as "Jeffie's Pants"!

In fact, Jeffie was so worried that Rick would find out about the laptop that he actually tried distracting Joe from sharing that info. Yep, Joe would try to say something, and Jeffie would start giving Joe a massage!

Frighteningly enough...Joe actually seemed to be enjoying it! I mean, he obviously didn't WANT to like it, but apparently Jeffie was hitting some troublesome areas, and Joe seemed to be finding it pleasurable.

Rick eventually heard the truth about the matter from me, and once again, a beatdown commenced. Yep, bad night for Jeffie...

And yet, in the end, it seemed to be a very good night for Joe, as Jeffie continued massaging him.

Ultimately it seemed that, whether he actually wanted it or not, despte his best efforts to resist, Joe was well on this way to concluding the show with a Happy Ending... courtesy of Jeffie.

At least that's what it sounded like from where I was sitting..

Rest assured that there will very likely be repercussions in the coming weeks...

September 8, 2012 - Nine Round Visit

Listen to the Show

Black Sabbath - Zero The Hero
Judas Priest - Riding On The Wind
Lynch Mob - Slow Drag
Tracer - Too Much

The Graviators - A Different Moon
Grave Digger - Medusa
Castle - Curses Of The Priests
Liv Kristine - Meet Me In The Red Sky

Jimmy Fallon - Reading Rainbow
Converge - Wolverine Blues
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Mark Of The Beast
Harm - Another Conspiracy
Svolk - Painbringer

Nine Round - The Disease
Vision Of Disorder - Blood Red Sun
Pro-Pain - A Good Day To Die
Kill Ritual - Old School Thrasher
Texas In July - Bed Of Nails
I Am War - Uninvite Me To Your Facebook Party
Encrust - Engine Of Deceit

Nine Round - Lost In The Fold
Wildestarr - The Pit Or The Pendulum
Hooded Menace - In The Dead We Dwell
Serpentine Path - Bats Amongst Heathens
Candlemass - Dancing In The Temple Of The Mad Queen
South Wicked - Death's Crown

Nine Round - Soldier
Kiss - Hell Or Hallelujah
Down - Witchtripper
Widow Sunday - Faces In Glass
Vore - Doomwhore
The Chariot - Not

Hate Machine - Bring In The Butcher
Vision Of Disorder - The Enemy
Vision Of Disorder - New Order Of Ages
Sybreed - Red Nova Ignition
Napalm Death - Will By Mouth

Creeper - Where The Wild Things Roam
Ektomorf - The Cross
Sepultura - Territory
Testament - Rise Up
Thy Will Be Done - A Lion And A Lamb
Dublin Death Patrol - Blood Sirens
Autumn's End - Gallows

All Hail The Yeti - Axe Murder Hollow
Cryptopsy - Two-Pound Torch
Dead Horse Trauma - Media Showers
Obey The Brave - Live And Learn
MuckRaker - Big Box

The Glory Stompers - Bleed


Recap by The Metal Wulf

Steve Sarratori and Tommy Dee from 9 Round sat in with us for a few hours this week, bringing us up to date on things in their camp.

Some good shows coming up, for those interested, as they'll be opening for Hed P.E. and Soil this Thursday night at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester, and then you can catch them at Suzy's Tavern alongside Cry To The Blind and Hate Machine on September 22. That show promises to be a KILLER, so get your butts up to Auburn and show some support.

As for new music, the guys are looking to return to the studio in October and hope to have something to share with us by Spring of 2013!

Unless the Aztecs are right, in which case we'll just have to hope they can have it ready by mid-December...

So, in all honesty, there's not a lot of specific craziness that stood out this week, although Jeffie was on hand. He'd been doing roofies, among other things. I'm pretty sure he'd been drowning it all down with bleach, which seems to be his drink of choice.

Jeffie, really man, try Jack Daniels and just leave it at that, okay?

Yep, Jeffie was so messed up that at one point he'd been tasting my tattoos, which was damned awkward...and gross... and slobbery...

Would prefer not to think of that any more, thank you...

And, of course, it always seems that when Jeffie's in this mindframe, he's always in the mood to provide lap dances to a room full of folks who are not even remotely receptive to the idea. Not into it, nope, nope, not at all...

The evening ended with Jeffie so messed up that he was convinced that Josh and I were nothing more than voices in his head.

So, outside of that, the only other thing that bears mention is that once again I experienced a bizarre black-out when Jeffie mentioned something...damn, what was it...some kind of bird reference...hawk?...in the...Obervatory...?...with a candlestick...Nope...not quite...

Hmmmmm...dead hawk...in the...lawn...


September 1, 2012 - Jeffie has a big.......

Listen to the Show

Judas Priest - Devil's Child
Judas Priest - Bloodstone
Lynch Mob - World Of Change
Ektomorf - Black Flag
Tracer - The Bitch

Doro - Victory
Kiss - King Of the Nightime World
Down - Witchtripper
Black Sabbath - Anno Mundi

Elisium - AGV
Grave Digger - Death Angel And The Grave Digger
Hate Machine - Chainsaw Philosophy
SouthWicked - Graveyard Of Bones
Thy Will Be Done - In The Ways Of The Old

The Chariot - Cheek
Grave - Winds Of Chains
Encrust - Grime Maiden
Dead Cowboy's Sluts - Skull Crusher
Cryptopsy - Two-Pound Torch
Striker - Land Of The Lost

Widow Sunday - The Wave
Vore - The Claw Is The Law
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - iDeath
Svolk - Bearserk
Testament - Throne Of Thorns
Zonaria - Gunpoint Salvation

Razoryre - Nightblade
Deception Of A Ghost - Sons Of Sunlight
Castle - Corpse Candles
I Spit Ashes - Cracks In The Mirror
Red Tide Rising - Welcome To Zombietown

Loudness - Keep You Burning
Autumn's End - Gallows
Ex Deo - The Tiberius Cliff (Exile To Capri)
Dublin Death Patrol - Welcome To Hell
The Faceless - In Solitude

Dio - Like The Beat Of A Heart
Ektomorph - Private Hell
GypsyHawk - State Lines
A Hero A Fake - I Have A Knife
Dead Horse Trauma - Night Terrors
Tarja - Dark Star
Obey The Brave - It Starts Today

The Glory Stompers - King Of Emptiness
The Last Vegas - Evil Eyes
Letter To The Exiles - Open Graves
Your Memorial - Redirect
Gideon - Bad Blood
Fetus Stench - Severe Suffering

Nine Round - The Disease
Tracer - Too Much


Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;

There was a general sense of mirth in the air as we were all incredibly happy to hear of the demise of "Jersey Shore", easily the worst television program to ever taint our home screens. Sadly, I'm sure there will be at least a Snooki spin-off, probably called "Son Of Snooki" or "Spawn Of Snooki", or...

Awwww, fuck it all, who cares...

So, the most memorable moment of the evening was provided by Jeffie, who was claiming to be feedback.

Yeah, I just kind of ignored that, figured it was probably best not to dwell upon it...

Anyhoo, Jeffie had asked if any of us had heard of G.G. Allin, and I've gotta say, it's kinda funny how one relatively simple question can lead to one of the most inappropriate topics ever to be discussed on The Metallic Onslaught.

Those of you who are familiar with G.G. Allin and his body of work know precisely what I'm talking about.

Those of you who don't, well...maybe you shouldn't read any further. Seriously, there's disgusting, and then there's G.G. Allin.

Last chance to back out...

Okay, consider yourself warned.

G.G. Allin was a punk rock artist/performance artist who was known for his utterly vile stage antics as well as highly controversial song topics.

Think Politically WRONG as opposed to Politically Incorrect...

In a nutshell, G.G. wanted to make rock and roll "dangerous" again, and his way of trying to achieve this was by taking shits on stage, throwing it at the fans, covering his body in it, licking it up and spitting it into the crowd...

(I warned you...)

G.G. also claimed that he would someday kill himself onstage, and frequently hinted that he might take one...ummm..."lucky"...fan with him.

But, that would not come to pass, because after his final show in the Big Apple he died of a heroin overdose.

So, yes, this is what Jeffie had encountered on YouTube (amazing that they even allow any of his clips on there...).

He gave us a full report, in fact, mentioning how G.G. got naked onstage, and how he had a small peepee, (Jeffie also assuring us all that his was way bigger. Didn't want to know that...)

And then we all got to hear about G.G. rubbing poop in his beard, and how it was funny that when G.G. threw the poop, some fans would run away in terror, and others would just stand there laughing.

Funny thing, I honestly think Jeffie found this all to be highly disturbing, which makes me think that maybe...just MAAAYBE...there could be a shred of hope for him...

Fuck, who am I kidding? Pfffft...

Speaking of disturbing, we got treated to some highly unwanted Jeffie contact, as he decided to expose himself.

Now, I had my eyes tightly closed for a good portion of this time, so all I can say I truly hope that he was only slapping a kielbasa on the table...and on our heads...and arms...I should probably just let it go from here...horrible memories...seriously...

Some awkwardness ensued when Jeffie mentioned seeing a dead hawk in his lawn. Funny, I just kinda blacked out for a bit every time he brought the subject up...and then the rest of the guys said that I went crazy again, this time reciting childrens' songs and nursery rhymes.

I guess I'll have to listen to the playback to see if there's any truth to to this foolishness...

So, on that note, 9 Round joins us in the studio on the next show, and we're all hopin' to talk them into playing one...JUST ONE!!!!...KISS song, as they're going to have a little acoustic jam for us. Keep your finger's crossed!

August 25, 2012 - A Jeffie Drunk on Bleach

Rush - Headlong Flight
Kiss - Flamin' Youth
Y&T - I Believe In You
Banshee - Taming The Beast

Katatonia - The Parting
Laestrygonia - Lo
Kyng - Trails In Veins
Stratovarius - Burn

Widow Sunday - Faces In Glass
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Scratchin' & Sniffin'
Vore - Throne To The Wolves
Grave Digger - Hell Dog
Svolk - Painbringer

Agressive Betty - Incinerator
Woccon - Lament
Orange Goblin - Red Tide Rising
Ex Deo - Along The Appian Way

Tarja - Over The Hills And Far Away
Autumn's End - Arise From Slumber
Black Sabbath - Zero The Hero
Dublin Death Patrol - Dehumanize
Zonaria - Gunpoint Salvation

The Last Vegas - Beat To Hell
Lynch Mob - Slow Drag
Elisium - AGV
Dawn Of The Apocalypse - Ritual Of Nomads
Hate Machine - Bring In The Butcher

Dead Horse Trauma - Night Terrors
The Faceless - Ten Billion Years
Prong - Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck
Fetus Stench - Meat Grinder Flesh Obliteration
Testament - Rise Up
Loudness - Comes The Dawn

Obey The Brave - Live And Learn
MuckRaker - Conman
For The Fallen Dreams - Hollow
Periphery - Luck As A Constant
Fozzy - Shine Forever

Alice In Chains - Dam That River
Letters To The Exiles - Open Graves
Your Memorial - Shipwreck
Gideon - Overthrow
Ire Clad - Little Middle Man
A Hero A Fake - Port Hole

The Chariot - Your
The Chariot - First
Recap by The Metal Wulf

So, a couple of points to address here before I get to the subjects at hand for this week.

A. Any rumors of me being a Barry Manilow fan are highly, nay, GROSSLY exaggerated, and I can personally assure everybody that I WON'T be attending any of his shows at any point in this current lifetime.

Not fuckin' happenin'...

B. My apologies for my co-hosts for having to endure an evening of thoroughly repulsive gassiness on my part. Really, you had to be there...wait, actually, be thankful you WEREN'T there.Vile, simply vile...

So, with those being addressed, an early discussion came about regarding truck balls.

I'd never even noticed this particular phenomenon until Arydaea Insanity (aka Foul Moth Girl) pointed them out on our way to see Iron Maiden last month. Couldn't believe my eyes, quite frankly. I'm imagining it's how rednecks are currently making up for having small dicks...

Anyhow, further discussion centered around the possibility of video taping members of the Onslaught kicking these truck balls and running away, after leaving a sticker that says "Your balls have been kicked by The Metallic Onslaught".

Okay, I'm not going to go out on a limb and say this is going to definitely happen, but, Hell, keep your eyes on the YouTube channels, you never know what some of us may pull...

I should mention that we were Josh-less on this edition of the show. Josh had a very early Skype interview, literally having to be awake in time to do this at 4 a.m. Now, if Josh would allow himself the tiniest indulgence of allowing caffeine into his system, he may have been able to join us and still pulled his interview off, but he's such a damned Boy Scout sometimes. Sigh...

Seriously, Josh, would it kill ya to drink a pot of coffee every now and again, or chug a couple of Red Bulls? Hell, do like I do and take a tiny little power nap during a music break! You would have been fine!

With that being  said, we all hope his interview went well, and I'm sure we'll find out how the whole thing turned out this Friday.

Jeffie arrived, completely tanked on bleach. I mean, we're talking worse than usual. Seriously, the guy was totally fucking incoherent, mumbling something about eating a cloud, or maybe it was a clown?

There was some speculation that maybe he was eating his pillow, which prompted further speculation that maybe a clown was making him bite the pillow...

Fun imagery, isn't it?

He was also playing with a pet rabbit that he claimed to be keeping in his pouch, like a marsupial. Now, this is a strange claim, especially in light of his denial to having frog DNA. What, now he wants us to think he's a kangaroo?

Well, maybe a giant koala...?

He'd also brought up some nonsense about a fan on YouTube wanting to see my belly, but we're really not going to dwell on that.

Seriously, for those who want to see it, check out No Pants Day video from both 2011 and 2012, it's all there to behold. Just don't blame me when you get that urge to gouge your eyes out with a salad fork...

Jeffie also broke out his interview segment for the first time in quite some time. For those unfamiliar, this segment is entitled "Long And Deep With Jeffie, Filling It Up And Packing It In, Still With No Llamas"... ('cuz I, as Wulfie, ate his Llamas...) This night's victim was Tim Binder, who will soon be returning to L.A. until the holidays arrive. Jeffie grilled Tim about his music tastes, and Tim proceeded to go on and on about how he likes a lot of things, like Rick Astley and Aerosmith...and George Michael and Motley Crue...and Death Cab For Cutie...

Having gotten this dose of the world thru Tim's eyes, Jeffie promptly blinded Tim, and was subsequently covered in Tim's eye goo...


So, with all that being said, all that's left to announce is that 9 Round will be joining us in studio in the coming weeks, and will be performing a set of acoustic numbers for us. We're all hoping that if we ask nicely, REEEEAAAALLLLY nicely, mind you...maybe they'll break out a KISS song for us...'cuz some of us love our KISS!

Here's to hopin'!

August 18, 2012 - Wulfie is so NOT Metal...

Listen to the Show


Aska - Her Ghost Remains
Doro - Raise Your Fist In The Air
Who Cares - Trashed
Hughes/Vai - Highway Star
Stratovarius - Bloodstone

WatchTower - Dangerous Toy
Devin Townsend - Lucky Animals
Kiss - Hell Or Hallelujah
Down - Witchtripper
Malice - New Breed Of Godz

Gypsyhawk - Frostwyrm
Between The Buried And Me - Telos
Loudness - Come Alive Again
Zonaria - CC Cowboys

Spater - Liquid Zone
Obey The Brave - Early Graves
Periphery - Facepalm Mute
The Faceless - The Eidolon Reality
Testament - Rise Up
Lynch Mob - Sucka

Widow Sunday - Faces In Glass
Vore - Doomwhore
Dead Cowboy's Sluts - I'll Hunt You Down
Dublin Death Patrol - Death Toll Rising

Cannibal Corpse - Buried In The Backyard
Spater - Lardfist
Black Light Burns - Your Head Will Be Rotting On A Spike
Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Devil's Island
Fozzy - Dark Passenger

Southwicked - Death's Crown
Elisium - Sleep Awhile
MuckRaker - The Iron Heel
Letter To The Exiles - A world Of Wicked Men
Suicidal Tendencies - How Will I Laugh Tomorrow
Your Memorial - Anthem

Hate Machine - Chainsaw Philosophy
Hate Machine - Bring In The Butcher
Jess And The Ancient Ones - Ghost Riders
Widow Sunday - Open Eyes
Drag The Dead - When They Walk Again

Saturian - Shadow Of Prophecy
Halford - Nailed To The Gun
King Of Asgard - Plague-Ridden Rebirth
Korpiklaani - Dolorous
Corrosive Carcass - Awesome Nuclear Power

Fetus Stench - Severe Suffering
For The Fallen Dreams - Living A Lie
Bury Tomorrow - Lionheart
Recap by The Metal Wulf;

May as well get this out of the way first.

For the vast majority of the summer, I'd been getting my balls busted for having tickets to a certain show at CMAC in Canandaigua, that show being headliners Journey, along with Pat Benatar and Loverboy for openers.

Now, for those who grew up on this stuff back in the early to mid part of the Eighties, this was a pretty damned solid bill of music. My main reason for attending was, as stated many times, to see Pat Benatar. I've loved that little ladies' music ever since the first time I heard "Heartbreaker" in 8th or 9th grade, somewhere in there. On top of that, I've always had a healthy respect for Journey, and I never actually thought Loverboy sucked.

But, with the Onslaught being the uber-metal beast that it is, it was obviously not the type of show we'd normally promote, which is why some decided it was necessary to relentlessly rub my nose in the fact that I was attending this show.

Well, the show was last Wednesday night, and to be perfectly honest, it was a great night of music, front to back. I think the only complaint I can make about the evening is that perhaps Mike Reno needs to take a cue from Pat Benatar and Neil Gerardo, not to mention Journey members Neal Schon and Jonathon Cain, when it comes to aging gracefully. I just feel that maybe Mike was trying a little too hard to still be that "Eighties Rocker Dude", know what I mean?

Still, at least he wasn't trying to squeeze his ass into those stupid red leather pants...

So, yeah, I went, I had a good time, and I suffered the aftermath on the Onslaught willingly. Probably won't be the last time I attend a show that's going to make them groan...

Had David Henninger from Spater on hand, as he brought us up to speed on some recent developments. Most pressing, I would say, is the fact that they need a new lead guitar player. As a matter of fact, if you play and are interested in hooking up with these guys, it would be in your best interest to look Spater up on Facebook or at their main website, Spaterrock.com.

They are, in the meantime, continuing on as a 3-piece, and in fact will be playing at Drag'N Bash in Palymyra on September 1. This looks to be a great day of music, and there's also apparently going to be a Beer Pong tournament, so I'm thinking it's gonna be entertaining on many levels! Could be a good time, check it out if you've got nothin' else going on!

Jeffie was once again on hand, this time seemingly allergic to something, as he was sneezing so violently that Joe suggested the need for a snot shovel.

Yeah, pretty bad when ya need one of those...

Somehow the subject of suckers going into my posterior was brought up, which I can assure you has never happened. Still, it was kind of amusiing to have a selection of Tootsie Pops on hand that evening, and more than one of them being chocolate flavored. As a matter of fact, when a chocolate one was presented to Jeffie, he asked if it had been in my butt.

I responded, quite plainly, "Well, you know Jeffie, Grim Reaper DID have an old song called "Suck It And See"...totally inappropriate, I know, but about as awesome a comeback as I could possibly think of.

Jeffie had mentioned that he wanted to visit multiple universes in his "Re-Tardis" (think Dr. Who, only not quite so cool...), prompting a brief discussion of whether he'd be another Dr. Who...or maybe a Dr. What...actually, I think we all agreed that Dr. WHY was a bit more appropriate, in this case.

And I'm pretty sure Jeffie getting lost as he visited other dimensions would not necessarily be greeted with an abundance of sadness, to be perfectly honest...

Unlike Josh, who we're all gonna miss terribly if he ends up getting any of these jobs he keeps getting interviewed for. I mean, we'd all wish him the best, don't get me wrong, but we'd all be sad to lose him. I mean, who else falls over like a Fainting Goat when they're tickled?

Hell, can't even tickle Tim, as he gets a little violent...

As a matter of fact, in the closing portion of the evening, we were trying like mad to get Josh and Tim to have a Tickle Fight. Seriously, we wanted to see that battle!

But, when push came to shove, Tim kept running off and hiding in one of two adjoining rooms. This led to me trying to lure Tim out by singing cheesy 80's hair metal songs. Cases in point would be tracks from Giuffria...Gorky Park...Warrant...Michael Monroe...Autograph...I'm sure there was more..

Some worked better than others, and Tim would come out singing along, only to get tickle tackled by either Jeffie or Joe, occasionally Josh, and then he'd go back into hiding.

That's okay, I guess that just means I have to jot down an arsenal of Tim Lures to use during future visits!