September 15, 2012 - The MO Massage Therapist

Listen to the Show - Two 15 minutes blocks are missing from the show. Sorry, out of our control.
Testament - Man Kills Mankind
Dokken - Broken Bones
The Last Vegas - Beat To Hell
Kiss - Hell Or Hallelujah
SouthWicked - Graveyard Of Bones

Judas Priest - Screaming For Vengeance
Judas Priest - Riding On The Wind
Tracer - Too Much
Y&T - Hurricane
Graviators - Forlorn

Castle - Alcatraz
Lynch Mob - Sucka
Down - This Work Is Timeless
Dew-Scented - Thrown To The Lions
Dust Bolt - March Thru Pain
Striker - Terrorizer

As I Lay Dying - Defender
Witch Cross - Alien Savage
Acid Witch - Rabid Werewitch
Stolen Babies - Dried Moat
Mongrel - Zombies Of War
Deceit - Wolfman

Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell - Devils Island
Encrust - Cult Of The Cross
The Chariot - Tongues
I Am War - A Nightmare
Vision Of Disorder - Hard Times
The Faceless - Ten Billion Years

Devin Townsend Project - Liberation
Hirax - The Mouth Of The Beast
Kix - Midnight Dynamite
Pride Of Lions - Tie Down The Wind
Eminence - Written In Dust
Destinity - Reap My Scars

Megadeth - Hook In Mouth
Alice In Chains - Sickman
Down - Open Coffins
Meathook Seed - My Infinity
Obituary - Final Thoughts
Black Sabbath - Die Young

Pro-Pain - Bloodlust For War
Hooded Menace - Summoned Into Euphoric
Kill Ritual - Coat Of Blood
Texas In July - Bed Of Nails

Vio-lence - Calling The Coroner
Nile - Supreme Humanism Of Meglomania
Ektomorf - Never Surrender
All Hail The Yeti - Bloodguilt
Widow Sunday - Open Eyes
Vore - The Unseen Hand

Hate Machine - Bring In The Butcher
Deceased - Shrieks From The Hearse
Harm - Another Conspiracy
Vision Of Disorder - Blood Red Sun
Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Last night pretty much drove the fact home for me. Yep, summer is pretty well dead and gone for this year, like it or not. As a matter of fact, our show next week will likely coincide nicely with the Autumn Equinox.

Not to get overly depressed at the thought, early topics rouched on the upcoming Holiday season.

First of all, Rick mentioned an upcoming Zombie Walk that will take place in Newark next month. Can't remember the specific date as of this writing, but I'll be keeping everybody up to date on this, as it seems at least a couple of us Onslaught folks will be taking part.

This event will also feature a "Thriller" dance-off contest...which, I personally guarantee, will feature absolutely NOBODY from the Metallic Onslaught. Nope, don't care how funny it may look, but it just ain't happening. No Moon-Walking for me, thanks...and certainly NO BUTT CLAPS, either, as discussed on the show...

We'd made a discovery that Oreo was releasing a limited edition cookie with a Candy Corn-inspired middle. Let's face it, when it comes to Halloween treats, candy corn really wasn't what you wanted to have a bag full of at the end of the night. I mean, personally, I never hated it, but there was better stuff to be had, for sure. The rest of the crew all agreed that they HATED candy corn.

This, of course, led to a further discussion of what exactly candy corn was made of, which I believe Josh was going to research. Unfortunately, I don't remember any further discussion on this topic, 'cuz we'd moved on to the subject of Christmas.

(Yeah, I know, nobody wants to think about it, but look around, folks, it's slowly rearing it's head, like it or not...)

So, really, how DOES Santa pack so much into that giant sack of his? We spent a good portion of a talk break discussing things that Joe had received one Christmas, mostly Star Wars toys (LARGE Star Wars toys...), and we were quite frankly amazed that Santa could carry soooooo much in that big ol' sack of his.

I should stress that there was some concern over Santa's sack being so big and red, but we also established that at least it wasn't which case, perhaps Mrs. Claus needed to take care of her man just a little better...

Jeffie had arrived following his visit to last night's 2CW show in Auburn, NY. Yes, our 2CW friends were once again setting up a ring right in the middle of Suzy's Tavern and providing a fun-filled evening of wrestling action. Crazy how they're able to do this. Bear in mind, when they were there earlier in the year, they actually had a Steel Cage match in the bar! Crazy...

But, yes, Jeffie was all pumped up, having met WWE Hall Of Famer "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. Hell, personally, I can understand his excitement, people generally loved Hacksaw back in the day. Not one of the most innovative ring talents of his time, but definitely a highly charismatic and entertaining individual.

There was a little concern later on when Rick, Josh, and Arydaea ( aka. Foul Mouth Girl) were found to be MIA. Jeffie took advantage of this disappearance to take his place in "The Rick Hole". This eventually led to some bad things happening, which further snow-balled into catasrophic results for Jeffie later in the evening....

In a nutshell, while the others were gone, Jeffie took a moment to stuff both Rick's cell phone AND his laptop down his pants. Seriously, it's AMAZING what this guy can put in his pants. If I hadn't ever seen it for myself, I'd NEVER beleive it. It's absolutely MIND-BOGGLING, I tell you!

Anyhoo, Rick, Josh, and FMG returned, and chaos ensued as soon as Rick found out the fate of his cell phone.Yep, he pummeled the living shit out of Jeffie, one of the worst beatings I've ever seen the guy get. Honestly, I think it was on a par with the beatdown he received from "Bad Boy" Barry Hardy and "Mean" Mike.

And that was just for the cell phone!

Imagine the beatdown that occurred when Rick found out that his laptop had made it's way into that Nether Realm known as "Jeffie's Pants"!

In fact, Jeffie was so worried that Rick would find out about the laptop that he actually tried distracting Joe from sharing that info. Yep, Joe would try to say something, and Jeffie would start giving Joe a massage!

Frighteningly enough...Joe actually seemed to be enjoying it! I mean, he obviously didn't WANT to like it, but apparently Jeffie was hitting some troublesome areas, and Joe seemed to be finding it pleasurable.

Rick eventually heard the truth about the matter from me, and once again, a beatdown commenced. Yep, bad night for Jeffie...

And yet, in the end, it seemed to be a very good night for Joe, as Jeffie continued massaging him.

Ultimately it seemed that, whether he actually wanted it or not, despte his best efforts to resist, Joe was well on this way to concluding the show with a Happy Ending... courtesy of Jeffie.

At least that's what it sounded like from where I was sitting..

Rest assured that there will very likely be repercussions in the coming weeks...