June 5, 2015 - Fireworks, Porn, and Jeffie's Mental Decline
This week we were short a person, as Rick was in Rochester checking out Noisem at the Bug Jar, which left the show to Joe, Josh, and myself...along with a very messed up Jeffie.
Now, of course, Jeffie's pretty messed up most times, but he's at least capable of constructing complete sentences...well, usually...
Anyhow, at first, he was only capable of repeating "Hi!", over and over...to the point where it got really annoying...which actually made for a normal night with Jeffie, anyhow! But, Joe eventually started getting really frustrated, demanding whole sentences from Jeffie, assuring him that beatings would continue until he started making sense! Hey...sometimes you've just gotta show Jeffie some tough love! Honestly, my first thought was that maybe something had "happened" to the last Jeffie, resulting in an unexpected demise, and the spawning of a new Jeffie. And, when I suggested this, it seemed like that may have likely been what happened.
He started making progress as the night went on, I'm happy to say. He even took some time to learn my name again, although there was a bizarre moment when he confused "Randy" with "candy"...and attempted to bite a chunk out of my head...
Things started coming together throughout the evening, as Jeffie continued to obsess over the whole "Randy-candy" thing. He seemed very confused and frustrated at not being able to explain what was wrong, and we were starting to get frustrated in our own right...and then somebody mentioned the name "Mandy"...and it all made sense...
Randy...candy...Mandy...
Jeffie had seen the No Pants Day 2015 video...
See, the problem here is that Jeffie showed up at No Pants Day AFTER I'd been possessed by Satan and forced to assume the Mandy character again! He thought I'd gone the entire evening wearing pants...and I had not...and he discovered this all when he watched the video on YouTube, and saw me running around as Mandy, wearing candy underwear.
So, yeah, Jeffie was traumatized by all of that, and is also claiming that I personally ruined candy for him.
At least we figured out what the hell his problem was!
Further antics saw Jeffie riding me around the new digs like a pony, which was utter hell on my knees. It was suggested that perhaps I may need firecrackers shoved up my butt to get me moving, and much to my dismay, a fairly wide array of pyrotechnic thingamajigs (Roman candles and worse...) was revealed, and all of them were recommended as items that could be placed into my rectum.
Just one more reason to dread the coming weeks...especially the Fourth Of July.
-Randy Metalwulf