August 13, 2011 - Tim and Lance Return...

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;

Most of the MO gang, Jeffie, Rick, Randy, were off attending the The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, so only Joe and Josh were present. As was Stacy, Tim, and Lance. Jani Lane, the lead singer of the band Warrant, had just passed away. Lance and Tim wanted a whole set of Warrant music, being the glam loving posers that they are, as am I, so I too would have been very for that, but Joe played "Uncle Tom's Cabin", saying that that was the only Warrant song that Rick would have allowed, had he been there. But Lance and Tim started working Warrant song titles into everything that they said, like "That's Heaven", or "You can't buy that with 32 scents", and "I just saw red", and "I love cherry pie", and so on, to Joe's and Josh's great annoyance. I think they worked their way through most of Warrant's catalog. Then, because a metal band has done an entire CD of metal covers of Swedish pop band's songs, from bands like Abba, Ace Of Bass, and Roxette, Lance and Tim started saying lyrics to Ace Of Bass and Roxette songs, and comparing the two bands, again, to Joe's and Josh's great disgust. How very un metal! Tim admitted to owning some Roxette. And Tim's manhood was already in great dispute that night, as he had said that he loves the show "Glee", even Lance, his best friend, deserted him on that one, threatening to make him walk, or hitch a ride (which, as Joe pointed out, is illegal, and we would certainly never encourage anyone to do anything illegal!) home, as Lance had driven them there. Yes, Tim's manhood was called into serious question...

Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Saxon - Afterburner
2Cellos - Welcome To The Jungle
DC4 - Sociopath

Trivium - Slave New World
Pagan's Mind - Into The Aftermath
George Lynch - Flys On The Wall
Black Country Communion - The Outsider
Twisted Sister - Day Of The Rocker

Rival Sons - Pressure And Time
Megadeth - Wake Up Dead
Thin Lizzy - Bad Reputation
Eternity - Sleepwalk

White Wizzard - Blood On The Pyramids
Vader - Don't Rip The Beast's Heart Out
Stormwarrior - Fyre & Ice
Revocation - Beloved Horrifier
Swedish Hitz Goes Metal - All That She Wants

Deep Purple - Stormbringer
Powerwolf - Phantom Of The Funeral
Sepultura - Mask
Nader Sadek - Soulless
Jungle Rot - No Mercy (From The Merciless)

Dir En Grey - Amon
Skalmold - Valholl
Fates Warning - Prelude To Ruin
Icon In Me - Nuclear Drama
Eat The Gun - Give Sight To The Blind

Warrant - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Chimaira - Born In Blood
Guillotine - Death Penalty
Jorn - Spirit Black
KYNG - Trail In Veins

Warbringer - Living Weapon
Jasta - Enslaved, Dead Or Depraved
Psychostick - Numbers (I Can Only Count To Four)
The Quill - Waiting For The Sun
I.N.C. - God Loves Violence
Demonical - March For Victory
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler

No Redemption - No Return
Anthrax - The Devil You Know
Swedish Hitz Goes Metal - The Sign
Slot - Kill Me Baby One More Time
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Egoism
Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch

Altars - Advocate
Ringworm - Hellbound
Bury Your Dead - Bluebeard
White Arms Of Athena - Recreationed
Weedeater - Jason...The Dragon
Hands - Here I Am

Affiance - Call To The Warrior


August 6, 2011 - Lowkey and the ROC City Roller Girls

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, here I sit, contemplating the daunting task of writing a recap for an edition of The Metallic Onslaught that I wasn't even present for.  An earlier than normal work shift made me think that it may have been a good idea to hang back for a night.
Still, I tuned in to listen, at the same time leaving my own two cents here and there on the Onslaught Facebook page, which I've been known to do on nights like that. I'd honestly had visions of going to bed at around midnight or so, thinking I'd get plenty of sleep, but the truth is, I just didn't feel tired. So I listened some more. 12:30: Not tired. 1:00 Not tired. 1:30 Not tired. Sincerely, I ended up listening right up until the last talk break, not beginning to feel even remotely sleepy until roughly 1:50. Oh well... So, having listened throughout the evening, I was able to garner enough info to do my usual recap. Ahem...

Roc City Roller Derby members Izzy Normous and Cuss Muffin were on hand to promote this Saturday's bout at the Dome Arena, this one entitled Babes Of The Brawl. Rick, Josh, and myself will actually be in attendance for this one. I'm releived, too, because I was starting to think I'd never make it to a derby bout this year, and that would be a damned shame! I guess Josh will be wearing a bunny outfit to this bout. I can't honestly remember the specifics of WHY he'll be in a bunny outfit, but hey, who am I to judge? In fact, this will work out just great, because I'll be breaking out the ol' WarWulf persona. That's right, don't panic, there are going to be both a wolf AND a bunny in the suicide seats this time!
I'm thinking this is going to be insanely fun, and then some. Oh, for the record, Josh will be referred to as Floppy. Yes, that's right, Floppy Nolin. Personally, I think Floppy O'Nolin would sound a little better, but that is entirely up to his discretion.
Seriously, though, just imagine WarWulf chasin' Floppy around the ol' Dome Arena... There was some mention of Cuss Muffin having monkeys on her head in some of her photos. Hey, Cuss gets around, and if she's in parts of the world where monkeys can climb on you, well, hey, there's WORSE things! Like, how about parts of the world where tarantulas eat cockroaches while perched on top of your toothbrush? Cuss has had that happen as well... Ick... So, something was mentioned about somehow having monkeys brought onto the Metallic Onslaught. Personally, I think this could be fun, as long as there's no flinging of gross bodily excretions involved. Of course, it would just complement the usual assortment of poo-related humor, so... Lowkey were also on hand, to promote the upcoming 2011 edition of Hagefest, a three-day event that takes place in Sodus, NY the weekend of August 19-21. Thirty bands in three bands, representing some of the best bands our area has to offer. I'd highly recommend going if you've nothing better to do that weekend. Always good to get out and promote the local scene. Rick will actually be there on that Saturday, and Lowkey have personally invited him to announce the bands for that day. A disturbing topic was brought up, as something was mentioned about Jackie Stallone doing psychic readings. Based on photos of people's buttocks... Yeah, I was pretty perplexed about this, but apparently if you send Jackie a photo of your ass, she can tell you things about yourself as related to your past and future and stuff like that. I think she's just a strange old lady with some really twisted tastes, but that's just me... Jeffie arrived eventually, of course, and it's probably just as well for him that I wasn't on hand this week. I've gotta have a word or two with that guy regarding some things he did to my chewing gum last week. Seriously, this Jeffie could quite possibly lead me back to cigarette smoking. Of course, he'd probably just find a way to dose my smokes, and some of his concoctions are less than pleasant. So, he was mentioning some things about my adventures after his Viagra/Ecstacy combination had its' way with me. Police were involved...  Squirrels were involved... Trees... Scratches and bite marks... The story is still gonna have to wait a bit, though. Bill, Erica, Rick and myself will all be going to The Haunt in Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia, along with  Of Wrath And Ruin, LAW (Lucifer At Work), and Neon Guillotine. Been waiting a long time to see Sorrow Of Batavia perform, and this is looking to be a kick-ass show from start to finish! I'll be back for the show on the following week, though, and rest assured, the story will be told. And afterward, the Malachi Crunch is going to be among the least of Jeffie's worries...


July 30, 2011 - Experimenting on Randy

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Big focus on new music lately, and last night was no exception. Truth is, things are going to get a little crazy very soon, as we'll be seeing new releases from Trivium, Kittie, Warbringer, Anthrax, Dream Theater, Opeth, Evile, Machine Head, Mastodon, Skeletonwitch, and a crap load of others. Gonna be a little tough prioritizing, but for my part I can't wait to get my hands on the Anthrax, Evile, Opeth, and Mastodon discs!

Got on some bizarre subjects last night, which is really nothing new when it all boils down, but still, there are nights where I honestly end up wondering "How in the HELL did we get on that?" For one thing, we seemed to be in a severe non-metal slump as far as topics went. I mean, seriously, you know there's something very wrong when you end up discussing Huey Lewis and John Denver during the course of a metal radio show. I'm wondering if there was a strange astrtological convergence going on or something, the subject matter just got so weird. Then somebody commented that someone sounded like Julia Child, so of course that just sparked shit in my brain, and next thing you know I'm imitating her, talking about braising pork chops. Really, don't ask, I don't know why my brain makes these connections, it just does... Of course, it just got sillier when we took the discussion even further. Somehow Bob Ross got mentioned. Remember him? The guy who painted all those "happy little trees"? Yeah... So, somehow saw Bob and Julia Child making a really good couple. Assuming, of course, that they were still alive, which they're not. But, really, it seemed like it could have been a match made in heaven. Bob kind of struck all of us as the type who occasionally liked to smoke some happy little trees, as well as painting them. So, occasionally he'd perhaps have the munchies. This is where Julia Child would be his dream woman, because she'd always have something yummy on hand just for those moments! And Bob would be able to paint all kinds of nice pictures for Julia's kitchen... Hell, maybe, just MAVBE,  in some weird alternate reality, that's EXACTLY what happened!
Better abandon this train of thought before folks think I'VE been smoking them happy little trees... Anyhoo...


July 23, 2011 - Burn Everything

Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

So, with the past couple of recaps I've been trying to kick things off with the sane topics. Pretty good system, to be honest, so let's stick to that! Matt Dalberth, a staple among the local scene for quite awhile, was in the studio last night to promote his newest band, Burn Everything. Far cry from his days with Forty Oz. Failure, but times and circumstances change, and to be honest, it sounds like he's got a good thing going on here. So, if your're interested in hearing what they're like, it just so happens that if you go to Burn Everything on Facebook, you can actually download tracks for free, and I know that's gotta sound good to somebody! Personally, I'd say it's too good to pass up! You can also catch them live at the upcoming Hage Fest, a yearly 3-day event in the Sodus area that features a whole slew of local and regional bands. It takes place the weekend of August 19-21 this year, and I'm betting we'll be getting some visits in the coming weeks from some of the bands that are to be featured. Oh, I think it's  worthwhile to mention that there were some guilty confessions on the show during Matt's visit. Matt confessed that he'd actually purchased Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" when he was younger, and was set straight by a cousin who exposed him to Slayer's "South Of Heaven". Joe and I confessed to actually seeing them live. In my case, it was just once, with them opening for .38 Special just after "Slippery When Wet" was released, and in Joe's case it was actually twice! Oh, c'mon, like YOU'VE never seen or supported a band and later realized that you're not necessarily very proud to admit it... So, there was some discussion about Monday night's show at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Great show, featuring headliner Devin Townsend with Obscura, and some very cool local openers, Psychopath, Malformed, and Exit Eistence. I highly recommend checking them all out! Rick and I were able to get a brief interview with Devin, and once it's gone through a ltitle bit of an audio clean-up, we'll be posting it on YouTube and sharing with everybody! Gotta say, we were lucky to get this opportunity, because things had kinda gone south during the course of the day. Devin's bus had broken down, delaying the band's arrival by a couple of hours, so it was just after 9:30 when we got to do the interview. Still, Devin was very cool, and we just appreciate the fact that he was willing to take the time with us!


July 16, 2011 - Armed with Valor and The Death of Randy...

Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Members of Armed With Valor joined us in the studio this week. For those unfamiliar, this is a band that has formed from the ashes of Amelia Is Dead and Torment The Vein. They were kind enough to provide a couple of demo tracks for us to feature, overall not sounding bad at all. A little more melodic than fans of Amelia Is Dead might be expecting, but that's really not a bad thing in my book. Keep an eye out for them soon, as they'll be performing their debut show very soon, and they also have an opening slot for Kittie coming up next month (August 25) at The Lost Horizon in Syracuse. They were also kind enough to take some time for an interview for YouTube and our main website. You can find that interview on YouTube as well as Metallic Onslaught Facebook page as of right now!

Now, on to the goofiness... And when I say goofiness, I mean these guys are losin' their minds. I mean, literally bonkers, outta their minds. Why do I say this? Well, they seem to think that I died on the show last week. Now, I remember having a really weird dream where Bill and Jeffie slammed me through the floor, and Jeffie body splashed me from the upper floor as I was lying in the basement (covered in spiders...), and I also dreamed that Josh slipped on my blood and fell on top of me. But it was a dream, it had to be! I mean, here I am, HELLO!!!! I'm alive and well, and feelin' great! Yet, they seem to think that I was cloned in the meantime, and that I'm another version of Randy. They kept referring to me as Randy 2, which is just plain ridiculous. Honestly, at one point I suggested that, since summer is in full swing, maybe they'd been visiting the cow pastures looking for some special mushrooms. I mean, come on, that's probably the most practical explanation, not that I see any of these guys honestly partaking of hallucinogens... Maybe they're just crazy... Speaking of crazy, Jeffie joined us once again. He was also suggesting I was a clone, and even went so far as to mention that he'd combined his DNA with mine. Sigh... Truly disturbing, Jeffie kept referring to "anal divots" throughout the evening. I'm not too specifically sure what an anal divot is, but I've got a pretty good idea. It got worse, as Jeffie suggested measuring each of our divots, and doing measurements of weenies as compared to the depths of our divots. Do I really need to say that there were NO takers for that? Of course, then there was mention of anal lint, or "Shlint" as I've come to hear it referred to over the years. All I can say to that is...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Let's see, we'd also got on the subject of some photos I'd taken while enjoying a relaxing day in Auburn with my girlfriend, Deb. I'd mentioned that I'd gotten some pics of squirrels, as well as a mama duck with her hatchlings. Hey, is it really so terrible to have an appreciation for the outdoors, and to take advantage of having a good camera for wildlife moments? Joe seemed to think it was kinda gay, to be honest... Seriously, what do they want? It's not like I can jump into wildlife photography with gigantic predators. Not around here, anyway, and I really would rather not encounter any bears. Been there, done that, it was a little on the scary side. With that being said, I think the birds and herbivores should be just fine for now!

Anyhoo, before closing this for another week, just wanted to say that Rick and I are EXTREMELY stoked at our opportunity to interview Devin Townsend this Monday in Rochester. His band, The Devin Townsend Project, will be performing at the Montage Music Hall with Obscura and a few locals (including Malformed and Order Of The Dead), and it should be a damned good time. Look for the  interview on our Facebook page, as well as YouTube and our main website, very likely by Tuesday evening! 


Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
George Lynch - Wicked Witch
Daedalus - Perspective Of The Moon
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Motorhead - Burner
Motorhead - Nightmare/The Dreamtime
Motorhead - Orgasmatron
Motorhead - Killed By Death

Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Symphony x - The End Of Innocence
Devin Townsend Project - Sumeria

Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Cannabis Corpse - Gateways To Inhalation
Injury - Violence Unleashed
Battlecross - Man Of Stone
Powerwolf - Night Of the Werewolves

Armed With Valor - We Used A Bandaid
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Altars - Advocate
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Hands - Jovian

Kaapora - The Day I Left The Dust
Excruciator - Metal Forces
Malefice - Baying For Blood
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Jungle Rot - Push Comes To Shove
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball

The Quill - River Of A Moonchild
Megadeth - Devil's Island (Randy Burns Mix)
40 Watt Sun - Between Times
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Trivium - In Waves

Gentlemans Pistols - Comfortably Crazy
Zeroking - Kings Of Self-Destruction
Eternity - Sleepwalk
Sepultura - Kairos
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead

Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Voodoo Highway - The Fire Will Burn
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Othin - When The Ash Desolves
Toxic Holocaust - Red Winter

Misfits - Helena
Ninth Moon Black - Kalyug
Ted Nugent - Dog Eat Dog
Attack Attack! - Turbo Swag
Suicide Silence - Smashed

Uriah Heep - Trail Of Diamonds
George Lynch - Rattleshake


July 9, 2011 - Joe Marro

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
263443 10150231758212551 105968057550 7637331 2224033 nSince we pretty much parted ways with almost anything remotely serious this week, I'll start the recap off with the lone moment of sanity from the evening: So, Will Polson (who is a friend of Rick) and Lindsey Boykin (a friend of mine and Bill's) met on the show on the 29th of October, last year. They started dating shortly thereafter, and last night they had a little announcement to make. They are officially expecting a child, so I'm proud to announce that the Metallic Onslaught is looking forward to it's first offspring, as such... Okay, so it's not actually the SHOW'S offspring, but... Oh, never mind... Congrats, Will and Lindsey! This is where the Serious Boat drifts off and never comes back to shore...

Joe Marro returned for a couple of hours last night, and he brought his guitar! Which was awesome, outside of some interference problems, which we attributed to cell phone usage. May have to tone that down in the future, hmmmmm... Of course, it didn't exactly help that Jeffie wanted to contribute to the music that Joe was playing. I mean, we were actually having fun as Joe just let his guitar do the talking for him. To be honest, I'd have to say it was at least moderately entertaining as Jeffie exchanged banter with Joe's guitar. Made me tjhink of Steve Vai for some reason... But, then Jeffie had to ruin something that was actually humorous by wanting to sing a song while Joe played, and it turned into this goofy, surreal mess... Speaking of surreal, Jeffie got on the subject of Joe Marro being made of Smarties. Or was it Skittles? Damn... Thankfully this was after Joe had departed for the evening, so there was no way for him to fully suibstantiate that claim. Although I do believe he mentioned pieces of Joe being left behind, and suggesting that they tasted like Skittles... or Smarties... SweetTarts, maybe? Shit...


July 2, 2011 - Jane Evile

Recap by The Metal Wulf; 
So, after an absence of roughly three years, Jane Evile stopped in to hang with us. For those unfamiliar, Jane is no stranger for the local scene, having fronted Haunted By Angels and her own Jane Evile Band over the years, as well as being involved with Zadoc... And The Nightmare, as well. Most recently, she's earned the vocalist spot in Rochester's Steel Kingdom, replacing Sean Williams, who has fallen terminally ill. For those who are interested in hearing Jane in her first appearance singing for Steel Kingdom, they'll be playing next Saturday night (July 9th) at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls, which is a free event taking place the entire weekend. I can pretty well guarantee you'll see siome of the Onslaught crew out there as well, so come on down and hang out! Jane was also kind enough to take some time for an interview, which is now up on YouTube, and can also be seen on Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page. Oh, we also assured Jane that she's more than welcome to just come and hang with us any old time, even if it's not to promote anything musical.

So, onto other topics. Joe and I ended up sharing a story from a couple weeks back while we were riding home after the show. It was a moderately foggy evening, and somewhere between Border City and Waterloo we saw this figure lunge from the side of the road, arms waving, thumb out as if to hitch a ride. I had a very brief glimpse of what looked like a very slender woman with long, dark, lanky hair, Naturally, this kind of freaked us out just a little bit. We have no clue as to what the situation was, or who the person was, just a gangly figure in the fog, looking like it was trying to get someplace else as soon as possible. Joking remarks were made regarding what Joe referred to as the "zombie chick", but to be honest, it was pretty damned creepy. I'd say we really don't need to encounter anything like that anytime soon... What else... Jeffie arrived, babbling something about balloon zippers. Yeah, I'm not even going to speculate on what the hell that was all about. Something about putting zippers on balloons and using them for ceiling storage. One of those scenarios that's so utterly ridiculous that it makes my brain throb in agony trying to sort it all out... Just ain't worth the effort, best not to think about it... We also discussed an epic fail that came about as a result of my not paying proper attention to what the hell I was doing. So, it's like this: Bill doesn't yet own his own computer, so when he records interviews for the Onslaught or gets some live clips from shows, he takes the files he's recorded on his Droid-X and imports them to my computer. He would then upload accordingly to his own YouTube account if he happened to have a night free to hang out here. He'd upload, I'd pop in a flick or two, and we'd just kinda hang out. Well, in the interest of getting an abundance of clips uploaded in a timely manner, Bill entrusted me with his log-in info so I could do the job for him while he was at work. This has worked out well in the past, but on Wednesday night, something went terribly, terribly wrong... Okay, so it was initially just ONE LITTLE FAILED UPLOAD! I went to delete it, thought I'd checked the box for JUST THAT VIDEO, and found out later that I'd deleted EVERYTHING on Bill's YouTube... Over 80 videos... Gone... Now, in retrospect folks have said that Bill should have contacted YouTube and they probably could have restored everything after explaining the situation. But, the thought of re-uploading everything was a bit too intimidating, and Bill deleted his account entirely. Now, obviously I've felt like an utter dick about the whole thing, and despte assurances that I shouldn't kick myself in the ass over it, I have been. However, I've also taken the time to begin re-uploading his material to my account, which I fully intend on sharing with him as needed. I fucked up big time, and it's the least I could do. So, from now on, my YouTube page is also Bill's. I may even change the user name to reflect that, if possible. Let's see, we could try Wulfliam...Metalliam...MetalBILL!!!...or maybe BILLwulf... Hmmmmm... Maybe not...


Black Country Communion - The Battle For Hadrian's Wall
Twisted Sister - Be Chrool To Your Scuel
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday

Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Know
Voodoo Highway - Till It Bleeds
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Megadeth - Peace Sells

Cypherseer - Red Rain
Stone Soul Foundation - Ain't No Mystery
Deceased - Cloned (Day Of The Robot)
Thorr-Axe - Dragon King
Pestilence - Malignant

Jane Evil - March Of The Damned
Gentlemans Pistols - The Ravisher
Hands - Northern Lights
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels

Steel Kingdom - Fortune Teller
Skalmold - Sorg
Hackneyed - Magic Malignancy
Earth Crisis - Total War
Svartsot - Dodedansen

Jane Evil - Not Your Saviour
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Orodruin - Dark Rune

Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Spater - Rat Salad
Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike
Stone Soul Foundation - Christian

Blizaro - City Of The Living Nightmare
A Viking Funeral - Shadows Of The Wolfpack
Exhumed - Your Funeral My Feast
Jungle Rot - Rise Up And Revolt
Death - Suicide Machine

Mastodon - Sleeping Giant
Morbid Angel - Immortal Rites
Cradle Of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
The Black Dahlia Murder - Great Burning Nullifier
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - History On Repeat

Denial Fiend - Flesh Coffin
Trivium - In Waves
MonstrO - Anchors Up!
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Machine Head - Locust
The Rain I Bleed - Nightmares


June 25, 2011 - Fixing Randy...

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
MOSo, the latest edition of the Onslaught capped off a very cool week, I must say. As of last Sunday (June 19), we hit a big mark on our Facebook page as we finally achieved 666 "Likes", and we're now pushing for the 700 mark, which we really aren't so very far from at the moment. And while this may seem like we're pushing it, we'd love to hit 1,000 Likes by the end of the 4th of July weekend. Still, we're just gonna think realistically and continue to just be grateful for the continued support of the local and regional music scene (fans or bands or both), as we continue to support them! Really, it's pretty damned cool how things just come together sometimes!

So, we had a big focus on new music last night, and there were definitely a few things that stood out strongly to me. Pagan's Mind (from Norway) seems to be an extremely tight power metal combo, and I was greatly impressed with the track we played from them. Must hear more! Headcat is a rockabilly combo (yeah, I said ROCKABILLY!!! Just deal with it...) that features Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, The Stray Cat's Slim Jim Phantom and The Lonesome Spur's Danny B. Harvey. Not even remotely metal, but cool as hell nonetheless. Take my word for it, they're well worth a listen or two! Gentleman's Pistols (from Great Britain) impressed me as well, a nice throwback to a sound similar to what was popular around the late 70's and early 80's. Just good, hard rocking music. I have a suspicion that these guys could actually be a big deal in the future. Check 'em out!
Played a new Anthrax track ("Fight 'Em "til You Can't", which was AMAZING! Can't wait to hear the full disc when it comes out, which I believe should be out sometime in September. If the rest of that disc are as good as "Fight 'em...", then it should be more than worth the wait! Joe assigned me a bit of homework regarding another new release, this one being Rev Raptor by U.D.O.  Joe wants to know if there's any significance to  the U.D.O. logo looking like an acronym. Personally, I think the little guy has just been toying with our heads for the past 22-23 years... Still, I promised to look into it, and I fully plan on doing just that! Stay posted!

So, after all that great music, what was left? The usual assortment of goofy wrongness that everybody has come to expect from us, of course! An early discussion centered around the selling of my man-kini after No Pants Day 2012. Now, I was willing to entertain the thought of putting it up on E-Bay fresh out of the wash, but... Okay, for some reason somebody (Will) thought it would be more entertaining to sell the man-kini after it's been worn every day for the next ten-and-a-half months, and to me, that's just pushing the wrongness scale a little too much. I assure you that there is no way that I'm wearing that thing every day until next May, through the steamiest, hottest, most ball-drippingly gross days of summer and beyond, only to put that sweaty, unwashed thing up for bids without being run through at least ONE rinse cycle! I mean, anything less would just be disgusting, ya know? Let's see, a discussion regarding Bill wanting to get cheap palm trees at BJ's led to something being said about Bill getting cheap BJ's...from cheap hookers...at BJ's... Yeah, probably shouldn't pursue that one too far... Moving right along! 


June 18, 2011 - Joe's Birthday

Joes BirthdayRecap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after the out of control insanity of last week, I figured we'd be hard pressed to follow that goofiness up for a second straight week. I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong... The Demon Azkath, Just Joe, and Foul Mouth Girl from The Last Exit For The Lost showed up to honor the birthday of our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt. We celebrated by doing a variation of a Russian Roulette show. If you're familiar with The Last Exit, you know what I'm talking about. For those new to this concept, allow me to explain: In a traditional Russian Roulette show, "bullets" are chosen at random from a bag, but only when certain songs are played. These songs usually fall into the category of cheesy, overplayed stuff. Each "bullet" is actually a small slip of paper with a special action or activity printed on it. For example, if Joe had chosen the slip that said Just Joe Hugs Everybody, that's what would happen. And, as I recall, that did transpire. One of the more tolerable bullets, to be honest. Believe me, they can get pretty brutal... So, in this variation, Joe the birthday boy got to pick a random bullet during each talk break, and got to choose who got to perform the action written on that particular bullet. Much to Joe's dismay, one of the first bullets to be pulled said that Joe had to play Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)". Not one of Alice's most popular tracks on our show. Personally, I really don't mind it so much, but Joe can't stand it, so you can only imagine how that went over... But, in the end, the song was played, and Joe complained that his birthday was starting to suck. And things weren't about to get any better... The next bullet said "Randy Dances". Now, this was kind of tough, because anything with a danceable rhythm is kind of scarce on our show. However, I had a little brainstorm. There's an old classic rock song called "Black Betty" that never fails to get me moving, and thankfully Azkath had a version of it handy. Yes, that is what I danced to, and I'm thinking from here on in, that song's got to be my official dancing music. During my performance, it was suggested that I give out lap dances. Joe didn't seem very receptive, though, so I moved on to Will, Lindsey, Kasey, and Josh. Can't really say that what I was doing could best be described as a lap dance, though. More like random humping motions, in rhythm, of course. Overall, my efforts really weren't appreciated that much. Amd Joe's compaints continued... Things picked up on the next bullet. Funny thing is, Josh jumped at the chance to take one more the team when this bullet, which was called "Through The Board", was drawn. A large, and moderately thin, board was placed on the floor, held up by two cinder blocks. It was then debated as to who was going to go through the board, and how they were going to go through. After much deliberation it was decided that Azkath would actually be the one to go through. Further deliberation ensued as to HOW he would go through... Approximately five minutes later, it was finally decided that Rick and I would do a double chokeslam on Azkath. It went pretty well, all told. I mean, Azkath was able to still talk and walk about afterward, so I guess he must have been okay. Will was the subject of the next bullet, entitled "Hammer Smashed Face". Will had to lie on the floor, holding a Mac Book in front of his face. Azkath then took a VERY large hammer (and when I say large, imagine Viking weaponry...), and proceeded to smash the Mac Book over Will's face. Eventually the book was just left on the floor to be abused as we passed the hammer from person to person. I honestly thought we were going to lose Josh to a full-blown Viking Berserker Rage, and even I started to enjoy swinging that thing just a little too much. Let's face it, Azkath's got some REEEEAAAALLLLY cool toys at his disposal! Joe's birthday present from Azkath was finally revealed, much to the dismay of all. Yes, I regret to inform the Metallic Onslaught listening community that a brand new Jeffie has been created and unleashed on our show. It was all good though, because the newest Jeffie made the perfect subject for the next bullet, which was entitled "DVD Player To The Head". Now, it was around this time that an old guest of ours decided to pop in unexpectedly. UWF wrestler, Jay Flyer, showed up with his security staff, and it was actually Jay's head of security who got to swing the DVD player at Jeffie's skull. It didn't take long for the real carnage to happen. We ended up with a full-on Onslaught/Security staff brawl, and once the smoke cleared, I found myself holding that monstrous hammer, and wearing that goofy viking helmet that keeps popping up in my vicinity. Oh, have I mentioned that it seems this new "personality" is called Olaf? Go figure... Next bullet: Hugs! Yes, Just Joe made his rounds, accompanied by Jeffie, hugging everybody in their paths. To be honest, this was kind of a breath of fresh air, following everything else. Speaking of fresh, Josh got the opportunity to freshen up Just Joe, because the next bullet requred that Just Joe be bathed. Not sure how that went for Josh. I mean, there IS a shower upstairs, and the two of them went up together, and Just Joe DID come back in his boxers, and with wet hair, so.... I'm guessing it was a success? Time flies when your having fun, as the saying goes, and the final bullet of the evening once again fell on Just Joe. This one was called "Basement Time", and it was with the promise of cake that Just Joe was lured inside the door behind the basement. He was promptly shut in and told to be careful of the spiders... I really can't blame Just Joe for screaming like a little red-haired girl with skinned knees. I don't particlularly care for spiders either, which probably explains my own screams when he came out of the basement and started hugging me, allowing the spiders to leave his body and crawl all over mine... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! And so, it was on that note that Joe's birthday celebration for this year came to a close, meaning this will probably be the last time we experience the Russian Roulette fun for at least another, oh, seven weeks or so, when Bill's birthday rolls around!


June 11, 2011 - Joe Marro

Recap by Randy aka MetalWulf aka Wulfie aka MetalHoax aka Hoaxie...phew...

This was one of those nights where the stupidity level went completely off the charts. I honestly don't know where to begin with this... Let's see.. .Joe Marro joined us in the studio for his first visit in just a hair over a year. Our young guitar virtuoso seems to be doing well, although things with his previous band, Paradyme, kinda fell through. Luckily we've got some recordings that came from that particular meeting of the musical minds, and we've been playing some of them over the past couple of weeks. Joe's got other things goin' on, though, so there's no worry of him falling off the face of the planet, musically speaking. He'll be performing with In The Presence Of Enemies, part of a show that is headlined by Animals As Leaders, and takes place at Mohawk Palace in Buffalo, NY on July 18. He's also still contributing to Marrotech, which you can find right here on good ol' Facebook as well as MySpace. Good places to take a listen to Joe's work, to be honest. The kid is pretty damned phenomenal. So much for the serious portion of the show!