Archived Shows can be found on Mixcloud before they are updated on this page. 

mixcloud-slidesmaller.jpg

December 31, 2011 - A Proper Way to End the Year

Recap by The Metal Wulf
Well, this was our last installment of the Onslaught for 2011, and I'd have to say we went out in... Okay, I wanted to say "style", but I'm not so sure that's the appropriate word for it. Hold tight, we'll get back to this before too long...

Steve Papagiorgio was on hand for a visit, his first since August or September of 2010. It had been a long damned time. In fact, it was on his last visit that he threatened to sue me for not really being a werewolf. Seems I lost the trial in absentia, and I've been losing money from my pay each week since. That would explain a damned lot, to be honest.... If Papagiorgio's good for one thing, it's an amusing discussion about Star Wars. Can't remember specifically how this came up, I believe there was something mentioned about a Boba Fett coffee mug, and from there something was said about Boba Fett being the worst character from the orginal Star Wars series. Joe, our long-suffering host, took immense offense at this statement... To be honest, I can't really argue with Steve. I mean, Boba Fett wasn't even IN the first movie, and he needed Vader's help to capture Han Solo (in The Empire Strikes Back), and then turned around and ACCIDENTALLY fell into the mouth of the Sarlacc (Return Of The Jedi). I mean, c'mon already, how pathetic is that? From there the whole thing turned into a discussion about favorite Star Wars characters (Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and Han Solo, pretty much in that order, for me!), and also a suggestion from Joe that Star Wars wasn't...well... 
Real...
WHAT?!?!?!?!
Imagine my shock at discovering that a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, NONE OF THAT EVER HAPPENED!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And then they told me that Santa Claus wasn't real! HUH?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And the Easter Bunny? And the Tooth Fairy?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

It seems that we can never really avoid fart humor. Case in point, Will farting into the mic at one point.  Seriously, he backed his ass right up to the mic and let it rip. Fact is, it sounded like more of a shart than a fart.
Now, intentionally doing that will generally earn you a chop from Azkath, and this time was no exception. I believe Will is  probably still sporting Azkath's handprint on his back somewhere....


Tim Binder is still in the area, and he dropped in for a bit during the last hour of the show. In true Tim style, we entered a discussion about romantic comedies... Okay, not my first and foremost choice for film discussions, but some of us did happen to name a couple of films that didn't 100% suck. Personally, I thought "Good Luck Chuck" was pretty damned hilarious... But, this is Tim we're talking about, so you can imagine some of the stuff he likes to watch. Now, somewhere during Tim's visit something was said about "Dude, Where's My Car" which I really didn't like when I saw it. Thought it sucked, to be perfectly honest. Azkath completely lost it on me, though, proceeding to beat me down, and to make things worse, he stuck one of the mics down my throat. Yeah, it was the mic that Will sharted on... Now, Josh found this particularly amusing, and I threatened to expose a little secret that he revealed in between talk breaks last week. Wasn't going to do it, but  he left me little choice. I told everybody that Josh was a closet Hall & Oates fan! Yeah, that didn't sit well. Oh, we've discovered that although Josh drops like a Fainting Goat when he's tickled, he reacts quite differently when his nipples are twisted . Truth is, he laughs like Goofy. Kinda creepy, to be honest... 
Speaking of creepy, we were briefly exposed to a different side of Tim. I mean, this was downright BIZARRE! Seems that he'd shown this side on the previous week's installment of The Last Exit For The Lost. Now, they always celebrate Christmas with a We Love Satan show, and apparently this "new" Tim had left the show, saying he was going to do something to "make Satan happy", only to call the station a little later, cackling into the telephone. So, there was really no clue what kind of mischief Tim had gotten into... Now, Azkath tried to pump Tim for info on the Onslaught, but it was like pulling teeth getting anything useful. The problem was  that Tim was bouncing between his "normal" self, and this new, "Tough Tim" personality. Every time he was on the verge of revealing what had happened in the wee hours of Christmas morning, something triggered a return of the "normal" Tim. Mostly references to Hall & Oates.... Now, it was getting really frustrating as we all tried to get Tim to focus. Things came to a head when Tim started singing Janet Jackson songs, causing Joe to lose it completely. He beat the hell out of Tim, and eventually had him twisted up using the "Tazmission". In the end, the most we could get out of "Tough Tim" was that his actions were between him...and Satan... And that's pretty much where things left off for us in 2011!
 

Playlist

Dream Theater - Bridges In The Sky
Rush - Bastille Day
Nightwish - Scaretale
Grave Robber - Something Wicked This Way Comes

Primal Fear - unbreakable
Primal Fear - Strike
Riot - Metal Soldiers
Banshee - We want You
The Answer - Caught On The Riverbed
Circus Of Power - Mama Tequila

Metallica - Mercyful Fate
Combat - Under The Guise Of Terror
Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch
Stemm - Face The Pain
Fleshburn - From The Inside
Hellcannon - Chainsaw Ripping Death

Overkill - Under One
Die Hard Till Death - Die Hard Till Death
Kreator - Fatal Energy
Sulaco - Make A Move
Lamb Of God - Ghost Walking
Brutal Truth - Celebratory Gunfire

Thousand Year War - No Gods, No Masters
Krisiun - The Extremist
Slammer - Hunt You Down
Mortal Sin - Psychology Of Death
Slayer - Mandatory Suicide
Lethargy - Among

Isole - Black Hours
Midnight Chaser - Swords For Hire
Iron Fire - Slaughter Of Souls
Vektor - Venus Project
Vektor - Dark Creations, Dark Creators
Mastodon - Creature Lives

Beehler - Destroy
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Warbringer - Future Ages Gone
Judas Priest - Starbreaker
Opeth - Famine

Arch/Matheos - Neurotically Wired

Lethargy - Humor Me
Combat - Blessings From The Death Saint
Yesterdays Saints - War Method
Svolk - Sweet Agony