May 6, 2016 - No Pants Day!
- Published in 2016
- The Movie
- The Evidence
Joe was actually impressed with the fact that I’d started the show fully clothed, considering this was our No Pants Day broadcast. It really didn’t take me long to remedy that, and before long I was in a t-shirt and my boxers.
Jeffie showed up not too much later, but refused to take part. It seems that I’ve completely ruined No Pants Day for him with some of my previous antics. In my defense, I should mention that I really don’t remember how most of that prior behavior came to pass. It’s not like I actually planned on becoming “Mandy”! But, yeah, Jeffie was taking a strong stance of protest this year.
That was okay, though, because we had a special guest drop by. David Gee is one of Azkath’s co-hosts on The Last Exit For The Lost, and hadn’t visited the Metallic Onslaught in quite some time. As a matter of fact, this was his first visit to our new digs, and he was fully prepared to celebrate No Pants Day! In fact, he may have been a little too ready, as he seemed pretty eager to try to duplicate what Nathan had pulled off a few months back. Dave’s attempt at combining My Crotch, Your Face with sit ups was pretty much an epic fail. Can’t say I’m disappointed...can’t really say I’m pleased either...it really just sucks to be subjected to that whole thing...
Keeping to true No Pants Day tradition, I was actually wearing layers of underwear, so as the evening wore on the boxers came off, leaving me in my nice, comfy Batman boxer briefs. These were last seen back around Christmas when Nathan received his Pantsless Santa Dance.
I had to take a moment to be perfectly honest with the guys. Truth is, despite my earlier proclamation stating that I would be getting naked this year, I admitted that I never really planned on going through with it. You can only imagine my shock, then, when we came back for a talk break and found myself to be wearing only socks. Yep, somewhere during that prior music break I’d removed everything that mattered. It’s a good thing that my chair is nice and deep and cushiony, because otherwise that was probably the only thing that kept the rest of the guys from tearing their own eyes out in horror.
Jeffie must have seen more than the rest, though, because he felt that I desperately needed a trim. In fact, he was so firm in this belief that he decided to find a lawn care tool to take care of the problem. And this thing was no weed whacker, we’re talking heavy duty brush-trimming. I was quite frankly terrified when he fired that thing up, but was actually very impressed with the final results. Honestly, I hadn’t been that smooth since I was a grade schooler, and it still hasn’t started growing back! Of course, I took offense when Jeffie told me I owed him $50 for the trimming, considering everything that could have potentially gone very, VERY wrong.
I think the whole getting naked thing was a bit much for Dave. Well, it was a bit much for everybody, but Dave seemed to really take it personally, to the point where he actually walked out on us. Now, it could have been the nakedness, or it could have been the fact that I get a laugh out of telling Dave that I’m not really a wolf. Never fails to get a reaction. It’s not really that I enjoy seeing Dave cry...no, wait, some sick part of me really does, can’t help it. That’s mean. Dave is actually pretty awesome...but, damn, it’s so hilarious watching him break down when I tell him I’m not really a wolf!
But, yeah, Dave left, and wouldn’t come back until I got dressed again, so the clothes went back on. Honestly, it had been getting chilly, anyway, so I really didn’t have an issue with that. I did, however, have a really big issue with Jeffie super-gluing my clothes to me, just to make sure they’d stay on...
As the evening was coming to a close, Jeffie ended up offering Dave a Peegasm Pill. At first I was a little hesitant about letting Dave take one, because with Jeffie there’s never really a guarantee that you’re getting what he’s offering, and I really didn’t want to see Dave go through the aftermath of a Pee-like-razors Pill. Luckily for Dave, Jeffie delivered. Judging from the sounds coming from the back lawn, Dave was enjoying himself immensely. In fact, he seemed to be a bit dehydrated after the fact. I’d mentioned to Jeffie that perhaps Dave would enjoy a nice, fresh Fapuccino. I believe Jeffie had mentioned that it may take him awhile to prepare it, so I took it upon myself to provide Dave with my own personal brew. Bottoms up, buddy!
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Blasted To Static - Devil's Preacher
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Wicked - High Roller
Lords Of Black - Cry No More
Metal Church - Suffer Fools
Flotsam And Jetsam - Monkey Wrench
Ace Frehley - Cold Gin
Nine Round - So Far Gone
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Incite - Oppression
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