May 6, 2016 - No Pants Day!

  • Published in 2016

Dave and RandyJoe was actually impressed with the fact that I’d started the show fully clothed, considering this was our No Pants Day broadcast. It really didn’t take me long to remedy that, and before long I was in a t-shirt and my boxers.

Jeffie showed up not too much later, but refused to take part. It seems that I’ve completely ruined No Pants Day for him with some of my previous antics. In my defense, I should mention that I really don’t remember how most of that prior behavior came to pass. It’s not like I actually planned on becoming “Mandy”! But, yeah, Jeffie was taking a strong stance of protest this year.
That was okay, though, because we had a special guest drop by. David Gee is one of Azkath’s co-hosts on The Last Exit For The Lost, and hadn’t visited the Metallic Onslaught in quite some time. As a matter of fact, this was his first visit to our new digs, and he was fully prepared to celebrate No Pants Day! In fact, he may have been a little too ready, as he seemed pretty eager to try to duplicate what Nathan had pulled off a few months back. Dave’s attempt at combining My Crotch, Your Face with sit ups was pretty much an epic fail. Can’t say I’m disappointed...can’t really say I’m pleased really just sucks to be subjected to that whole thing...
Keeping to true No Pants Day tradition, I was actually wearing layers of underwear, so as the evening wore on the boxers came off, leaving me in my nice, comfy Batman boxer briefs. These were last seen back around Christmas when Nathan received his Pantsless Santa Dance.
I had to take a moment to be perfectly honest with the guys. Truth is, despite my earlier proclamation stating that I would be getting naked this year, I admitted that I never really planned on going through with it. You can only imagine my shock, then, when we came back for a talk break and found myself to be wearing only socks. Yep, somewhere during that prior music break I’d removed everything that mattered. It’s a good thing that my chair is nice and deep and cushiony, because otherwise that was probably the only thing that kept the rest of the guys from tearing their own eyes out in horror.
Jeffie must have seen more than the rest, though, because he felt that I desperately needed a trim. In fact, he was so firm in this belief that he decided to find a lawn care tool to take care of the problem. And this thing was no weed whacker, we’re talking heavy duty brush-trimming. I was quite frankly terrified when he fired that thing up, but was actually very impressed with the final results. Honestly, I hadn’t been that smooth since I was a grade schooler, and it still hasn’t started growing back! Of course, I took offense when Jeffie told me I owed him $50 for the trimming, considering everything that could have potentially gone very, VERY wrong.
I think the whole getting naked thing was a bit much for Dave. Well, it was a bit much for everybody, but Dave seemed to really take it personally, to the point where he actually walked out on us. Now, it could have been the nakedness, or it could have been the fact that I get a laugh out of telling Dave that I’m not really a wolf. Never fails to get a reaction. It’s not really that I enjoy seeing Dave, wait, some sick part of me really does, can’t help it. That’s mean. Dave is actually pretty awesome...but, damn, it’s so hilarious watching him break down when I tell him I’m not really a wolf!
But, yeah, Dave left, and wouldn’t come back until I got dressed again, so the clothes went back on. Honestly, it had been getting chilly, anyway, so I really didn’t have an issue with that. I did, however, have a really big issue with Jeffie super-gluing my clothes to me, just to make sure they’d stay on...
As the evening was coming to a close, Jeffie ended up offering Dave a Peegasm Pill. At first I was a little hesitant about letting Dave take one, because with Jeffie there’s never really a guarantee that you’re getting what he’s offering, and I really didn’t want to see Dave go through the aftermath of a Pee-like-razors Pill. Luckily for Dave, Jeffie delivered. Judging from the sounds coming from the back lawn, Dave was enjoying himself immensely. In fact, he seemed to be a bit dehydrated after the fact. I’d mentioned to Jeffie that perhaps Dave would enjoy a nice, fresh Fapuccino. I believe Jeffie had mentioned that it may take him awhile to prepare it, so I took it upon myself to provide Dave with my own personal brew. Bottoms up, buddy!


September 24, 2011 - Dave Returns!

  • Published in 2011

Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Well, it was pretty much back to the normal routine after skipping a show to take in a Last Exit For The Lost Presents event at The Haunt in Ithaca. That particular show featured Sanjuro Fields, Psyche Corporation, The Lobster Quadrille, and Zadoc...& The Nightmare, and kicked ass from beginning to end. Not a metal show as such, but a great evening of very different sounds and styles, and there's not a damned thing wrong with that! And that was just five days after Rick, Bill, Erica, and myself had taken in another incredible show at The Montage in Rochester. That one featured DevilDriver with Skeletonwitch, Chthonic, and locals Othin opening the whole thing. Gotta say this: Chthonic are fucking INCREDIBLE, and if you missed their show this time, you need to make it a point to check them out if they come back through the area. You will NOT be disappointed!

Anyhoo, so much for playing catch-up... Our most recent show could best be described as special. And if you tuned in, you know just how "special" I mean... Dave hadn't joined us in studio in over two years. Bear in mind, that last visit was the night of the Super Dave Challenge, where Joe got screwed out of $10,000. I think Joe might still be a little pissed about that... Of course, pairing Dave up with Jeffie is never a good thing. I think the only thing that would have made the night lean more toward catastrophe would be if Just Joe were included in the mayhem, and I don't think any of us would survive that. Hmmmmm, maybe I need to stop tempting fate...

I've gotta say this: I LOVE taunting Dave about the whole wolf thing. After the whole hoax thing was revealed, it was always funny seeing Dave in Ithaca and telling him, "Hey, Dave, I'm not really a wolf!" Seriously, any other time watching a grown man/child cry would NOT be funny in the least, but with Dave, it's fucking HILARIOUS! Well, I made Dave's night during his visit when I told him that now I really AM a werewolf, thanks to Jeffie's genetic tamperings. Yep, Dave was pretty damned chirpy after telling him that! Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of the month to make the most of the "good" news. Good for Dave, anyway...

So, we'd asked Jeffie where he was the week before, as he had said he'd be at The Haunt. He claimed that he and Dave had gone to the wrong club. As in, the kind of club where dollars go into g-strings... GUY'S g-strings... Apparently Dave walked out with a lotta singles that night... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

Didn't take long for things to degenerate into silliness, as what could only be defined as a tickly orgy ensued, getting almost everybody involved. If I had to judge, I'd almost have to say that Josh is probably the most ticklish of the Onslaught crew. I'm sure he'll appreciate my sharing that! (C'mon Josh, you know you're fine with the ladies knowing you're ticklish!)

The evening culminated with a wrestling match between Dave and Jeffie, that further degenerated into more tickling and just general pandemonium. Jeffie even called for some play by play, so I attempted to provide my best Jim Ross (WWE announcer) impersonation. Probably failed miserably, as well, but it's all cool.

And, yeah, that's pretty much the most pertinent of the evening's events. I mean, there was mention at some point in the latter part of the evening about my "Smurf-kini", but I'm sure folks would rather just not hear the gory details regarding that...

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