Seriah Azkath

April 2, 2011 - Randy is Still Smoking...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

My apologies to those who may have hoped to hear Lady GaGa or Justin Bieber on this edition of the show, as we advertised. Actually, if you honestly hoped to hear any of that crap, you probably shouldn't be listening to the Onslaught, anyway... We'd thrown in some fun novelty tracks during the early portion of the show, in the interest of celebrating April Fool's Day, so if you were wondering where "Star Trekkin'" or "Earache My Eye" fit into the scheme, well, now ya know! Let's see, a couple of early discussions stood out. Somehow we got on the subject of video gaming, and Bill and I mentioned how we'd both been having marathon sessions with some recent favorites. For me, it's been Dragon Age II, an amazing sequel to Dragon Age Origins. I mentioned how I'd devoted a straight seven hours in one particular session. Bill, on the other hand, has been mixing it up between Darksiders, Castlevania: Lords Of Shadow, and Dead Space 2. Joe had asked how we handled bathroom breaks for those kind of sessions, to which I replied, "Well, that's what the pause button is for..." Bill, on the other hand, suggested something a little more hardcore, involving duct tape and a hose. Dwelling on that thought kinda makes me cringe, so we'll just move right on from there... Actually, Joe had suggested Depends, an idea that quite frankly never crossed my mind. And probably shouldn't cross my mind for at least another thirty years or so... A discussion about Primus resulted in further head trauma to myself. In a nutshell, Joe was doing a passable imitation of what most Primus songs sound like, leading Bill to mention that it made him feel like whamming his head into the wall. Well, next thing ya know... Wham, wham, wham... Of course, that wasn't the end of the head trauma, Goddess forbid I should catch a break for more than a week at a time. It's like this: Azkath seems to be on a mission to get me to quit smoking. Tough love seems to be be playing a large part in this process, so the blows to the head continued. Among Azkath's implements of "motivation" was a heavy plastic snow shovel. Not as bad as the drill, but damn, still pretty friggin' unpleasant...

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March 26, 2011 - A Quiet Evening

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

Let me stress right up front: I will NOT be getting a portrait tattoo of Rodney Dangerfileld on my butt, or anywhere else, thank you very much. Ah, Rodney, not even in death, my good man, not even in death...

We featured some tracks from new releases from Amon Amarth and Winds Of Plague this week, and I've gotta say Rick was pretty damned pumped to have his copy of the Amon Amarth special edition box, featuring a very cool little collectible figure! One Winds Of Plague song bears mention. "The Warrior Code" features an intro from none other than WWE Legend, the man formerly known as The Ultimate Warrior, and now just known simply as Warrior. Pretty surreal, but if you're familiar with the Warrior's old promotional rants, you pretty much know what to expect. All in all, it was a very quiet evening, pretty uneventful overall. For the first time in quite awhile, it was only Joe, Rick, Josh, and myself for the majority of the show. Azkath and Foul Mouth Girl were both at The Haunt in Ithaca, as they were putting on a Last Exit For The Lost Presents show, featuring the last performance by New Animal. Bill had a date, and we suggested early on that maybe if he popped in afterward, we could grill him on how the evening went. Funny how, even though the character of Wulfie has been pretty much abandoned (thanks to Jeffie...), we still find fun ideas to incorporate him. The first idea was in response to a recent video I'd posted of a Bigfoot sighting, a five second clip that someone from North Carolina had filmed just last week. If you've seen the clip, it's pretty much what you'd expect. What I didn't expect, however, was to see "Bigfoot" actually waving at the camera as he crossed the road... Anyhoo, it was discussed that perhaps we should film a tribute clip in honor of Bigfoot sightings, with me in the Wulfie get-up. I'm happy to tell you that we successfully pulled off that clip while visiting The Last Exit For The Lost last night, and you can see all forty seconds of it on the Metallic Onslaught Facebook page, right now! The other idea is going to be a little difficult to pull off. Josh had mentioned having me go to Holland to get the new Pestilence CD, and when I explained that it may be a bit difficult, as I have neither the cash for airfare, nor the necessary passport, it was suggested that maybe I could throw on the Wulfie gear and fly in the cargo hold, in a pet carrier. Yeah, don't see that happening right away. Sorry, Josh... It was also suggested that I'd probably find far too much to entertain me in Amsterdam. Probably best that I just state state-side...

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March 19, 2011 - Azkath Brutalizes Randy...

Pictures

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie
 
Okay, still a little fuzzy-headed after the most recent installment, so bear with me.


Roc City Roller Derby's Karma-Lized, Lethal Lorelei, Gwar, Resident Eva, and Coach Awesome were on hand, promoting their upcoming bout this Saturday night at RIT's Gordon Field House.
It's never a dull moment when these ladies join us, and it was especially cool having Resident Eva in the studio, as she's the one who got the ball (or should I say skates?) rolling for this derby league.
This new season should be more entertaining than usual,, with a new team (the Mid-Town Maulers) added to the roster alongside the Rottenchesters, the 5Hate5's, and the Roc Stars. More reason to get out and enjoy some derby action!


I want to give a nod to some music we've been playing recently. Within Temptation's newest offering, "The Unforgiving" will be hitting stores next week, and so far everything I've heard off of this is flat-out amazing! Maybe a little too commercial sounding and a little too slickly produced for some, but these songs are fantastic. I have a feeling it's gonna be a great year for this band!
Also gotta mention this little collection called "Sin-Atra", a disc that features hard rock and metal notables like Joey Belladonna, Glenn Hughes, and Devin Townsend covering songs from,well...Frank Sinatra!
Yeah, sounds kind of insane, I know, but believe it or not, there are actually some very cool takes on Frankie's classics here. Prime examples, Queensryche's Geoff Tate on "Summer Wind" , Twisted Sister's Dee Snider on "It Was A Very Good Year", and, my personal favorite,  Mr. Big's Eric Martin on "The Lady Is A Tramp".
Worth a listen, and occasionally a chuckle (Devin Townsend's take on "New York, New York" is pretty damned surreal), trust me!


So, the head trauma continued this week. My head has become a favorite target of Bill's Droid case, but that's just slightly annoying.
Nope, the real pain came from Azkath, who once again delivered a beating to me during the last hour or so of the show. Seems these recent attacks are due to my continued smoking habit. Not sure how this is supposed to motivate me to quit, unless he's thinking I can't light up if I'm dead...
Or, on the other hand, maybe he thinks I'll forget what cigarettes are if he inflicts enough brain damage!
Whatever the reasoning, the attacks were a little more brutal than normal. Azkath dropped leg drops on me, flying elbows, body slammed Bill on top of me, not to mention numerous kicks and fore-arms blows to the dome.
And for some reason, Joe kept egging him on, going so far as telling Azkath that I'd called him a puss! I NEVER said that, at all!! I don't get that, to be honest. Not sure what's eating that dude, recently. I think he's still miffed that I'm not really a werewolf, but he should be taking that out on Jeffie! Oh well...

At some point, I must have zoned out pretty badly, as I found myself standing in one of the other rooms, in the dark, not remembering how in the hell I got there...
The violence eventually recommenced, but I was able to inadvertently drive Azkath off. As I struggled to get into a sitting position, a completely unexpected (and indescribably FOUL) fart squeaked out, clearing out the Stupid Room in just a matter of seconds. It truly was vile, but it bought me a little time, at least!
Of course, things just got worse, as Azkath eventually broke out a couple of special "presents" that had been picked out by Bill. Normally, I'd be cool with gifts, but not so much this time, as Azkath and Rick proceeded to break the records, provided by Bill, over my head.
For too dazed to defend myself, I just kept taking shot after shot with those slabs of vinyl, until finally they broke. From there, there was an attempt at blood by using the shards of broken record on my forehead...
And that still wasn't the worst of it! Next thing I know, Azkath is dragging a big plastic table in, and KA-POW!!! Not sure how many times he hit me, with that, to be honest. I may have blacked out, not sure...


I wasn't out long, though, 'cuz NOTHING will wake you up like the sound of a drill approaching your head!
My poor, aching, throbbing head...
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Listen to the Show


Playlist:
Opeth - The Grand Conjuration
Warlord - Deliver Us From Evil
Tetrafusion - Collage Of The Present


Rainbow - Stargazer
Manowar - Battle Hymn
Highway Chile - Headbangers


Woods Of Ypres - I Was Buried In Mount Pleasant Cemetery
Destruction - Stand Up And Shout
Enrage - Hungary Like The Wolf
Power Quest - Sacrifice
Goes Cube - Thunderheads


Straight Line Stitch - Bar Room Brawl
Salt The Wound - Why Don't You Have A Seat
Vintersorg - Jordpuls
Darkest Hour - Purgatory
Sin-atra (feat. Dee Snider) - It Was A Very Good Year


Kvelertak - Blodtorst
Of Wrath And Ruin - Eyes Of Fire
Protest The Hero - Tandem
Jag Panzer - Overlord
Within Temptation - A Demon's Fate


Ken Mode - Obeying The Iron Will
Cavalera Conspiracy - Warlord
Stryper - God
Onslaught - Godhead
Speed\Kill/Hate - Deciever


Widow Sunday - Forever Sleep
Onward To Olympas - Unsuitable Patterns
Devil Driver - Lend Myself To the Night


Sign Of The Jackal - Night Of The Dead
Cauldron - Miss You To Death
Trap Them - Scars Align
Grave Robber - Army Of The Dead
Trouble - Memory's Garden


Acid Reign - Suspended Sentence
The Bronx Casket Co. - Antihero
Crowbar - The Cemetery Angels
Clandestine - Phantom Pain


Times Of Grace - Strength In Numbers
Queensryche - Take Hold Of The Flame
Evergrey - You
Volture - Heathens Revenge
Motorhead - Waiting For The Snake
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March 12, 2011 - Azkath Abuses Randy

Recap by Randy aka Wulfie


After losing original Alice In Chains bass player, Mike Starr, last week, we played some old AIC in tribute. As far as news goes, that was moderately rough, yet maybe not so surprising to some, thanks to Starr's well-publicized substance abuse problems. Best not to speculate too much on that, as nobody will know what the official cause of death was for awhile. Just saddens me to think that after already losing original vocalist, Layne Staley, and now Starr, this can't be easy on the two reamianing original members, Sean Kinney and Jerry Cantrell...
Well, once again, another case of you can't do anything to change it, no matter how hard it is to have sink in. Just be grateful for the good music that they made in the beginning, and be thankful that the remaining two are fully capable of producing more in the future!


Kind of a rough night on Josh, poor guy. Can't remember what brought this topic up, but Joe had shared a funny story having to do with a UFC pay-per-view. Seems this was the first time that Josh had come out for this kind of thing, and being the relatively innocent guy that he is, he wasn't prepared to arrive to find everybody else watching porn.
In all honesty, this may have been Josh's first exposure to porn, but I won't swear to that.
Anyhoo, have I mentioned that Josh isn't a drinker, either?
So, that being the case, he got hammered on some whiskey candy.
Josh, there aren't many men out there who can claim to have been drunk, but never taken a drink in their life! Savor the irony, bro!
And then there was the Lemmy conversation...
Josh had gone to see Motorhead in NYC almost two weeks prior, but hadn't gotten a chance to share his stories from that night. Seems our Josh isn't always as innocent as he comes across, as he told us of getting to make out with three separate ladies on that trip.
Hey, some of us never get to make out with even two at a time, so I'd say it was a damned good trip!
Being a hardcore Motorhead fan, Josh couldn't say enough about that show, leading us to tease him a bit , suggesting that maybe he has a little man-crush on Lemmy...
From there, we put Josh into hysterics as we described him wanting to do indescribable things to Lemmy.
Like, licking his warts...


By this time, Azkath had arrived, and was pretty peeved that Shades wasn't there. Seems that Shades had slashed Azkath's tires the previous week, which, while not great for the Demon, is just fine by me.


Anyhoo, Azkath was telling us how he'd gotten some payback on Shades already. Seems somebody's windows and doors got super-glued, most likely shutting Shades in and incapable of joining the show that night. Azkath also mentioned something about doing something to Shades's phone as well, but it's probably better that I don't remember what happened...
And thanks to Azkath, I once again left the show with bleeding scratches. Seems I'd been a little more annoying than usual with my usual random singing and humming. In the early portion of the eveing, this caused Bill to bombard me with his cell-phone case numerous times, with a couple shots bouncing off of my dome.
Hey, can I suggest something? Let's go easy on the head traumua, mmmkay? Not only is it having a negative impact on my brain function, it's also messing up my hair, now that it's growin' back!
Hey, I'm allowed a smidgen of vanity, aren't I?
Anyhoo, my behavior led to Azkath using plastic cutlery on my noggin, and there is still a scratch on my forehead, just below the hairline. Oddly enough, that wasn't where the blood came in...
No, that came later when the Demon wrestled me out of my chair, causning me to fall, once again, into that damned spiky tropical plant that sits in the corner of the Stupid Room. Of course, I put my hand out to break the fall, and of course, it went directly INTO THE PLANT!
My worst nightmare right now? That plant, having tasted my blood on TWO occasions now, is going to uproot itself and become like something out of "Day Of The Triffids", making short work of everybody on the show, making its' way into the general population, spreading its' pollen and creating more, soon obliterating the human race.
Just in time for 2012!





Listen to the Show


Clandestine - Philistine
Jag Panzer - Overlord
Within Temptaion - Shot In The Dark
Tetrafusion - Last Chance
Grave Robber - Altered States


Thin Lizzy - Johnny The Fox Meets Jimmy The Weed
Thin Lizzy - Emerald
Thin Lizzy - Massacre
Stryper - Lights Out
DevilDriver - Blur
Warlord - Black Mass


Alice In Chains - It Aint Like That
Alice In Chains - Dam That River
Alice In Chains - Sea Of Sorrow
Alice In Chains - Right Turn


Protest The Hero - Tongue Splitter
Ken Mode - A Wicked Pike
Destruction - Hate Is My Fuel
Kvelertak - Sultans Of Satan
The Rods - The Night Lives To Rock
Sin-Atra (Featuring Devin Townsend) - New York, New York
Onward To Olympas - The War Within Us
Cavalera Conspiracy - Lynch Mob
Rotten Sound - Alone


Long Distance Calling - The Figrin D'an Boogie
Darkest Hour - Savor The Kill
Azrael - Acts Of Vengeance
Mad Maze - Lord Of All That Remains
Foo Fighters - White Limo
Widow Sunday - Swell The Seas


Onslaught - The Sound Of Violence
Benediction - Wrong Side Of The Grave
Volture - The Horde
Free Reign - One Step Away
Trap Them - Slumcult & Gather
Rob Carlton - Seven Thunders


Night Of The Jackal - Head Over Heels
Sorrowseed - Flowers To The Furnace
Sorrowseed - Golden Plague
Royal Thunder - Mouth of Fire
The Human Abstract - Complex Terms


Scream Arena - House Of Pain
Crowbar - Let Me Mourn
Evergrey - It Comes From Within
Omission - Beyond The Burning Gates
Zombiefication - Broken Gravestone
Order Of The Dead - More Bullets
Feral - Howling


Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Wrath - Ripped Into Pieces
Speed\Kill/Hate - Behind The Mask
Times Of Grace - Strength In Numbers
Protest The Hero - The Reign Of Unending Terror
Motorhead - Bye Bye Bitch Bye Bye
Acid Reign - Goddess
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; The Demon Azkath was there. He was still insisting that Jeffie did not exist, even though there had been one there the week before, and he had talked to him on the phone. He said it might be a rip in space time, and be a Jeffie from an alternate universe, or maybe it was Jeffie's ghost. He said the reason he himself had been absent last week was because Will had slashed all four of his tires. However, he said he had gotten his revenge on will, he had super glued all of the doors, and some of the windows, on his house shut, so he couldn't get out. Will was indeed not there this night. Azkath said he had also stolen Will's phone. Randy was being super annoying, constantly singing stupid songs, and making stupid, annoying noises. Joe got so fed up with him that he said no one was going to talk anymore, because everything anyone said would set him off again. Joe told Azkath to punish Randy. Azkath hit him in the eye, then, later, when Randy started up again, he gave him a thumb to the eye. Then he carved up Randy's face with a knife. It was a plastic knife, but it was still really sharp, sharp enough to make Randy scream a lot, and very loudly, in pain. However, Randy wouldn't bleed, to Azkath's great disappointment, and perplexity. Azkath took a spoon and was bothering Joe with it (so Azkath and Joe were spooning, so to speak). Then Azkath attacked Randy with the spoon. Later, Randy started up yet again, but Azkath told him he wasn't going to beat him for that. He was however going to beat him for something else. For smoking. He attacked Randy, and did a lot of wrestling moves on him, suplexing him, elbow dropping him. elbow dropping him off the chair, splashing him. Randy went into the spiky plant in the room, it's spikes are very sharp, and, thus, Azkath, to his great pleasure, finally succeeded in making Randy bleed. That is not the first time that plant has made Randy bleed. Azkath took all of Randy's cigarettes away and crushed them all... They have a new name they call Randy, The Metal Hoax, or, Hoaxie, as apposed to The Metal Wulf, Or Wulfie, as he was exposed as not really being a wolf...
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