Seriah Azkath

March 5, 2011 -

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Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie


Okay, I'm imagining that anybody who tuned in this past Friday is just as confused as any of us who are actually on the show. I can't imagine for the life of me how there can possibly be another Jeffie roaming around, but once again he dropped in. Now, bear in mind that Azkath said he wouldn't make another Jeffie to send to us, unless we actually asked for it, and also that Azkath has insisted that there can't possibly be another Jeffie running around. Well, it seems that the Demon was actually listening at the right time, and now knows that another Jeffie is on the loose!


Imagine his surprise! Maybe he'll have some insight into this phenomenon the next time he drops in!
Jeffie seemed pretty damned confused,in all honesty. He thought it was my birthday, and I had to assure him that it wasn't. Then he seemed concerned that he'd actually missed my birthday, so we had to also assure him that he had BEEN THERE on the night that we celebrated it! Oh, and he also thought he'd missed out on seeing Shoebox, meaning we had to further assure him that Shoebox had been there on that night as well!
Makes me head hurt just thinkin' about it...
So, the evening consisted of the usual goofiness one would expect when there's a Jeffie around. Poor Bill had to once again watch as his Droid became the object of a game of "What's In Jeffie's Pants", and then some of us had to endure "uncomfortable face touching", not to mention talk of Jeffie's "multi-nippular boobs".
Ugggghhh, nobody should have that image in their heads, EVER!!!!
Shades seemed a little surprised to see Jeffie, going so far as admitting that he'd slashed the tires on Akath's Car. It took him a bit to realize this was NOT Azkath.
Speaking of Shades, there seems to be something contagious about this guy. At one point, no less than four of us (Bill, Lindsey, myself, and of course, Shades) were wearing sunglasses and acting just a bit douche-baggish. Could be a phenomenon worth investigating further...
Gotta say something about Lindsey, here. Most weeks you don't hear a lot out of her, but something about Shades seems to be opening her up a bit more. I mean, this, after all, is the little lady we'd brought on to act as the "Mommy in the Stupid Room", a role that I think she felt to be a lost cause after some honest attempts at controlling the silliness. I'm guessing this is a case of "If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em..."
Really, I figured right along that it would only be a matter of time before the Stupid Room rubbed off on her!
Eventually Shades and Jeffie got into a bit of a scuffle, and it would be a little difficult to say whether or not there was a clear winner. I was just as glad not to get caught up in the middle of it, to be honest...
Actually, I was thinking it was nice to have a couple of weeks where I didn't suffer any sort of trauma, especially to my head, which has been taking some hefty shots recently. Of course, my satisfaction in this regard was short-lived as Jeffie delivered a couple of head-butts to me...
Then, for some reason, Joe ended up telling Jeffie that it really WAS my birthday and suggested I get another lap dance, which really didn't sit well at all with me. I actually fought back this time, and the evening closed with Jeffie seeking safety in the control room with Joe and Rick while I attempted to beat down the door.
Seriously, why can't he just stay dead?


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February 26, 2011 - An Educational Twist


Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Despite some early technical difficulties (we could hear Joe and Rick, but they couldn't hear us...), we got rolling on a discussion about some new Stryper material, specifically a CD of covers called...The Covering!

Go figure...

Okay, so enthusiasm was a little lukewarm, I must say, although we were intrigued by the songs that were getting the Stryper touch. Joe played their version of Deep Purple's "Highway Star", and we were all pleasantly surprised! Imagine that! And their take on Ozzy's "Over The Mountain" didn't exactly suck, either!

WOW!!!!

Of course, Joe just had to once again bring up the subject of me having a photo on Facebook where I'm actually wearing a Stryper shirt. Normally I'd have just brushed it off and denied it, although the proof has been right there in the pudding for months. So, I openly confessed that, yes, I'd seen Stryper (in 1987, on the "To Hell With The Devil" tour), yes, I had a t-shirt (actually, it was a jersey...) from that show, and yes, there was a photo on Facebook of me wearing that shirt! On top of that I promised that before I went to bed, that photo would be posted to the Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page.

And being a man of my word, I did just that!

Of course, all that confession just left me a quivering lump of self-disgust, and most of you probably quite clearly heard me admit to just how lame I truly can be sometimes...

Of course, I felt a LOT better when Rick dropped his own confession. Seems he actually owned Nelson on cassette at one point!

Honestly, I don't feel so bad about liking Stryper, after knowing that! Hell, let's face it, I'm sure we all have our little guilty pleasures that really don't fit into the metal category, and in the end, it's not that big of a deal, anyway!

Let's see, other topics of discussion...

Rick gave a little recap of last weeks' Valentine's Metal Massacre show in Clyde, a show that more of us would have attended if weather and/or sleep deprivation hadn't intervened. Glad to know Rick had a good time, though!

In a similar vein, we're starting to promote Finger Lakes Metal Fest 2011, which is only two-and-a-half months away. 20 bands on two stages, all in one day, at Donselaar's in Clyde, NY, and I do believe that it is a FREE show! Oh, the Metallic Onslaught is also emceeing the show! We ran down some of the bands that will be appearing this year, and you can expect to hear lots more in the coming weeks, as well as numerous visits from Spater's Dave Henninger, and some of the other bands on the bill! We'd love to see a big turnout for this event!

Funny thing is, I'd jokingly mentioned that we should actually do a little documentary piece on the Metal Fest when the time arrives, with band interviews, as well as some fan discussions. I'd actually meant it more as a joke, but nobody seemed to be laughing. Okay, so maybe it's not that bad an idea!

Josh had actually mentioned getting an interview with one of our biggest fans during the Metal Fest, a guy who goes by the name of Necro Morbius. Not a terrible suggestion, really, it was just unfortunate that Josh had to follow that suggestion with an imitation of what that interview would sound like...

Basically implying that Necro Morbius is a toothless, beer-guzzling redneck...

Oh boy...

JOSH! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

Okay, so we were going to assume that good ol' Necro had a good sense of humor and wasn't too insulted by Josh's remark. Seriously, I can honestly say that it wasn't intended to be insulting, and that Josh was just having some spontaneous fun.

Still, we made sure we did a three song block of Morbid Angel songs, just to appease the possible Necro rage...

There was some lamenting over the loss of Eastview Mall's FYE store, quite possibly the greatest entertainment store we had within traveling distance. Granted, Carousel Center still has one, but that place is a hole in the wall compared to what was at Eastview!

Actually, I propose a brief moment of silence for FYE at this juncture of the recap...



Wow, you can almost hear "Taps" being played, can't ya?

Don't know how we got on the subject, but apparently Joe would love to have his own rhino to ride around while wearing a modified Boba Fett helmet, and somehow this led to a brief discussion of Jeffie's bus and who should claim ownership of it.

Josh seemed to think that, since I was the one who killed Jeffie, I should actually be the one to have the bus. Of course, that discussion just got sillier as we decided it would have to be called the Hoax-mobile.

And then, once again, I honestly don't remember how the discussion came about, we got talking about Monster Movie Matinee, an old Saturday afternoon series that would play classic (and not-so-classic) fright films. None of us could remember who the host was, just that you never actually got to see his face. You'd hear his voice, and see his hand, and that was about it.

Well, thanks to a quick check on Bill's droid, that we discovered that the host in question went by the name of Dr. E. Nick Witty, and was portrayed by Alan Milair.

Not to be confused with Mike Price's classic Baron Daemon, who hosted his own series in the 1960's, and had a minor music hit with "Transylvania Twist"!

Wow, five hours of metal, some humor, and some actual educational value! Who would've figured!
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February 19, 2011 - Shades vs Azkath



Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, before I get into the meat and potatoes of this week's recap, I need to go back to last week to fill in a couple of holes.
Here's the deal: I awoke in my apartment last Saturday morning, just inside my door at the bottom of my stairs, with a pounding agony tearing through my skull. Seems that after dragging me out of the radio station, Bill was left with no other alternative but to subdue me.
With a tire iron...
Now, I understand that desperate circumstances sometimes require desperate methods, but jeeeeez, did he have to hit me that hard? And neither he or his girlfriend Carissa will speak of just how bad I'd gotten, and of course, once again I have no recollection of what behavior I was displaying that brought about that particular clunk to the dome.
So, once I brought everybody up to speed with that aspect of the story, it was pretty firmly established that under no circumstances are owls to be mentioned in my presence!
Better safe than sorry...

Anyhoo, we spent a good portion of the evening promoting tonight's Valentine's Metal Massacre at Donselaar's in Clyde, a free show that features local bands Spater, Compressed, Fleshburn, Dirt Under Sky, and NCIP. We actually had Compressed AND Fleshburn in the studio last night, which made for a bit of a packed house, but was extremely cool nonetheless. Always great to have bands on hand!

Things got exceptionally insane once Azkath showed up. In addition to repeatedly having to remind him NOT to mention owls around me, another personality made itself known that really rubbed Azkath the wrong way.
Seems there's this dude who calls himself Shades, and he's a bit of a...well...how do I put this nicely?
Quite frankly, he's a bit of an arrogant douche...
Anyhow, Azkath and Shades ended up pounding the utter hell out of each other in the last hour of the show, and I ended up getting caught in the line of fire, so to speak.
Yep, somewhere along the line, I got knocked out of my chair, had an elbow dropped on me, got kicked repeatedly. Then, as I struggled to get back up, Shades jumped on top of me, followed by Azkath...
By the next talk break, I was feelin' just a little worse for wear. Joe seemed pretty convinced that I was dead, but I was up and talking, not quite lucidly, but talking. I really don't remember much, except I mistakenly thought Joe had said something about Hanson, forcing me to break out into a chorus of "Mmm-Bop".
Once I'd been corrected on the matter and understood that Joe had actually said NELSON, I proceeded to break out into a chorus of "After The Rain"...
Yeah, that beatdown really didn't seem to improve my mental faculties, and things weren't over yet. By the time the next set of music was over, Azkath had brought in a Kendo stick like device...
Y'know, after seeing these things used in ECW and assorted WWE Hardcore matches, I'd always wondered just how badly those things could hurt.
Now I know! And, I've gotta say, I really don't recommend getting struck with one!

So, yeah, the closing moments of the show were pretty much filled with carnage and left me babbling like more of a fool than usual. I'm just hoping next week will be a little more laid back, 'cuz I don't know how many more shots to the dome I can take!
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February 12, 2011 - The Return of Joe...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
We were all still a little nervous at the very beginning of the evening, as Joe had STILL been MIA. The worry was short-lived, though, as Joe walked into the Stupid Room carrying a rolled-up newspaper, which he promptly used to beat me with, calling me bad Wulfie, and I think even at one point referring to me as a bad hoax!
Actually, I thought I'd made a pretty damned good hoax, considering how long we'd been able to keep Jeffie fooled. Oh well...
Yep, Joe had returned and WOW, was he pissed? Holy shit, I'd never seen his so furious! Not only about the circumstances that led him to depart the show for two weeks, but he wasn't too thrilled about me taking his car again in order to look for him.
Now, I could have sworn I'd left his car right in his driveway, but he said it wasn't there, and that it was my fault that he'd missed out on the Death Angel show!
Okay, I guess I'd have been bummed too if I'd missed that show, 'cuz it KICKED ASS!
More on that in a bit, though...
Anyway, Joe left the newspaper with Josh, in the interest of keeping me in line. Thankfully we were able to move on from my beatings long enough to pay tribute to departed guitar legend Gary Moore, focusing on his classic material from the 80's as well as a bit of his work with Thin Lizzy. Another sad loss, let's hope it's the last one for awhile.

So, Death Angel were AMAZING, I've gotta tell ya. It was more than worth taking our lives in our hands to attend the show, which was at Rochester's Montage Music Hall. Yeah, to say the weather absolutely SUCKED that night would be an understatement, and I think the fact that we even set foot out the door can stand as a testament to just how much we love this music. I shit you not, we risked our lives for that show!
Death Angel are one of those bands that I used to hear about back in the 80's and never really got around to embracing, although I always heard some pretty high praise for them.
Okay, I confess, I had my head up the ass of mainstream hard rock and metal for way too long back in the day, and I missed out on a LOT of great underground music. Can't dwell on what ya can't change...
Anyhoo, I left that show more or less kicking myself in the ass for not delving into their material more deeply. Their new disc is damned solid, and the new material holds up very nicely with the old, making for a very intense set list! Of course, it didn't hurt the evening at all that both Bonded By Blood and Lazarus A.D. both kicked ass. Definitely a great evening of metal, I strongly recommend ANY of these bands if they roll into your town!

Let's see, another point of interest...
 It seems that Will Polson wants to introduce us to some dude who calls himself "Shades"... Now, the only shades I know about are the ones I wear on sunny days, so I've got no bloomin' clue as to what the hell he's blabbering about, but we could be finding out pretty damned soon, from the sounds of it.
Aww, Hell, bring him on, the more the merrier, I say!

And finally, my evening on the show ended rather...ummmm...abruptly...
Azkath mentioned that maybe it wasn't a good idea to mention that he had...
Owwww...
Something about owls...
Grrrrrr...
My head hurts just thinkin' about it...
Anyhoo, apparently I started to lose it again, and of course I don't remember anything. And apparently it was left to poor Bill to get me out of the studio and deal with the situation...
Apparently he had to hit me with a tire iron just to get me calmed down...
Sigh...
Damned Azkath...
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