So, this episode was broadcast two days after I’d had my knee procedure done, which went pretty well, I’m happy to say. Definitely noticing a difference, and I’ll be returning to the ol’ day job pretty soon.
It was also the broadcast that fell around Joe’s birthday, meaning it was the evening that Jeffie and I were to have our Three Stages Of Hell Death Match. Obviously that didn’t happen, as the knee still needs a bit of time to heal.
Of course, the rest of the crew still were in denial about the whole knee thing. Joe had actually suggested that we could settle the Death Match with a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Leave it to Jeffie to completely misunderstand the meaning of that, as he immediately left to acquire a rock, some paper, and a pair of scissors to torment me with. In fact, I ended up getting a facial hair trimming for my trouble, as well as a rock to my...well, my rocks...
Jeffie was pretty damned insistent that I just let him win the match by default, which is absolutely not what I wanted at all. And Rick even offered to battle Jeffie in my place, but that wasn’t part of the plan, either. I’ll be darned if I’m going to just concede and let Jeffie have an empty victory. If he wants this, he’s gonna have to earn it. All in due time, when the knee is back up to snuff.

We’d been recording outside, but were forced back indoors thanks to some unforeseen circumstances. First of all, there’d been a loud bang from somewhere inside the usual digs. Now, you’d think an explosion from the inside would not have had us relocating into our normal recording area, but Jeffie insisted that we were actually safer there than where we’d previously been. In fact, he was pretty insistent about us not even looking outdoors. Of course, curiosity got the better of me, and what I saw was downright horrifying.
You see, Jeffie had been working on something he called a Paradox Machine, and his dabblings with the fabric of time/space forced a large void of nothingness to appear directly outside the back door of our studio. There was no way to tell how much of the back yard this void consumed, but luckily it only seemed to be hovering in that area. It was also emitting, as Jeffie put it, a very colorful smell.
So, yeah, I’d taken a moment to stare into that abyss...and it was staring back!

As we continued our attempts to ignore the void in the back yard, Jeffie decided it was time to give Joe his birthday present. Bear in mind that last year Jeffie thought a refrigerator was an awesome gift idea. Not to say we didn’t find it entertaining when Joe decided to use it to pummel the living hell out of Jeffie, but come on...a refrigerator?
Imagine our surprise when Jeffie had Joe peek out the front window, where we could see a brand new pickup truck parked in the driveway, followed by our utter astonishment as Jeffie handed Joe the keys to it.
There’s GOT to be a catch...there’s ALWAYS a catch...

- Recap by The Metal Wulf...

Nathan Bobbett joined us once again this evening, and Josh declared him a hair buddy. As a matter of fact, Josh even went so far as to say he was adopting Nathan. Nice to see Josh making new friends!

Jeffie had popped in another video mix to entertain us this week, this one from a site called Whore Church. Disturbing doesn't even begin to describe some of the content, which consisted of clips from an assortment of horror and porn films, plus some other twisted things. There were moments where I was asked to describe what we were watching on the screen, and in the interest of keeping things somewhat clean for the show, I could not even begin to describe them.
Yep, it was THAT bad...

As you may recall, the previous week ended with Jeffie and I giving Joe a birthday lap dance, which resulted in a substantial amount of carnage as the show was in its' closing moments. Well, that wasn't the end of the carnage, far from it in fact. More on that in a bit, though.
Jeffie has a special song that he plays every year in celebration of Joe's birthday, and every year he claims that he's improved on it and made it more and more awesome. This has been going on for a number of years, and to be honest, the best part of the song is the second half, where we hear Jeffie being whipped into submission.
Honestly, I just cannot hear enough of that.
This year, in addition to the latest version of Joe's birthday song, Jeffie brought a special present for Joe. A LARGE present...too large to fit inside the new digs, in fact.
The gift turned out to be an old, rusted refrigerator which Joe promptly put to good use when the beatings began. In truth, Jeffie was treated to what was likely one of the worst pummelings he'd endured since we had Mean Mike and "Bad Boy" Barry Hardy on the show a few years back. Unfortunately, Nathan got caught in the middle of the chaos. Considering Nathan may weigh a total forty pounds soaking wet, we were all pretty amazed that he wasn't snapped in half like a twig before it was all over.
Sorry, Nathan, but those are the risks you're bound to take if ya wanna hang with this crowd!

We're all pretty impressed with the newest release from High On Fire, entitled "Luminiferous". As a matter of fact, it was asked if I'd ever been high on fire, myself.
My response..."I was young once..." 'Nuff said!
Of course, this whole discussion completely degenerated quickly. It was actually suggested that perhaps I should be the subject of my own Burning Man festival...with me literally being set on fire. It was also speculated on whether or not I actually tasted like bacon. This led to me discussing "long pork", which nobody else had ever heard of...with good reason, as it turned out I was using the wrong term. What I'd meant to say was "long pig", a term used to reference the meat of humans among certain cannibalistic societies.
It was also suggested that perhaps, if I were shorter and weighed more, I could perhaps be Boss Hogg for Halloween this year. Quiite frankly, aside from drooling over Catherine Bach's legs, I hated the Dukes Of Hazzard...and besides, I have something else in mind for Halloween this year.
I guess you could say everything came full circle when Jeffie actually started licking the top of my head to see if I did, indeed, taste like bacon. Unfortunately for him, the day had been a bit on the humid side, so if I tasted like anything, it was sweaty human...

Things got really strange as the evening went on. Jeffie had put in a mix DVD for us to watch, and we were subjected to a random selection of crazy Japanese television content. We're talking a bit of sketch comedy, game shows, commercials...just loads and loads of odd shit that I would honestly rather have erased permanently from my brain. Of course, I'm sure they'd say the same about some of the stuff we watch, so who am I to judge?
It's a whacky world, what can I say?
Now, it had been well established that we were watching a DVD, but Joe claimed that there was absolutely nothing on the television at all, and I was just describing the random things that pop up naturally in my head. Even Josh agreed with Joe, until he pointed out some things that were taking place on the screen. This seemed to please Jeffie, who claimed that it was "spreading"...
Joe started getting really frustrated with me throughout all of this. Frustrated enough that he started dumping garbage bags full of foam rubber on top of my head. What that was supposed to accomplish, I have no earthly idea. It certainly wasn't a game changer. From there he took a ratchet and tried opening my head up to remove the part of my brain that was processing all of the insanity we were watching. Jeffie had actually mentioned something about my "belly brain", whatever the hell that was all about.
As a matter of fact, things went to completely different levels of weirdness when not only a "TV Chip" was mentioned, but also a "Tracker Chip". As it turned out, the TV Chip was located in my belly, beneath the...thing...that is growing inside of me.
So, as for the TV Chip, my head ended up getting pulled backward so Joe could reach in through my neck to find it, effectively turning me into a human Pez Dispenser until I healed.
This didn't help, to be honest, because I could still see everything that was on that television, which by now had moved on to a mix of scenes from some extreme horror flicks. If you've ever seen "Cannibal Holocaust" or "The Gates Of Hell", you know what I'm talking about.
As for the Tracker Chip...it seems that this is to help them find me after the Bigfeets abduct me. I'm personally not worried about this, because as I've stated before, there is NO SUCH THING as Bigfeets...
Josh surprised us with an aggressive display of martial arts insanity. Normally Josh doesn't lay a hand on anybody when he's demonstrating his mastery of Air Fu, but he got his hands on some of that foam and started beating the shit out of us. Literally, he was making actual physical contact with his blows! This had never happened before, in all the time he's been on the show! It was really somewhat impressive, so I guess we can now call him a master of Foam Fu.

The evening came to a close shortly after Jeffie reminded us that Joe's birthday was soon approaching. Things degenerated into pure chaos shortly after Jeffie started giving Joe a birthday lap dance, with me joining in when I noticed that Joe seemed to be enjoying himself.
From there, it became Joe's Birthday Massacre Show, with the evening ending in complete carnage.

Listen to the Show

Playlist

Dio - Fever Dreams
Queens of The Stone Age - I Sat By The Ocean
Jorn - I Came To Rock
Moon Curse - Black Elk

Metallica - Trapped Under Ice
Havok - Worse Than War
Darkane - Collapse Of Illusions
Brutus - Square Headed Dog
Amon Amarth - We Shall Destroy
Kalmah - Pikemaster

Extol - Behold The Sun
The Black Dahlia Murder - Phantom Limb Masterbation
Alice In Chains - Lab Monkey
Huntress - Destroy Your Life
Dream Death - Bludgeon

Wolf - A Dangerous Meeting
Scorpion Child - Salvation Slave
August Burns Red - Count It All As Lost
Anger As Art - Speed Kills

Satan - Time To Die
Into The Flood - Sufferer
Children of Bodom - Damaged Beyond Repair
A Pale Horse Named Death - The Needle In You
Evile - Skull
Anvil - Call Of Duty
The Quill - Freak Parade

Spirits Of The Dead - Song Of Many Reefs
Mumakil - Fresh Meat For The Grinder
King Kobra - The Crunch
Battlecross - Wage A War
Gutted - Collector Of Souls
Beyond Creation - Omnipresent Perception

White Wizzard - Kings Of The Highway
Queensryche - X2
Queensryche - Where Dreams Go To Die
Zed - Settle The Score
Megadeth - Kingmaker
Demon Lung - Eyes Of Zamiel

Pasadena Napalm Division - 100 Beers With A Zombie
Svartcrown - Genesis Architect
Colossus - Beacons
Disfigured Dead - Deranged Concecration
Yellowtooth - '75 Black Pontiac
Venomous Maximus - Father Time
Venomous Maximus - Dream Again

Revelation's Hammer - Buried As Filth
Kalmah - Windlake Tale
The Black Dahlia Murder - Control

Havok - Living Nightmare

   

Recap by The Metal Wulf

Birthdays are a sure guarantee of carnage and chaos on the Onslaught, with our long-suffering host Joe Wyatt being the most recent celebrant.

Joe had mentioned the previous week that he'd like a visit from Sloth for his birthday, and Sloth didn't disappoint. Of course, in addition to Sloth, Seriah Azkath, Arydaea Insanity, and JustJoe (from The Last Exit For The Lost) had also joined us for the evening. 

As a matter of fact, according to Azkath, Arydaea was supposed to emerge from a cake. Joe was unconvinced, however, insisting that the cake probably had Jeffie in it. Azkath countered with assurances that the cake was too small to have Jeffie in it...but in the end, that's exactly who was in it...

Odd, I would have sworn Jeffie NEVER would have fit inside that thing...yet, he did...sort of...

Truth is, he almost made it out of the cake before he got stuck...and I mean FIRMLY stuck. There was absolutely NO getting him out without a lot of effort on our part.

Which, in the long run, really felt like way too much trouble and energy to expend on his stupid ass, so we just relocated him to another room and let him fend for himself. Truth is, last time I saw him, he'd somehow repositioned himself in the cake so that only his feet were sticking out. I think he may have been trying to eat his way free.

He's fine, though, no worries! I'm almost positive he'll be back without needing to clone him again...

Thanks to Bill throwing me under the bus, word got back to Azkath that I had once again snuck in a cigarette. This led to an attack with the Pooh stick. That didn't sit well with me, because anybody who saw the last video segment to feature the Pooh stick knows where the thing had ended up. Yep, that same Pooh stick that Sloth violated himself with months ago on The Last Exit ended up getting shoved in my face, in and around my nose and mouth area, among other places that I'd rather not discuss.

Yeah, it was pretty bad... 

 

Further birthday shenanigans included a mouse trap toss. Literally, taking loaded mouse traps and tossing them at Sloth's tush. This eventually led to covering a portion of the floor in loaded mouse traps and tossing Sloth into them. 

Original Source

Listen to the Show

Pictures

Playlist

Iron Maiden - Killers 

Iron Maiden - Hallowed Be Thy Name 

Gloryhammer - Angus McFife 

Saxon - Walking The Steel 

Anthrax - Big Eyes 

Clutch - The Wolf Man Kindly Requests... 

Cathedral - Tower Of Silence 

Gamma Ray - Empire Of The Undead 

Kvelertak - Trepan 

Witchburner - Possession 

Volbeat - Cape Of Our Hero 

Ken Mode - The Terror Pulse 

Adrenaline Mob - High Wire 

Ghost B.C. - Year Zero 

Intronaut - Milk Leg 

Rotting Christ - In Yumen-Xibalba 

Sanjuro Fields - Death's Umbrella 

Moss - The Bleeding Years 

Finntroll - Skogsdotter 

In Vain - To The Core 

Hope For The Dying - Reformation 

Hope For The Dying - Iniquitous 

Lordi - The Riff 

Sanjuro Fields - Smoking Cold Cigarettes 

Anthrax - Smokin' 

Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Keepers Of The Night 

Mama's Boys - Needle In The Groove 

Sanjuro Fields - Driver Included 

Mortillery - Evil Invaders 

Serenity - The Art Of War 

Legacy - Armored Forces 

This Is Hell - The Enforcer 

Head Of The Demon - Phantasmagoria 

Cathedral - Vengeance Of The Blind Dead 

Gamma Ray - Death Or Glory 

Clutch - Cyborg Bette 

Howl - Attrition 

Carnivore Diprosopus - Colossal Destruction 

Suffocation - Eminent Wrath 

Hatriot - Globicidal 

Tennessee Murder Club - Cyborg Deathbed 

Thin Lizzy - Emerald 

The Modern Age Slavery - Arise 

Mothership - Win Or Lose 

Soilwork - Leech 

Krokus - Hallelujah Rock N' Roll 

Toranaga - Sword Of Damocles 

Avenger Of Blood - Aggressive Psychotic Behavior 

Nick Hellfort - Fame Is Just A Whore 

Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Chicken Little

Recap by The Metal Wulf

Very likely the craziest night we'll have on the show all year. Of course, I'm not going to swear to that, because we've still got nine and a half months of craziness to get through.

 

Anyhoo, we'd been preparing for this particular evening for a number of weeks, as we wanted to do something special for Arydaea Insanity (the little lady who does most of the video recording for both the Metallic Onslaught as well as The Last Exit For The Lost), in honor of her birthday. This is actually the second time we've gotten a large number of her friends to converge on the same night. Two years ago we had met in Ithaca for an edition of The Last Exit, with all of us from the Onslaught showing up, as well as members of Zadoc...And The Nightmare!, and many others as well. It went over pretty well, so Azkath arranged another one for this year, this time at the Onslaught.

 

So, if you tuned in, you know things were pretty much out of control right from the starting gate. My vote for surreal moment of the evening was when Shoebox (of Worm Quartet fame) suggested we all randomly read the closest thing within reach, simultaneously.

 

There is video of this occurring, and it's pretty damned funny. Stay tuned!

 

In addition to Shoebox, we also saw the return of JustJoe, who's always good for his own brand of insanity, and there was also an appearance put in by Sloth, who we'd last seen on The Last Exit on their End Of The World show.

 

We'd also seen Sloth back in June when we celebrated Joe's birthday, the high point of that evening being a round of soccer with a ball constructed of barbed wire...

 

Cortland's Sanjuro Fields had also dropped in for Arydaea's birthday. Truth is, we'd tried to get them in the studio about a month earlier, on the same night that some of us were to go see Doro Pesch.

 

You'll recall that the weather that night put a damper on a LOT of people's plans...

 

(Fucking weather...*grumble grumble*...Doro...*grumble*... )

 

Anyway, Sanjuro Fields are pretty killer if you've never heard them or seen them live. Good high energy band with some catchy tunes, leaning a bit toward the punk end of the spectrum. Worth a listen, without a doubt, and you can find them right here on good ol' Facebook!

 

So, I'm not even going to attempt to recount everything that happened Friday night, it would be pointless. A lot of stuff got lost in the madness, and everything is pretty much a blur. All I can say is between photos and video, you can expect to see loads of madness and things done with balloons that...well, I'm pretty sure balloons weren't meant to be used in such a way...

 

So, things should return to some semblance of "normalcy" on the next edition of the show, when we'll be getting a visit from some of our Roc City Roller Derby friends. Most of the ladies haven't been out to see us in quite some time, so this should be pretty entertaining!

Original Source

Listen to the Show

Playlist

Iron Maiden-Rime of the Ancient Mariner
Judas Priest-Between the Hammer and the Anvil
Fight-Immortal Sin
Corrosion of Conformity-Broken Man
Deep Purple-Mistreated
Trouble-Fear
Black Sabbath-Sign of the Southern Cross
Badlands-Rumblin'Train
Mindfunk-In the Way Eye
Mercyful Fate-Come to the Sabbath
Prong-Whose Fist is this Anyway
Malevolent Creation-Mindlock
Dimmu Borgir-Spellbound(By the Devil)
Morbid Angel-Eyes to See,Ears to Hear
g/z/r-Giving up the Ghost
Sepultura-Manifest
Vision of Disorder-By the River
Anthrax-Skeletons in the Closet
Testament-All I Could Bleed
Vader-Whisper
Crimson Glory-Lady of Winter
Queensryche-Walk in the Shadows
Dream Theater-The Mirror
Kiss-Unholy
Tesla-Had Enough
Van Halen-Light up the Sky
Meshuggah-The Mouth Licking What You've Bled
The Project Hate-With Desperate Hands so Numb
Sevendust-My Ruin
Fear Factory-Self Bias Resistor
Killing Culture-LockFist
Venom-Countess Bathory
Circus of Power-Heaven and Hell
Stryper-Soldiers Under Command
Coven-Rock this Church
Damien-Possession
Cemetary-Where the Rivers of Madness Stream
Skyclad - The Wrong Song
Not Fragile - High Into Heaven
carnivore "Thermonuclear Warrior"
Sacred Oath "Shadow Out of Time"
Angel Witch-Angel Witch
Flotsam and Jetsam-Evil Sheik
Machine Head-A Nation on Fire
Overkill-Deny the Cross
Cradle of Filth-Sodomy and Lust
Testament-Apocalyptic City
Motley Crue-Slice of your Pie
Dokken-Alone Again
____________________________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf

 

Not a lot to speak of this week, to be honest. This show fell on the day after my birthday, and once again we did a Tribute To The Past show to celebrate. Always cool breaking out the old-school metal, especially when you get into that mental space where you're trying to think of songs you haven't heard in years. It was a good night, overall!

 

It almost didn't start out that way, however. Jeffie made an early appearance, swearing that he was going to ruin my whole evening. 

Yep, I traumatized Jeffie with my Pantless Santa Dance so much that he REFUSED TO GIVE ME A LAPDANCE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!

(Oh, poor me, however will I survive without a Jeffie lap dance, blah, blah, blah...)

Yeah, I sure felt let down when he left. It just wasn't the same without him running around annoying everybody beyond all conceivable tolerance levels. I'm sure the rest of the crew was just as disappointed.

Don't worry 'bout old Jeffie, though. I'm sure he's keeping himself entertained trying to find Joe, who is on vacation and won't be back until next week.

Personally, if I were Joe, I'd try to lure Jeffie into the Everglades, where they not only have alligators, but there are also huge Burmese Pythons, which have been thriving there, becoming quite the nuisance. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't love to see Jeffie trying to pull himself out of the coils of a 20-foot-long snake?

 

The only other noteworthy thing I can think of at the moment is that as of this week we will be moving to a new time slot, that being 10:00 p.m. until 3:00 a.m. So don't get all paranoid when you tune in Friday night and World Cafe is on at 9:00! Just be patient, and things will get plenty loud when 10:00 rolls around!

Original Source

 

Listen to the Show

More Photos

Playlist

Badlands - Winter's Call
Trouble - Tragedy Man
Troubled Horse - Another Mans Name
Orden Ogan - Angels War

CJSS - Ready
Doro - Raise Your Fist In The Air
Druid Lord - Awaken By The Dead
Earthship - Old Widow's Gloom
Mammoth Mammoth - (Up All Night) Demons To Fight

Cult Of Luna - I: The Weapon
Hatebreed - Put It To The Torch
Hanzel Und Gretyl - Ironstar Outlaws
Children Of Technology - Mayhemic Speed Anarchy

The Gates Of Slumber - Blessed Pathway To the Celestial Kingdom
Erupted - Path Of Perdition
Death - Spiritual Healing
Dimmu Borgir - The Maelstrom Mephisto
Unleashed - Odalheim

Hate - Solarflesh
The Gardnerz - Transilvanian Hunger
Daemonicus - Inhabited
Bane - Light The Black Flame
Bane - The Truth Unleashed
Type O Negative - Black No. 1

Saxon - Broken Heroes
Sacred Reich - Ignorance
Corrosion Of Conformity - Strong Medicine Too Late
Mortiferous Scorn - Bottom Feeder
Audrey Horne - There Goes A Lady
Galadriel - Still Not Dead Enough

Wednesday 13 - Halloween 13-13
Postmortem - Falling From Hell
Dr. Living Dead! - Mental Warzone
Hellbringer - Bell Of The Antichrist
Die Hard - Sanctify The Morbid
Wintersfear - Black Dolphin
Aeon - Still They Pray
Grand Supreme Blood Court - Piled Up For The Scavengers

King Diamond - At The Graves
Sepultura - Desperate Cry
Slayer - Criminally Insane
Devo Spice - In The 80's
H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society - Harley Got Devoured By The Undead
Daemonicus - Nothing But Death
Abhor - Wings Of Chaos

Triumph - When The Lights Go Down



_________________________________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf

For the most part, it was a fun evening, but things got a little frustrating for me by the time the night was over. More on that in a bit, though...

So, we were celebrating three separate birthdays, as Lance, Josh, and Rick all had them during the course of the week.

A friend of Rick's was kind enough to provide a thoroughly delicious marble cake, complete with black icing and a red Pentagram design on top. Our kind of cake, without a doubt!

We had roller derby girls on the show, this time representing the newly formed Finger Lakes Lunachicks. In fact, we were only expecting a handful of girls to visit, but what was supposed to have been three turned into expecting a few more, and by the time it was all said and done, we had fifteen ladies in the studio, all there to support their team. Pretty damned cool, I must say.

I'm personally very excited at the prospects of actually having a team to represent our region, now. I'm even happier to say that these ladies seem more than content to have me represent as the team mascot.

Can you say WarWulf?



So, the evening took a turn for the weird after the arrival of Azkath.

Yeah, the moment finally arrived when he read the stupid "earthshaking" confession that was supposely prepared by me. I had no idea what to expect, but when it was all said and done, the the crap that started spewing forth was just plain ridiculous, even for OUR show...

So, according to this prepared statement that I was supposedly "too afraid to read", I am what is called a "Bronie"...

Honestly? What the FUCK is a Bronie? ** READ THIS FOR MORE DETAILS **

Apparently, a Bronie is a guy who is a fan of the My Little Pony cartoon series as well as the line of toys.

Apparently, it even goes beyond guys just being "fans", as in some extreme cases it crosses the border into fetishism...

Now, I'm not one to judge folks based on what turns them on, within reason. Hell, I could even understand the whole cartoon character thing...a HUMAN cartoon character, that is...say, a Wilma Flintstone fetish...or a Jessica Rabbit fetish...

Get where I'm coming from?

So, with that being said, take it from me. I've NEVER known anybody who even OWNED a My Little Pony...I've NEVER seen a single episode of the series...and, I don't find the stupid toys even REMOTELY CUTE!!!

End of story, no Bronies here!

** RANDY'S CONFESSION THAT HE HAD AZKATH READ ON THE AIR **
I, Randy Smith, have something to admit to all of you. This will be hard, but I do feel that it is an important part of my personality, and something that I wish you share with all of you. It means a lot to me, and it makes me who I am. In every possible way. It may be shocking, but in time, I feel that I can convert you all. So in conclusion, I Randy Smith, don't want you to look at me THAT differently because of all this. So, that's it I guess, oh, right, forgot to tell you. I am a Brony. That's right. I LOVE My Little Pony in the very best ways. The innocence. The love. The sexiness. So please, join me in my celebration of the greatness that is My Little Pony!

So, next week will probably be relatively calm, as Josh and Rick will be attending the Killswitch Engage/Shadows Fall show in Buffalo.

Joe and I, along with Lance, will still be on hand to entertain the masses! In fact, if I remember correctly, we should even see the return of Tim Binder, who will probably be back for a few weeks. Should be a good time, so tune on in!

 

Original Source