January 23, 2015 - Randy eats Randy...

  • Published in 2015

Recap by Randy the Metalwulf...

Gotta say, this night was possibly one of the most bizarre evenings in recent Metallic Onslaught history. Really, I'm a little uncertain as to where to start...
Well, to begin with, there was absolutely no sign of Joe or Jeffie. Not that we really missed Jeffie, mind you, but considering how the previous show ended we couldn't help but wonder just what the hell the two of them were up to...or where in the world they had ended up. I mean, honestly, NOBODY expected that chair to do anything but what chairs are meant for, know what I mean?
Azkath had mentioned that the chair had been designed by Last Exit For The Lost co-host EVD (Evil Villainous Dude), and Josh proceeded to remark that EVD was a genius. Azkath then clarified further that EVD was more like a mad scientist...
Anyhow, that show ended with Joe firing that chair up and taking off for God knows where, with Jeffie barely latching onto it before takeoff. Honestly, I don't even know if we'll see them again! Although, I will say that it was somewhat of a relief to know that, wherever they were, Joe was able to get the week's newest music selections to Azkath in a timely manner.
So, at least we know he was still in one piece to be able to do that!
Azkath shared some audio from The Last Exit For The Lost, taken from a segment from my birthday show. We hadn't done a balloon room in awhile, so I spent a good portion of that evenng blowing up balloons to fill up one of the sound booths in the new WVBR studios. Thankfully, I did get some help from Justjoe, Arydaea, and Olivia, vocalist for Undead Messengers. Much appreciated, actually, 'cuz it's a bit strenuous blowing up dozens upon dozens of balloons. Good thing I'd quit smoking, otherwise I probably would have passed out in a dead faint before the real fun began...
Anyhow, we'd been taking turns going into the balloon-filled booth, with Azkath monitoring us from the main studio. Olivia and her main squeeze, Tim (drummer for Undead Messengers) were ranting about something lurking in the room with them, mentioning something about "Santa". Weirder than you'd expect to be honest, considering Christmas has been pretty much done and over for a month now. I mean, what the hell would Santa be doing hanging out in a balloon-filled booth?
So, when my turn came, I played along, not believing for a moment that there was really anything in there with me.
How wrong I was...

August 31, 2013 - Fixing Randy's Brain

  • Published in 2013
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Twelve Foot Ninja - Silent Machine
Trouble - Sucker
Portnoy Sheenan Macalpine Sherinian - Shy Boy
Annihilator - W.T.Y.D. (Welcome To Your Death)

Tragedy - It's Raining Men
Kreator - Flag Of Hate/Tormentor
The Answer - Leave With Nothin'
Knights Of The New Temple - Slumber Of The Knight

A Band Of Orcs - Procreation (Of The Wicked)
A Band Of Orcs - When The Hills Run Red
Scythe - Leather Aggressor
Crossfaith - Deathwish
Nine Inch Nails - All Time Low

From These Ashes - Ignite It All
Anagnorisis - Abyss
Fleshgod Apocalypse - Towards The Sun
Wretched Pain - The Absence Of Reason
Gorguts - Enemies of Compasion

Chimaira - Outshined
Onslaught - Chaos Is King
Evocation - Terminal Spirit Disease
Carcass - Unfit For Human Consumption
Fueled By Fire - Obliteration
Exhumed - Not Yet Dead Enough

Leaders - Hell
Sworn In - Dead Soul
Watain - Black Flame March
Emblazoned - Extinction Of Creation
We Butter The Bread With Butter - Pyroman & Astronaut
End Of Green - Chasing Ghosts

Goo Goo Dolls - Don't Beat My Ass (With A Baseball Bat)
Viking - Do Or Die
Acherontas - Wines Of Blood And Pestilence
Sacred Reich - Independent
Vista Chino - Planets 1&2

Annihilator - Demon Code
Master - Raise Your Sword
Knights Of The New Temple - Dead In Dawn
Legion X - Black Metal
Moth - Dissolved

Tragedy - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Recap by Metal Wulf
No Jeffie this week, much to my disappointment. I was really looking forward to discussing my thoughts on spreading Jeffie-ism across the world. Guess that conversation will have to wait for another evening...
As it turns out, The Demon, Azkath, had left Jeffie at home to play a game of Move The Rocks. Really nothing more than a cheap ruse to get Jeffie to perform yard work.
Still, according to Azkath, Jeffie seemed to be having a lot of fun moving rocks, so I guess it's all for the better. As long as my lord and savior is happy!
Azkath took a few moments to play some John Denver on the show, which initially seemed very unusual, considering John wasn't exactly known for being metal. 
Still, imagine my surprise when I heard blast beats and death metal growls during "Rocky Mountain High". No, really, I swear! It was in there, all of it! It was truly some of the most brutal metal I've ever heard, all in a freakin' John Denver song! And Azkath even assured me it was a genuine recording from John's death metal days!
Who would've thought?
Azkath had also mentioned something he'd either watched our read involving salamanders. It seems that there was an experiment where a salamander's brain was extracted, chopped into multiple pieces, and put back into the creature's skull. As it turns out, amazingly enough, the salamander functioned normally, as if nothing had even happened to it.
Crazy stuff, huh?
From there Azkath explained that he'd like to experiment with my brain. To be perfectly honest, I really wasn't feeling it. Didn't care for the idea in the least, but of course, in the end, I let him tamper with my gray matter.
The results were a bit bizarre, I've gotta say. I mean, I felt pretty well after he'd put the brain back in, but there were a few slight complications. 
I mean, for the most part I seemed to be able to speak normally, but every now and again I'd mix up a word or two. A little strange, but I'm ferfectly pine right now, I assure you! 
Ferfectly PINE!
And there also seemed to be a slight amount of visual impairment, but this orange tinge to everything is actually kinda pretty once you get used to it.
The only problem I really have is this compulsion to sing John Denver songs. I mean, it's not as embarassing as it could be, considering I now know that John was a closet Metal God, but still...


August 17, 2013 - Finger Lakes Lunachicks

  • Published in 2013
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The Winery Dogs - Six Feet Deeper
Lord Dying - Dreams Of Mercy
David "Rock" Feinstein - Metal Rules
Blue Oyster Cult - Veteran Of The Psychic Wars

Watain - Sleepless Evil
Emblazoned - Refuge In Darkness
We Butter The Bread With Butter - Psycho
Newsted - Heroic Dose

Scythe - Leather Aggressor
Argus - The Coward's Path
Grave - Morbid Ascent

Fleshgod Apocalypse - Minotaur
Blessthefall - Hollow Bodies
Skeletonwitch - Burned From Bone
Sinner - Comin' Out Fighting

Soulfly - Bloodshed
Manowar - House Of Death
Bombs Of Hades - Skull Collector
Castleumbra - The Flesh Beyond The Umbra

Trouble - Paranoia Conspiracy
Church Of Misery - Badlands
Norma Jean - Wrongdoers
Vision Of Disorder - By The River
Behemoth - Penetration
Chimaira - Plastic Wonderland

Duskmachine - Dying In My Skin
Carcass - Captive Bolt Pistol
Fueled By Fire - Suffering Entities
Hidden Masters - She Broke The Clock Of The Long Now

Dark Angel - Never To Rise Again
Dark Angel - The Burning Of Sodom
Exodus - And Then There Were None
Slammer - Hellbound
Coroner - Reborn Through Hate
Death Angel - Voracious Souls

Scythe - Thunder Hammer
Dream Death - Feast
Spirits Of The Dead - Rumours Of New Presence
Temple Of Thieves - Umbilical
Counterparts - Soil
Potential Threat - In For The Kill
Doyle - Learn To Bleed

Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Fall Of Asterion
Argus - No Peace Beyond The Line
Mephistosystem - Possessive Greed

Killer Dwarfs - Stand Tall (Stick To Your Guns)
Recap by The Metal Wulf
We had a visit from some of the ladies from the Finger Lakes Lunachicks Roller Derby league, and they were highly eager to promote not only the Open House in Lyons this past Monday night, but also derby in general. Which is great, because it's always cool to know just how much these ladies love what they do.
Always a pleasure to have them on, whether Roc City or Lunachicks!
Had some strange moments throughout the evening. Azkath had mentioned something about "these things snap right off", which was really puzzling at first, until I felt compelled to try snapping Tim's arms off.
And I'm tellin' you right now, it was NOT as easy as it sounded. As much as I yanked or pulled on his arms, there was no give at all. I mean, I thougt I MIGHT have had it, for just ONE brief moment I thought I felt something starting to slide out of place, just a little...but then nothing.
So, yeah, it seems that those things DO NOT just snap right off...
As I recall this whole thing was meant to be punishment for Tim attending that night's Carnival Of Madness show in Canandaigua.
Azkath had me try again later in the evening, this time giving me a hammer. And one would think that using the claw end of the hammer to dismember somebody would make things much easier...but no dice. His arms were bound and detemined to stay attached to his torso.
Damn stubborn appendages, anyway...
As for Tim, he got so worried that I might actually succeed in my venture that he hid himself in the rest room, successfully flushing himself just to get away from me. But, eventually he returned, drenched and covered in unspeakable foulness. And I'm pretty sure Bill had just recently "blown up" the toilet, as he likes to put it, so I'm pretty sure some of that was attached to Tim here and there.
Not sure what we've got on the agenda for the next show. So far, it's sounding like it might be one of those "quiet" nights, which are cool as well, because it's always good to keep the focus on the tunes!

August 10, 2013 - Just Another Night...

  • Published in 2013
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Temple Of Thieves - Mr. Hixx
We Butter The Bread With Butter - Fall
Godflesh - Voidhead (Demo 2012 Mix)
Norma Jean - The Potter Has No Hands

Verminous - Hang The Pope
Verminous - Revel In Flesh
Evocation - Corporal Jigsore Quandary
Death Immortal - Blood Under The Bridge
Eye Of Anubis - Crown Of The Deformed

David "Rock" Feinstein - Here Comes The Night
Dream Theater - The Enemy Inside
Woodhaven - Annihiliationism
Facebreaker - Carving For Brains
Debauchery - Demonslayer

Trouble - Sink Or Swim
Seven Witches - True Blood
Spirits Of The Dead - Song Of Many Reefs
Paradise Lost - Death Walks Behind You
Potential Threat - In For The Kill
Doyle - Hope Hell Is Warm

Jorn - Traveller
Zepparella - Dazed And Confused
Babayaga - Space Gator
A Sound Of Thunder - Trashed

Watain - Black Flames March
Broken Hope - The Flesh Mechanic
Arsonists Get All The Girls - Balloon Battle
Eminence - The Stalker
Bombs Of Hades - Slaughter The Dead

Black Water Rising - Fire It Up
All Hail The Yeti - After The Great Fire
Counterparts - Slave
Legion - He Became Death
Chimaira - Crown Of Phantoms
I Killed Everyone - Born Of The Abattoir

Revocation - Scattering The Flock
Lord Dying - Gift For The Endless
iwrestledabearonce - Thunder Chunky
Gorguts - Ember's voice
Fuelded By Fire - Defaced Mortality

Newsted - ...As The Crow Flies
Abattoir - Bring On The Damned
The Nefilim - Penetration
We Butter The Bread With Butter - Mayday Mayday
Carcass - Captive Bolt Pistol
Lucifericon - Deathtongue
Entombed - Stranger Aeons
Recap by the Metal Wulf
As for the most this past Friday, I don't remember too much craziness, to be honest. Played a lot of good music as always, but probably the silliest moment of the evening came when Azkath played a comedy track called "Bulbous Bouffant". There are numerous fan-made videos on You-Tube. In fact, I shared one of them on our Facebook page. It's worth a view..and a LOT of laughs...
Seriously...I haven't been able to get that bit out of my head...
Blubber! Macadamia!


August 3, 2013 - Catching Up with Old Friends

  • Published in 2013
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Fueled By Fire - Symbolic Slaying
Trouble - Hunters Of Doom
Candlemass - Demon's Gate
Lord Dying - Value Of Pity

Chimaira - Love Soaked Death
Rammimg Speed - Ashes
Pamela Moore - Breaking Down
iwrestledabearonce - I'd Buy That For A Dollar
Trivium - Brave This Storm
Norma Jean - Funeral Singer

Dream Death - Feast
Exhumed - The Rotting
Mammoth Grinder - Born In A Bag
Revocation - Dyers Eve
Wound - Confess To Filth

Tarja - 500 Letters
DevilDriver - The Appetite
Duskmachine - Dying In My Skin
Siren's Cry - Serpents Of War

Counterparts - Wither
AC/DC - Girls Got Rhythm
The Defiled - As I Drown
Temple Of Thieves - Pull Me Under
Doyle - Mark Of The Beast
Hate - Hatehammer

The Winery Dogs - The Dying
Spirits Of The Dead - Red Death
Deadlock - Darkness Devine
Potential Threat - Beneath The Surface
A Sound Of Thunder - Queen Of Hell

Racer X - Sacrifice
Seven Witches - Riders Of Doom
Mercia - Misery Dispenser
The Burial - Wretched Restless Forms
Airbourne - Ready To Rock
Newsted - Twisted Tail Of Comet
Sirenia - Cold Caress

Second Empire - Birth Of The Empire
From Space - We Are From Space
As They Burn - Isis
Never The Sunshine - Superstar
Jorn - Monsoon
Huntress - Receiver

Korgull The Exterminator - Metal Fist Destroyer
Fueled By Fire - Rotten Creation
Armed For Apocalypse - Open Wound
Havok - Children Of The Grave
Phil Anselmo - Bedridden

Dr. Know - War Theater
Recap by The Metal Wulf
We had Jane Evile drop in for a bit, and she shared her experience of performing at the 2013 Women's Right To Rock Festival with her new band, A Taste Of Evil.
Sadly we missed out on that show, as it fell on a Friday night. We told her she should see about performing on Saturday night should she return for next year's show.
As it turns out, we'll be getting to check her band out well before next summer, as A Taste Of Evil has just recently been added to play the Heavy Metal Halloween Bash at the Eagle Hotel in Lodi on October 26. Spater will be hosting the event, and it will also feature J.A.C.K., Ire Clad, Psychopath, Thoughts In Reverse, and Sabbatage (a Black Sabbath tribute band featuring former Awaken bassist, Freddy Villano).
Should be a good time, so mark your calendar now. Halloween's NOT that far off, when ya get right down to it!
We had another visitor on hand that night, one Shawn-Marie Simmons, whose last name was Terry when I knew her many, many moons ago. 
Yep, Joe and I both know Shawn from our college days. As a matter of fact, it had been almost 25 years since I'd last seen her. Had a great time catching up with her, without a doubt. We even shared some stories about college experiences, most noteworthy being the tale of a certain trip to New York City with The R.A.T. (Radio And Television) Guild. Couldn't really go into full detail about the trip while on the air, but I'm thinking of recording an edition of Randy's Rants to share some of the things that weren't radio friendly.
There was also a brief and bizarre discussion regarding my supposed pansexualism. Literally, Azkath was wondering exacly what I would be married to, assuming the urge ever struck me. 
Hey, Demon, I'll make it easy for ya. I'm pretty sure SHE would be human...

July 27, 2013 - Tim and White Lion

  • Published in 2013
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Venom - Don't Burn The Witch
Lord Dying - Greed Is Your Horse
Burndwiller - Slobbering Souls
Order Of The Dead - Neurot/Despot

Trouble - One Life
Korgull The Exterminator - Korgull The Exterminator
Lords Of Trident - Complete Control
Castleumbra - Realm Of Utumno

Airbourne - Firepower
Dream Death - You're Gonna Die Up There
I Killed Everyone - Born Of The Abattoir
Seven Witches - Nightmare Man
Mercia - The Necromancer

Spater - The Brady Bunch
Fueled By Fire - Rotten Creation
Tarja - Victim Of Ritual
Gorguts - Forgotten Arrows

Spater - Pummeled
Jorn - Carry The Black
Annihilator - Alison Hell
The Burial - Itching Ears
Doyle - Headhunter

Chimaira - No Mercy
Kingshifter - Peace Of Mind
Tyr - Blood Of Heroes
Violator - Dead To This World
Mercenary - Dreamstate Machine

As They Burn - Frozen Vision
Goatess - Full Moon At Noon
A Sound Of Thunder - Queen Of Hell
Battlecross - Ghost Alive
Chthonic - Set Fire To The Island

Sirenia - The Funeral March
Huntress - Destroy Your Life
Deadlock - Dead City Sleepers
Newsted - Twisted Tail Of The Comet
Potential Threat - Behold The End
Heaven+Earth - Back In Anger
Spirits Of The Dead - Rumours Of A Presence

W.A.S.P. - The Real Me
Heretic - Let 'Em Bleed
Hey! Hello! - Feral Days
Candlemass - Under The Oak
Gwar - Madness At The Core Of Time
Long Since Dark - Feeding Blood To The Earth

L.S.D. - Tank
Recap by The Metal Wulf
We'd discussed getting to see Howl and Lord Dying at The Bug Jar in Rochester the night before. Great show, with local support from Burndwiller and Order Of The Dead. All four band just freakin' killed it, definitely a good time!
We were also able to score an interview with all four members of Lord Dying.

David Henninger from Spater joined us for a couple of hours to bring us up to speed on what promises to be a very cool show in Lodi on October 26, at the Eagle Hotel. Spater will be hosting a Heavy Metal Halloween Bash (to be emceed by the Metallic Onslaught crew), an event that will be free AND open to all ages, and will feature some prize giveaways and, of course, costume judging!
(Amusing side note: It was mentioned that my costume would probably include my man-kini and possibly some of the Brony gear I used on No Pants Day. Don't worry about that happening...my costume for this year has been pretty much planned out since last Halloween, and will be both man-kini and Brony free, I assure you!)
The line-up, as it stands, will be Spater, Ire Clad, J.A.C.K., Thoughts In Reverse, Psychopath, and a Black Sabbath tribute band called Sabotage.
This show should be a blast, so mark your calendar NOW!
Tim Binder had joined us once again, actually just a night or two after he got to meet White Lion's Mike Tramp at a show...somewhere...hmmmm...oh well, doesn't matter who or where the show was, we promptly started busting Tim's balls regarding White Lion. 
Now, I've never heard White Lion's first album. I've heard that it's actually a really good, straight-forward hard rock/metal album. Sadly, my exposure to White Lion came around the time that "Wait" and "When The Children Cry" were on MTV...and I HATED them...almost as much as Bon Jovi...
(But not as much as Winger...as there are none so despised as Winger...)
So, yeah, there was some discussion back and forth, both for and against White Lion. It all seems pretty silly at this juncture...but silliness is one of those things that we're REALLY good at, so it all worked out for the better, I suppose.
Anyhoo, a further trip into the horrors that are in Tim's Ipod revealed not only White Lion, but bands such as Tyketto, Tuff, Tori Amos (Azkath promptly slapped me upside the head for being able to identify the song "Raspberry Swirl"...), 'Til Tuesday, and Thompson Twins...
Sigh...to each their own, I guess...


July 13, 2013 - What Jeffie Swallowed...

  • Published in 2013
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KISS - Young And Wasted 
KISS - Carr Jam 1981 
Manegarm - Hordes Of Hel 
Alice In Chains - Lab Monkey 
Judas Priestess - Hellion/Electric Eye 
Jorn - Cancer Demon 
Trouble - Sucker 
Philip H. Anselmo and The Illegals - Music Media Is My Whore 
Witch Cross - Axe To Grind 
Church Of Void - Son Of A Witch 
Havok - It Is True 
Moon Curse - Medicinecoma 
A Sound Of Thunder - Hello Nurse 
Sirenia - Cold Caress 
Lord Dying - Descend Into External 
Tank - Conflict Primeval 
They Might Be Zombies - Headshot 
Speedtrap - Battle Cry 
UnSaid Fate - Our Addiction 
Powerwolf - Nightcrawler 
Mercia - Misery Dispenser 
Goatess - Tentacles Of Zen 
Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers 
Tear Out The Heart - Only Posers Die 
Terror - Live By The Code 
Spirts Of The Dead - Song Of Many Reefs 
Butcher Babies - In Denial 
Queensryche - Vindication 
Max Pie - Earth's Rules 
Judas Priestess - You Got Another Thing Coming 
As They Burn - When Everything Falls Apart 
The Burial - Wretched Reckless Forms 
Scorpion Child - Antioch 
Brutus - Mystery Machine 
Colossus - Superficial Savior 
Venom - Leave Me In Hell 
Huntress - Spectra Spectral 
Orphaned Land - The Simple Man 
Into The Flood - Sacrificing The Worm 
Venomous Maximus - The River 
Kalmah - windlake Tale 
Trouble - When The Sky Comes Down 
Gorguts - Oceans Of Wisdom 
Witch Cross - Demon In The Mirror 
Stone Magnum - Lonely God 
Psychopath - A Myth For The Ages 
Ramming Speed - Under The Monolith 
Pasadena Napalm Division - All Of A Sudden Dead 
Satan - Time To Die
Recap by The Metal Wulf
It was just Joe and I in the early going of the show, as Rick and Josh had gone to check out the Mercia CD release party at Water Street Music Hall, meaning they'd be joining us later in the evening.
An early discussion centered on the return of Judas Priestess to Seneca Falls, where they were to perform for their second year straight at the Women's Right To Rock Festival. Naturally, we were all pretty pumped up for the return of these ladies, especially considering that they were bringing along a new guitar player.
We were also intrigued by the fact that Judas Priestess would be followed up by a burlesque act to close out the evening.
Joe seemed a little worried that perhaps I wouldn't be able to restrain myself during the burlesque portion of the evening, and he didn't seem at all convinced when I told him I had better self control than that.
As a matter of fact, he had this image in his head of me running up to the stage in my mankini, and ultimately ending the evening by getting arrested.
Then he went on to mention how cool it would be for that to happen, and that I'd be able to give them an interview from my jail cell. He also mentioned something about me becoming a human Oreo, but I honestly don't want to think about that...
Anyhoo, I'm happy to say that none of that happened. We had a good time, got our second interview with the ladies, and hung out chatting with them for a bit afterward.
It was also very cool to have Dream Theater's John Petrucci in Seneca Falls, as well, as he was on hand to support his wife, Rena, who just so happens go be the previously mentioned new guitar player in Judas Priestess. 
Azkath dropped in briefly. Very briefly, in fact. 
To be perfectly honest, he seemed to have dropped in just long enough to interrogate some of us as to our whereabouts on the night of July 6. Seems that some goof in a mask (calling himself Darksyde), broke into The Last Exit For The Lost that night and wreaked some form of havok, possibly abducting Justjoe...I can't remember, really...
Anyhoo, whatever form of mischief it was, Azkath proceeded to beat the crap out of me, to make sure that I wasn't Darksyde. I assured him (over and over again...) that I had gone to Gigantour that night, and that it wasn't me behind the raid. Fact is, Rick, Josh, Bill, and myself were all at Gigantour, so it couldn't have been any of us.
Whoever it was, I sure wouldn't want to be him...
Jeffie had dropped by once again, looking for revenge for the beatdown he'd gotten with all that styrofoam he'd brought with him the week before. 
This time he brought along an implement of violence that most of us dread. Not because it's overly brutal or intimidating...it's just...very...very...
So, it was with Dickbat (literally, a Whiffle bat with a plastic penis duct-taped to it...) that Jeffie attempted to deliver retribution. Thankfully I was able to get it away from him (because it's just weird having that thing flying at any part of your body...), and proceeded to pummel him back. During the scuffle, Jeffie proceed to wrench the dick from the bat, which really didn't make the situation any less awkward, because now Jeffie was running around with a small plasic cock in his hand...
So, if that weren't bad enough, Jeffie also mentioned that he was charging me for services rendered on No Pants Day.
Yeah, he's CHARGING me for the beatdown he and JustJoe gave me, if you can believe that. He wants $50.00 for enacting that hate crime upon my person, all because he claims to have been SAVING me from my Brony-ism.
I guess I just have to wait and see what happens when I don't pay...


June 22, 2013 - Joe's Birthday

  • Published in 2013
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Dio - Fever Dreams
Queens of The Stone Age - I Sat By The Ocean
Jorn - I Came To Rock
Moon Curse - Black Elk

Metallica - Trapped Under Ice
Havok - Worse Than War
Darkane - Collapse Of Illusions
Brutus - Square Headed Dog
Amon Amarth - We Shall Destroy
Kalmah - Pikemaster

Extol - Behold The Sun
The Black Dahlia Murder - Phantom Limb Masterbation
Alice In Chains - Lab Monkey
Huntress - Destroy Your Life
Dream Death - Bludgeon

Wolf - A Dangerous Meeting
Scorpion Child - Salvation Slave
August Burns Red - Count It All As Lost
Anger As Art - Speed Kills

Satan - Time To Die
Into The Flood - Sufferer
Children of Bodom - Damaged Beyond Repair
A Pale Horse Named Death - The Needle In You
Evile - Skull
Anvil - Call Of Duty
The Quill - Freak Parade

Spirits Of The Dead - Song Of Many Reefs
Mumakil - Fresh Meat For The Grinder
King Kobra - The Crunch
Battlecross - Wage A War
Gutted - Collector Of Souls
Beyond Creation - Omnipresent Perception

White Wizzard - Kings Of The Highway
Queensryche - X2
Queensryche - Where Dreams Go To Die
Zed - Settle The Score
Megadeth - Kingmaker
Demon Lung - Eyes Of Zamiel

Pasadena Napalm Division - 100 Beers With A Zombie
Svartcrown - Genesis Architect
Colossus - Beacons
Disfigured Dead - Deranged Concecration
Yellowtooth - '75 Black Pontiac
Venomous Maximus - Father Time
Venomous Maximus - Dream Again

Revelation's Hammer - Buried As Filth
Kalmah - Windlake Tale
The Black Dahlia Murder - Control

Havok - Living Nightmare

Recap by The Metal Wulf

Birthdays are a sure guarantee of carnage and chaos on the Onslaught, with our long-suffering host Joe Wyatt being the most recent celebrant.
Joe had mentioned the previous week that he'd like a visit from Sloth for his birthday, and Sloth didn't disappoint. Of course, in addition to Sloth, Seriah Azkath, Arydaea Insanity, and JustJoe (from The Last Exit For The Lost) had also joined us for the evening. 
As a matter of fact, according to Azkath, Arydaea was supposed to emerge from a cake. Joe was unconvinced, however, insisting that the cake probably had Jeffie in it. Azkath countered with assurances that the cake was too small to have Jeffie in it...but in the end, that's exactly who was in it...
Odd, I would have sworn Jeffie NEVER would have fit inside that thing...yet, he did...sort of...
Truth is, he almost made it out of the cake before he got stuck...and I mean FIRMLY stuck. There was absolutely NO getting him out without a lot of effort on our part.
Which, in the long run, really felt like way too much trouble and energy to expend on his stupid ass, so we just relocated him to another room and let him fend for himself. Truth is, last time I saw him, he'd somehow repositioned himself in the cake so that only his feet were sticking out. I think he may have been trying to eat his way free.
He's fine, though, no worries! I'm almost positive he'll be back without needing to clone him again...

Thanks to Bill throwing me under the bus, word got back to Azkath that I had once again snuck in a cigarette. This led to an attack with the Pooh stick. That didn't sit well with me, because anybody who saw the last video segment to feature the Pooh stick knows where the thing had ended up. Yep, that same Pooh stick that Sloth violated himself with months ago on The Last Exit ended up getting shoved in my face, in and around my nose and mouth area, among other places that I'd rather not discuss.
Yeah, it was pretty bad... 
Further birthday shenanigans included a mouse trap toss. Literally, taking loaded mouse traps and tossing them at Sloth's tush. This eventually led to covering a portion of the floor in loaded mouse traps and tossing Sloth into them. 

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