Seriah Azkath

March 30, 2013 - Easter Jeffie

Playlist
 

Suicidal Tendencies - Smash It! 

Trouble - 'Scuse Me 
Bring Me The Horizon - The House Of Wolves 
Dark Sermon - Hounds 
Iron Maiden - Killers 
 
U.D.O. - Metal Machine 
Killswitch Engage - You Don't Bleed For Me 
Necrophagia L.A. - Tear Off Your Face 
War-Saw - Intro (Final Warning) 
War-Saw - Nuclear Nightmare 
 
Alice In Chains - Brother 
Ghost B.C. - Year Zero 
Queensryche - Redemption 
Dedvolt - Let It Burn 
Niacin - Krush 
 
Clutch - D.C. Sound Attack 
Anthrax - Smokin' 
Spiritual Beggars - Left Brain Ambassadors 
October Tide - Emptiness Fulfilled 
Left For Dead - Kill All Humans 
 
Lynch Mob - Wicked Sensation 
Robin Trower - Bridge Of Sighs 
Avenger Of Blood - Spawn Of Evil 
Kverertak - Nekrokosmos 
Jungle Rot - Rage Through The Wasteland 
 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Keepers Of The Night 
Saxon - Wheels Of Terror 
Gloryhammer - Magic Dragon 
Lordi - The Riff 
 
Hatriot - Blood Stained Wings 
Rotting Christ - Grandis Spiritus Diavolos 
Hatchet - Dawn Of The End 
Stryper - The Rock That Makes Me Roll 
Alice In Chains - Stone 
Flotsam And Jetsam - Ugly Noise 
 
Manowar - Manowar 
Soilwork - Realm Of The Wasted 
Ken Mode - The Terror Pulse 
Suffocation - Cycles Of Suffering 
Dark Throne - Valkyrie 
 
Mortillery - Madhouse 
Krokus - Rattlesnake Rumble 
Mad Season - I Don't Know Anything 
Terra Tenebrosa - The Compression Chamber 
Mothership - Angel Of Death 
 
Nightshade - Betrayal 
While She Sleeps - Death Toll 
Crossfaith - Jagerbomb 
Hope For The Dying - The Lost 
Psyche Corp. - Pound Of Flesh 
Godseed - This From The Past 
Avenger Of Blood - Centuries Of Hell 
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Recap by The Metal Wulf
 
There was a touch of the ol' Full Moon Madness goin' on, and I spent the evening partially fuzzy. Still kinda disappointed that nobody wanted to scratch me behind the ears...
You'll see what I mean when the video gets shared...
 
Had a brief visit from some of the extended Onslaught family, as Will and Lindsey dropped in to say hello for a bit. It had actually been quite some time since the two of them had dropped by, so it was fun seeing them. Hard to believe that it's been just over a year since they became parents!
Kudos to Lindsey for being the only person who was nice enough to scratch behind my ears. It felt very nice...
 
So, before getting to the meat and potatoes of crazy events for the evening, I need to discuss a strange phone call that came for me during the first talk break. 
Some person with a phony accent (think Apu from "The Simpsons"...) mentioned something about how he'd heard I was interested in My Little Pony. He even went so far as to extend an invite to a convention in Las Vegas, where he wanted me to be their keynote speaker for the event...
I was honestly perplexed at first. I mean, I was pretty sure somebody was just fucking with me, but let's face it, crazy shit happens with us sometimes, and I've approached a juncture where very little actually shocks me anymore. Hell, for all I know, there really COULD be some weird sort of Bronie-Con going on. 
Anyhow, I declined, politely explaining to this person that I wasn't remotely interested in anything Bronie-related, in fact I went so far as to inform him that I'd never even heard the term until this past December. 
The guy didn't seem to believe me. In fact, he told me to "stop being a Richard", which roughly translates to don't be a dick (short for Richard...)
I will say this, it was an amusing conversation. Rick and Joe were pretty much losing it based solely on what they could hear on my end of the conversation, which I ended by thanking the caller for listening.
Pretty sure this particular incident warrants an installment of "Randy's Rants", so be on the lookout for that.
 
 
 
Well, it really came as no surprise when Jeffie arrived. As a matter of fact, Azkath's abrupt departure was the first clue that trouble was on the way.
Yep, previously assumed to be shark-bait...imprisoned by Sloth, before he escaped (more on that in a bit...), Jeffie made his return to the Onslaught this past Friday night...and what a return it was...
He started parading around in his underwear (wearing a shirt, at least...), and started pelting us with empty plastic Easter eggs. And instead of fake bunny ears, he was wearing that silly dragon cap of his, which just looked really...well...
Okay, as stupid as it looked, it was pretty fucking funny, I can't deny it.
Still, he pelted us with EMPTY plastic Easter eggs! No chocolate, foiled-wrapped eggs or peanut butter cups, or Peeps (personally, I hate Peeps...), or jelly beans (can take or leave those, as well...), or...well, you get the point.
In all honesty, after getting blasted directly on the right cheek bone, I should be grateful that those eggs had nothing inside them...
Anyhoo, we proceeded to welcome him back to the show by beating the unholy fuck out of him, throwing the eggs back at him, kicking and stomping him into the ground, beating him with his own Easter basket.
Yep, welcome back, Jeffie!
So, once he was capable of movement and semi-coherent speech again, he brought us up to date on all the fun stuff that happened to him after following Joe to Florida earlier this year.
Seems that Jeffie got really bored and decided to take some Twinkies to Sloth. Now, bear in mind, at this point in time there were no Twinkies on the shelves. Oh, maybe some generic, store-brand equivalents here and there, but no real Twinkies. Jeffie managed to find an old box deep on a shelf.
And, for Sloth, this has been an EXTREMELY sensitive subject. I don't think I've ever seen anybody get so emotional over the loss of a snack cake before. The man has truly been in mourning...
So, apparently Jeffie came along with the Twinkie box, but accidentally ate them all on the way, and Sloth just lost it. Freaked out. Beat Jeffie mercilessly, and then locked him in the basement for a couple of months. 
Bear in mind, Sloth actually revealed to us that Jeffie was in his basement just a mere three weeks ago when he dropped in for Ayrdaea's birthday.
So, the following week was when Azkatch received the cryptic message stating simply..."I got out..."
And, that brings us up to date, with Jeffie officially returned to the Onslaught. With that being said, anybody with a secure basement can now feel free to abduct him again, it won't be necessary to inform us of where you're keeping him. 
Awwwww, Hell, who am I kidding...we're pretty well stuck with him again...
 

 
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March 23, 2013 - Tormenting Randy with ABBA


Playlist

    Queensryche - Deliverance 
Avenger Of Blood - Aggressive Psychotic Behavior 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Night Songs 
Stryper - Soldiers Under Command 
Anthrax - Keep On Runnin' 
NightShade - Betrayal 
Mudhoney - In This Rubber Tomb 
Atrocity - Haunted By Demons 
Iron Maiden - Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son 
Sepultura - Procreation (Of The Wicked) 
Cauldron - Nitebreaker 
Dark Sermon - Hounds 
Spiritual Beggars - Too Old To Die Young 
Hypocrisy - Soldier Of Fortune 
Jungle Rot - I Am Hatred 
Lost Society - Diary Of A Thrashman 
Byzantine - Soul Eraser 
Black Star Riders - Bound For Glory 
Torture Killer - March Of Death 
Throw The Fight - Breaking The Cycle 
Memory Garden - The King Of The Dead 
Orchid - Wizard Of War 
Sebastian Bach - Slave To The Grind 
Clutch - The Face 
Hope For The Dying - Reformation 
Horseface - The Nile 
Horde Of Torment - As I Lay Dying 
Avenger Of Blood - Centuries Of Hell 
Kvelertak - Tordenbrak 
Hatchet - Screams Of The Night 
Ghoultown - Drink With The Living Dead 
Grim Reaper - See You In Hell 
Anthrax - Jailbreak 
Cathedral - Cathedral Of The Damned 
The Accused - I'd Love To Change The World 
Blowsight - We All Fall Down 
Heaven Shall Burn - Hunters will Be Hunted 
Warbreath - Hell Fire 
Pretty Maids - Sad To See You Suffer 
NightShade - Creepy Crawlies 
While She Sleeps - Death Toll 
Crossfaith - Monolith 
Sevendust - Till Death 
Million Dollar Reload - Blow Me Away 
Black Actress - Mopar 
Lordi - I Luv Ugly 
Mortillery - Angel Witch 
Avenger Of Blood - Spawn Of Evil 
Hatriot - Suicide Run 
Krokus - Dirty Dynamite 
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Recap by The Metal Wulf

A highly sarcastic discussion centering on Iron Maiden occupied the early portion of the evening.
 
This coincided, of course, with the official release of Maiden England on DVD. Pretty sure this is the first time this concert video has been available on DVD in the states, and as such, the package is pretty damned solid. You not only get the original concert, but there are bonus performances from the same show that didn't make it to the original VHS release.
 
On top of that there's also a second disc which features The History Of Iron Maiden, Part 3 (1986-1988), not to mention 12 Wasted Years (a 2012 remaster of the late 80's documentary, also on DVD for the first time), as well as a number of remastered promo videos from that time period.
 
And that's not all! There's also a live CD version of the show available!
 
And, seemingly, this is part of the problem. Over-saturation of Iron Maiden in the metal market! 
 
Now, as Maiden fans, Josh and I are perfectly cool with this. I'm actually chomping at the bit to get my hands on it. Joe, on the other hand, has pretty much had enough. That, however, didn't stop the rest of us from teasing him on the air about how much he LOVES Iron Maiden. As a matter of fact, he likes the new live CD so much, he played "Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son" within the first hour of the Onslaught! I mean, that's the LONGEST track on the setlist, so he must really, REALLY dig that tune!
 
Further discussion of my supposed upcoming expression of Bronie-ism on No Pants Day was held, and I actually did confess to researching this bizarre phenomenon, just a little bit.
 
Personally, I just don't get it...
 
I mean, I don't have an issue when it comes to adults liking cartoons. Personally, I still love most of the old classics, Loony Toons in particular. Some of that stuff just never gets old. Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Underdog, Josie And The Pussycats, Tom And Jerry...all good, still love them, no problem.
 
Bronie's are an odd bunch, though. I mean, if you like the cartoons, fine, but holy shit, the money people are willing to drop so they can have a Rainbow Dash wig? Or socks? Or lunch boxes? Or a fucking $65.00 zipper hoodie? Really? Adult males are into this crap? 
 
Seriously, you have my assurance that No Pants Day is going to be 100% Bronie-free...
 
The only other major item of note that I can remember is hearing ABBA playing during most of the talk breaks. I mean, I KNEW I was hearing ABBA, but the rest of the guys kept saying I was crazy, and that there was no ABBA playing at all.
 
It all must have been too much to bear, though, as Rick finally lost it, claiming that he had heard enough, and yelling about how Abba sucked. He then came out and beat the snot out of me, throwing me around the studio like a rag doll, bludgeoning my knees with large metal pipes, and basically leaving me a bruised mess on the floor.
 
Now, considering who was running the sound board, I'm pretty sure it was Joe who should have received that beating. Not that I'd normally wish harm upon the guy, but I'm just saying that it certainly wasn't ME who was trying to be all deceptive and shit. As for the rest of the guys, well Hell, they were in on the joke as well, so I don't think they've got a lot of room to bitch!
 
Yep, definitely should have been somebody else on the other end of that beatdown...Where's Jeffie when you need him?
 
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March 16, 2013 - Arydaea's Surprise Party

Playlist
Iron Maiden - Killers 
Iron Maiden - Hallowed Be Thy Name 
Gloryhammer - Angus McFife 
Saxon - Walking The Steel 
Anthrax - Big Eyes 
Clutch - The Wolf Man Kindly Requests... 
Cathedral - Tower Of Silence 
Gamma Ray - Empire Of The Undead 
Kvelertak - Trepan 
Witchburner - Possession 
Volbeat - Cape Of Our Hero 
Ken Mode - The Terror Pulse 
Adrenaline Mob - High Wire 
Ghost B.C. - Year Zero 
Intronaut - Milk Leg 
Rotting Christ - In Yumen-Xibalba 
Sanjuro Fields - Death's Umbrella 
Moss - The Bleeding Years 
Finntroll - Skogsdotter 
In Vain - To The Core 
Hope For The Dying - Reformation 
Hope For The Dying - Iniquitous 
Lordi - The Riff 
Sanjuro Fields - Smoking Cold Cigarettes 
Anthrax - Smokin' 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Keepers Of The Night 
Mama's Boys - Needle In The Groove 
Sanjuro Fields - Driver Included 
Mortillery - Evil Invaders 
Serenity - The Art Of War 
Legacy - Armored Forces 
This Is Hell - The Enforcer 
Head Of The Demon - Phantasmagoria 
Cathedral - Vengeance Of The Blind Dead 
Gamma Ray - Death Or Glory 
Clutch - Cyborg Bette 
Howl - Attrition 
Carnivore Diprosopus - Colossal Destruction 
Suffocation - Eminent Wrath 
Hatriot - Globicidal 
Tennessee Murder Club - Cyborg Deathbed 
Thin Lizzy - Emerald 
The Modern Age Slavery - Arise 
Mothership - Win Or Lose 
Soilwork - Leech 
Krokus - Hallelujah Rock N' Roll 
Toranaga - Sword Of Damocles 
Avenger Of Blood - Aggressive Psychotic Behavior 
Nick Hellfort - Fame Is Just A Whore 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Chicken Little
Recap by The Metal Wulf
Very likely the craziest night we'll have on the show all year. Of course, I'm not going to swear to that, because we've still got nine and a half months of craziness to get through.
 
Anyhoo, we'd been preparing for this particular evening for a number of weeks, as we wanted to do something special for Arydaea Insanity (the little lady who does most of the video recording for both the Metallic Onslaught as well as The Last Exit For The Lost), in honor of her birthday. This is actually the second time we've gotten a large number of her friends to converge on the same night. Two years ago we had met in Ithaca for an edition of The Last Exit, with all of us from the Onslaught showing up, as well as members of Zadoc...And The Nightmare!, and many others as well. It went over pretty well, so Azkath arranged another one for this year, this time at the Onslaught.
 
So, if you tuned in, you know things were pretty much out of control right from the starting gate. My vote for surreal moment of the evening was when Shoebox (of Worm Quartet fame) suggested we all randomly read the closest thing within reach, simultaneously.
 
There is video of this occurring, and it's pretty damned funny. Stay tuned!
 
In addition to Shoebox, we also saw the return of JustJoe, who's always good for his own brand of insanity, and there was also an appearance put in by Sloth, who we'd last seen on The Last Exit on their End Of The World show.
 
We'd also seen Sloth back in June when we celebrated Joe's birthday, the high point of that evening being a round of soccer with a ball constructed of barbed wire...
 
Cortland's Sanjuro Fields had also dropped in for Arydaea's birthday. Truth is, we'd tried to get them in the studio about a month earlier, on the same night that some of us were to go see Doro Pesch.
 
You'll recall that the weather that night put a damper on a LOT of people's plans...
 
(Fucking weather...*grumble grumble*...Doro...*grumble*... )
 
Anyway, Sanjuro Fields are pretty killer if you've never heard them or seen them live. Good high energy band with some catchy tunes, leaning a bit toward the punk end of the spectrum. Worth a listen, without a doubt, and you can find them right here on good ol' Facebook!
 
So, I'm not even going to attempt to recount everything that happened Friday night, it would be pointless. A lot of stuff got lost in the madness, and everything is pretty much a blur. All I can say is between photos and video, you can expect to see loads of madness and things done with balloons that...well, I'm pretty sure balloons weren't meant to be used in such a way...
 
So, things should return to some semblance of "normalcy" on the next edition of the show, when we'll be getting a visit from some of our Roc City Roller Derby friends. Most of the ladies haven't been out to see us in quite some time, so this should be pretty entertaining!
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March 9, 2013 - Roller Girls

Playlist
 

Nick Hellfort - Lifeline 
Lord - Digital Lies 
Kaledon - Between The Hammer And The Anvil 
 
Mortillery - Evil Invaders 
Howl - Attrition 
Wolfchant - Clan Of Cross 
The New Black - Sharkpool 
Dream Master - Leather Army 
 
Mothership - Cosmic Rain 
Rotting Christ - Iwa Voodoo 
Stryper - Bleeding From The Inside Out 
 
Gemini Syndrome - Left Of Me 
Within The Ruins - Feeding Frenzy 
Off With Their Heads - Shirts 
Stigma - Days Of Old 
Pantera - Cowboys From Hell 
 
Kyuss - The Green Machine 
Destruction - Cyanide 
Hatchet - Welcome To The Plague 
Orange Goblin - Round Up The Horses 
Krokus - Hardrocking Man 
 
Voivod - Warchaic 
Trouble - Pray For The Dead 
Hazy Hamlet - Field Of Crosses 
Maelstrom - Arise 
Mortillery - Angel Witch 
 
Domination - Backstabber 
Hateform - All Becomes Nothing 
Lordi - Happy New Fear 
Optical Faze - Ghost Planet 
 
Pig Destroyer - Volume 
Wormed - Techkinox Wormhole 
In The Flood - Sufferer 
Avenger Of Blood - Centuries Of Hell 
Inter Arma - 'sblood 
 
Soilwork - Realm Of The Wasted 
Toranaga - Hammer To The Skull 
Suffocation - Eminent Wrath 
Devourment - March To Megiddo 
Devourment - Today We Die, Tomorrow We Kill 
 
Six Feet Under - Fragment 
Lowkey - Seems Like Problems 
Raped Ape - Return To Nothing 
Mortillery - Madhouse 
Darkthrone - Dead Early 
Cancer Bats - War Pigs 
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Recap by The Metal Wulf
 
Only got to enjoy the last two hours of the show this week, as Rick, Bill and myself had gone to see Nile at the Montage in Rochester.

Gotta say, Nile kicked ass. Will definitely have to check them out again sometime. In the interest of getting to the Onslaught, Rick and I had left after the first of their two sets, though.

We did get to hear a little bit of the Onslaught on the radio as we came back toward Geneva, which is usually fairly amusing, because you can generally hear the guys as they talk shit about you!

Yep, imagine my shock when I heard Joe say that he hates me...I was pretty bummed, but I didn't let it show. If anything, I was probably just as shocked to hear Azkath say that he actually likes me. I find that one kinda hard to swallow, especially in light of another pre-fabricated statement that he once again insists that I gave to him to read on my behalf.

So, here's the deal: This "statement" suggests that I'm going to come out on No Pants Day, displaying my Bronie-ism in a manner suitable for the occasion.

** What Azkath Read: I would like to provide a warning to all. This coming No Pants Day, I promise that I will not be any more pantless than I have in the past, but, and that is a big butt, I will finally admit to my bronyism, and let it flourish, it the most appropriate way possible for a No Pants Day celebration. You have been warned. I love you all. **

Yeah, that don't sound good at all. I mean, the whole Bronie thing is a pile o' crap anyway, I've pretty well established that. I can categorically say that there will be no Bronie-ing on No Pants Day. I'm just gonna throw on a pair of shorts and keep them on for the night. I'm letting someone else make an ass of themselves this year. Whatever happens, I WILL NOT be the one to blame! Mark my words!

And to make matters worse, Joe turned around and installed another chip in me. I swear, I've gotta stop dozing off on the show, because I'm gettin' a little tired of him tampering with my brain like that. I mean, this time he outfitted me with the "THX Chip"...

Yeah...THX...that wonderful sound sample you get to hear before certain movies. You know you've heard it...one of the most God-awful, annoying sounds in the world. I even spent a good portion of one of the final talk breaks imitating it. Wasn't hard, because every time music played, that's what I heard!

Azkath tried to help, but really didn't help at all. I guess he somehow felt he could beat the chip out of me somehow...but he just made matters worse. I mean, I can hear music, but it's always interspersed with that wretched THX sound...just terrible, really, really terrible...I guess that's what he gets for attempting to use electrocution to short out the chip. Not fun...seriously, I had smoke coming out of my ears for two days. Try explaining THAT at work...

With that being said, I've gotta say that this has without a doubt been the worst of the bunch. How I've maintained my sanity at work, or anywhere else for that matter, is completely beyond me...I just hope I can keep it together until the next installment, where I'm hoping Joe can take it out once and for all...



 
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