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June 17, 2016 - A New Form of Pinball

The Moon...Recap by Randy MetalWulf: And the denial continues!
Yep, nobody believes the issues with my knee are real, nobody believes I’m having surgery (less than a day away as of this writing), and everybody believes that I’m afraid to face Jeffie in that stupid death match! Oh, and apparently I’m officially the “Eeyore” of the Metallic Onslaught...
Look, the match is gonna happen! Just not now! If all goes well, we can do this long before summer is over! Joe even insisted that I was having crying jags when he came to train me, insisted that all I did was whine about being afraid of Jeffie, blah, blah, blah...hell, he even claimed to have a jar of my tears! LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!
And then Azkath comes along and says that he may not be able to clone me in between matches (this is best of three deaths, after all), although he has a huge storage facility with tons of back-up Jeffies. But, apparently it’s more difficult to clone me, and there may be difficulties doing so this time. So, I guess they’re going to have to go with necromancy to raise me from the dead, assuming Jeffie succeeds in killing me even once...
Speaking of Jeffie, he showed up to rub his supposed training regimen in my face, part of which has been lifting a towel with his...you know. Yeah, apparently he dangles weights from the towel. What he plans on doing with that thing when we have the actual match is anyone’s guess. I cringe just thinking about it...which made it worse when he confiscated my phone and took pics of the results.
Imagine a wart on a fettuccine noodle...
He also took the time to tell us about this new game he invented...pee pinball. Literally, you control the flippers with your urinary control. I’ll just leave that thought there for your brain to process, and perhaps you’ll understand why Jeffies have been routinely killed off over the years.
Joe felt the need to really get under my nerves with some stupid business regarding my thoughts on Richie Sambora not touring with Bon Jovi. I made it quite clear that I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything to do with that band, or it’s members, or the majority of their fan base, as far as that goes. As a matter of fact, I’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty to make it abundantly clear that I hate Bon Jovi almost more than any other 80’s artist. (Of them all...I hate only Britny Fox and Winger more...).
And yes, fine, it hasn’t always been that way. There was a time when I actually liked to listen to a bit of Bon Jovi. I was never a huge fan, but there was some decent music on the first two albums. It wasn’t until Slippery When Wet came out and got smeared all over the airwaves and MTV that I really began to despise them.
But, Joe insisted on getting my opinion, and I gave it...and made it necessary for Azkath to edit some bad words from the broadcast, despite making a strong effort to not curse.
I think that Bon Jovi conversation was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I got so fed up with Joe later in the evening that I made a confession. I mean, I’m all for having this death match after I’ve healed, but I admitted that I’m glad we won’t be able to do it for Joe’s birthday. After all, my victory was going to be a birthday gift for Joe, but if he’s going to be such a complete dick, I really don’t want to give him a birthday gift!
Yep, fuck that guy, I’m GLAD this has to wait!



Playlist

Scorpion Child - Tower Grove
Jorn - Running Up That Hill
Q5 - The Right Way

Mercyless - My Name Is Legion
Beartooth - Always Dead
Volbeat - Gates Of Babylon
Withem - The Pain I Collected
Rage - Ocean Full Of Tears

Fates Warning - White Flag
Voodoo Highway - Tears Of A Brand New Sea
Saosin - Racing Toward A Red Light
Even The Dead Love A Parade - Sex Tapes
The Schoenberg Automaton - Swarm

Nails - Savage Intolerance
Fall - Harvester
Coldblood - Demons Of Nox
Poison Headache - Rot With Me
Candlemass - Death Thy Lover

Carnifex - Drown Me In Blood
Third Ion - Temporal Divide
Hesitation Wounds - Guthrie
Suicidal Angels - Set The Cities On Fire
Unparalleled Height - WWIII

Salt Lake - Withered Times
Paradox - Ballot Or Bullet
Mortillery - Radiation Sickness
Hellyeah - Live Or Die
Diluted - Sternenrotz

Burial Mound - Sacrilege
Gutter Instinct - Age Of Fanatics
hereAndNow - forsakeTheSick
Nervosa - Failed System
Illdisposed - I Tried To Live

Surtur - Demolisher
Assassin - Undying Mortality
Cough - Shadow Of The Torturer
Fox 45 - Coup d'etwat
Red Tide Rising - New Breed

Thrashit - Neckbanger
The Grindmother - Illusions
Sewercide - For Those About To Rot
Dark Funeral - Nail Them To The Cross
Helhorse - Carry Your Own

Death - Denial Of Life
Atheist - On They Slay
The Accused - Starved To Death (Eatin' Your Buddies)
The Great Kat - Worship Me Or Die
Fear Factory - Scapegoat

Gruesome - Amputation
Kvelertak - 1985
Denner/Shermann - Pentagram And The Cross
Unlocking The Truth - Ravens

Katatonia - Sanction