October 16, 2015 - Joe is Back

MOWe’d seen the return of Joe this week, and I was still in mourning over the murder of Spanky by our resident idiot, Jeffie. Joe seemed really confused over the whole incident, which he’d missed, although he insisted that he was there the previous week. We assured him that he had been among the missing on that evening, but he was just not having it. Rick took a moment to announce an upcoming show we’re hosting at the Eagle Hotel in Lodi, NY for our birthdays. He and I, along with Josh, all have birthdays within roughly a month of each other, and Rick and I will both be celebrating landmarks, as he’ll be turning 40 and I’ll be hitting...ugh...50... Anyhow, that show will be held on December 12 and will feature Never The Voiceless, Revival, Order Of The Dead, UnDead Messengers, Ruination, Age Of Shadows, and Inhumatus. Quite a diverse line-up, and should be a lot of fun! Joe had actually gotten Josh to denounce Iron Maiden, believe it or not. Of course, if I know Josh, he probably wasn’t completely serious, but he did actually denounce them. And it was like pullin’ teeth to get him to do it, too. Threat of the anvil dropped on his nuts? Nope, wouldn’t denounce them. Threat of a sweaty jock strap held to his nose, after I wore it while doing squats and lunges for an hour? (Yeah, that’s gonna happen...) Nope, still wouldn’t denounce them. As a matter of fact, we’d pretty much acknowledged that Josh was a Superfan, until Joe suggested using said jockstrap on Josh’s girlfriend. He immediately denounced Iron Maiden and proclaimed Black Sabbath to be his new favorite band. Gotta give the guy credit, he sure didn’t cave in easily! Jeffie returned once again, now that he’s established that I hadn’t killed him. Josh acknowledged that Jeffie seemed to be more bad-ass, although the better description was that he’d been “jerkified”...and he certainly is a jerk! As if I needed any more proof of his jerkiness, he made a confession regarding some itchiness I’d been experiencing. As it turns out, it wasn’t actually jock itch powder he’d doused himself with the week before. Seems that whatever it was had a number of bizarre spores contained in it, which had started growing on me. Not so evident as of the night we recorded this show, but it’s become a real pain in the ass afterwards. I’d pretty much described it as being like “Day Of The Triffids” in my nether regions. Jeffie mentioned that I was like Stephen King’s character in Creepshow, which really isn’t far off the mark. And, of course, showering just makes it worse, and Jeffie made a point not to shower, so the spores never started maturing and growing on him. Joe, being the smartass that he is, suggested that I might turn into Groot from Guardians Of The Galaxy. References were made to me possibly peeing sap. Threats were made in the form of weed whackers. On the plus side, Josh acknowledged that by turning into a plant, I’ll be producing oxygen, meaning that I’ll actually become useful...gee, thanks... The evening closed out with Jeffie leaving me a little gift in a box. Obviously I was skeptical, but he insisted that I open it, so I did. Big mistake, as he’d cut off Spanky’s...ummmm...other head...and presented it to me, with the promise of more gifts to come. Really not looking forward to it, to be honest...

-Randy Metal Wulf


The Black Dahlia Murder - Asylum
Hate Eternal - Order Of The Arcane Scripture
Ramming Speed - Beasts Of Labor

Ghost Ship Octavius - Saturn And Skies
Defeater - Penance
Harlott - Hellbent
Iron Maiden - When The River Runs Deep
Slayer - Vices

Malevolent Creation - Imperium (Kill Force Rising)
Revival - Drowning In Apathy
Megadeth - Fatal Illusion
Marius Danielsen's Legend Of Valley Doom - Raise Your Shields
Intronaut - Fast Worms

The Under - The Harvest
Arkentype - Ashes And Dirt
Vingulmork - Old Hate
Annihilator - Death Scent
Clutch - Sucker For The Witch

Arkaik - That Which Lies Hidden
Audiotopsy - Darken The Rainbow
Any Given Sin - Nearer Our God To Thee
Deafheaven - Gifts For The Earth
Monster Magnet - She Digs That Hole

Eldritch - Bringers Of Hate
Created To Kill - Suffocated In A Bodybag
Fierce Justice - Behind The Thoughts
Kylesa - Night Drive
Dommin - These New Demons

Voices Of The Dead - Hanging The Hermit
W.A.S.P. - Eyes Of My Maker
Walking Corpse Syndrome - Apocalypse
Trivium - Beneath The Sun Don't Fade Away
Vehemence - In The Shadows We Dwell

Adam Bomb - I Want My Heavy Metal
Metal Church - The Spell Can't Be Broken
Morbid Saint - Beyond The Gates Of Hell
Krokus - Headhunter
Kiss - Creatures Of The Night

Never To Rise - Open Heart Punching Bag
Children Of Bodom - Suicide Bomber
Caligula's Horse - Dragonfly
For Today - Broken Lens
My Dying Bride - Feel The Misery
Lawnmower Deth - Can I Cultivate Your Groinal Garden

Jerry Gaskill - Far Away
Queensryche - Arrow Of Time
Gentlemans Pistols - Devil's Advocate On Call
Zombi - Pillars Of The Dawn
Under The Church - Mangled To A Bloody Mess

Black Breath - Arc Of Violence
Grave - Plain Pine Box
Separations - Dream Eater