July 24, 2015 - The Death of Jeffie... Again.
- Published in 2015
- The Evidence
Did a little outdoor recording this week, which went much better than the LAST time we tried it, as that particular instance ended with us hightailing it indoors when a massive thunderstorm passed through, threatening to blow us all to Oz... Recording outside has many perks, I must say. So much more room for carnage, as Jeffie discovered as he was continually pummelled by Joe and chased throughout the small grove of trees that is currently growing behind our new digs. The goof kept getting lost in there, too, not to mention got stuck in one of the trees. And they're not even that tall yet! He is such a dink...
Speaking of Jeffie, I actually proposed a theory as to his current weight issues. I mean, to look at him, he doesn't appear to be getting any larger. Honestly, I just think he's getting more dense. Granted, he was already pretty dense to begin with, but this could explain so much! I could be onto something here! Honestly, the guy does have his uses. Seriously, he gives a damned good back rub, good enough that I think we really need to start renting him out as a masseuse...as long as there are no Happy Endings involved, though. That would just be wrong. It was a little odd, though, when Josh started meowing like a cat when Jeffie started rubbing his back. We actually came to the conclusion that going to see The Eagles last week turned him into a pussy. And, yeah, he insists he was at Deep Purple, but we're still kinda skeptical. That whole flip phone thing and all...
Early on in the evening Jeffie had slipped me a pill when I wasn't suspecting it. At first, I thought that he had roofied me, in the interest of passing me back off to the Bigfeets. As it turned out, this was not the case at all. He had actually given me a new experimental drug that he'd been working on. He warned me that it may cause me to lose water weight, and he certainly was not wrong about that. What I DIDN'T know was that it was going to make urination an orgasmic experience for me. Literally...pissing was just as pleasurable as cumming...which made things very, very awkard as the evening continued. Once the pill started taking effect, Jeffie started proposing that Joe should sell the pill at his sex shop (for those who aren't aware, Joe works at our local porn palace...), purely convinced that there could be a potential market for such a thing. And, knowing some of the weirdos that live in our area...he may not be too far off the mark. Anyhow, after the third time urinating in the space of a couple hours, I honestly didn't think I could take anymore. There's only so much a guy can handle, and I'm not getting any younger. I actually mentioned to Jeffie that I was turning into a walking Fappucino Fountain...and amazingly he didn't jump on THAT as a marketable idea...probably for the best, I should add...
Toward the end of the evening he shoved another pill down my throat, and this time I was convinced that he had, indeed, roofied me for the Bigfeets. But, no, he actually explained that THIS was the pill that failed. Failed in the sense that it caused urination to be EXTREMELY painful. As a matter of fact, he described the sensation as somewhat like pissing spikes...from personal experience, I have to say it was more like pissing saw blades... That, of course, was the final straw for me. We'd been beating on him with a plastic lawn chair throughout the evening. It was already broken from when he'd sat in it a couple weeks prior, and there really wasn't much left to it, maybe about half a chair. I proceeded to swing the remnants of that chair at his head, connecting squarely and shattering it...along with Jeffie's skull! I also gouged the hell out of my thumb, which proceeded to bleed like a stuck pig... So, it may have hurt to piss, but we ended the show on a happy note with yet another Jeffie Death!
Don't worry, folks, Azkath will make more. He always does...
Mutoid Man - Soft Spot In My Skull
Lamb Of God - Erase This
Enabler - Sail The Sea Of Fire
Children Of Bodom - Morrigan
Butcher Babies - Never Go Back
Raise Hell - Six Feet Under
Metal Allegiance - Can't Kill The Devil
Kataklysm - Soul Destroyer
Kadaver - Lord Of The Sky
Funeral Throne - Hypnotic Coils
Behold! The Monolith - Lord Of Bones
Barrows - Martyr
Plaguewielder - Existence Is Our Exile
Symphony-X - Run With The Devil
Spock's Beard - Hell's Not Enough
Hope Drone - Carried Apart By The Ceaseless Tides
Deathwhite - Suffer Abandonment
Chant - Create To Destroy
Meanstreak - Roadkill
Indestructible Noise Command - I.N.C.
Indestructible Noise Command - What Are You Looking At?
Hydra Vein - Harlequin
Hydra Vein - Rather Death Than False Of Faith
Throaat - Coven
Wulfhook - Bridge Burner
Cradle Of Filth - Misericord
Speedtrap - Torches Ablaze
Year Of The Goat - The Sermon
Yellowtooth - Crushed By The Wheels Of Progress
Lindemann - Praise-Abort
NilExistence - Primordial Transgression
Yuth Forever - Lonely Bastard
Gutted Alive - Consumed By Carnage
Sonick Plague - I Don't Want To Relax
Robots And Monsters - Spiraling
Majestic Downfall - The Rain Of The Dead
Raveneye - Get It Started
Powerwolf - Sacramental Sister
Thy Art Is Murder - Fur And Claw
Unleash The Archers - Crypt
Refused - Dawkins Christ
Caustic Method - Fool Me Once
Slayer - Repentless
Sun And Sail Club - Migraine With A Chainsaw Reduction
Architects Of Chaoz - Apache Falls
Between The Buried And Me - Option Oblivion
Iwrestledabearonce - Carbon Copy
Wilson - Waiting For The World To Cave In
Gus G. - Burn
High On Fire - The Black Pot
Cain - Killing Time