June 30, 2012 - Another New Jeffie!

Listen to the Show;

Kyng - Pushing And Pulling
Dream Theater - The Dark Eternal Night
Unisonic - Renegade

Tank - The War Drags Ever On
Malice - New Breed Of Godz
Jorn - I Came To Rock
Kill Devil Hill - Old Man

Rush - BU2B
Death Angel - Voracious Souls
Cradle Of Filth - Tortured Soul Asylum
Unleashed - Odalheim
Spater - Rat Salad

Testament - True American Hate
Bonded By Blood - Show No Fear
Countess - In League With Satan
As I Lay Dying - Cauterize
Primate - March of The Curmudgeon

Spater - Revenge
Ire Clad - Force It Down
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball
Lamb Of God - 11th Hour
Lamb Of God - Black Label

Mortillery - Without Weapons
Mortillery - Nuclear Disaster
Glass Cloud - If He Dies, He Dies
Kreator - Phantom Antichrist
Dr. Acula - Robot People From Hell
For Today - Under God

Dying Fetus - Invert The Idols
Ihsahn - The Paranoid
Fear Factory - God Eater
Gojira - The Axe
Burn Everything - Maintain Radio Silence

Icarus Witch - In The Dark
Widow Sunday - The Wave
The Company Band - House Of Capricorn
Nile - When My Wrath Is Done
Rumpelstiltskin Grinder - Dripping With Venom

Exodus - Blacklist
Manowar - House Of Death
Masi - God Promised A Paradise
Megadeth - Chosen Ones
Rammstein - Zwitter

Apple Maggot Quarantine Area - Mutant Cats From Hell
Throw The Fight - Makes Us Stronger
Single Bullet Theory - Edge Of Broken
Witchsorrow - Breaking The Lore

Krokus - Long Stick Goes Boom
Anacrusis - Sound The Alarm

Recap by The Metal Wulf

In-studio guests this week were David Henninger from Spater, along with Sean and Matty from Lowkey, as they promoted a free show at Tommy's in Newark last night. Those in attendance would have had the good fortune to be on hand as Spater recorded the show for a possible upcoming live CD. Rick Horton was among those attendees, and I'm betting he'll have some fun details for us when we all get together for the next Onslaught.

Managed to get my balls busted for pirating music, which I think was a slightly harsh judgment. I mean, come on. For those of us who came through the 80's, most of us got turned onto at least one or two bands through a little phenomenon called "tape trading". Somebody would have a copy of a bands recent release recorded on a cassette, or sometimes a compilation of a few different bands, and they'd say "Check this shit out", and you'd listen and more than likely end up buying at least one or two records from some of those artists. And then you'd hand the tape onto another friend, who would conceivably do the same. Hell, I've got a copy of Metallica's "No Life 'Til Leather" demo that probably isn't even listenable anymore, but if somebody wanted a copy, I'd do my damndest to set them up!

Of course, the quality would be...ewwww...don't even wanna think about how that's gotta sound almost thirty years after the fact...

Anyhoo, I guess my point here is that this whole "file sharing" thing isnt quite so far off the mark. Ultimately, the music is getting heard, and hopefully there are enough folks out there who still actually prefer to buy music when they hear something they genuinely like.
Something was mentioned about sending me to the Olympics as part of the Diving Team, kind of a laughable idea, which is why it was brought up, of course. Hell, I suggested they should form an Olympic Cannonball Team, which I'd probably excell at, but that idea didn't exactly fly. Actually, what did fly was the idea of me being part of an Olympic Farting Team. Note, that's Farting and NOT Sharting...

Somehow we got on the topic of bath salts and it's supposed face-eating properties. That topic somehow shifted to how I should try snorting bath soap sometime.

Okay, whatever, haha, I figured I'd just run with that one. I mean, why settle on bath soap when you can have powdered bubble bath! Just set me up with a big ol' box of Mr. Bubble and we'll be golden. It'll probably make my nose run heavily, so the snot can mix with the powdery bubble bath, and each time I sneeze, bubbles can come flying from my nose, filling the room with snot-bubble goodness...

Yeah, ewwww...

Now, I'd forgotten to mention in last week's recap that not only did Jeffie die, but so did JustJoe. Both got thrown head-first into the anvil, and, well, I'm pretty sure you can guess how well that went for them. Of course, in true Jeffie tradition, there was another one handy for this week's show. Now, as you may remember, Raven made some improvements on the previous Jeffie, not actually cloning a new one, just reanimating the old one. Well, this time she cloned a fresh Jeffie, and made some improvements to the overall DNA mix. We, of course, tried to remind her that her previous improvements were really not improvements at all, but she assured us that all was good.

So, the new Jeffie, complete with frog DNA, came stumbling in.

Yes, I said FROG DNA...

Now, the newest form of Jeffie seemed far less intelligent than previous attempts, not that any of them are too far above Forrest Gump level. This one, though, was pretty damned dim. Didn't say much, outside of repeating what was spoken to him. Eventually, however, he'd come around enough to at least read upcoming show listings, so I guess there's room for further improvement, given time.

And I'll say this much, he makes for awesome pest control! Damn, he was gulping down moths like they were going out of style. Still, I kinda wish he hadn't decided he needed to cough up those moths and attempt to share them with everybody else. I would actually go so far as to say it was totally unnecessary, except for the fact that he WAS trying to feed Josh, who could possibly benefit from a small amount of protein. I mean, he pretty much survives on twigs and berries as it is...

Of course, there's that point of the evening where everything goes completely to Hell, and there's no saving us. That moment came when I decided to find out what kind of frog Raven had used in the cloning process, meaning that I sat Jeffie down in the chair and licked the top of his head...

Chaos ensued, not that I remember much beyond watching giant squirrels battling it out, and then watching a dog eat the squirrels, which made me very upset, and then the dog turned into Josh, which made me even more angry, knowing it's very unlike for Josh to eat squirrels...

Yeah, here's some free advice: If you're ever tempted to lick a clone's head to see what kind of frog DNA they contain...just...don't...really...it ain't worth it...the hallucinations...the squirrel blood...the tongue warts...none of it...

I've gotta lie down, now...