June 23, 2012 - Joe's Birthday

More Pictures

This show was primarily a celebration of Joe's birthday. In a way only The Metallic Onslaught could celebrate! Read the recap for more info or watch the video...  Or Listen to the Show;

Opium Symphony - Soul For Sale
L.A Guns - Hollywood Forever
Rush - Wish Them Well
Candlemass - The Sound Of Dying Demons

Jorn - Live And Let Fly
Malice - Sinister Double
Manowar - Manowarriors
Fist - Thunder In Rock

Mercia - Nothing A Brick Can't Fix
Horseface - Speak
Mortillery - Despised By Blood
Chaosweaver - Wings Of Chaos
Ihsahn - Introspection

Dying Fetus - From Womb To Waste
Fear Factory - God Eater
Nile - Tribunal Of The Dead
Widow Sunday - The Wave

The Company Band - House Of Capricorn
Witchsorrow - Megiddo
Witch Mountain - Never Know

Master - Remove The Knife
Mantas - Evil Dead
Mnemic - Junkies On The Storm
Lita Ford - Living Like A Runaway
Ire Clad - Little Middle Man

Baroness - March To Sea
Rumpelstiltskin Grinder - Cold Haunting Death
Spineshank - I Am Damage
The Flower Kings - For Those About To Drown
Gojira - Planned Obsolescence
Dr. Acula - Aerola 51
The Bunny The Bear - This Isn't Why You Made Her

Rush - Headlong Flight
Tank - Hammer And Nails
Whitechapel - Dead Silence
Lowriderz - Ride Low Get High
Mortillery - Without Weapons

For Today - Fearless
Kreator - From Flood Into Fire
Manners - Hallows
Shadows Fall - Divide And Conquer
Kill Devil Hill - War Machine
Nachtblut - Dogma
The Ghost Inside - Engine 45

Diablo Swing Orchestra - Kevlar Sweethearts
Circus Maximus - Reach Within

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
As most of you are aware, the previous week's show had been pre-recorded, as a large percentage of the Onslaught crew made their way to Rochester to see Dream Theater at the Main Street Armory in Rochester.

Kick-ass show, I must say, with highly impressive performances not only from the headliner, but also from openers, Dark Day Sunday. For those unfamiliar, this band includes Jason Bittner (Shadows Fall) on drums and Frank Aresti (Fates Warning) on guitar, and quite frankly, you should check them out. Highly recommended!

Still, it was good to be back on the Onslaught after our short little break, and we were more than happy to have members of both HorseFace and Mercia on hand. Both bands are promoting the upcoming Hickstock event, which is a two-day event being held at the Phelps Community Center on July 27th and 28th. There's a very diverse line-up of entertainment, a little something for everybody, and it sounds very much worth checking out, if you're of a mind to do so!

This particular night was actually kind of special, as it fell directly on Joe's birthday, bringing folks out of the woodwork who hadn't been around in some time. My brother Bill and his little lady, Erica, made it out for a bit, and were kind enough to drop off some awesomely delicious brownies for Joe. Good to see them both, as it's a little difficult for Bill to hang with us as much as he used to, considering his new work hours. Still, he likes his new job, and if he can only periodically drop in for a couple of hours, so be it. We appreciate it all the more when he can drop by!

Another visitor was Sloth, who I had prior knowledge of only from watching some of the old Last Exit For The Lost DVD's. To be honest, nothing...and I mean NOTHING...can "prepare" you for an evening with Sloth...

You see, it starts with this nerve-shredding screeching and squealing. I mean, there may be words intermixed with the noise, but if there are, I surely couldn't tell what most of them were. I'm pretty sure at one point there was a great deal of "RANDY! SEX!" screamed at me, to which I shrieked back, "NOOOOOOO!!!"

And, of course, Jeffie and JustJoe from The Last Exit crew were on hand to add to the carnage...

Oh yes, there was carnage...carnage the likes of which had not been seen on the show in quite some time. I'm honestly thinking not since Rick and Josh's birthday. Numerous implements of chaotic destruction were on hand for our use and/or abuse, many items of which had been previously used on the show. The anvil was back, not to mention a couple of Kendo sticks (they hurt, a lot...take it from me...), as well as lots and lots of barbed wire.

There was the traditional barbed wire board (which some of us were body surfing on...) and the barbed wire baseball bat, as well as a new item, the barbed wire BALL!

Yeah, you read that right...and seeing Sloth and Josh playing soccer with it was a sight to behold, I must say. Sloth being barefoot at the time, of course.

Also interesting to play "Hot Potato" with, I must say...and let's not forget the barbed wire Bowling!

Josh eventually kicked the ball a little too hard, completely knocking it out of shape and requiring it to be re-wound and re-bound, ultimately making it look more like a Flail than a ball...and it also made a very nice pendulum!

Somebody also broke out a staple of the Last Exit shows, this being what's known as the "Dick Bat". Literally, it's a little dildo that was expertly duct-taped to a Whiffle bat by EVD when we celebrated my birthday in 2010. Kind of an awkward item to have in the midst, to be perfectly honest.

Seriously, you'll get to see all this and more once the video is put up later this week. It should be pretty freaking memorable...

Let's see...there were also some amusing discussions throughout the evening.

One discussion centered around a letter that I personally guarantee was NOT written by me, suggesting that I was not only a Trans-sexual but perhaps also a Pan-sexual or some crazy shit like that. Not even 100% sure what that means, but I'm guessing it's a way of suggesting that I wouldn't be too particular of where I'd stick my penis...Personally, I think there's way too much speculation on what I'm doing with my penis, and maybe some jealousy that it's not being directed in certain directions? Just speculating, of course!

** Letter Supposedly NOT written by Randy aka Metal Wulf **
I, Randy Smith, on this occasion of Joe's 50th birthday, am proud to announce that I am indeed a Transvestite. And a Panvenstite. And Pansexual. That's right, I will have sex with anything and anyone. None of you are safe, well, I mean, I am slow, so you can probably run away, but if you don't want to run away, I assure you will enjoy yourself, because I am a sexual master. A Pan-sexual master at that. Just ask the broom in the other room. It was beyond satisfied. So, I now offer my special services onto you, Joe, and anyone else here, included those of you who are inanimate. Meet me in the other room during the music set and we will get down... ***

And, in the realm of things that I personally find utterly terrifying, there was talk of a new breed of spiders in India. Apparently they're closely related to tarantulas, and are pack hunters. Specifically, they've been hunting HUMANS...

So, with that being said, I don't foresee me taking any trips to India in the near (or distant, for that matter...) future. Sorry folks, ain't gonna happen...