May 14, 2011 - Friday the 13th...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who is thinking the man-kini should probably just be burned...

This edition of The Metallic Onslaught fell on Friday the 13th, so of course it was fitting that Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)" was played. I actually believe it's become an Onslaught tradition over the years. Fact is, most of us honestly hate that song. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE Alice, just not crazy 'bout that particular tune... So, ironically enough, the big topic for the evening seemed to revolve around No Pants Day and my... ummmm... man-kini episode... Honestly, it was like everybody had Man-kini Madness, and people wouldn't shut up about it all night! I mean, here we are in conjunction with a telethon to help raise money for our parent station, WEOS, and they're talking about me removing a piece of clothing for each $5.00 donation! Ummmm, the idea here is to GAIN money in donations, not lose it! And for the record, if you wanted to be kind enough to make your own donation, just go on to for all the details! And then, while trying to promote next weeks' Finger Lakes Metal Fest, somebody had the bright idea that I should jump into one of the cages , in my man-kini, during Caged's set! You know, I have a feeling if they really wanted to do one for the ladies, they could find someone who wouldn't make them run screaming OUT of the building! So, for the record, I am stating, right now, that there are no immediate plans of me squeezing my butt into that thing again. That means no pimping myself out in the man-kini for cash donations, and definitely no man-kini moshing at Metal Fest. And DEFINITELY no Mosh n' Bowl in the man-kini! Not happening any time soon, sorry folks... Really, you'll be thanking me in the long run!

Enough about the man-kini, let's move right along, shall we? Further promoting Finger Lakes Metal Fest, we once again had Dave from Spater in the studio with us, along with Wayne Johnson, guitarist and vocalist for Caroline Blue, a solid Syracuse band with a good, old-school style. You can check them out right here on Facebook!  Seriously, the closer this gets, the more excited we are to be emceeing it. Your going to be hard pressed to find a better way to kick off the summer concert season, especially around here, where we just don't get metal like we used to... Let's see, what else was there of note... We played some new music from King Kobra and Warrant, and I've gotta say that between the two, I'm definitely more impressed with the King Kobra material. Of course, I knew that adding Paul Shortino to the line-up was only going to up their game in the long run. The guy sounds just as amazing now as he did in the 80's, while fronting Rough Cutt, and for a brief period, Quiet Riot. Not to say that the Warrant track was terrible. The new vocalist, Robert Mason, is damned good, I'd even go so far to say that I prefer him to Jani Lane, who isn't exactly a slouch. Of course, if you're a fan of the old-school 80's hair metal, you'll probably love both discs. For my part, I can't wait to get my hands on that King Kobra disc! Gotta bring this up, because it's actually not a terrible idea, when it all boils down. Somewhere along the line I brought up a conversation that Josh and I had been having during our weekly pilgrimage to Cold Stone Creamery. Josh and I have tossed around a few interesting ideas during my time on the show, among them bobble-heads and posable action figures. (Hey, who wouldn't want a Wulfie figure? It could happen!) Anyhoo, the idea of doing an Onslaught calendar came up, and the more I thought about it, the more that it sounded like a fun concept. It's not like we don't have a ton of photos in the archives that would be usable. I mean, obviously we don't want any man-kini (Shit, there it is again!) photos, but there are definitely some fun pics that could fit the bill. Hmmmmm...any takers? Before I wrap this up for this week, I've gotta express a little concern for Joe's sanity. I think our long-suffering host may have finally been pushed over the edge, because toward the end of the night he was acting a little strange. I'm pretty sure I heard him mention something about genital pizza and pepperoni nipples. This could bear some watching in the coming weeks... And, speaking of coming weeks, our next show is not only going to feature Dave from Spater once again, but also God Size Hate, as we do some last minute promotion for Finger Lakes Metal Fest. And on top of that, we're also getting a visit from New York State legends, THe Rods! Yeah, you read that right! Dave Feinstein, Carl Canedy, and Garry Bordonarro are going to be joining us NEXT WEEK!
Really, if I were any more pumped for next weekend, I'd be exploding right now! Can't get here soon enough.


Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade
King Kobra - Midnight Woman
Pentagram - Call The Man

The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Warrant - Sex Ain't Love
Anvil - When Hell Breaks Loose
Anvil - New Orleans Voo Doo

Caroline Blue - Our Love is Wasted
CyperSeer - Soul Sacrifice
Hell - On Earth As It Is in Hell
Novembers Doom - Harvest Scythe

Caroline Blue - Nothing Will Satisfy You
Deceased - Cloned
Nightshade - Final Crop
Black Sabbath - The Sign Of The Southern Cross

Caroline Blue - Pain
Morbid Angel - Rapture
In Solitude - Serpents Are Rising
Most Precious Blood - Stuart Is A Dead Man
INC - Fist Of Fascista
Dynasty - Demolish Strongholds
The Gates Of Slumber - To The Rack With Them

Caroline Blue - Out Of My Life (I Want You)
A Plane To The Void - The Obstacle's Passion
Here Comes The Kraken - A New Leader
Kaapora - The Second Wave Of Sorrow
Gallhammer - Sober
Tokyo Blade - Killing Rays
Ark Of the Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses

Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
The Devin Townsend Project - Planet Of The Apes
Assassin - Judas
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin
Red Fang - Dirt Wizard
Lowkey - Backstabber
OTEP - Drunk On The Blood Of Saints
Septicflesh - Apocalypse

Infant Sorrow - The Clap
The Rods - Power Lover
The Rods - The Code
The May 4th Massacre - Godfather X
KMFDM - Lynchmob
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
GammaRay - Hold Your Ground
Hate Eternal - Deathveil

Pallas - Sacrifice



May 7, 2011 - No Pants Day!!!

The HorrorRecap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who is really, REEEEAAAALLLLLY sorry... 
(Truly, you have no idea...)

Seeing as how this edition was our annual celebration of No Pants Day, I'm going to break this recap into two parts. Serious  (yeah, believe it or not, amidst the chaos there was time for such a thing!) and Seriously Fucked Up...

Part 1. Serious

So, an early discussion centered around an upcoming release from King Kobra, their first new music in many years. This next disc is going to feature Paul Shortino (formerly of Rough Cutt) on vocals, replacing Mark Free, known these days as Marcie Free, after undergoing a sex change. (No disrespect meant, just statin' the facts.) Actually, there's an amusing parallel between both bands. Both had very strong releases for their debut albums (King Kobra had "Ready To Strike" while Rough Cutt's was self-titled), and both had really, REEEEAAAALLLY disappointing follow-up albums ("Rough Cutt Wants You" and King Kobra's "Thrill Of A Lifetime"). Now, Mark Free sounded damned good on "Ready To Strike", and their single, "Hunger", has been a personal favorite of mine for many years, but I got to see Rough Cutt when they opened for Dio back in 1985, and I can personally assure you that Paul Shortino has got some of the best pipes in the business, live or otherwise. Yet Joe seemed to be implying that he preferred Mark Free, and that's quite alright. I quite enjoyed that little bit of banter, and wish we had time for more discussions along those lines. So, later on, somewhere in the random chaos that is No Pants Day, we had time to have a few words with Joe Lupia, who had last joined us in the studio while he was a member of Amelia Is Dead, sadly a now-defunct outfit. Still, Joe remains busy and was more than happy to share some news about his current project, God Astray, and we were more than happy to play some tracks! Of course, there was also the discussion of whether or not Jeffie would show. Azkath had flatly refused to show up on No Pants Day, and really, who can blame the guy? So, yeah, the debate was on, and sure enough, Jeffie showed up, bringing us to...

Part 2: Seriously Fucked Up

Yes, believe it or not, Jeffie had arrived, defying all logic. I mean, the guy is supposed to be dead as a doornail, after all, killed by my hand, torn asunder, shredded into bloody chunks of flesh and grosser things... But, it seems this is a DIFFERENT Jeffie... Okay, since when is there more than one Jeffie active at a given time? After I killed what I thought was the last Jeffie, Azkath INSISTED that he wouldn't make any more, so where in the Nine Frickin' Hells did this one come from? I mean, apparently it's been traveling through time, but did it exist before or after I killed what I thought was the final Jeffie? So many questions, and no real answers forthcoming. And of course, he'll be back... Dammit... Just Joe and Foul Mouth Girl were both on hand. Wouldn't be No Pants Day without either of them, and we hadn't had FMG in studio in a few weeks. We miss her when she's not there. Just Joe was sporting layers of underwear, sort of a throwback to FMG last year, and far less alluring, I must say. Hey, for my part I was sporting a pair of black cut-offs, perfectly within the domain of No Pants Day reason. Bill was in his boxers AND a bath robe, Will (Shades) was in a pair of tuxedo boxers, and Lindsey was in a little black nightie, very cute, and perfectly acceptable. Of course, carnage ensued very quickly. Befiore I knew it, and at Joe's suggestion, I was subjected to the indignity of a Bronco Buster from Just Joe, with a little help from Jeffie. I wasn't overly thrilled by the prospect of having somebody's (ANYBODY'S...) package that close to my face, so it was a mentally painful moment. At some point, Jeffie and Just Joe thought I should give our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt, a Rikishi-style Stink Face to make up for him suggesting the Bronco Buster. So, I stripped down to my my AC/DC boxers. As it turned out, it was Jeffie and Just Joe on the receiving end of their own respective Stink Faces, and I've gotta tell ya, THAT WAS FUN!!! I made sure they got a good idea of what I'd had for dinner the night before, you'd best believe it! I'll bet their still gargling! So, from there, Jeffie carried out this big suitcase that was full of women's underwear. FMG seemed to think some of it looked pretty familiar, and one pair in particular I recognized from last year. These were all going on Jeffie's head, much to FMG's dismay. As a matter of fact, she showed Jeffie just how dismayed she was when she proceeded to beat the piss out of him. We, of course, cheered her on. Things got a little hazy for me following this. I remember Jeffie attacking me with wooden boards, resulting in more head trauma. Next thing I knew, I was wearing a viking helmet, as well as carrying a plastic sword and shield. Apparently some very bad things had happened up until that point, but I couldn't remember a damned thing. There was a lot of in and out of coherence from there, and each time I came back to myself, I either had the helmet on, or the sword and shieid, or some combination thereof. Chaos doesn't even describe it, to be honest... It wasn't until the evening was over and I'd gotten home that I discovered the truly nasty nature of the evenings most disturbing event. Upon watching what was saved to YouTube via the web cam, I saw myself run around in nothing but a pair of bikini briefs, wearing the helmet, carrying the sword and shiield, and attacking both Jeffie and Just Joe as I screamed like a maniac... Sincerely, my apologies to all who may have (let's face it, PROBABLY) suffered any undue mental distress as a result of viewing any of that. Look on the bright side, I really don't see how next year's No Pants Day celebration could be worse...

Pentagram - 8
Midnattsol - Spellbound
CypherSeer - From The Womb

Anvil - New Orleans Voo Doo
Cavalera Conspiracy - Blunt Force Trauma
Black 'N Blue - Candy
The Rods - Rebels Highway
Saviour - Killing Fields

Within Temptation - In The Middle Of The Night
Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade
The Gates Of Slumber - Wretch
Here Comes The Kraken - Beverly Hell
Motherboar - Croctosquatch

Septic Flesh - Five-Pointed Star
Gates Of Slumber - Bastards Born
Red Fang - The Undertow
Kaapora - Existence And Sickness
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin

God Astray - Dark Grey
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Infant Sorrow - Furry Walls
Alestorm - Miget Saw
Nine Round - Lost In The Fold

The May 4th Massacre - Flag Of Separation
I.N.C. - Swallowed
Before The Dawn - Winter Within
While Heaven Wept - Saturn And Sacrifice
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Combat - The Mutant Inside

Orange Barrel Acid - Useless
Arkona - Skal
Villian - Kamikaze
Pestilence - Malignant
Ana Kefr - Parasites
Tokyo Blade - Night Of The Blade
Diamond Head - Helpless

God Astray - Sex Poison
Hate Eternal - Hatesworn
Lowkey - Passion
Venom - Black Metal
Grave Decent - Morbid Extraction
OTEP - Fists Fall

Genitortures - Sin City
New Lows - Last Of The Rats
The Exalted PileDriver - Witch Hunt
Here Comes The Kraken - Nu Beginning
Cause For Revelation - Another Failure
Becoming The Archetype - The Magnetic Sky

The Rods - The Code
Thinning The Herd - Chill In The Air
Septic Flesh - The Undead Keep Dreaming



April 30 2011 - Compressed, Spater, and Lowkey

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who isn't ashamed to occasionally dance with his cats...

So, as of this writing we are officially just 3 weeks away from Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and in the interest of further promotion we had both Compressed and Lowkey in the studio, as well as Dave and Terry from Spater. We'll be having more bands from the event on the show in a couple of weeks, with Caroline Blue scheduled join us next. No denying it, we're all pretty damned pumped about this show! Speaking of being pumped for shows, a few of us were excited for a grand total of about 24 hours when we heard that KISS was coming to the Event Center at Turning Stone Casino at the end of July. Of course, the excitement was short-lived when we heard the tickets STARTED at $95 and went upward, to $1150. Sorry, guys, no dice, not everybody has that kind of scratch, not even for the nose-bleed seats, I don't care how great of a show you put on. I mean, really, Ozzy was able to do a full round of Ozzfest shows for free, maybe KISS could take a lttle cue from him and REALLY give something back to their fans... Oddly enough, Joe seems to think that I'm somehow made of money, and will be purchasing KISS VIP packages for everybody on the Onslaught. You know, I've discovered that it's really not a good idea to upset delusional people. I figure I'm just gonna let this one slide, and maybe he'll forget all about it!

Speaking of delusional, Joe still seems to think that it was Loverboy I went to see a couple weeks back, when it was Tesla. Can't seem to convince him otherwise. He also seems to think that I dance with my cats while listening to Loverboy, and I made sure that everybody was aware that it's not Loverboy that's playing when I dance with my cats. Oh, come on, don't tell me you're never held onto your pets' front paws and danced with them... I think that covers the important points. Like I said, look for more promotion of Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and more bands featured on that show. Won't be next week, though, because the time is almost here. Yep, that one day of the year that, for obvious reasons, we all dread. Next week is our annual celebration of No Pants Day. For those of you who've followed the show, you have at least a vague idea of what to expect. For those new to the show, however... well, just consider yourself warned...


The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Anvil - Juggernaut Of Justice
Brian Robertson - Blues Boy
Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade

Scheepers - Saints Of The Rock
CypherSeer - Red Rain
Saviour - Open The Night
Conflicted - Torment

Pentagram - Death In 1st Person
While Heaven Wept - Obsessions Now Effigies
Before The Dawn - Deathstar
Becoming The Archetype - Internal Illumination
Speed\Kill/Hate - Behind The Mask
Otep - Remember To Forget
Benedictum - Overture/Temple Of Syrinx

Compressed - Busted Teeth
Grave Descent - Feast Of The Damned
The May 4th Massacre - Slayerfest 2012
Onward To Olympas - Seeker
Amon Amarth - Doom Over Dead Man
Overcome - Body Of Death
Midnattsol - Spellbound

Compressed - Death Of The Flesh
Spater - Stronger Than You
Horseface - The Bloated One
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball

Lowkey - Lay Down Your Guns
Pestilence - Salvation
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin
The Gates Of Slumber - Castle Of The Devil

Lowkey - Backstabber
INC - The Good Bones Stay Down
Bane - The True Insomnia
Hate Eternal - Haunting Abound
Taletellers - The Keepers Of Doom
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Graveyard - No Good, Mr Holden

Nazareth - Watch Your Back
Motherboar - Zombie Vomit
Red Fang - Into The Eye
New Lows - Plaguegrounds
Thinning The Herd - Oceans Rise
The Exalted PileDriver - Witch Hunt
Hank III - Pistol Packin

Anvil - This Ride
The Rods - The Code
Death Valley High - She Wants To Kill
Machine Head - Bite The Bullet
Testament - Disciples Of The Watch
Tokyo Blade - Forged In Hell's Fire
Sorrowseed - Eldritch Hunter

Foo Fighters - Bad Reputation



April 23, 2011 - Horseface and Spiders...

Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Another relatively calm night on the show. We had HorseFace in the studio, one of the twenty bands scheduled to appear at the 2011 edition of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest. Let me tell ya something, here, their name might be worth of a chuckle, but these guys are all business. Good, solid heavy metal, and I'm very much looking forward to hearing them live on May 21st out on Donselaar's! Speaking of Metal Fest, Caged is scheduled to close the night out, and there was some speculation as to who might make guest appearances in the cages with the regular girls, and I believe it boiled down to either Dave from Spater or Rose from Demoness. I think I'd put my money on Rose... Speaking of guest appearances, we had George in the studio for the first time in... Y'know, I can't even remember the last time he stopped in. I'm almost willing to lay money on No Pants Day 2009. Yep, almost two years ago... Stop bein' a stranger, George!!!

An early discussion focused on something that happened on a number of our Facebook pages last Sunday night. I swear, it was just minutes after I posted last weeks' recap. Just MINUTES, and chaos ensued, covering not only my page, but moving onto Bill, Will, Lindsey, Rick, Azkath, and even the Metallic Onslaught Facebook page! The craziness in question, of course, centered around Croctosquatch. Yes, we've become very fond of this song by Motherboar. Hell, we've actually become rather fond of Motherboar, even going so far as to play some more of their music, this time featuring "Camel Puncher". Honestly, how can you not love a band with song titles like that? "Croctosquatch"..."Camel Puncher"..."Zombie Vomit"...they just kinda roll off the tongue! Ummmm... wait... ewwwwwww... Let's see... Our return from our weekly visit to Tim Horton's/ Cold Stone Creamery found us hearing part of a talk break (yes, we stay tuned in when we're not there) that mentioned a spider in the studio. Guess who doesn't particularly care for spiders? So, of course, after returning to the studio, I was very leary about any presence of arachnid activity. Truth is, Bill's not wild about them, either, so as long as they weren't in the Stupid Room, we were fine. Something really strange has occurred in the meantime, though. Something to do with my former smoking habit, which I'm happy to report is STILL a former habit, outside of a couple of minor slips.
Anyhoo, the strange part is that cigarettes suddenly look like spiders to me. Big, black, hairy, bloated, eight-legged aberrations of nature. Now, can you imagine how that looks when you see someone actually smoking? I mean, it's WEIRD!!!! People open a pack, pop a smoke in their mouths, light it, and all I see is a burning spider in their mouths! Honestly, what in the HELL is goin' on here? Apparently Azkath's "negative reinforcement" techniques have moved onto some bizarre form of aversion therapy. And, even crazier, IT'S WORKING!!!


Brian Robertson - Texas Wind
Leaves' Eyes - Empty Horizon
Pentagram - Horseman
CypherSeer - Aftermass

Mama's Boys - Lettin' Go
Mama's Boys - Needle In The Groove
Jag Panzer - Burn
Scheepers - Cyberfreak
Vicious Rumors - Razorback Blade

Horseface - F.E.A.R.
Midnattsol - The Metamorphosis Melody
Nightshade - You Can't See Through My Eyes
The Rods - Let It Ripp

Horseface - Crazy
Lowkey - Backstabber
Spater - Stronger Than You
Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
I.N.C. - Full Metal Jacket
Motherboar - Camel Puncher

Horseface - Muddy Boots
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Graveyard - Ungrateful Are The Dead
Red Fang - Throw Up
Foo Fighters - Darling Nikki
Behold The Arctopus - Canada

The Rods - The Code
Anvil - The Ride
Conflicted - Alive
KMFDM - Panzerfaust
Goes Cube - Thunderheads
Victims - Bringing Me Down
Havok - D.O.A.

Deafheaven - Language Games
Hyperborean - Killing Grounds
Tormenta - Tormented Souls
Cause For Revelation - Resurrecting The Hostility
Bane - Inherited Infection
Kampfar - Blitzwitch
Taletellers - Nail It Down

Xerath - Sworn To Sacrifice
Amon Amarth - For Victory Or Death
Thinning The Herd - My Wake
Free Reign - Ruins
Halestorm - Hunger Strike
Becoming The Archetype - The Magnetic Sky
Hank III - Hillbilly Joker
Evil Madness - Mad Attack
Gigan - Suspended In Cubes Of Torment

Anvil - New Orleans Voodoo
Psychopath - Illusive Deceptions
Order Of The Dead - Neurot Despot
Lowkey - Red Moon
Winterus - Moonlust

Motherboar - Croctosquatch
Combat - The Mutant Inside


April 16, 2011 - Barbed Wire Therapy...

Recap by Randy aka Wulfie, who is dreadfully afraid that the Croctosquatch may be real...

Before delving into the meat and potatoes of this weeks' recap, I'd like to point out that I have NEVER owned or worn a Tuggie... We had members of Spater on hand, as we begin some serious promotion for the upcoming 2011 edition of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest. Another upcoming event, one that we're really not as excited about, is No Pants Day, which is really beginning to creep up again. Hard to believe that it's just under three weeks away. I mean, just tossing around suggestions for this years' celebration was disturbing in and of itself. I mean, somebody actually recommended I wear a Tuggie! (For those who have no clue as to what a Tuggie is, just think of a Snuggie for the male parts...) Okay, granted the Tuggie suggestion came after I jokingly mentioned wearing a banana hammock for that show,but I can personally guarantee that the last thing I'm going to do on No Pants Day is subject folks to that sight. I mean, it may be all well and good for Dave and Just Joe to waltz around in their boxers, but  I'll probably just make due with a good ol' comfortable pair of shorts. Leave that other crazy shit for someone else! (For those who have no clue as to what the big deal about No Pants Day is, feel free to check out the trailer on our Facebook page, or on the main web page. If you really feel the need to see more after that, check out videos from the past two celebrations, also on the main web page AND on YouTube!  Consider yourself warned...) 

Sometime after the arrival of Azkath it was mentioned that perhaps we should do a No Pants Day invasion of The Last Exit For The Lost. Personally, I'm pretty sure that one night is going to be more than enough. Actually, I honest think No Pants Day has had more than enough mention for this recap. It'll be here soon enough, unfortunately. Movin' right along... So, one of the more humorous moments of the evening centered around the title of a song by a band I believe to be called Motherboar. The song title being (and I hope I've got the spelling right...) "Croctosquatch". You can imagine the hilarity that ensued, seriously... I mean, what the fuck is a Croctosquatch? The Satanic offspring of Wally Gator and Bigfoot? (As in, "Run for your life, it's the Croctosquatch"! Or maybe some kind of diabolical form of STD? (As in, "I've got a really, REAAAALLLY itchy case of the Croctosquatch!") The name just SOUNDS creepy! EWWWW! Something tells me we'll be playing that one again. Probably frequently... 


April 9, 2011 - Scott Columbus Tribute

Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

This edition of the Onslaught saw us paying our respects to yet another too-soon-departed Brother Of Metal, this time Scott Columbus. Scott was the drummer for Manowar for many, many years, playing on all but two of their studio albums. This guy was a heavy hitter if there ever was one, and he complemented Manowar's musical style better than anybody else that sat behind the kit for them. To describe his sound as "thunderous" would be an understatement. In tribute, we dedicated a full hour of time to some of his finest work with Manowar, and you'll be able to see our selections once the playlist for this week is posted. I'd say we did Scott justice, all in all. He's gonna be sorely missed...

Really not a whole lot left to mention. Outside of our tribute to Scott, it was a relatively uneventful evening. There was some awkwardness in the early going, as Rick took over the board in Joe's absence. Seems our long-suffering host had gotten himself a dose of the 24-Hour Plague. All told, though, Rick came through with a minimum of difficulty. Wasn't his first time behind the wheel, and probably won't be the last! Josh was in the control room, sitting in Rick's usual spot, which became referred to as the "Rick-hole". You don't really need an overly dirty mind to guess where that line of thought went... Azkath arrived, and surprisingly didn't beat the snot out of me for my continued smoking habit. Although, there was the confession that I'd spent a lot of time during the week calling Joe and trying to sing Bon Jovi songs for him. I say "trying" because eventually Joe just stopped answering his phone. Wouldn't even go to his answering system after the first couple of days... Oddly enough, the whole urge to sing Bon Jovi when I smoked went away after the Demon arrived. Instead, I felt this uncontrollable need to hug somebody every time I wanted a cigarette. Strange... Even weirder is the urge I now have to go to Joe's and give him a hug whenever I have a craving for tobacco. Unfortunately, I now have no idea of how to find Joe. He's been in hiding since the first couple attempts at hugging him at home. Oh well, I've still got a few days before the next Onslaught, and if he's feeling better, he'll probably be there to receive a WHOLE WEEK'S worth of hugs!


April 2, 2011 - Randy is Still Smoking...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

My apologies to those who may have hoped to hear Lady GaGa or Justin Bieber on this edition of the show, as we advertised. Actually, if you honestly hoped to hear any of that crap, you probably shouldn't be listening to the Onslaught, anyway... We'd thrown in some fun novelty tracks during the early portion of the show, in the interest of celebrating April Fool's Day, so if you were wondering where "Star Trekkin'" or "Earache My Eye" fit into the scheme, well, now ya know! Let's see, a couple of early discussions stood out. Somehow we got on the subject of video gaming, and Bill and I mentioned how we'd both been having marathon sessions with some recent favorites. For me, it's been Dragon Age II, an amazing sequel to Dragon Age Origins. I mentioned how I'd devoted a straight seven hours in one particular session. Bill, on the other hand, has been mixing it up between Darksiders, Castlevania: Lords Of Shadow, and Dead Space 2. Joe had asked how we handled bathroom breaks for those kind of sessions, to which I replied, "Well, that's what the pause button is for..." Bill, on the other hand, suggested something a little more hardcore, involving duct tape and a hose. Dwelling on that thought kinda makes me cringe, so we'll just move right on from there... Actually, Joe had suggested Depends, an idea that quite frankly never crossed my mind. And probably shouldn't cross my mind for at least another thirty years or so... A discussion about Primus resulted in further head trauma to myself. In a nutshell, Joe was doing a passable imitation of what most Primus songs sound like, leading Bill to mention that it made him feel like whamming his head into the wall. Well, next thing ya know... Wham, wham, wham... Of course, that wasn't the end of the head trauma, Goddess forbid I should catch a break for more than a week at a time. It's like this: Azkath seems to be on a mission to get me to quit smoking. Tough love seems to be be playing a large part in this process, so the blows to the head continued. Among Azkath's implements of "motivation" was a heavy plastic snow shovel. Not as bad as the drill, but damn, still pretty friggin' unpleasant...


March 26, 2011 - A Quiet Evening

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

Let me stress right up front: I will NOT be getting a portrait tattoo of Rodney Dangerfileld on my butt, or anywhere else, thank you very much. Ah, Rodney, not even in death, my good man, not even in death...

We featured some tracks from new releases from Amon Amarth and Winds Of Plague this week, and I've gotta say Rick was pretty damned pumped to have his copy of the Amon Amarth special edition box, featuring a very cool little collectible figure! One Winds Of Plague song bears mention. "The Warrior Code" features an intro from none other than WWE Legend, the man formerly known as The Ultimate Warrior, and now just known simply as Warrior. Pretty surreal, but if you're familiar with the Warrior's old promotional rants, you pretty much know what to expect. All in all, it was a very quiet evening, pretty uneventful overall. For the first time in quite awhile, it was only Joe, Rick, Josh, and myself for the majority of the show. Azkath and Foul Mouth Girl were both at The Haunt in Ithaca, as they were putting on a Last Exit For The Lost Presents show, featuring the last performance by New Animal. Bill had a date, and we suggested early on that maybe if he popped in afterward, we could grill him on how the evening went. Funny how, even though the character of Wulfie has been pretty much abandoned (thanks to Jeffie...), we still find fun ideas to incorporate him. The first idea was in response to a recent video I'd posted of a Bigfoot sighting, a five second clip that someone from North Carolina had filmed just last week. If you've seen the clip, it's pretty much what you'd expect. What I didn't expect, however, was to see "Bigfoot" actually waving at the camera as he crossed the road... Anyhoo, it was discussed that perhaps we should film a tribute clip in honor of Bigfoot sightings, with me in the Wulfie get-up. I'm happy to tell you that we successfully pulled off that clip while visiting The Last Exit For The Lost last night, and you can see all forty seconds of it on the Metallic Onslaught Facebook page, right now! The other idea is going to be a little difficult to pull off. Josh had mentioned having me go to Holland to get the new Pestilence CD, and when I explained that it may be a bit difficult, as I have neither the cash for airfare, nor the necessary passport, it was suggested that maybe I could throw on the Wulfie gear and fly in the cargo hold, in a pet carrier. Yeah, don't see that happening right away. Sorry, Josh... It was also suggested that I'd probably find far too much to entertain me in Amsterdam. Probably best that I just state state-side...


January 2, 2010 - Lance Returns

Listen to the Show

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Tim, from Century Media Records, was there, as was Lance, who hasn't been there in so long, we were certain he was dead. Apparently he is not, because, YAY, LANCE, LANCE, YAY LANCE(!), was indeed there! *clap, clap, clap, clap* Tim has a podcast, you can listen to. Jeffie said that his Internet license had been taken away by the Internet police, so he couldn't use computers. He didn't want to say why his license had been taken away, just insisted he hadn't done anything illegal, insisted a bit too much there, so you know it was something illegal. He told Rick that it hadn't been his idea to have him kill Josh in the death match 3 weeks ago. Rick didn't believe him, no matter how many times he insisted, and neither did anyone else. This year, New Year's Day fell on Friday, so the 1st 3 hours of this program were on New Year's Day...

July 1, 1989

As far as we know, this is the oldest show still in existence from The Metallic Onslaught. This dates to July 1, 1989, and was one of the first, if not the first, show that Joe hosted. Joe was hosting a show in Auburn, NY prior to this, but this may have been his first time on The Metallic Onslaught. This is not the whole show, but it is all we have.

Joe 1994