January 11, 2019 - The Good News about Bigfoot...

Recap by Randy: So, this week saw some surprises...not all of them good.

    Serra, Keeper Of The Nipple Nuts, was back on hand, and assured us that Nipple Nuts are not just edible, but they also regenerate. I’m still trying not to think too hard on what exactly a fucking Nipple Nut is…

    Tim had returned, and had some dude named Josh with him. Funny, I almost think we had a Josh on the show once upon a time...pretty sure he wandered into the Dog Park, though.

    And, much to our disappointment, Jeffie had returned from his voyage to Washington. Now, bear in mind, he had initially been summoned to Washington, D.C. by President Trump, and had mistakenly ended up in Washington state...on the exact opposite side of the country.
    Apparently Trump had made a request of Jeffie, since he was in the area, to investigate Bigfoot sightings. And, according to Jeffie, it seems that Bigfoot does well and truly exist. I guess it’s no coincidence that most photographic evidence of Bigfoot is blurry...it is apparently his natural state. Like, his very molecular structure is such that you can’t view him clearly.

    Jeffie also assured us that Bigfoot is amazingly well equipped, in his own words referring to ‘foot’s genitalia as “quite a piece of machinery”. He also claims that it also drags on the ground, so there’s usually a third trail that most people don’t talk about after a sighting occurs.Quite frankly, these claims just gives rise to more questions that I really don’t feel the need to know the answer to. Like, knowing some things might just drive me into a state of Lovecraftian madness. I’d like to avoid that if at all possible!

    I guess food came in the form of nuts, berries, and ‘shrooms, which just provided even more horrific mental imagery. I must say, though, we were somewhat interested to discover that Bigfoot isn’t really as out of touch with society as we may have guessed. According to Jeffie, Bigfoot is an internet user, and even speculated that the aforementioned genitalia may also work as a WiFi hot spot.
    Impressive piece of machinery, indeed!