January 4, 2019 - First Show of the Year...


The first show of 2019... A Little Bit Of Background…

Recap by Randy: Wow, been awhile, hasn’t it?
    So, in the interest of bringing folks somewhat up to speed, November of 2018 saw me get a hip replacement. This occurred following a slip on some ice when Jeffie sent me on a mission to find Joe, who he had fired the prior week. Seems Jeffie has some clout with our President, and had Trump’s blessing to fire anybody on the show. Something like that, anyway…

    Anyhow, sometime during my recovery, Joe returned, but referred to himself as Country Joe...no relation to “Country” Joe McDonald (or The Fish), for the record. Presumably Joe returned somewhat to normal in the consecutive weeks.

    We also somehow acquired a new co-host. Someone Azkath referred to as Sara…? Sarah? Serra? Oh, Hell, we’ll go with Serra until someone says otherwise…

    But, yeah, he's supposedly "The Keeper Of The Nipple Nuts", and now our new co-host. I must say, he fits right in with all the weirdness. So, moving right along…


    January of 2019 brought us into a warmer and much more comfortable recording environment, complete with cats! Cats are good, I like cats. Joe seemed a bit concerned in the early going that I may become too comfortable and fall asleep during a show, possibly with or without the assistance of a warm, purring cat. That has yet to happen, so I guess all is well in that regard.
    The fact that Jeffie was apparently out on some kind of secret mission just made it that much better! Azkath can say Jeffie is necessary for the show all he wants, but the best weeks are the ones where he’s off on a mission...or the ones after he’s died again…
    Tim and Lance had also dropped in for a visit, which I think made a total of two Lance visitations for the entire year. That’s exactly TWO MORE visits than the previous four years! Go Lance!

    We had recently played a song that Joe and Lance had recorded on the show many, many years ago, some tune called “Pet/Petting Your Cat”...somethin' like that, anyway. Joe had mentioned to Lance how we’d discussed re-recording the song for a modern take, so be on the lookout for the acoustic black metal version, complete with bongos. I’m REALLY pushing for the bongos...

    I don’t specifically remember how this topic came up, but parts of my anatomy and biological processes still become a topic of conversation on the show, more frequently than I care to talk about. But, somehow discussion became focused on my taint, and Serra proposed that someone organize an expedition to it.  

    I have no idea how this sort of thing would go down, quite frankly. I mean, would it be more of a “Fantastic Journey” type scenario, or more like “Innerspace”? Or would it be done more like “Honey, I Shrunk The Kids”, and would we potentially be able to pull Rick Moranis out of retirement to head the expedition?
    Yes, these are things we actually discuss on The Metallic Onslaught..

    Azkath asked me if I’d ever awoken myself in the middle of the night with my own stench. Now, I am admittedly a gassy beast at times. I have filled mind-bogglingly large amounts of air space with one squeak, the type of cloying stink that will clear rooms. However, due to sleep apnea and my need to wear a CPAP mask at night, I have no issues with that. Some of the cats I've had in previous years, though...poor Mittens, daddy didn't mean to Dutch Oven you...

    As the holidays had just concluded, we asked Joe what some of the hottest selling items at Joe’s Sex Shop were. Most of us agreed it was an honest question, but Joe seemed hesitant to discuss it. This, of course, left it to us to speculate on the existence of Candy Cane Butt-plugs and such.

    Edible Mr. and Mrs. Claus underwear, anybody?


Listen to the Show


Seer - Iron Worth Striking
Ancient Bards - Impious Dystopia
Wristmeetrazor - Insecurity Checkpoint

The Wizards - Apocalyptic Weapons
Nightrage - By Darkness Drawn
Frost Koffin - Hell Roller
Children Of Bodom - Under Grass And Clover
Carmine Appice - Mother's Space

Sisters Of Suffocation - Humans Are Broken
Contrarian - My Curse
Meathook - Awakened By The Stench
Cerberon - Blood On The Mountain
Blood Feast - Hunted, Stalked And Slain

Metal Church - Rot Away
Flotsam And Jetsam - Good Or Bad
Death Ray Vision - This Disaster
Great Grief - The Nihilist Digest
The Last Ten Seconds Of Life - Psychophrenia

Anabasis - Human Supremacy Illusion
Fallen Angel - Withered Souls
Shadowborn - Bygone Times
Inertia - Monkey's Paw
TheDestructPrinciple - A Kingdom Collapsed

KOSM - Omnipresence
Dark Divinity - Set In Stone
Methedras - Dead Silence
Necrofier - Shadow Winds
Mortuorial Eclipse - Ruin Empire

BillyBio - Enemy
Crows Over Bravellir - Spells Of The Dead
Nekrofilth - Repulsed At Birth
Sodom - Partisan
Tyrant - Inner Cult

Venom - Bring Out Your Dead
Legion Of The Damned - The Widow's Breed
Queensryche - Man The Machine
Trivium - I Don't Wanna Be Me
Alice Cooper - Caught In A Dream

Blade Killer - In The Arms Of The Devil
Into Eternity - Sandstorm
Helsott - Eye Of The Past
Critical Defiance - Spiral Of Hatred
King Apathy - Missed The Stars

Devin Townsend - Planet Smasher
The Gathering - Sand And Mercury
Godflesh - Crush My Soul
Omen - Escape To Nowhere
Diamond Tyr - The Restless One

Overkill - Last Man Standing
Laceration - Bred To Consume
Whitechapel - Brimstone
Bloodbath - Ride The Waves Of Fire
Hammerfall - Let The Hammer Fall (Rehearsal Demo 1998)