June 3, 2016 - Randy Fakes a Knee Injury...

Azkath and JoeRecap by Randy Metalwulf: So, early on in the broadcast Joe pointed out that I was wearing some form of bio-mechanical device. As much as I’d like to say it was something cool like that, it was really just a knee brace. Yep, been having some complications in recent weeks, and things came to a head when I got out of bed one morning and couldn’t stand up straight. As a matter of fact, the pain was so intense that I’m sure the neighbors heard me when I screamed...
As of this writing, I can confirm that it is a badly torn meniscus in conjunction with some floating debris in the knee joint that is most likely pieces of cartilage. Surgery is pending, and doesn’t sound like it’s going to be overly extensive or invasive. Keepin’ my fingers crossed!
Of course, Joe seemed to think that all of this was a result of Azkath beating me for smoking at Metal Fest, but my knees weren’t subject to any of that.
Speaking of Azkath, he has his own theories as to what’s wrong with my knee...as in, nothing is wrong with my knee. Yep, he seems to think that I’m making this all up to avoid my Three Stages Of Hell Death Match with Jeffie, which was originally planned to coincide with Joe’s birthday. This isn’t even remotely true, of course, but I can’t seem to get that through his head. In fact, Jeffie is convinced that I’m chickening out, which is completely laughable. I’m not afraid of that goof at all! In fact, I’ve been concocting all kinds of fun things for him to endure when he has to become my man-servant for a month. All of that is just going to have to wait until I’ve healed, that’s all there is to it. That death match is a go...just at a later date.
We confirmed that Josh is still a fainting goat when it comes to getting tickled, although he seems to have become a bit more resilient over the past couple years. In fact, I’m pretty sure this time he was able to stay seated, where before he’d just stiffen up and topple to the ground.
Joe had asked what happened to Nathan, who we hadn’t seen since Metal Fest, where he was running the sound board for the show. He even suggested that we take a road trip to kidnap him, but Nathan lives in Moravia, which is a tiny bit of a stretch from where we record. It was, however, suggested that if Joe wanted to make the trip, I should ride along and record it for posterity. I honestly didn’t think it was too terrible an idea, I’m sure it would have been worth more than a few laughs. Part road-trip buddy-flick, part docu-comedy, part...oh, who the hell knows how it would pan out. Truth is, Joe didn’t like the idea at all, so it didn’t happen.
The evening began coming to a close as Azkath shared a recent Tab story. Basically, it was Memorial Day weekend, and he couldn’t find Tab anywhere, literally having to make a trip to Canandaigua to pick up the last few cases they had in stock.
I shouldn’t have to describe where the night went from there, but I will...
Joe mysteriously disappeared after discovering that Azkath had Tab on the premises. He wasn’t gone long, only about five minutes, but something was kinda fishy. Our suspicions were confirmed when Azkath stated that Joe’s truck was full of empty Tab cans. Now, you may ask yourself how much Tab can a person possibly drink in five minutes. In Joe’s case, the answer would be approximately four cases. And, if you think back to late last fall, you’ll remember that Joe got ridiculously ill from chugging just two 2-liter bottles of Tab, swearing that he only got sick because it was leftover from 1978 or so. I mean, Joe puked EVERYWHERE that night, it was nightmarish.
Now...imagine what it would have been like when Joe started projectile vomiting four cases of Tab. And then imagine being the only target who can’t move out of the way fast enough because his knee sucks...



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Azkath and Joe