January 30, 2015 - Joe is Back...

Recap by Randy MetalWulf...
Well, the show began with us expressing more concern over the absence of our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt. Thankfully, that concern was short-lived, as he FINALLY made an appearance during our second talk break.
So, what exactly happened with that whole debacle with the chair that was not JUST a chair?
Well, it seems that the chair made a beeline for someplace called Gurney. I should note that nobody knew precisely where Gurney was, but a bit of Google research revealed that it's actually in Wisconsin. Of course, nobody knows WHY the chair seemed to be programmed to travel to Gurney, but that's where it went, and it seems that it's also where Joe lost Jeffie.
As for Joe, he managed to make his way to Florida. Sadly, the peace of his impromptu vacation was short lived, as Jeffie arrived a couple days later. And, the crazy part is, Joe actually went on record to state that he and Jeffie ALMOST had fun!
Yeah, that boggles the mind, I know...
Apparently Jeffie proceeded to make an utter nuisance of himself while in Florida, parading around in swimwear that Joe described as being straight out of the movie, Borat. Now, that was painful enough to imagine, but he then told us that Jeffie was wearing it BACKWARD.
Makes ya want to bust out a gallon or two of Eye Bleach, doesn't it?
Other exploits included Jeffie attempting to ride a dolphin, which I have to admit would quite possibly have been amusing to watch, even somewhat cute...until you take a moment to ponder exactly what was meant by "ride". I mean, with Jeffie, you just never know. And, apparently, he also attempted to jump from a pier onto a passing mermaid, who was not a mermaid,which I can't imagine went well for either of them.
So, once the story was out, there seemed to be a bit of developing hostility between Joe and Seriah Azkath. After all, the chair was (and is) still among the missing. Hate to think that one of us may actually have to take a mid-winter trip to Wisconsin just to reclaim it. Hopefully the two of them can resolve this issue in the coming weeks!

I have some very fuzzy memories regarding some other developments that night, having to do with my bouts of gassiness. I vaguely remember moments where I'd passed a bit of gas and being utterly terrified, almost as if a million spiders had been dumped on top of me. And, regular listeners know that I am not overly fond of arachnids, so you can only imagine the terror I must have been experiencing!
But, at another moment, it seemed that I was perfectly capable of farting without fear...which didn't go over so well with the other guys. As it stands now, I'm terrified of farting at all...as if a million spiders are about to descend upon me. You can't even imagine the discomofort of holding it all in for an extended period...

The only other matter of relevance I feel I should bring up has to do with the after-effects of eating the jerky that had been made from my previous body, after it had been possessed by Satan. The previous show had ended with me seeing items rimmed with assorted shades of Hellfire, and horns starting to protrude from my chest. Well, imagine my horror when I finally got home and a twisted little form pulled itself out of my chest cavity...not to mention the horror when that little form started running around my apartment, getting into no end of mischief.
I've since named that little form Damon, and have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I may have given birth to the Antichrist.
Yep, just when ya thought the show couldn't get any weirder!

Playlist

Generichrist - Taste Of Death
Perdition Temple - Scythes Of Antichrist
Ergot - The Weeping Willow

Savage Machine - Fifth Computerworld
Nepente - I Will Get Your Soul
Gehenna - Lead To The Pyre
Abominator - Indomitable Master
Putrid Offal - Rotted Flesh