May 29, 2015 - Metal in Nature

  • Published in 2015

Metal in NatureI'm happy to say that this week we were joined by the one and only Crappy The Clown, who lastvisited us early last year. For those unfamiliar, Crappy has quite the history amongst the regional entertainment scene. He's fronted both Stool and Punch Drunk Monkeys over the years, he's been onstage with Gwar, he's been involved with professional wrestling...truly, a clown of all trades! And, deep down in his crappy heart, he's a pretty damned decent dude. We love the guy to death, and he can come hang with us any friggin' time he wants, as far as we're concerned!

Anyhow, we began this week's show sitting amongst nature, enjoying the cool spring breeze that was blowing through the trees outside our new digs. I was actually enjoying the hell out of it, myself, but the other guys didn't really care for being devoured by blood-thirsty insects, so we eventually moved back indoors.

Bunch o' pussies...

I mean, really, bear in mind that they were all flipping out over maybe getting West Nile virus, while at the same time ridiculing the hell out of me for actually going to a doctor when I was struck with a recent dose of the plague!

Yeah, I got sick...went the entire winter healthy as a horse, for the most part, while Joe, Seriah, and Rick were going through bouts of illness. We get to spring...one of the worst ones in recent history when it comes to allergens floating about, I know I'm not the only one...and I get laid low with my first bout of bronchitis in four and a half years.

Yet...apparently I'm less manly for getting it treated. I guess I was just supposed to suck it up and ride it out, blah, blah, blah...

At least I'm not afraid of a few mosquitoes...

It was actually suggested that my recent run of cigarette smoking may not have helped my cause, and I won't argue the logic. That, along with a worse than normal allergy season, very likely contributed to all of the unpleasantness. Azkath even went so far to suggest that, along with the smoking and other factors, that perhaps getting possessed by Satan again on No Pants Day played a part...possibly making me come down with the Satanic Plague.

Scary stuff, but not as scary as what's likely to happen to me if I start smoking again. Azkath broke out the big guns this time, firing up what I at first thought was a chainsaw...but was, in fact, a weed whacker, which is apparently capable of taking down small trees...

If that's not incentive to lay off the smokes, I don't know what is!

Another interesting item of note from this week...

Azkath seems to think I could be pregnant, which is utter nonsense when you consider the biological aspects. Still, he seems to think, based on a message I'd sent him regarding my dose of the plague, that I could have a bun in the oven. But, hey, just because vomiting happened to be among my symptoms (and not normally associated with bronchitis, at least not in my experience), it doesn't mean I'm defying the laws of nature.

But, his line of reasoning is this...

On No Pants Day, I was possessed by Satan, once again becoming Mandy. As Mandy, I apparently...ummmmm...molested Nate, one of his newer co-hosts on The Last Exit For The Lost. I, of course, have no recollection of this at all.

Honestly, it's gotta be a fluke. That vomiting could have been the result of something I ate...like that peanut butter and pickle pizza I'd been...craving...a couple...weeks...back...

Oh shit...

- Randy Metalwulf

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