May 4, 2013 - No Pants Day!

  • Published in 2013
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** Slayer Tribute **
Captor Of Sin
Die By The Sword
Hell Awaits
Raining Blood
War Ensemble
South Of Heaven
Silent Scream
War Zone
Hate Worldwide
Agressive Perfector
Angel Of Death
Masters Of Metal - Chameleon
The Resistance - To The Death
Pamela Moore - Paranoia
F.K.U. - Scream Bloody Mosher
M:Pire Of Evil - Blackened Are The Priests
Atrocity - Death By Metal
Ark Of The Covenant - Transgressors
Vicious Rumors - Electric Punishment
Orchid - Mountains Of Steel
Black Water Rising - Show No Mercy
Death Dealer - Hammer Down
Gary Clark Jr. - When My Train Pulls In
Amorphis - Enchanted By The Moon
Iron Glove - Heaven Hellbound
Suidakra - Let Me Put My Love Into You
Trail Of Tears - Path Of Destruction
The Monolith Deathcult - Drugs, Thugs & Machetes
Starkill - New Infernal Rebirth
Killswitch Engage - Time Will Not Remain
Potential Threat - Written In Blood
Horseface - Succubus (I Warned You!)
Ghost B.C. - Depth Of Satan's Eyes
Arsis - Choking On Sand
Anciients - Faith And Oath
Kings Destroy - The Toe
Kadaver - Rythm For Endless Minds
Sodom - Tracing The Victim
We As Human - Dead Man
Skid Row - Get Up
Ugly Kid Joe - No One Survives
Pamela Moore - Melt Into You
Avantasia - Dweller In A Dream
Pushmen - The Year Of Hands & Neck
Stygian - Bloodlines
Blood Ceremony - Witchwood
Kobra And The Lotus - No Rest For The Wicked
Recap by The Metal Wulf...

So, as per tradition, the night of the 3rd was our annual No Pants Day celebration (being the first Friday of the month). And, in all honesty, the first couple of hours were pretty uneventful in the sense that there was no uncomfortable silly occurrences, of the type we are all too well known for on this particular evening.
In fact, Joe attempted a save by suggesting that No Pants Day was over by the time the rest of the crew arrived (Jeffie, JustJoe, and Arydaea), mentioning how it was officially Saturday, and therefore May 4th, which is apparently now Official Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You...)
But, Jeffie and JustJoe proclaimed it to be No Pants Day Weekend, so there was no avoiding it...
Before I get into any more detail regarding the horrors that befell later in the evening, I should mention that we devoted the first hour of the show to paying tribute to Slayer's Jeff Hanneman, who had sadly passed the day before. 
Those familiar with Hanneman's story know that he'd taken ill a couple year's ago, contracting necrotizing fasciitis, possibly from a spider bite. The official cause of death, as of recently, seems to be pointing to cirrhosis of the liver, however.
No matter, you can't prepare yourself for anything like this. I mean, come on, Hannaman was part of a major movement in heavy metal history, being part of the early thrash scene and helping to pave the way for a completely new genre of heavy music. His contributions to Slayer are practically limitless, including both music and lyrics, especially in the early years. He will be deeply and sorely missed...
So, moving along to the horrors of No Pants Day...
Okay, I confess, even I found myself to be highly creepy in the aftermath of the whole thing, when photos and video were being shared on Facebook. I mean, I even kept my shorts on this year, literally NO boxers and NO man-kini! 
Can't say the same for the shirt, though. 
So, yeah, in a nutshell, I put rainbow stickers around my nipples to act as Pasties, strapped on an inflatable unicorn horn, painted a mop head in rainbow hues (a HORRIBLE paint job, by the way...), and wore Jeffie's blonde wig (my head's been itchy every since...) in the interest of putting forth my ultimate personification of what a Brony would be. And I'm kinda ashamed of myself...
Of course, shame doesn't make it okay that at the end of the evening Jeffie and JustJoe beat me down and violated me with my own unicorn horn...and I'm pretty sure there was some sincere attempts at tea-bagging me at the very end...
And let's not forget Arydaea's assurances to the three of us that not only was there a No Pants Day bus outside waiting for us, but there was also a Brony bus, specifically for me.
We looked...long and hard...far and wide...there were no buses...

March 30, 2013 - Easter Jeffie

  • Published in 2013

Suicidal Tendencies - Smash It! 

Trouble - 'Scuse Me 
Bring Me The Horizon - The House Of Wolves 
Dark Sermon - Hounds 
Iron Maiden - Killers 
U.D.O. - Metal Machine 
Killswitch Engage - You Don't Bleed For Me 
Necrophagia L.A. - Tear Off Your Face 
War-Saw - Intro (Final Warning) 
War-Saw - Nuclear Nightmare 
Alice In Chains - Brother 
Ghost B.C. - Year Zero 
Queensryche - Redemption 
Dedvolt - Let It Burn 
Niacin - Krush 
Clutch - D.C. Sound Attack 
Anthrax - Smokin' 
Spiritual Beggars - Left Brain Ambassadors 
October Tide - Emptiness Fulfilled 
Left For Dead - Kill All Humans 
Lynch Mob - Wicked Sensation 
Robin Trower - Bridge Of Sighs 
Avenger Of Blood - Spawn Of Evil 
Kverertak - Nekrokosmos 
Jungle Rot - Rage Through The Wasteland 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Keepers Of The Night 
Saxon - Wheels Of Terror 
Gloryhammer - Magic Dragon 
Lordi - The Riff 
Hatriot - Blood Stained Wings 
Rotting Christ - Grandis Spiritus Diavolos 
Hatchet - Dawn Of The End 
Stryper - The Rock That Makes Me Roll 
Alice In Chains - Stone 
Flotsam And Jetsam - Ugly Noise 
Manowar - Manowar 
Soilwork - Realm Of The Wasted 
Ken Mode - The Terror Pulse 
Suffocation - Cycles Of Suffering 
Dark Throne - Valkyrie 
Mortillery - Madhouse 
Krokus - Rattlesnake Rumble 
Mad Season - I Don't Know Anything 
Terra Tenebrosa - The Compression Chamber 
Mothership - Angel Of Death 
Nightshade - Betrayal 
While She Sleeps - Death Toll 
Crossfaith - Jagerbomb 
Hope For The Dying - The Lost 
Psyche Corp. - Pound Of Flesh 
Godseed - This From The Past 
Avenger Of Blood - Centuries Of Hell 
Recap by The Metal Wulf
There was a touch of the ol' Full Moon Madness goin' on, and I spent the evening partially fuzzy. Still kinda disappointed that nobody wanted to scratch me behind the ears...
You'll see what I mean when the video gets shared...
Had a brief visit from some of the extended Onslaught family, as Will and Lindsey dropped in to say hello for a bit. It had actually been quite some time since the two of them had dropped by, so it was fun seeing them. Hard to believe that it's been just over a year since they became parents!
Kudos to Lindsey for being the only person who was nice enough to scratch behind my ears. It felt very nice...
So, before getting to the meat and potatoes of crazy events for the evening, I need to discuss a strange phone call that came for me during the first talk break. 
Some person with a phony accent (think Apu from "The Simpsons"...) mentioned something about how he'd heard I was interested in My Little Pony. He even went so far as to extend an invite to a convention in Las Vegas, where he wanted me to be their keynote speaker for the event...
I was honestly perplexed at first. I mean, I was pretty sure somebody was just fucking with me, but let's face it, crazy shit happens with us sometimes, and I've approached a juncture where very little actually shocks me anymore. Hell, for all I know, there really COULD be some weird sort of Bronie-Con going on. 
Anyhow, I declined, politely explaining to this person that I wasn't remotely interested in anything Bronie-related, in fact I went so far as to inform him that I'd never even heard the term until this past December. 
The guy didn't seem to believe me. In fact, he told me to "stop being a Richard", which roughly translates to don't be a dick (short for Richard...)
I will say this, it was an amusing conversation. Rick and Joe were pretty much losing it based solely on what they could hear on my end of the conversation, which I ended by thanking the caller for listening.
Pretty sure this particular incident warrants an installment of "Randy's Rants", so be on the lookout for that.
Well, it really came as no surprise when Jeffie arrived. As a matter of fact, Azkath's abrupt departure was the first clue that trouble was on the way.
Yep, previously assumed to be shark-bait...imprisoned by Sloth, before he escaped (more on that in a bit...), Jeffie made his return to the Onslaught this past Friday night...and what a return it was...
He started parading around in his underwear (wearing a shirt, at least...), and started pelting us with empty plastic Easter eggs. And instead of fake bunny ears, he was wearing that silly dragon cap of his, which just looked really...well...
Okay, as stupid as it looked, it was pretty fucking funny, I can't deny it.
Still, he pelted us with EMPTY plastic Easter eggs! No chocolate, foiled-wrapped eggs or peanut butter cups, or Peeps (personally, I hate Peeps...), or jelly beans (can take or leave those, as well...), or...well, you get the point.
In all honesty, after getting blasted directly on the right cheek bone, I should be grateful that those eggs had nothing inside them...
Anyhoo, we proceeded to welcome him back to the show by beating the unholy fuck out of him, throwing the eggs back at him, kicking and stomping him into the ground, beating him with his own Easter basket.
Yep, welcome back, Jeffie!
So, once he was capable of movement and semi-coherent speech again, he brought us up to date on all the fun stuff that happened to him after following Joe to Florida earlier this year.
Seems that Jeffie got really bored and decided to take some Twinkies to Sloth. Now, bear in mind, at this point in time there were no Twinkies on the shelves. Oh, maybe some generic, store-brand equivalents here and there, but no real Twinkies. Jeffie managed to find an old box deep on a shelf.
And, for Sloth, this has been an EXTREMELY sensitive subject. I don't think I've ever seen anybody get so emotional over the loss of a snack cake before. The man has truly been in mourning...
So, apparently Jeffie came along with the Twinkie box, but accidentally ate them all on the way, and Sloth just lost it. Freaked out. Beat Jeffie mercilessly, and then locked him in the basement for a couple of months. 
Bear in mind, Sloth actually revealed to us that Jeffie was in his basement just a mere three weeks ago when he dropped in for Ayrdaea's birthday.
So, the following week was when Azkatch received the cryptic message stating simply..."I got out..."
And, that brings us up to date, with Jeffie officially returned to the Onslaught. With that being said, anybody with a secure basement can now feel free to abduct him again, it won't be necessary to inform us of where you're keeping him. 
Awwwww, Hell, who am I kidding...we're pretty well stuck with him again...


January 19, 2013 - Randy's Birthday / Tribute to the Past

  • Published in 2013
Iron Maiden-Rime of the Ancient Mariner
Judas Priest-Between the Hammer and the Anvil
Fight-Immortal Sin
Corrosion of Conformity-Broken Man
Deep Purple-Mistreated
Black Sabbath-Sign of the Southern Cross
Mindfunk-In the Way Eye
Mercyful Fate-Come to the Sabbath
Prong-Whose Fist is this Anyway
Malevolent Creation-Mindlock
Dimmu Borgir-Spellbound(By the Devil)
Morbid Angel-Eyes to See,Ears to Hear
g/z/r-Giving up the Ghost
Vision of Disorder-By the River
Anthrax-Skeletons in the Closet
Testament-All I Could Bleed
Crimson Glory-Lady of Winter
Queensryche-Walk in the Shadows
Dream Theater-The Mirror
Tesla-Had Enough
Van Halen-Light up the Sky
Meshuggah-The Mouth Licking What You've Bled
The Project Hate-With Desperate Hands so Numb
Sevendust-My Ruin
Fear Factory-Self Bias Resistor
Killing Culture-LockFist
Venom-Countess Bathory
Circus of Power-Heaven and Hell
Stryper-Soldiers Under Command
Coven-Rock this Church
Cemetary-Where the Rivers of Madness Stream
Skyclad - The Wrong Song
Not Fragile - High Into Heaven
carnivore "Thermonuclear Warrior"
Sacred Oath "Shadow Out of Time"
Angel Witch-Angel Witch
Flotsam and Jetsam-Evil Sheik
Machine Head-A Nation on Fire
Overkill-Deny the Cross
Cradle of Filth-Sodomy and Lust
Testament-Apocalyptic City
Motley Crue-Slice of your Pie
Dokken-Alone Again
Recap by The Metal Wulf
Not a lot to speak of this week, to be honest. This show fell on the day after my birthday, and once again we did a Tribute To The Past show to celebrate. Always cool breaking out the old-school metal, especially when you get into that mental space where you're trying to think of songs you haven't heard in years. It was a good night, overall!
It almost didn't start out that way, however. Jeffie made an early appearance, swearing that he was going to ruin my whole evening. 
Yep, I traumatized Jeffie with my Pantless Santa Dance so much that he REFUSED TO GIVE ME A LAPDANCE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!
(Oh, poor me, however will I survive without a Jeffie lap dance, blah, blah, blah...)
Yeah, I sure felt let down when he left. It just wasn't the same without him running around annoying everybody beyond all conceivable tolerance levels. I'm sure the rest of the crew was just as disappointed.
Don't worry 'bout old Jeffie, though. I'm sure he's keeping himself entertained trying to find Joe, who is on vacation and won't be back until next week.
Personally, if I were Joe, I'd try to lure Jeffie into the Everglades, where they not only have alligators, but there are also huge Burmese Pythons, which have been thriving there, becoming quite the nuisance. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't love to see Jeffie trying to pull himself out of the coils of a 20-foot-long snake?
The only other noteworthy thing I can think of at the moment is that as of this week we will be moving to a new time slot, that being 10:00 p.m. until 3:00 a.m. So don't get all paranoid when you tune in Friday night and World Cafe is on at 9:00! Just be patient, and things will get plenty loud when 10:00 rolls around!


January 12, 2013 - A Quiet Night...

  • Published in 2013

Helloween - Live Now!
Jorn - The Mob Rules
Kiss - A World Without Heroes
VoiVod - Warchaic

Horseface - The Nile
Watchtower - The Size Of Matter
Clutch - Earth Rocker
Hatebreed - Put It To The Torch

Andy Winter - Far Beyond Autopilot
Jimmy Fallon - Reading Rainbow
Band Of Skulls - Sweet Sour
Blue Oyster Cult - In The Presence Of Another World

Mortillery - Creature Possessor
Head Of The Demon - Phantasmagoria
Lightning Swords Of Death - Acid Gate
Man The Machetes - Neo-Cowboy

Swarm Of Arrows - Little Marching Vipers
Xanthochroid - Long Live Our Lifeless King
Varg - Guten Tag
The Project Hate - We Watch In Silence As The Earth Turns To Blood
Sinister - Unheavenly Domain
God Seed - From The Running Of Blood

Newsted - Godsnake
Headcrusher - Let The Blood Run
Oblivion - Reigns In Fire
Satan Jokers - Schizophrenic
Nunslaughter - Deathlehem

Funeral For A Friend - Best Friends And Hospital Beds
Air Raid - Raiders Of Hell
Alice In Chains - Hollow
Siegewyrm - Bloodlust
Stormborn - Scorched Earth

Katalepsy - Body Bags For The Gods
Prowler - Knives For Fingers
Visions Of Tragedy - I'll Be Born Again
Tystnaden - Against Windmills
Gloria Morti - Sleep, Kill, Regress, Follow

Destruction - Riot Squad
4arm - Taken Down
Blockheads - Digging Graves
Recap by The Metal Wulf
There was a general air of excitement as we mentioned the booking of Opeth at the Town Ballroom in Buffalo this April. They'll be playing along with Katatonia, so I'm thinking this show should be pretty damned good!
We agreed that it's a shame that we don't have a venue similar to the Town Ballroom that's located a little closer than Buffalo. Truth is, you can't beat the set-up that this place has. There's not a bad view, no matter where you stand!
Joe told me I had to start building a similar venue ASAP.
Yep, I'll get right on that, with the piddling lil' wages my day job offers... 
A discussion arose that mentioned bands that had appeared in cheesy 80's movies, with a prime example being Vixen's appearance in "Hardbodies". Not a great film, to be honest, but a damned sight better than a certain piece of trash called "The Allnighter".
Honestly, there was only one reason to watch "The Allnighter", and her name was Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles... 
This prompted a further discussion of how we should film a cheesy 80's-style film of our own. As a matter of fact, we even discussed what classic 80's talent we'd want to portray ourselves!
Lessee...we figured John Candy would work for me...John Belushi for Rick...Woody Harrelson for Joe, and for Josh...Pee Wee Herman!
Now, just need to find out who'd portray Lance, Azkath, Jeffie, Bill, and Arydaea...
Tim had joined us once again, but we'll be saying farewell to him soon, as he'll be returning to the West Coast in the coming weeks. We keep telling him to stay, but he always goes back...
I say we drug him and chain him up in the basement! Who's with me?
Seriously, though, we're starting to worry about him a little bit. He seemed to take a huge liking to Fred a few weeks ago, and...well...
I'm sorry, but the thought just creeps the rest of us out...ewwwww...
So, we'll be celebrating my birthday on this week's edition with a Tribute To The Past show, so it's gonna be nothin' but old-school metal all night long! 
And apparently Jeffie will be returning to get revenge on me for my actions on our End Of The World show. Oooooooh, I'm so afraid...
Seriously, Jeffie needs to get a grip. He doesn't mind doling out lap dances and doing things that make the rest of us feel awkward and/or uncomfortable, so personally I believe it was high time he got a big dose of his own medicine!
Actually, if I were Jeffie, I'd be more worried about what we're going to do with his damned alligator. Friggin' thing has taken up residence in the restroom, which makes it pretty difficult to take a crap!
Not that it's stopped me, yet... 


December 22, 2012 - End of the World!!

  • Published in 2012
Listen to the Show

12-21-12 MO End of the World from Aethyric Productions on Vimeo.


Gary Moore - End Of The World
Def Leppard - Answer To The Master
Kiss - Take Me
Kiss - Hard Times

Hemina - Otherworldly
Stone Magnum - Grave Of Cryptic Sorrows

Doro - Revenge
T&N - Kiss Of Death
Dead On - The Matador's Nightmare
Exodus - Blacklist
Ion Vein - Fools Parade

Within Temptation - Ice Queen
Dropkick Murphys - The Boys Are Back
Heaven's Cry - Gaia's Judgement
VoiVod - Kluskap O'Kom

The Project Hate - At The Entrance To Hell's Unholy Fire
Laconist - Chaos Of A Million Flames
Omnihility - Unsummoned
Manticore - Torn Apart By Hate
Killaton - Shattered
Fight - Christmas Ride

King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas
Xanthochroid - Winter's End
Doomsday - Bring Down The Knife
Mors Principium Est. - Destroyer Of All
Swarm Of Arrows - Rustmaker

Aeon Zen - Eternal Snow
Death - Pull The Plug
Destruction - City Of Doom
CJSS - Need Of Dreams
Butcher Babies - Axe Wound

Grand Supreme Blood Court - Fed To The Boars
Daemonicus - From Alive To Dead Life
Aeon - I Wish You Death
My Dying Bride - The Poorest Waltz

Midas Touch - Accessory Before The Fact
Lawnmower Deth - Watch Out Grandma (Here Comes A Lawnmower)
Jesse Smith - Christmas With The Zombies
Devo Spice - The Christmas Season

Wintersfear - Daywalker
Hate - Solarflesh
Erupted - Dark Mistress
Overtorture - Slaves To The Atom

Sonic Reign - Daily Nightmare Injected

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
One of the crazier nights in recent memory, we were actually visited for a couple of hours by my long-lost brother Bill...or BILL!!!! as he is known on the show...
Oddly enough, I actually got thrown under the Brony bus by him, as he insisted that I have almost a fully collection of My Little Ponies! Couldn't believe that! I mean, here's the kid who grew up with a Care Bears record!
In all honesty, the only toys I currently collect are stuffed Opus penguins. Those who remember the Bloom County comic strip know what I'm speaking of. Can't help it, I'm a huge fan of that cominc, to this day. And, really, it's not much of a collection...
We also took advantage of Bill's presence to further discuss the Sound Lab, where we'd recently seen Job For A Cowboy, with the general consensus being that the place is pretty much a dive that you don't want to go to after eating Mexican food...
We also saw the return of Jeffie. Honestly, it was only a matter of time. 
He brought us up to speed, telling us of the ill-fated fishing trip in the swamp that Joe took him on. Seems that Joe had pushed Jeffie into the swamp, and took off back for civilization. Jeffie took his time in the swamp to supposedly raise an allgator and train it to attack Joe.
As a matter of fact, this alligator was supposedly lurking about the radio station on Friday night, but I'll be damned if I saw it. At one point I thought maybe I'd accidentally flushed it down the toilet, but Jeffie assured me it was a BIG gator...So, in addition to having an alligator companion, Jeffie is also supposedly a zombie again, courtesy of the voodoo priestess, Papa Shango...
Yeah, I know, none of it really makes any kind of sense. And to be honest, I can't really remember the point where things really disintegrated, causing Joe and I to team up on Jeffie by giving him multiple Pit Stops (remember the Nasty Boys? Yeah, ewwwww...)
So, sadly I have to confess that, thanks to the rumors of Armageddon on that day, I gave in and did the Pantless Santa Dance. I just couldn't resist the idea, it sounded pretty damned amusing, so I ran with it. Grinch shirt, Santa hat, silky red boxers with fuzzy white trim all done to the tune of "Skating" from the soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas"...
Yes, there will be video...
Things really got out of hand when we got Jeffie involved. Funny, really.  After all the times we've been subjected to lap dances from him, I thought for sure he'd have been cool to get a lap dance from one of us. Not so at all. As a matter of fact, by the time that Tim and I were through with him, we'd pretty much broken Jeffie. I honestly wouldn't have thought it possible...
Things really got out of hand, though, when our visit from Satan Claus went terribly wrong. I mean, here's Satan Claus, trying to convince naughty children that they'll be sorry if they can't keep it together on Christmas Day, and all of a sudden, Jeffie attacks us with a tiny little sauce pan. From there more Pit Stops were given, and then Fred took over! Yeah, Fred! As in that dirty old man persona that popped out of Jeffie earlier in the year.
Needless to say, that forced Satan Claus to cut his visit short. Honestly, after that...I think it might be a little difficult to convince him to return next year...

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