Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, here I sit, contemplating the daunting task of writing a recap for an edition of The Metallic Onslaught that I wasn't even present for.  An earlier than normal work shift made me think that it may have been a good idea to hang back for a night.
Still, I tuned in to listen, at the same time leaving my own two cents here and there on the Onslaught Facebook page, which I've been known to do on nights like that. I'd honestly had visions of going to bed at around midnight or so, thinking I'd get plenty of sleep, but the truth is, I just didn't feel tired. So I listened some more. 12:30: Not tired. 1:00 Not tired. 1:30 Not tired. Sincerely, I ended up listening right up until the last talk break, not beginning to feel even remotely sleepy until roughly 1:50. Oh well... So, having listened throughout the evening, I was able to garner enough info to do my usual recap. Ahem...

Roc City Roller Derby members Izzy Normous and Cuss Muffin were on hand to promote this Saturday's bout at the Dome Arena, this one entitled Babes Of The Brawl. Rick, Josh, and myself will actually be in attendance for this one. I'm releived, too, because I was starting to think I'd never make it to a derby bout this year, and that would be a damned shame! I guess Josh will be wearing a bunny outfit to this bout. I can't honestly remember the specifics of WHY he'll be in a bunny outfit, but hey, who am I to judge? In fact, this will work out just great, because I'll be breaking out the ol' WarWulf persona. That's right, don't panic, there are going to be both a wolf AND a bunny in the suicide seats this time!
I'm thinking this is going to be insanely fun, and then some. Oh, for the record, Josh will be referred to as Floppy. Yes, that's right, Floppy Nolin. Personally, I think Floppy O'Nolin would sound a little better, but that is entirely up to his discretion.
Seriously, though, just imagine WarWulf chasin' Floppy around the ol' Dome Arena... There was some mention of Cuss Muffin having monkeys on her head in some of her photos. Hey, Cuss gets around, and if she's in parts of the world where monkeys can climb on you, well, hey, there's WORSE things! Like, how about parts of the world where tarantulas eat cockroaches while perched on top of your toothbrush? Cuss has had that happen as well... Ick... So, something was mentioned about somehow having monkeys brought onto the Metallic Onslaught. Personally, I think this could be fun, as long as there's no flinging of gross bodily excretions involved. Of course, it would just complement the usual assortment of poo-related humor, so... Lowkey were also on hand, to promote the upcoming 2011 edition of Hagefest, a three-day event that takes place in Sodus, NY the weekend of August 19-21. Thirty bands in three bands, representing some of the best bands our area has to offer. I'd highly recommend going if you've nothing better to do that weekend. Always good to get out and promote the local scene. Rick will actually be there on that Saturday, and Lowkey have personally invited him to announce the bands for that day. A disturbing topic was brought up, as something was mentioned about Jackie Stallone doing psychic readings. Based on photos of people's buttocks... Yeah, I was pretty perplexed about this, but apparently if you send Jackie a photo of your ass, she can tell you things about yourself as related to your past and future and stuff like that. I think she's just a strange old lady with some really twisted tastes, but that's just me... Jeffie arrived eventually, of course, and it's probably just as well for him that I wasn't on hand this week. I've gotta have a word or two with that guy regarding some things he did to my chewing gum last week. Seriously, this Jeffie could quite possibly lead me back to cigarette smoking. Of course, he'd probably just find a way to dose my smokes, and some of his concoctions are less than pleasant. So, he was mentioning some things about my adventures after his Viagra/Ecstacy combination had its' way with me. Police were involved...  Squirrels were involved... Trees... Scratches and bite marks... The story is still gonna have to wait a bit, though. Bill, Erica, Rick and myself will all be going to The Haunt in Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia, along with  Of Wrath And Ruin, LAW (Lucifer At Work), and Neon Guillotine. Been waiting a long time to see Sorrow Of Batavia perform, and this is looking to be a kick-ass show from start to finish! I'll be back for the show on the following week, though, and rest assured, the story will be told. And afterward, the Malachi Crunch is going to be among the least of Jeffie's worries...