Show Archive

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December 26 - Xmas Show
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Rick hosted the program again, as Joe was not there. Josh was there, and so was Tim, from Century Media Records, he has a podcast. You can listen to him at: www.centurymediapodcast.com. Friday was December 25th, so that meant that the 1st 3 hours of this MO fell on Christmas day. Lots of nice death metal was played for Christmas, and some new Winger, and new Europe. Yes, that's right, both Winger and Europe have new stuff out! What is this, like, 20 years ago, or what!? However, both the tracks played, the new Winger, and the new Europe, were heavier than what you'd think of when you remember those bands. Tim actually liked both songs, but, then again, Tim has always liked glam, along with Lance, and me, so what do we know.? So, you'll just have to listen and judge for yourselves if there has been any improvement in those two bands music or not, if you care...

December 19 - Joe Marro Returns
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Members of the band Paradigm were there. The guitarist played guitar solos, and the vocalist did some death and black metal screams. And, because this is MO, after all, there was talk of feces and farts, quite a bit of such talk. Rick hosted the program, as Joe was elsewhere, and, in the latter part of the program, Josh took over the board, and played some sets of music he picked, power and old school metal...

December 12 - Just Joe and Wulfie...
Listen to the Show - Pics - Stone Soul Foundation - Video Recap

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Great showlast night, with a LOT going on throughout the evening.
Since Joe, the host of The Metallic Onslaught, is going to be heading to California for the holidays, we'd decided that last night was a good time to do the Christmas show. Like a lot of Christmas shows, we ended up with a couple of dilemmas that required intervention in the way of Christmas miracles.

First up, we weren't entirely sure if Stone Soul Foundation would be making it, but they did, and it was cool having them on again. Even cooler, they treated us to a live acoustic performance of "I Promise". I'll be honest here. I genuinely think these guys are among the best our local music scene have to offer. They've got a killer sound, along with some very solid material. Definitely worth checking out!

Rick was a little late, thanks to some vehicular difficulties. Joe and I had tried to get Josh to head out to Ricks' rescue, but in the end it wasn't necessary. Rick was able to solve the issue at hand, and showed up just a short time after the arrival of Jeffie, who had brought along Just Joe from The Last Exit For The Lost.

Now, The Last Exit crew have been dabbling with a live web cam feed during their show, and Just Joe had brought along his laptop so we could get our own feed going from The Metallic Onslaught. To say that this just adds a whole new dimension to the silliness would be an understatement, but it was a ton of fun!

Craziness abounded throughout the night as Jeffie's newest personality, The Ultimate Jeffie, made an appearance, trying to teach Josh the Way of The Warrior, so to speak...
More like the Way Of The Jeffie, and not quite so impressive...
Something must have clicked in Josh, though, since during a brief sparring moment he knocked Just Joe flat.
Things got even more nutty as Jeffie placed something onto Just Joe's hand. Something that turned out to be...
HANDY THE HANDPUPPET OF DOOM!!!
Oh Lordy...
Yep, Handy was on the Onslaught, dangler and all. Didn't seem quite the same Handy I've come to know and love from that stack of DVD's I've been watching, but that's probably because he had a different human piloting him...
Handy wasn't the only plushy puppet to make an appearance, though. The seeds had been planted some weeks back when some of us mentioned "Cthulhu" one too many times...
Guess who owns a Cthulhu hand puppet?

Yes, our Christmas show was visited by a most unwelcome spirit in the form of the Great Old One, Cthulhu. As Wulfie, I found my will subjugated and overtaken by Cthulhu, who had arrived mainly to observe the strange rituals and customs of a modern all-metal radio show. Thankfully, I was actually freed from Cthulhu's mental domination by Jeffie, who was probably the safest person in the room at that moment. Just Joe didn't make out quite as well, however, as Cthulhu devoured his face, eventually vomiting it back up...
The weirdness of the evening eventually proved too much for Cthluhu, though, and he parted ways with us before too long. Somehow I don't think we've seen the last of him, though...And let's face it, he really did seem to be enjoying himself as The Ultimate Jeffie continued Josh's "training", with continuing beatdowns on Just Joe!

Probably the high point of the evening, for me anyway, was Josh and Just Joe getting up and dancing to the "Peanuts" theme. Just think "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and you'll know what I mean...

All in all, one of my favorite nights on the show so far. It'll be hard to beat this one next year!

December 5 - Kim and The Ultimate Jeffie
Listen to the Show - YouTube - Kim Video

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Kim, from the band Infrared Radiation Orchestra, was there for about the first three hours. He played long guitar solos, he rocks, www.myspace.com/infraredradiationorchrestra is his band's website. This was a big few days for birthdays on MO... The first three hours of the program, December 4th, were Lance's Josh's and, EVD's, a very Happy Birthday Lance, Josh, and, EVD! And, Rick's birthday would be on the upcoming Tuesday, December 8th, a very Happy Birthday to Rick! Jeffie told Josh that he had a birthday present for him. Josh didn't really seem to want it, whatever it might be. Jeffie told him that he had been going to get Thor for him, because he knew how much Josh liked Vikings, but he couldn't find Thor anywhere. So he had the pills that used to turn Jeffie into Thor, and, though they were old, and he wasn't sure they would still work, he was now going to take one of them. He did. And the pill turned him into The Ultimate Jeffie, a powerful wrestler. The Ultimate Jeffie spoke in a loud, bellowing voice, and always informed us that he had come across the mountains of madness, fought the ostriches of the plains, conquered the 8th and 9th dimensions, and the universe and multiverses. He told Josh that he was going to train him to be a great wrestler, and that they would be the biggest, greatest tag team of all time. The Ultimate Jeffie snorted a lot. Very deep snorts. After about 3 minutes, he passed out, and when he came to, he was Jeffie again, who didn't remember anything of what had just transpired, but that his nasal passages hurt... A lot ... They urged him to take another pill. He wasn't sure he wanted to, since he didn't feel so well, but he did. The Ultimate Jeffie was back talking about the mountains of madness and the ostriches. He claimed he could rip through any napkin, and eat any napkin, he started doing that. About 3 minutes had gone by, and he passed out. When Jeffie came to, his nasal passages felt even worse, and he asked why there was a napkin in his mouth. Later he took another pill, reluctantly. The Ultimate Jeffie told Josh that they would fight Rick, whom he had now named The Minotaur. The Ultimate Jeffie head butted and chopped Rick, then knocked him out with the splash. he then told Josh to cover Rick, put Josh on top of Rick and counted to three. Wow! Isn't that amazing?! I never would have believed that could happen! I didn't know Jeffie could count to three! Joe decided to appoint himself the referee, and told them that Jeffie had never tagged Josh, that Josh had done nothing in the match, and that, therefore, had not won. they argued about this. Jeffie passed out again. Joe told Josh to cover him. Josh did, Joe counted three (I didn't know old senile people could count to three either!), and Josh was excited to have won twice. Jeffie had no memory of any of this. Rick didn't know what had happened either. Joe told Rick that he would have to kill Jeffie and Josh, that Jeffie had knocked him out with the splash, and then cheated to give Josh the win. Rick said he was going to watch the video, and then kill them next week. Jeffie complained that his nasal passages were nearly non working by this point, and that his hands hurt. The Ultimate Jeffie came back started talking about all those things he talks about, and began sounding like Hulk Hogan (whom he called a great man), saying "brother!" a lot, talking about his followers, all the little Jeffieites, and calling Josh The Ultimate Joshie. Rick informed Jeffie and Josh that he was going to kill them next week. Josh said that he knew he was going to die, but that he had fun with The Ultimate Jeffie anyways. So I guess Josh liked his birthday present. He did get two wins, sort of. The Ultimate Jeffie was still bellowing and snorting when the program ended. If Rick's a Minotaur, The Ultimate Jeffie should be the bull, he bellows and snorts like one.

November 28 - Jeffie asks some deep questions
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Jeffie arrived and played a weird, funny song by Dufus which cracked everyone up. We learned that Shoebox, the long ago co-host of MO, has quit his band, Worm Quartet, which he is the only member of, to devote all of his time to tweeting on Twitter, Jeffie read us some of Shoebox's tweets. Jeffie played The Weeeee Squirrel, which also cracked everyone up and perplexed Josh, who had never heard The Weeeeee Squirrel before. Jeffie started speculating on weird deep questions, like what if you reached inside someone's butt, took out their poop, and stuffed that poop up someone else's ass, would it come out of them the same, or different? And, likewise, if someone blew their snot up someone else's nose, and they blew it back out, would it still be the same snot? Jeffie offered to test that one out on Josh, but Josh didn't want to participate in that experiment. Really, Josh! Putting your selfishness ahead of finding the answers to these highly important scientific questions! Jeffie kept talking in a whispering voice, so they had Josh hit him to snap him out of it. That happened a couple times. Then Jeffie started talking about penguins, how they come from inside elephant's trunks. Either that, or from inside giraffe's necks. Then he played a song about giraffes. Nobody wanted to hear that song, and Joe attacked Jeffie, demanding that he make it stop. Joe beat down Jeffie, screaming for the giraffe song to stop,saying that he would break it. So now you know where penguins come from, and, thanks to that song, what giraffes do, they go, well, if you wanna know, you'll just have to listen to the song, since I wouldn't even begin to know how to write down in any way that would convey the sound that this song was all about telling us they make. The program ended with Jeffie whispering again...

November 21 - Return of the Wulf
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Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, things finally got to be a bit too much for old Wulfie during his recovery. Anyone whose ever gone through a long rehabilitation can probably relate to that feeling of the walls closing in, and that's exactly what was happening. Seriously, cabin fever frickin' sucks, my friends...

So, it was off to visit the Onslaught crew last night! And yeah, there was another reason for my trip. Seems our guest last night, WNYR's Jim Schreck, is an old high school friend of my girlfriend, Debbie, and she was thrilled to get the chance to hang on the show with him! I'm happy to say she had a great time, too! Didn't scare her away at all!

Of course, she hasn't met Jeffie yet...

Anyhoo, as I mentioned, Jim Schreck was on board last night, and he was nice enough to plug in his guitar and play for us. For those unfamiliar with Jim outside of his DJ duties, I've gotta tell ya that this guy is damned good on the ol' six string! It was another of those moments where we just sat back, completely enthralled. And to think he was a little worried about being rusty after going a few months without plugging in. He did GREAT!!

Outside of that, I think Joe may have been a little concerned about my mental state in the early going. I was gettin' a little over-enthusiastic about slamming the whole Twilight phenomenon, even going so far as summarizing the first three chapters of "New Moon" in my own words. In a nutshell, it kinda went like this:

"Chapter One: WHAAAAAAAA!!! It's my birthday!! WHAAAAAA!!! I don't wanna be 18!!! WHAAAAAA!!! Edward's always going to be 17, and I have to get older!!! WHAAAAAAA!!! I wanna be a vampire, too! WHAAAAAA!!!! I don't want a birthday party! WHAAAAAA!!!! I don't want cake and presents! WHAAAAAA!!! I just got a paper cut! WHAAAAAA!!! I'm bleeding in a roomful of vampires! WHAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Chapter Two: WHAAAAAAA!!!! Edward's acting funny! WHAAAAA!!!! Something isn't right! WHAAAAAA!!!!!

Chapter Three: WHAAAAAA!!! Edward and his family are leaving! WHAAAAAA!!! He says I'll never see him again! WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Yeah, that about sums it up!

Anyway, Joe tried to calm me down by playing the soothing strains of the theme from "The Neverending Story", which amused me so much that, well, it actually worked!

Who woulda thunk it?

I really didn't want to leave, I was having so much fun!

I'm gonna be blunt here. I miss the show terribly, and I was assured that the feelings were mutual. I've definitely become a part of the Onslaught family, and it felt great to be back on board for a couple of hours! We're gonna try to do this again before Christmas, and hopefully around the early part of the new year I'll be back on a weekly basis!
Wulfie WILL return!

November 14 - Rick Hosts
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Rick hosted the program because Joe was not there, and, even though they claimed it was because Joe was attending a concert, Jeffie said last week that he was suspending Joe for a week for acting too weird (for acting too weird? Wouldn't that mean that everyone should be suspended for, well, like, forever?!), so you know what the real reason was... Also present was Josh.

November 7 - Josh: the Internet Slave
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Girls from Roller Derby were there, www.rocderby.com is the website where you can check that out. One of them beat on Josh with a bottle. Jeffie said he hadn't been there the week before because there had been monsters all over the streets, little monsters, demanding candy, and it freaked him out. They tried to explain to him that those were kids trick or treating, but I'm not sure he ever got it. Jeffie accused Josh of traumatizing a female associated with the show, whom he said would remain nameless (it wasn't me, but I certainly would have been traumatized if it had been!), but later they got him to slip and give it away, FMG, by sending her an e-mail asking to be her Internet slave. Josh vehemently denied this, but Jeffie never bought that. I don't think I buy it either. Joe was acting weird, saying things that didn't make any sense (well he is old and senile after all, and that's what happens when you're like that), so Jeffie told him he was suspending him for one week. So Joe will not be there next week, and, even though the rest of them claim it's because he's attending a concert, now you know the real reason. Joe told Jeffie that he would be suspended the week after that. So when Jeffie claims that he wasn't there because he was at the next The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, well now you know the reason for that, too...

October 31 - Halloween
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; As the 1st 3 hours of this night's program fell on Halloween Eve, and the last 2 hours were on Halloween, this was a Halloween MO with Halloween themes. Halloween metal was played, including Alice Cooper's Halloween classic, "The Man Behind The Mask", much to Joe's disgust, and also the most evil, scary recording ever made, The Teletubbies with "Dirty Knees"! *shudder* And Josh was not regular Josh, he was Pirate Josh, speaking in a pirate's voice...

October 24 - Jeff Returns
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: There apparently was a rave guy nearby, because rave sounding music could be heard playing in the background periodically, and Josh said he was not responsible for it. Jeff arrived, Jeff, not Jeffie. Jeff said that for some reason that he didn't understand, Jeffie was too traumatized to be there. They suggested that maybe it was because of the brutal beat down Jeffie had received from Mean Mike (or Mad Mike, as Josh has apparently re named him.) and Barry Hardy the week before. Jeff said that he didn't think that was it, that that did explain why his back was so sore, but that he didn't think that was why Jeffie was so traumatized. Then they told him about Josh touching Jeffie's pants, pulling them up after Jeffie had taken them down, and showed him the video of that, and Jeff said he now understood completely why Jeffie was so upset, that Josh should be ashamed of himself, which is something we all already knew. Jeffie did take control for a little while, but got reminded of what Josh had done the week before, and went away again, leaving Jeff back in control. There was a lot of talk about goats, including goats in coats, after Jeff found a website all about goats and their fans...

October 17 - Bad Boy Barry Hardy
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Recap by Metal Wulf: Well, I couldn't stick around too late, but last night was a blast, as always!
It was cool as hell that we were finally able to get Barry Hardy on the show, and he was kind enough to share some killer stories with us.
In a nutshell, Barry's had a career of over 20 years at this point, and he's performed in The Big 3, WWE (then WWF), WCW, and ECW. As an independent he and his partner Duane Gill (who is probably most famous as Gillberg, WWE's taunt to WCW's Goldberg, and one of my favorite gimmicks ever!) dominated the East Coast tag-team divisions, winning a slew of titles along the way.
He's been in the ring with some of the industry's biggest names over the years, among them Bret Hart, Owen Hart, the Legion Of Doom/Road Warriors Hawk and Animal, and The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannety).
It would be an understatement for me to say we were all enthralled with his tales last night, and I've got no doubts that this guy has enough stories to share for the purposes of a book.
So, how could the night possibly get any better? Weeeeeellllll...
Anyone whose been listening in over the last three months or so, or who've been reading my recaps, are aware that Jeffie hasn't exactly been endearing himself to Barry. He's been scoffing and taunting for quite some time, and last night was his time to pay the piper, so to speak.
Imagine Jeffie's surprise when he discovered the guy in the wolf get-up and on the crutches wasn't really me! Imagine his surprise when Mean Mike diverted Jeffie's attention long enough for Barry to remove the costume, proceeding to deliver an absolutely brutal beatdown.
Yup, Jeffie partied with The Bad Boy last night, and all that "training" he boasted about was all for naught!
Unless, of course, he was actually training for an ass-kicking. In that case, he did a bang-up job!
Bang-up, heh, heh, heh...

October 10 - Mean Mike and Roller Girls
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: Mean Mike was there. A couple of Roller Derby Girls were there as well. Jeffie claimed that Mean Mike left because he was so terrified of Jeffie. Jeffie licked the Roller Derby girls's heads. Jeffie claims he can now kick anyone's ass because he's been training, and is now a real bad ass. We'll see... The wrestler, Barry Hardy, is supposed to be on soon, and Jeffie has really been insulting him, calling him stuff like a pretty boy, and a girl. So, as I said, we shall see if Jeffie is right when he says he can take anyone now, because I'm sure when Barry Hardy gets there he's going to want to kill Jeffie... Stay tuned...

October 3 - Joe Marro
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Definitely a fun time last night, but aren't they all?
We featured another radio special, this time focusing on Lita Ford and her upcoming (October 6th) CD, "Wicked Wonderland". Lita's been out of the spotlight far too long, and this headbanging lycanthrope is thrilled beyond words to see her back and kicking ass!

We also had an EXTREMELY talented young man by the name of Joe Marro on board and he was kind enough to treat us to his guitar playing throughout the evening. Joe's style leans toward experimental progressive metal, and he's got a style that reminds me a bit of Testaments' Alex Skolnick. NOT a bad thing!
This kid's definitely got a lot going for him besides talent. He's also got a very creative mind, and he shared some fun unions of musical styles with us last night. He half-jokingly played a brief and bizarre mix of black metal and country, entitling the piece "Satan Stole My Tractor"...
Strangely enough, it actually sounded fairly cool!
Being a mere 18 years of age, most people would probably shy away from calling Joe a virtuoso, but I'd say he's well on his way to being just that!
Josh even got into the action a little bit, as he'd brought his Flying V along. It was entertaining to say the least, as Josh would play a little and then Joe would pick up for a bit, and back and forth it would go.

Had some moments last night that could probably be counted as among the least "metal" we've experienced. We seemed to be stuck on a lot of musical references that didn't have anything to do with "hard", "rock", "heavy", or "metal"...
Among these was a brief tribute to Peanuts as I hummed the theme song. Hey, somebody mentioned Snoopy and the next thing I knew I had that damned song stuck in my head! Personally, I think it was Josh's fault...
We also somehow got on the subject of Christmas, something I'm really not ready to acknowledge quite yet, and managed to jump from Santa Claus to Satan Claus. Not sure who the responsible party was for that one. I guess I'll just blame Josh, again. Had to have been him, since Jeffie was attending another show at The Haunt in Ithaca.
As I remember, somebody had thought Satan Claus would be a great name for a band. Hell, I won't argue that one at all! I even suggested that a single for Satan Claus could be "O Little Burning Town Of Bethlehem", quite possibly insulting any listening Christians...
Oh, who the hell am I kidding? There wasn't likely ANYBODY in our listening audience who found that offensive!
Ahhhh, randomness...
But, hell, that's part of the shows' appeal to me, and has been from the beginning. The fact that 90% of what goes on is just us winging it, not knowing who's going to say what next! Keeps us on our toes, don't ya know!

September 26 - Ian of A'Rebours
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Had a lot going on last night, not the least of which was an Alice In Chains radio special which played in segments throughout the evening. The new disc, Black Gives Way To Blue, drops on Tuesday, and from what I've heard off of it, it's going to be a must-have! It's been far too long and I can't wait to get my paws on it!

We had À Rebours' Ian Stone on hand for a portion of the show, and he was kind enough to jam out a few acoustic numbers for us. Good stuff, to be honest, if you're into some Gothic-tinged rock.
Now, we had attempted to warn Ian about Jeffie, but there's really no way to prepare anybody for that. Seriously, I don't think there's a sufficient way to warn ANYBODY about what happens on the show on any given night. Expect the unexpected is usually a pretty good rule of thumb...
But, yeah, Jeffie was on hand, and of course he had to find out what Ian tasted like. Hell, he even tasted Ian's guitar...
To make matters worse, Jeffie jumped on the chance to play one of his favorite games with Ian.
Said game being "What's In Jeffie's Pants"...
In this case it was Ian's cell phone, and when he suggested that the phone was probably tainted, I assured him that there was almost certainly some "t'ain't" on it...
EWWWWWWW!!!!
But, despite the possible presence of Jeffie's ball-cheese on his cell phone, Ian seemed to take everything in stride. I mean, it's hard to keep your composure when Jeffie's putting leis on you, playing with his monkey in front of you (a STUFFED monkey, you sickos'!!!), not to mention the blonde wig.
Funny thing about that wig. Seemed to have magical powers, making me switch over to 80's style Valley Girl talk and professing a love for the Twilight series. Imagine my shock when the wig was removed and I realized what I'd been saying!
All in all, though, I'd say that Ian genuinely enjoyed himself.
Ummmm...don't quote me on that, though...

Let's see, what else...
Oh, wow, we had a brief visit from Lance! Amazing that the ceiling didn't crash down on us all, since it's been at least a month since he last graced us with his presence. So, yes, there was much rejoicing at his return!
And then he left again...

Jeffie's continuing allergic reaction to me forced him to take some special "medication" that seemed to help. Good thing, too, 'cuz good ol' Wulfie was getting a little tired of being doused in snot.
There seemed to be some negative side effects for Jeffie, though, 'cuz although he didn't seem to be allergic to me anymore, he was suddenly allergic to everybody else. And so the dousing continued, much to everyone's dismay. It seemed, at one point, that just about all the surfaces in our room was covered in Jeffie's mucous.
On top of that, he seemed to be hallucinating throughout the evening, mentioning a little talking donut-man on the table. Maybe there was something to it, though, since Jeffie was soon accusing Josh of eating the donut-man in question, and Josh isn't usually one to humor Jeffie.

I'd also like to mention that I'm pretty sure that our chairs on the show are cursed, 'cuz both Josh and Foul Mouth Girl took spills out of them last night. When you consider that and my own chair-falling experience a couple weeks ago, I'm starting to get suspicious.
Then again, maybe we're just naturally clumsy.
Naaaaah, that can't be it...
Maybe next week we need to perform an exorcism on the chairs!

September 19 - Tranquilatwist
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, things didn't go 100% as planned. Roc City Roller Derby ended up bowing out, and we kinda missed 'em. Always a good time when they join us, but things happen. It's all cool!
On top of that we had some unexpected technical difficulties in the early going, which we thankfully got somewhat under control. Our apologies to anyone whose hearing was destroyed by the occasional burst of static throughout the evening...

We did have Karlie and Anthony from Tranquilatwist on hand. Now, Tranquilatwist aren't a metal act, but they ARE incredibly cool if your tastes lean more to a goth style. They're one of those acts who just have a sound that defies categorizing, and in my book that's usually a good thing! Overall, it's a great mix of some amazing vocals with some killer arrangements. I think I'd honestly put them on the top of my list of favorite local non-metal acts!
I've also gotta give Karlie major credit. I'd heard she was extremely nervous about coming on the show, but she and Anthony did great. We all felt that they were naturals, and they fit right in with the rest of the Onslaught crew. I'm hoping they come back and hang with us again sometime, assuming Jeffie didn't scare them off...

Yeah, he was back last night...
Have I ever mentioned that Jeffie likes to lick people's heads? He decided he needed to know what Karlie and Anthony tasted like, so they ended up getting the treatment. We should have remembered to warn them...
And to think, they were probably more worried about the werewolf in the studio!

Jeffie wasn't the only one to return last night, though. Imagine the rage that swelled within me when my old "manager" Steve Papagiorgio decided to show up!
Ya know, after I tore his face off, rolled it up like a burrito, and slurped it down back in March, you'd think he'd have the sense to just stay dead, but nooooo...Of course, by this time he's been reconstructed so many times that he's really no longer human. Anyhoo...
Steve's probably Tranquilatwist's biggest local supporter, so he'd mainly showed up to hang with them for a bit. But that's not to say he didn't have plans for me...
Seems Steve had made some deals with the producers of the Twilight movies to have me added as an extra for the upcoming film "New Moon". Now, I appreciate that this series is extremely popular, but to be perfectly honest I'm just not into the whole "sparkly" emo-vampire thing. I just don't see myself becoming a fan, and I made it very clear to Steve that bringing me onto the set of "New Moon" wouldn't be pleasant. I'd honestly have to eviscerate everyone involved, but ya know something, if they caught all of THAT on film, it would make for a far cooler film in the long run! Just imagine Wulfie tearing off Bella's head, and the raging tear-filled reaction from Edward! And then Edward's slow demise as I systematically dismembered him! Now, THAT'S quality horror cinema!
Of course, the point came in the evening where I had to break the news to Steve that he no longer has a claim to my "contract". We explained to him that Joe's my manager now, and things couldn't be better!
Then, of course, I had to try and kill him again, but to no avail. Seems they reconstructed him just a little too well this time. I think it's safe to say that we haven't seen the last of him...

Then we get back to Jeffie, who seems to have developed an allergy to me. It was bad enough getting doused in his hallucinogenic mucous a couple of weeks ago, but last night was a continual dousing. Sneeze after sneeze, all over me. Really gotta do something about that before too long.
Then there was his puzzling question of "What are nads", to which I replied "Well, if you have to ask, you probably don't have them..."

All told, it was another great night and a further reminder of why I love being a part of this show!

September 12 - A more peaceful night...
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Overall, a pretty laid back evening. Mean Mike was on hand once again, this time promoting an upcoming Empire State Wrestling event called Overdrive. This takes place next Saturday in Wheatfield, NY and sounds like a pretty solid night of wrestling action!

We also featured Megadeth's "Endgame" radio show throughout the evening. This was a pre-recorded special with Full Metal Jackie interviewing Dave Mustaine and featured an assortment of tracks from the new disc, "Endgame", which drops this Tuesday. A must have, I'm personally guaranteeing it!

Above and beyond that, a few randomly silly moments that featured me singing snippets of Aha's "Take On Me" and Yes's "Owner Of A Lonely Heart" a capella. We even threw in another "Greensleeves" moment, with Josh accompanying me. Didn't seem the same without Steve Papagiorgio, but 'twas still fun!

September 5 - The Full Moon
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, the night started out quietly enough. Pretty uneventful, to be honest. Of course, with it being a full moon, I was a bit wilder than normal. Seriously, I was pretty well prepared to start tearing chunks off Josh and feasting early in the evening, but the guys assured me that I'd be able to eat when Jeffie got there!
Dave from Spater joined us for a bit, getting the word out about the End Of Summer Metal Meltdown at Donselaar's in Clyde today.
Heather joined us for a bit, and there seemed to be difficulty in pinpointing exactly how long she'd been away from the show. Joe seemed to think it had to have been at least thirteen months or so, but she reminded him that she'd been there for No Pants Day.
No Pants Day...ewwwww...
Sorry, just had some unpleasant images from that night's video pass through my head. Not recommended viewing, but it's in the archives if ya really want to see...
Anyhoo, Joe spent a portion of that time entertaining us with some new ringtones he'd acquired, including segments from the old Transformers cartoon, the theme from "The Golden Girls", Sesame Street's "Manamana" (do doooo do do do), and, ummmm...
"Rubber Ducky"...
Probably one to go on the record books as among the least metal moments on the show, but it was definitely funny stuff!
Dave and Heather departed eventually. Heather seemed a little put off that she'd missed Jeffie, who'd suggested she should drop in. But, Jeffie got there too late.
Bad, bad Jeffie...
Of course, once Jeffie got there, I was more than ready to begin feasting, but for some reason he wasn't too enthusiastic. Can't imagine why. You'd think someone who's been cloned and occasionally raised from the dead as a zombie like he's been would be a little more open to feeding a slavering, hungry beast...
Hell, he'd even gone so far to insist that Jeffie wasn't there, and that he was Jeff.
There's a difference?
I wasn't buyin' it for a second, scenting the air to confirm that he did, indeed, smell like (phew!) Jeffie...
But, anyway, he wasn't havin' it. As a matter of fact, he offered me a loaf of bread instead, which I promptly started whacking him with, getting crumbs everywhere, and making a bit of a mess. He seemed awfully insistent on me eating that bread, even prompting me to clean up by licking the crumbs.
Sorry, Jeffie, but when Wulfie wants meat, he wants MEAT!!
Anyhoo...
Things went downhill pretty quickly after Jeffie sneezed, dowsing me in mucous. Gotta tell ya, this didn't sit too well with ol' Wulfie. I mean, how often does the full moon coincide with the show? Not very, and I'd groomed myself pretty thoroughly for the occasion.
And Jeffie had to shower me with snot...
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Now, at the same time, Joe seemed to be a little annoyed with some of the things that were coming outta Josh. Josh is actually a pretty bright guy, but sometimes his mouth opens before his brain has completed a thought, and strange things are said when this happens.
But, yeah, Joe'd had enough, and wanted me to go ahead and kill Josh. Of course, by now I was starving, and hey, meat is meat after all. I lunged at Josh for the attack...
...and proceeded to fall out of the chair, landing flat on my left hip...
Now, I wasn't exactly hurt, though the hip is a bit sore today. Mainly, I was embarassed. I mean, being a werewolf, I should be more agile than that, shouldn't I?
Hmmmm....something didn't sit right...
When we came back from the next music break, I was experiencing a spinning room. I don't remember much, although I seem to recall Jeffie saying something about some of the breadcrumbs had made it into his nose, causing him to sneeze, and the hallucinogens in the bread made it into the snot and onto me...
Well, from there yours truly lost it, seeing a dinosaur in the room and immediately wanting to start feasting.
In a nutshell, I ended the night starting to eat from the tail up, commenting on how bony it seemed, and wondering why Josh was screaming...

Yeah, I'd say we raised the random silliness bar just a tad last night!

August 29 - Jeffie Appreciation Night?
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; A decent night, overall. Once again, we had Karma-lized, Lethal Lorelai, and Vas Referens on hand from Roc City Roller Derby, promoting their bout at the Dome Arena in Henrietta tonight. They'd also brought along another team member, a little lady who goes by the name of Synthetic Delusion.
Last week Karma had expressed interest in getting some face painting done, so she and Vas sat down and allowed Rick to make them over, Black-metal style!
Mean Mike was on hand for a bit, as well. His employer, former WWF, WCW, and ECW wrestler "Bad Boy" Barry Hardy was originally going to drop in as well, but the show he was supposed to appear at this weekend got canceled, so no luck this time. Hopefully we'll get him up here before long, but I fully understand the situation. The guy's gotta go where the bookings are, when it all boils down.
Last night was also supposed to be Jeffie Appreciation Night, but the Roc City Roller Derby crew and Mike had all departed by the time he joined us.
In the end, we just decided to blame it all on him, anyway! How dare he show up late for his own appreciation night!
Jeffie seemed to take Barry Hardy's absence, as well as Mike's early departure, as signs of fear on their part. All I can say as far as that goes is Jeffie may be in for another long, difficult evening in the future, no matter how much "training" he says he's been receiving...

August 22 - ROC City Rollers...
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Unfortunately a relatively brief night for me, as I had to bail a little early.
Still, not a bad night, just a little cramped!
Roc City Roller Derby was on hand once again, with Shockin' Audrey, Karma-lized, and Vas Referens coming back. They brought along some different friends this time, specifically Dee-Fenestrate, Cuss Muffin, and...
...awww shit, I did it again...
I'm pretty sure his name was Gil!
I'm a bad, bad Wulfie...
Anyhoo...
Also on hand was Seth Voorhees from R News. Joe and I both went to college with Seth, and last night was the first time in roughly 21 years that I'd seen him. I was pretty stoked to be honest. It was cool having a chance to hang with him for a bit!
I'd been trying to get my kid brother, Bill, to join us for a bit some night, so he was on hand as well. He knows Joe, not to mention Dave from Spater, so I guess last night seemed like a good night for him to check out the mayhem. For all practical purposes he seemed to be enjoying himself, and he may return sometime along the road. I just enjoyed having him along!

A good portion of the evening was devoted to promoting the Roller Derby show at the Dome Arena in Henrietta next Saturday. Cuss Muffin also challenged the Onslaught crew to come up with their own Derby names. And, besides my own and Bill's, do you think I can even remember what everybody chose...
Ya know, this getting old shit is for the birds! Ask me some things that happened twenty years ago, and I can paint a vivid picture. Ask me what I had for breakfast two days ago, and...
...what was I just talking about?
You see my point...
Anyhow, the Derby name I chose, since MetalWulf was way too obvious, was WarWulf. Has a nice, destructive ring to it!
Bill had chosen Bill Da Bear (Build-A-Bear, get it? Hee, hee...) I agree with Cuss Muffin on this one, though. It may sound cute at first, but then he'd get to rip your face off!

Cuss Muffin even asked me to cut a little promo for the Derby show next week, which I gladly did. If that thing makes it online, I fully intend on sharing. I'm dying to see it!

All in all, a relatively laid-back evening. Might have had something to do with the absence of Jeffie, who was MIA.
Speaking of Jeffie, he'll be back next week as we celebrate Jeffie Appreciation Night. Should be a good time, considering we've got more Derby girls coming on, as well as the return of Mean Mike.
I foresee some serious carnage...

August 15 - Normal Night?
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Recap by The Metal Wulf; So, this is what constitutes a "normal" night on The Metallic Onslaught...
Rick brought us up to date on a few shows he'd managed to catch in previous weeks, among them Cannibal Corpse's show at Water Street Music Hall, which also featured Behemoth. Heard it was quite a brutal evening, and I'm wishing I'd gotten myself up there for it.
We ended up discussing the Break Of Reality July 31st show at The Haunt in Ithaca. Their set was far too short in my book, and I think Joe and Rick would agree. If you're familiar with the work of Apocalyptica, Break of Reality would probably be right up your alley. They've got some solid original material, and they play some amazing covers. Cases in point, System Of A Down's "B.Y.O.B", Slayer's "Mandatory Suicide", and Metallica's "The Day That Never Comes". All on cello, backed by a drummer! Great stuff, and I highly recommend them!
Played some music in homage to Les Paul, who passed away this week at the age of 94. Sad day for the music industry as a whole. Rock music as we know it would be non-existent without Les's innovations on guitar, as well as in the recording studio. On top of that, the guy was just an incredible guitar player in his own right. I'd brought a selection of music featuring guitarists who had helped make the Gibson Les Paul famous. Bands like Zakk Wylde's Black Label Society, Aerosmith, KISS (I don't think Joe would ever turn down an opportunity to play KISS any more than I would!), and some of Ace Frehley's solo work (specifically "Snowblind"). I'd brought along some Led Zeppelin and Guns N' Roses as well, considering Jimmy Page and Slash have both utilized the Gibson Les Paul over the years, but they were a no-go. Oh well, can't win 'em all!
We did have some guests drop in, a couple of young guys by the name of Ben and Dakota who both play guitar in a band called Stormer. Now, when I say these guys are young, I mean maybe just entering their late teens. Seems I remember Ben saying he'd just gotten his driver's license, if that gives you a clue.
Now, you'd assume that kids their age would be influenced primarialy by the newer crop of metal, but these guys are all about the old school. We're talking Black Sabbath, Dio, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Deep Purple, old Metallica, you get the picture. Personally, I think that's friggin' AWESOME!!!
Joe played a track of them performing Metallica's "Master Of Puppets" in Red Creek, and I've gotta tell ya, Ben and Dakota are as tight a unit on guitar as you could ever hope for. They play better together than some more established acts I could name, and that's no bullshit. If they keep at it, they have nowhere else to go but up. They are THAT GOOD!!!
So, sounding like it was a good night so far, huh? Well, it was...
Last night's trend seemed to be painting unpleasant mental pictures. I think I initially have to partially blame Josh. We'd been discussing the departure of Whitesnake from the Judas Priest tour due to David Coverdale's vocal complications. I'd mentioned that Coverdale had lesions in his throat, which Joe misheard as "legions" and from there Josh turned it into something to do with his throat and 3,000 Roman Legions.
EWWWWWWW!!!
How the HELL did that come up?
It got worse from there, as somewhere along the line something was mentioned about some of the guys in bikinis. Like, picture Joe in a bikini, picture Rick in a bikini, picture Dave in a thong...
Seriously, how the hell did that get started? It's really easy for me to form mental images, and some of this stuff was way too disturbing, even for me!
At one point I was literally begging for someone to cut the images from my brain, pleading to be lobotomized.
So, Jeffie took a set of keys and "lobotomized" me on the air...
Didn't help, the mental images kept coming, and I started convulsing...
I think the ultimate shocker was the photo Jeffie showed me of Foul Mouth Girl's head (FMG being the videographer) superimposed on Dave's body.
Now, Kelly is actually a very pretty girl, but seeing her face hovering above a photo of Dave's sweaty man-boobs was just too much...
Yup, we almost had a Wulfie-death on the air last night.
And THAT'S a "normal" night on The Metallic Onslaught...

August 8 - Mean Mike and ROC City Rollers
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Recap by The Metal Wulf: I knew last night was going to be more entertaining than usual, I really did. Once again, it was a case of thinking I had a pretty good idea of what to expect and having my expectations exceeded by quite a bit!
It was a great night, to be honest. We had Shockin' Audrey and Damanda Refund from Roc City Roller Derby join us once again, and this time they had some friends along: Karma-lize, Lethal Lorelei (hope I spelled that right!), Steel Candy (who I happen to personally think is a STONE FOX!!!), and a referee whose name I've sadly forgotten.
Oooops... Let me go on record here by saying that you haven't really lived until you've spent an evening hanging with five Roller Derby girls. I just can't describe it, you really, really had to either be there or have been tuned into the show. Great bunch of ladies! Mean Mike also returned for a visit, which was also very cool. It was good to have him on hand, as Joe had need of Mike's services after Jeffie arrived... Since room was kind of limited, Jeffie was in the control room with Joe and Rick. I'm a little vague as to what was transpiring, but it seemed Jeffie had some kind of fascination with Joe's...ummmm...boobies? Weird, 'cuz Joe really doesn't have man-boobs... Not that I've ever looked, mind you... Well, Mike had to intervene, dragging Jeffie into the room and laying a little beatdown on him. From there, Jeffie had some roller derby girls pile on top of him, adding further damage. I think most of us were probably more concerned with the condition of the pile of record albums Jeffie landed on... Of course, Jeffie doesn't learn to quickly, so there was some further damage done by Mike, followed by another fall on the records, followed by another puppy pile of roller derby girls. Ya know, I really don't think Jeffie minded the pile of ladies on top of him... Seems Jeffie thought sitting on my lap at one point would be safer than further encounters with Mike and the girls. I lulled him into a false sense of security before delivering my own share of carnage on him!

July 31 - Prerecorded Show
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This show was pre-recorded so that the members of The Metallic Onslaught could attend The Last Exit Show at The Haunt this night...

July 25 - Mean Mike vs Jeffie
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Recap by The Metal Wulf: A little tamer night, which is probably for the best. I think we'd be hard pressed to beat the carnage from last week, but ya never know! Of course, that's not to say things didn't get at least a little crazy. Poor Jeffie... Anyhoo... After last months Ultimate Wrestling show in Geneva, Joe had been attempting to get former WWF wrestler "Bad Boy" Barry Hardy to come onto the show. No luck as of yet, but Barry did get his bodyguard, Mean Mike, to pay us a visit. Mike spent some time hanging with us and talked at length about the wrestling business and his place in it, as well as some of Barry's history and role in the WWF. Pretty insightful stuff, overall, and it was a pleasure to have him on! Things got a little out of hand after Jeffie arrived. He expressed some opinions concerning Barry Hardy that he should probably have kept to himself, in retrospect. Mean Mike didn't take too kindly to Jeffie's assessment of Barry Hardy, and from there Jeffie's night went way downhill! The chops to the chest certainly didn't look or sound too pleasant, but I think what made me cringe the most was how hard Jeffie hit the metal CD storage shelves... Shortly thereafter, Mike went his way for the evening, leaving us with a Jeffie that wasn't really functioning at normal capacity. Meaning, of course, that he was more out of his mind than usual... Mike did say that Barry is still interested in doing the show, so with any luck we'll be seeing him sometime next month! Here's to hopin'!

July 18 - The Super Dave Challenge
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Recap from the Metal Wulf: Okay, I can officially say that this night was the craziest night I've experienced on the Metallic Onslaught so far. Gotta mark this one on the calendar...

The night started off calmly enough, with Kim Draheim of Infrared Radiation Orchestra joining us early on. He was kind enough to plug his guitar into a small amp and jam out a couple solos for us and the listening audience. He seemed a little hesitant about playing without the rest of his band, and I don't think he grasped just how much of a treat we considered this. Seriously, you'd be hard pressed to find a better guitar player in our area, the guy is just flat-out amazing. I'd seen Kim before with his previous band, Static Cling, so I knew what to expect, but Josh was caught completely by surprise. It was cool to look over and just see him grinning from ear to ear!

Jeffie arrived shortly after Kim's departure, and he'd brought another of the show's occasional visitors with him. I'd caught some of Dave's previous appearances in the video archives, so I thought I had a slight idea of what to expect... Not even close... Let me see if I've got this one figured out. Dave is another character that has an "alter ego", in this case Super Dave. Dave is seemingly unaware that he and Super Dave are one and the same. As for Super Dave, he seems to be a pro wrestler for all practical purposes. Anyhoo... Not too long after their arrival there was a short but hilarious tussle between Joe and Dave that began when Dave offered to give Joe mouth-to-mouth. Long story short, Joe wasn't having it and during the tussle I guess he must have had Dave in some kind of submission hold. Joe shouldn't have squeezed Dave so hard. It wasn't long before an unpleasant odor filled the radio station...
The gassiness didn't last long, thankfully! Jeffie had announced that there was going to be a $10,000 Super Dave challenge. As in, there would be $10,000 in the picture for anybody who could body slam Super Dave. Throughout the night people attempted to slam him, but to no avail. Jeffie made two attemps, and failed. Rick made an attempt, but Jeffie pulled off some "outside interference" in the form of a facefull of body powder. Talk about underhanded! This led to a brief segment where Rick wanted to come in and exact some revenge on Super Dave, but got locked out of the room. Josh tried to open the door, and got buried under a pile of record albums for his troubles. To be honest, it seemed that Josh had been "killed" in the process, as he rose as a "zombie" shortly thereafter... The random silliness never, never stops! I love it! When I went to answer the knock on the door I was told not to open it, but the voice on the other side kept saying "Land Shark!" Wulfie's never tasted Land Shark before, so of course I wanted to open that door, badly! To cap it off, Joe had an opportunity to participate in the challenge. He managed to slam Super Dave, with a little help from Jeffie. All hell broke loose when Joe was informed that for winning the challenge, he had to pay Super Dave $10,000, which resulted in a pretty harsh beatdown on Super Dave.

End result to the evening: More carnage, leading up to a massive body pile-up on the station floor, with me on top!
All of this was, of course, recorded for posterity on video, and I would imagine it's going to be posted before long for everybody's viewing pleasure!

July 11 - Genevieve of Psyche Corporation
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Recap from The Metal Wulf: Another great night on the show last night. Hell, I always have a good time with these guys, but I'd say this was probably one of the most enjoyable so far! Of course, everyone was still excited about the amazing Judas Priest/Whitesnake show in Canandaigua this past Wednesday night, so there was a good portion of reminiscing in the early going of the show. Played "Dissident Aggressor" and "Eat Me Alive" from Priest's upcoming live CD, and the stuff sounds incredible. I'd say it's going to be one to add to the collection, without a doubt. We also played a couple Crimson Glory tracks, "Lost Reflection" (my fave) and "Strange And Beautiful", in memory of Midnight, their original (and best) vocalist.

Jeffie eventually joined us once again, and he brought along a lovely little lady by the name of Genevieve, who sings for an outfit called Psyche Corporation, and while not exactly what I'd call metal, they are definitely far from boring. Hopefully I don't blow this too badly...
Psyche Corporation's sound is kind of a mix of rock, goth, with a touch of techno and electronica (is there really that big of a difference? Hmmmm...) Musically, the songs have to do with a future where the internet is basically plugged directly into your brain and dreams are custom made. There's more to it than that, so I'll just say if this sounds like it might be up your alley, check them out! I actually bought one of her CD's last night, listened to it this morning, and found it to be extremely thought-provoking. Nice diversion from the norm, actually! Trippy, trippy stuff, and I've gotta say this: Genevieve has a voice that can only be described as angelic. This girl is GOOD!

Genevieve had also brought a little something with her that Jeffie found to be an endless source of amusement. She had a set of metal claws, long and extremely sharp. Basically Jeffie would poke himself and say "Owwww!" Of course, he'd have to try a different angle, with the same results... Have I ever mentioned that Jeffie's not too bright? Seriously, I thought I was going to witness my first "Jeffie death" in person! As it was, of course, he ended up seemingly cutting himself on the air. I grabbed that ball and ran with it!"BLOOOOD! I SMELL BLOOOOD! GRRRRRRR!!!!" Before you know it, I was threatening to dig Jeffie's spleen out with the claws! Needless to say, the calm and cool Wulfie went bye-bye for the rest of the show... Jeffie continued to maul himself, occasionally "cutting off" a finger, which I would proceed to "eat" on the air.
It was nice to dip back into some brutality! I think we found a new niche for Josh last night, as eventually he was told to shut up one too many times. He started to mime on-air, and it seemed to go well for him. Of course, you may suggest that if he was miming, nobody could hear him... My response to that would be "EXACTLY!" Seriously, it was funny and I think he should run with it. Just another source of random silliness, and to me that's never a bad thing!

July 3 - American Metal
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The 1st 2 hours of this program fell on July 3rd, which, of course, meant that, starting at midnight, and for the remaining 3 hours of the program, it was July 4th. Thus, at midnight, a set of songs, supplied mostly by Lance, with one contribution from Josh, a Motorhead song, all featuring America in their titles, was played. Jeffie arrived and told Lance he was canceling him for all the mean things he had done, and was still doing to him. At the end of the night, Jeffie said that he had canceled Lance, and Lance was indeed gone, so perhaps this is the end of Lance. Then again, Jeffie has claimed that Lance was gone for good before, like the time he swore Lance was dead forever, and even threw a funeral for him, and then, lo and behold, there would be Lance, so who knows. Given Jeffie's track record though, I'm thinking we probably haven't heard the last of Lance yet...

June 27 - ROC City Roller Derby
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Wolfie The Metal Wolf was there. Two members of The Rock And Roller Derby, Shocken Audrey, and Demanda Refund, gotta just love the names, don't you(!), stopped by. They were interviewed, and we learned what Roller Derby is all about. They are cool. www.rocderby.com is the website where you can check out rock and roller derby... This MO was the nearest one after Joe's Birthday, which had been on that past Monday, June 22nd. Jeffie and Just Joe's band, The Squirtin' Chubbies, debuted another song, a Happy Birthday song for Joe. It was, well, really something, with a strange voice at the end, yelling threatening things, which scared Jeffie. That's the second Squirtin' Chubbies song, and both of them have been really strange. Well, they come from Jeffie and Just Joe, what else could they be, but even Jeffie and Just Joe think the songs are strange, and don't seem to remember making them. Ah well. At the end of the night, Jeffie wanted to give Joe a Birthday lap dance. For some reason, Joe didn't seem to like that idea much, and said he was leaving. Ungrateful! Well, he is old, and is now indeed another year older, and old people are often cranky. A very HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Joe!

June 20 - Jeffie Ruins the World
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Seth, someone who hadn't been there in 20 years, was there this night. Jeffie arrived and said he thinks he ruined the world, and apologized for doing so, saying he hadn't meant to do it. So, if you think the world sucks, and who doesn't, well then, now you know who to blame. Jeffie told us about toe soup. Yes, you read that right, toe soup. Apparently it's made from the extra toes babies have. Yes, we learned that babies have extra toes, which just keep right on growing, until you make soup out of them. YUM! See, you always learn valuable information here, that you just can't get anywhere else. I made some, and it is indeed DELICIOUS!

June 13 - A Jeffless Night
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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; That song from almost 20 years ago, Biz Marquis's "But You Say He's Just A Friend", was remembered with some really bad singing, almost as bad singing as Biz Marquis's himself,but not quite that bad, nothing could be quite that bad...

June 6 - Jason and Phil
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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; Jason, The Angry Amish Guy was there, and he brought with him an MMA (which stands for mixed martial arts) guy named Phil (who used to be in NFU) who promoted an upcoming event he would be fighting at. They both beat the crap out of Jeffie. www.myspace.com/scarcoproductions and, www.scarcoproductions.com are the websites where you can check things out...

May 30 - Fledgling Death
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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; Chris, from the band Fledgling Death, was there. He was interviewed, and 2 songs of his bands's were played. His band rocks. Jeffie and Lance showed us what an argument would sound like when it's all conducted in death metal growls...

May 23 - Wrestlers Visit
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Crazy Chris Knieval and his tag team partner visit the show to promote their June, Ultimate Wrestling Show. Jeffie talks to them about Cannibals...

May 16
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May 8 - Break of Reality
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Break of Reality Video - Part 1 - Part 2
Video Interview

Break of Reality visit the show and perform live...

May 1 - No Pants Day!
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This is Jeffie's favorite show. He loves No Pants Day. And he is slowly spreading that love among others. I would not, in any way, recommend you watch the video... No Pants Day official site.

April 25 - Stormer
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The band Stormer was there. They were interviewed, and songs of their's were played. They rock. www.myspace.com/stormerheavymetal is their website. Josh was accused of being a porn addict, which he denied, but they didn't believe him...

April 18 - Josh, Joe, and Rick
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April 11 - Heather Returns...
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April 4 - Jeff vs Jeffie
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When Jeff arrived he was Jeff, but he didn't stay that way for long, he was soon Jeffie, and switched back and forth all night. He brawled with the new girl, Jade, Josh, and everyone else all night. And Josh apparently has been practicing how to pronounce the letter W, as he actually finally managed to give out the program's website three times in a row, and actually said all those W's correctly. Congratulations Josh! BTW, said website is: www.metalliconslaught.com

March 28 - National Joe Day and Stone Soul Foundation
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: The band Stone Soul Foundation was there for the first three hours or so. They were interviewed, and four tracks of their's were played. They are a cool band, www.myspace.com/stonesoulfoundation is their website. Steve Pappageorgio was also there for the first three hours with The Metal Wolf. Jeff arrived. It was National Joe Day on Friday, March 27th, so Joe demanded a song for his day from Jeff. Jeff turned into Jeffie, and Jeffie sang a song for and about Joe to the accompaniment of the keyboard, and Josh going "Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe" over and over as back up vocals. Joe hated his song, but old senile people hate everything. Jeffie wanted to give Joe a lap dance for his special day. Joe was not at all ok with that and got violent to prevent it...

March 21 - W and Jane Evil
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: Jane Evil, she of the aptly named Jane Evil Band stopped by. She was interviewed, and she brought two CD's for them to play. Two tracks off them were played. They were cool, www.myspace.com/janeevilband is the website where you can find her. Josh would not be able to tell you that, or how to find any other website, for that matter, because he can not say the letter W correctly, and he especially can't say it three times in a row, which, of course, is required to say the names of most websites. They gave him an assignment, to learn how to say W, and especially how to say three of them in a row by the next show... We shall see, or, rather, hear... Tune in and hear how he does...

March 14 - Friday the 13th
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: For the second month in a row, there was a Friday the 13th (February and March always have the same days, except for in a Leap Year, which this is not, so, since there was a Friday the 13th in February, there had to be one in March, the only time there will be two months in a row with one, and that only happens every 6 years, just a little educational, useless fact for you all), so Alice Cooper's "The Man Behind The Mask" was played, just like last month, twice, just like last month, and then Lance was blamed for it by Joe, even though Joe was the one who played it, just like last month. There was a disturbing, gross discussion about Wonder Woman, her invisible plane, poop, and corn/porn, and, yes, those topics were all connected...

March 7 - The Psychiatrist
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: Jeff kept going back and forth between being Jeffie and Jeff. There was a psychiatrist there, who arrived with Jeffie and kept analyzing him. This psychiatrist had the dubious distinction of pissing off, and being fired, by both Jeff and Jeffie. We heard the words "your fired!" quite a lot this night, I guess both Jeff and Jeffie think they're Donald Trump, or Vince McMan... And, although Joe insisted that Lance was dead because he had killed him, Lance showed up, very much alive. Well, Joe is old, and senile, old, senile people get confused about stuff very easily. So Lance is alive. Woo hoo! Woo hoo! LANCE! YAY! LANCE!!!! The annalist concluded that Jeffie had issues (you really needed a shrink to tell you THAT?!?!), and concluded that they stemmed from the fact that, as he is a clone, he has never been born, and his recommendation was that he needed to be birthed, and that, to achieve this, he should be put inside someone, and, well, birthed. He thought someone there should volunteer. For some strange reason, no one there wanted to, some people are so selfish! Jeffie told the shrink that he (Jeffie, not the shrink) had a button on him, in the back of his head, would the annalist like to press it? He did. Jeffie started yelling "kill! kill! kill! kill!", and dragged the psychiatrist out off to who knows where... And thus ended the program...

February 28 - Zonkie!
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard: When Jeff became Jeffie, Joe beat him down, trying to get Jeff to return. Jeffie had taken the frog Jeff uses to keep Jeffie at bay, and put it down his pants. When Jeff returned he retrieved it, but, for some odd reason, no one wanted to touch the frog, or be anywhere near it. Jeffie had said he had a zonkie, a zombie donkey, and Jeff confirmed this. Jeff said he thinks he's figured out why the Amish don't like him, it's because Jeffie had taken their donkey and killed it. Jeff resurrected the donkey, but apparently donkeys don't come back to life quite as well as people, so now it's a zombie donkey, a zonkie, and Jeffie had indeed been riding it around all week. Jeff said, however, that, while Jeffie thinks the zonkie is really fast, and smart, it's really slow, and stupid (slow and stupid, that would make it the perfect zonkie for Jeffie), and it likes to bite, which, of course, is what zombies do...

February 21 - Just Joe Returns
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Jeffie was still Jeffie when he arrived, and he had brought Just Joe with him, as they are best buds. But when Jeffie became Jeff again, he joined the rest of us in being disgusted by Just Joe. Jeff beat Just Joe down severely, performing lots of wrestling moves on him, and using a chair as well. Jeff had a stuffed frog, that even went "ribbit ribbit", since Jeffie hates frogs, Jeff said this would keep Jeffie away. Just Joe didn't like Jeff (wonder why?), and wanted Jeffie, his friend, back. He took the frog and put it down his pants. As disgusting a task as it was, Jeff retrieved it. Jeff told Just Joe that it was time, as they had agreed, to castrate EVD. They grabbed EVD and took him outside. When they returned, there was a lot of blood, and Jeff said that Just Joe had missed, and removed more from EVD's anatomy than they had intended to do. And thus ended the program...

February 13 - Friday the 13th
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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; The 1st 3 hours of this program fell on Friday the 13th. So Joe said that Lance must be killed and sacrificed for starting the tradition years ago of having them play Alice Cooper's "The Man Behind The Mask" every Friday the 13th. But Jeff said that Lance would not be killed, he would protect him because he liked him, he was a nice guy. Jeff said maybe Joe should be the one who should be killed, after all, he was the one who played the song. Jeff and Joe argued back and forth over who deserved to be killed, Joe, for playing the song or Lance, for starting the tradition of playing the song. Jeff was trying to figure out what Jeffie had done to make the Amish hate him so much. He said that every time he encountered any Amish, they were always really enraged at him. Whenever Jeff would try to concentrate on remembering what Jeffie had done to the Amish, he would slip back into being Jeffie. He slipped back and forth between being Jeffie and Jeff. At the end of the night, Lance pointed out that he was still alive, and said that there was someone there to meet them. It was a man, in a mask, without a machette. The program ended with the masked Lance, er, Man there scaring Joe, and Jeffie, wondering how it had gotten to be 2009, how he had missed so much time...

February 7 - Warblade
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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; The band Warblade was there, they were interviewed. Jeff said that he was going to keep a list of all the stupid things EVD says until it all accumulated enough to make him kill him, again. Given all the really stupid things EVD says, it should take about 30 seconds for the list to reach that point. Near the end of the show, Jeff beat EVD down using a set of shelves, he beat EVD down with them, and then repeatedly jumped on the shelves, which were on top of EVD...

January 30 - The Wolf Returns...
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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; Rick and Josh were absent because they were committing the absolutely unforgivable act of actually attending a Metallica concert, ON PURPOSE! Steve Pappageorgio was there with The Metal Wolf, Wolfy. Steve had a bionic arm. Joe told Jeff to tell Wolfy to eat Steve's other arm. Jeff did, and Wolfy did. Steve was by then also without his bionic arm, so now he was armless. Steve wasn't too happy, he spent the rest of his time there pretty much out of it...

January 23 - the Death of EVD

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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; Kim, formerly of the band Static Cling, which is now mostly disbanded, and currently of his new band, Infrared Radiation Orchestra, was there for the first part of the program. He was interviewed, and updated us on what he has been, and will be, up to. Jeff and George, mostly Jeff, George helped, killed EVD. They dropped a television set, repeatedly, on his head until he was dead. Then Josh disposed of the corpse by dumping it in the lake. But, once EVD was gone, Jeff actually seemed to be not altogether comfortable with his absence. He said it wasn't that he missed him, he insisted on that, but that, without EVD there, he kinda felt like he no longer had a purpose. Jeff and Josh went out to find EVD's corpse, not to try and resurrect it, Jeff insisted, but, well just to see it...

January 17 - LowKey Interview / EVD Breaks Jeff

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Recap from Fire Eater Wizard; EVD's stupidity, along with help from Josh, continued to bother Jeff. In fact, it seemed to be breaking him. He kept changing back into Jeffie, and then back to Jeff. They told Jeff to kill EVD. He tried, performing lots of wrestling moves on him, and strangling him, but nothing worked, EVD would appear to be dead, then kept getting back up. Jeff, and everyone else was at a loss to explain this, and were dismayed...

January 10 - At War Interview / EVD vs Jeff

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Full At War Off Air Interview on Veoh

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Joe conducted a great interview with Paul Arnold of the band At War. EVD's stupidity was making Jeff's head throb, and causing him to repeatedly bang his head against the wall, so Joe gave Jeff some big green boxing gloves, and Jeff beat the crap out of EVD...

January 3 - The New Jeffie

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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; This was also the final week of everyone giving their top 10 best songs of the past year picks. Lance (WOO HOO, WOO HOO, LANCE WAS THERE!!!! *clap clap, clap clap* YAY!!!!) gave his. The band Absolution Project was there for the first couple of hours of the program. They were interviewed. Their vocalist could be the new voice of WEOS, if he wants that job, as he gave out all the station's locations, and call letters, and the phone number, and the website, many, many, many, many times, and none in the MO crew ever gives out any of those things. And he has a great voice for it, very professional sounding. www.myspace.com/absolutionproject is their website. Jeff arrived. He was still intelligent, nice, and polite. Well, at first, at least. Last week's show had no violence, only niceness, politeness, and civility... Well, that was not the case this week. But this week, unlike all other weeks, where the beatings and violence were always taken by Jeffie, this time, he administered them all, to almost everyone else, everyone but Tim and Josh, because, he said, they were nice, he liked them. But old, senile, cranky Joe kept on insulting Jeff, as he had last week. When he had done that last week, Jeff had said that Joe wasn't nice, and that, maybe Joe should be beaten down... Well, this week he did just that... Jeff beat down Joe. Jeff liked, and was nice to Lance, that is until Lance insulted Jeff, saying he sucked. Jeff beat down Lance. He also beat down EVD, and, although all of that had shocked everyone else, this one was the one that truly amazed them, when Rick tried to brawl with Jeff, Jeff thoroughly beat down Rick, and then, for good measure, he even threw him in the snow! So, apparently, this new Jeff is not only intelligent, nice, polite, and civil (to people who are nice to him, at least, so don't fuck with him!), but he is also really powerful...