December 31, 2011 - A Proper Way to End the Year
Well, this was our last installment of the Onslaught for 2011, and I'd have to say we went out in... Okay, I wanted to say "style", but I'm not so sure that's the appropriate word for it. Hold tight, we'll get back to this before too long...
Steve Papagiorgio was on hand for a visit, his first since August or September of 2010. It had been a long damned time. In fact, it was on his last visit that he threatened to sue me for not really being a werewolf. Seems I lost the trial in absentia, and I've been losing money from my pay each week since. That would explain a damned lot, to be honest.... If Papagiorgio's good for one thing, it's an amusing discussion about Star Wars. Can't remember specifically how this came up, I believe there was something mentioned about a Boba Fett coffee mug, and from there something was said about Boba Fett being the worst character from the orginal Star Wars series. Joe, our long-suffering host, took immense offense at this statement... To be honest, I can't really argue with Steve. I mean, Boba Fett wasn't even IN the first movie, and he needed Vader's help to capture Han Solo (in The Empire Strikes Back), and then turned around and ACCIDENTALLY fell into the mouth of the Sarlacc (Return Of The Jedi). I mean, c'mon already, how pathetic is that? From there the whole thing turned into a discussion about favorite Star Wars characters (Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and Han Solo, pretty much in that order, for me!), and also a suggestion from Joe that Star Wars wasn't...well...
Real...
WHAT?!?!?!?!
Imagine my shock at discovering that a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, NONE OF THAT EVER HAPPENED!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And then they told me that Santa Claus wasn't real! HUH?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And the Easter Bunny? And the Tooth Fairy?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
December 24, 2011 - Azkath's Twisted Xmas Show
Seriah Azkath hosts an Apocalyptic Xmas Show... Enjoy...
Playlist;
Green Carnation "Light of Day, Day of Darkness - Part 1"
HPLHS "Have Yourself a Scary Little Solstice"
King Diamond "No Presents for Christmas"
TV's Kyle "All I Want for Christmas is Stuff"
Fields of the Nephilim "Chord of Souls"
Sacrifice "Flames of the End"
HPLHS "Death to the World"
Worm Quartet "A Worm Quartet Christmas"
Carnivore "Armageddon"
Robert Lund "Undead Elves"
Iperyt "A Pocket Sized Armageddon"
HPLHS "Harley Got Devoured by The Undead"
Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "Bring Back the Apocalypse - Live"
Kekal "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
December 17, 2011 - Xmas Show
Recap written by Randy Smith, aka MetalWulf
Disclaimer: I would like to note that at no point in my life have I ever taken part in anything that resembled "Roller Boogie", and have never had anything remotely resembling an afro. I hated Solid Gold, and thought Deney Terrio was a pussy. Thank you very much... Due to the fact that next week's edition of The Metallic Onslaught is going to be pre-recorded, we celebrated Christmas on the show last night. In fact, I had it on good faith that a visit from Satan Claus was imminent. C'mon, do you honestly think the guy wouldn't eventually show up, after being discussed on the show for who knows how long? More on that in a bit!
There was another episode of Stryper denial on my part, as Joe passed along news that he'd seen one of their posters at a local thrift shop. Honestly, not interested, but I can say that until I'm blue in the face, and I'll still got ragged on for actually going to see them live way back when. Trust me, I'm well aware that I'll never be able to live that down. Still, in the interest of making a dart board, I may just invest in that damned poster, anyway...
Metallica had dropped a new 4-song EP earlier in the week called Beyond Magnetic. In a nutshell, they're all songs that didn't quite make the cut for the Death Magnetic album. After hearing "Rebel Of Babylon" played last night, I can kind of understand why these songs were put on the backburner. I mean, the song wasn't terrible, but it didn't exactly floor me, either. It's honestly been many years since I can honestly say that I've been floored by anything Metallica has done...
Ironically, the newest Megadeth disc HAS floored me. Kinda says something, doesn't it?
December 10, 2011 - Russian Roulette Birthdays
Recap by The Metal Wulf
So, I don't know what the deal was, but somebody's got a weird sense of humor. On the lines of "Ha ha, it's the night before the full moon, so we're gonna mess with Randy some more". Now, it's been well established that I'm NOT REALLY A WOLF, dammit! I mean, don't people feel it's enough that I've had to cope with actually DYING AND BEING CLONED! Isn't that bad enough? But, noooo, once again I found myself all furry and fanged after blacking out periodically. I hope someone's having fun with all that super glue they're using as they go through all this trouble to mess with my head! But, yeah, we had a little "Full Moon Madness" in conjunction with the birthday hijinks. It all just added to the chaos, as you'll soon see...
So, eventually Azkath arrived with Foul Mouth Girl and Kal from the Last Exit in tow. Ironically, Kal's birthday was Saturday, so he actually turned 18 while on our show! FMG was joking that we only had a limited time to take advantage of Kal before he turned "legal", but nobody was up for that kind of action. Sorry, Kal, nothin' personal...
December 3, 2011 - The Isotopes Live
Recap by Randy Smith, aka MetalWulf or Wulfie.
Disclaimer: Any suggestion that was made Friday night that the Demon Azkath may have wi-fi in his sack is purely speculative... at least, I sure hope so, 'cuz that would just be really, REEEEAAALLLY weird... So, this week's installment of the Onslaught was pretty much dominated by a visit from Rochester instrumental rock act, The Isotopes. Now, I got to see these guys play during halftime at a roller derby bout, so I knew they were good. Old school guitar rock, very much in the style of 60's icon Dick Dale. At least, that's what they reminded me most of. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that they could up the heaviness level appreciably when they played live in our studio. No bull, it was a good time. Hope they can drop in again sometime, and maybe bring their go-go dancers along for the visit. I highly recommend them, so check 'em out if you get the chance!
As for that video footage, you'll also get to see Azkath beating the crap out of me. Okay, I suppose I had it coming. Once the band was done performing, I'd mentioned that I wasn't sure if it was Jeffie or Azkath that was in the studio, and, well... somebody got really upset by that... and the beatdown commenced.
And culminated with a big stack of records falling on my head, leaving a nice selection of paper cuts for my trouble. Oh well, I've had worse things happen...
November 26, 2011 - Rough Night for Randy...
Recap written by Randy Smith, aka MetalWulf.
So, with this edition falling on the evening following Thanksgiving, I have to admit that I was actually just a little out of it. Indeed, my meal of leftovers in the form of hot turkey sandwiches put me into a little tryptohan coma following the first talk break. What can I say, I was VERY relaxed... I woke up pretty quick once Joe played Megadeth's "Black Friday", in honor of that most chaotic of shopping days that kciks off the "Holiday Season". Actually, I got somewhat bouncy after hearing that. Megadeth has strange effects on me sometimes... And it wasn't just me feeling the after-effects of Thanksgiving. Seems Rick had partied a little too much the night before, and had a fun moment bonding with the porcelain altar. That's okay, Rick, we've all been there! (Sssshhh...gotta keep this quiet, we didn't want to say too much in front of him the other night, but...Rick's an alcoholic...DON'T TELL HIM!!!!) Yep, many a time I've passed out wearing the ol' toilet seat around my head. Of course, that actually hasn't happened in over fifteen years, but...definitely been there! (We were contemplating an intervention for him, but that may have to wait a bit. Just remember, don't breathe a word to Rick! SSSSHHHHH!!!!!) Moving right along...
This particular night seemed to be spending a lot of focus on busting my balls. I mean, it's pretty much a given any week, but it was comin' down pretty hard this week. I don't understand why, but that stupid photo of me in the Stryper shirt has gotten me more grief than I ever could have imagined. Seems to be some suspicions that it may still be floating around, but I guarantee that it is LONG GONE. Thrown out years ago, I'd swear to it!
Then I was getting teased because I'd gone down to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with Bill and Erica. For some reason, Azkath felt that this refelcted VERY negatively upon me. Don't see what the problem is, outside of the fact that it's gotten more about "check out these Broadway shows" than it is about the actual parade. Hey, I want to see floats and giant freakin' balloons, dammit!!! Not to mention marching bands with pretty girls in short skirts, twirling their little batons! Speaking of giant balloons, it was speculated that perhaps there should be a Wulfie balloon in the parade. That's right, just imagine a giant Wulfie balloon, complete with man-kini! Ummmm...maybe not...
November 19, 2011 - Armed with Valor
Recap by The Metal Wulf
Disclaimer: No sharks have been violated by any member of The Metallic Onslaught. In fact, while Shark Fisting may sound fun to certain adventurous types or those who are addicted to danger (or just the plain stupid, let's not forgot them!), when it's all said and done, it really just sounds like a good way to piss off the shark... and get killed and eaten by it... In other words, DON'T DO THAT!!! It was back to the usual chaos last night after doing a pre-recorded show last week. That actually makes two pre-recorded shows that I need to catch up on now. I'm a little intimidated to be honest... We had most of Armed With Valor in the studio. Always fun to have these folks sit in with us, although I think we confuse Stephanie a litlle... or a lot... (Really Steph, we're pretty harmless...maybe not entirely sane, but we're harmless!) Hey, I'll be honest, if I weren't accustomed to the show, I'd probably wonder what the hell was up with a discussion that started with something about corn meal, and evolved into making Swamp Muffins for Croctosquatch... Really, those are just the natural turns our discussions take. I can honestly understand why some people could end up brain damaged just listening to us! Anyhoo... There was also some concern over the whereabouts of Bill. The only thing we're sure of, 100%, was that he was at a viewing of the latest Twilight film, "Breaking Dawn". Now, I'm pretty sure he'd been kidnapped aggressively, by rabid Twi-fans, and dragged to the theater completely against his will. I mean, what kind of guy would actually OFFER to go? NOT MY BRO, THAT'S FOR SURE!!! But, Joe seemed pretty sure that Bill had volunteered his services, and that Bill is actually a Twilight fan. I find that a bit difficult to swallow, but I'm sure the truth will be revealed at some point! Jeffie was visibly absent, and I'd suggested that perhaps he was still cleaning his fists from his fishing trip last week. After all, it was he and Joe who were supposed to go fishing... or fisting... shart fistishing... shark fishing... Whatever... Either way, no Jeffie, and I'm still a little hurt at not being invited for the fishing trip. Not that I would have been in a hurry to fist any sharks... or sharts... however it went down... Maybe it's best I wasn't involved? So, the evening came to a close with Azkath wanting to confirm that I hadn't smoked in awhile, which, to be honest, I hadn't. Hard to remember when my last one was, to be honest. Here's the official tale of the tape, so to speak. I haven't actually purchased cigarettes since the end of March. I've pretty much quit them entirely, except for rare moments where I'm hanging out at a show. Those are really the only times I want to have a cigarette or two. So, on the average, two cigarettes every two to three weeks, depending on how often I check out some bands. Hey, some folks are social drinkers, I'm more or less a social smoker. I can actually live with that! Azkath seemed pretty pleased that I'd been behaving myself, but informed me that it's now time to get working on bringing my weight down. Personally, I'm not gonna argue with the guy about the need to lose some pounds... but did he really have to beat the snot outta me to announce this next phase?
Playlist
Rush - Working Man
Megadeth - Millennium Of The Blind
Kyng - Bleed Easy
StormWarrior - The Ride Of Asgard
Brainstorm - Dark Life
Lonely Kamel - Grim Reefer
Charetta - Lights Out
Battlerage - Raw Metal
Fastway - Deliver Me
Outrage - Pact Of The Wicked
Isole - The Water
Black Pyramid - Endless Agony
Vektor - Dark Creations, Dead Creators
Ion Vein - Anger Inside
Trigger The Bloodshed - Devouring All That Is Kind
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Vallenfyre - As The World Collapses
Edge Of Paradise - Tail Of The Gun
A Plea For Purging - My Song
Armed With Valor - We Used A Band-Aid
Die Hard Till Death - Die Hard Till Death
Iced Earth - Days Of Rage
Sulaco - Build And Burn
Mortal Sin - Doomed To Annihilation
Armed With Valor - What All The Kids Are Craving
Midnight Chaser - Hotshot
Black Country Communion - Burn
Dixie Witch - Sevens
Rough Angel - Defiance
Carnifex - We Spoke Of Lies
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Face Of The Flood
Thousand Year War - Open Casket
Myrath - Dawn Within
Supreme Pain - Trapped In Heresy
Black Tusk - Resistor
Close Your Eyes - Scars
Counterparts - Pedestal
Hundredth - Weathered Town
The Gardnerz - Lady In The Grave
Sincera - Cursed
Suffokate - Always Hopeless
Objex - RSVP
Undergang - Table Scraps
Nekrogoblikon - Goblins Ahoy
Svolk - Overload
Slipknot - New Abortion
November 12, 2011 - Pre-recorded Show
Lots of old clips from the show will be found within...
Playlist;
Neige et Noirceur "Hymn 5"
Golden Ressurection "The Final Day"
ReinXeed "Through the Fire"
Lance King "A Moment in Chiros"
Forteresse "Spectres du Solstice"
BML "God Be Laughin'"
Reason "Before the Dawn"
Emil Bulls "Battle Royal"
Circus Grenade "Exit"
Illnath "Shorthanded"
November 5, 2011 - Fleshburn and Azkath Returns...
Recap by The Metal Wulf
This evening saw the return of Fleshburn, who brought us up to speed on recent happenings within their particular camp. They've been working on some new music, and have got some pretty high profile shows coming up. There were some further rants against LuLu (the recently-released collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed, which is utterly, unspeakably, and unforgivably horrendous...) Joe still seems to think I love this pile of dog shit disguised as an album. Thankfully no further tracks were played this week, sparing us further auditory punishment. Azkath was on hand this week, instead of Jeffie, who apparently had gone fishing. Without me! Dammit, I'm supposed to be his best friend, and I'm not even worthy of an invite for fishing trips! I LOVE fishing! Man, I'm gonna have a talk with him when I see him next time... A brief discussion of what he was fishing for seemed to be a bit mired in confusion. The idea of shark fishing soon became SHART fishing, and shart fishtishing...and eventually interpreted as SHARK FISTING. Honestly, the outdoorsman in me sincerely does not see the entertainment value in fisting any animal, much less a shark. I'm imagining there's only one way a shark would respond to that type of action, and it would involve many, many rows upon rows of sharp teeth sinking into the "fister", so to speak... Not my kinda scene, man... Anyhoo, Bill and I had to depart just a tad early, so I wasn't there to defend myself when it was suggested that I went home to listen to Warrant and Stryper. I also couldn't take part in the discussion involving what track to play in honor of GWAR's guitarist, Flattus Maximus, who had very recently passed away. I'm sure the guys gave him a good send-off, although Joe claimed that GWAR sucked, which I found to be very puzzling. I mean, what self-respecting headbanger doesn't love GWAR? Geeeez...
Playlist
Rush - Anthem
Rush - BU2B
Anvil - Metal On Metal
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers
The Parlor Mob - The Beginning
Megadeth - Guns Drugs & Money
Myrath - Wide Shut
Divine Ascension - Another Battlefield
Anubis Gate - Facing Dawn
Midnight Chaser - Swords For Hire
Fleshburn - Amongst The Dead
Black Tusk - Crossroads And Thunder
Carnifex - Never Forgive Me
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Embodiment Of Rage
Fleshburn - Victim
Thousand Year War - Open Casket
Evile - Centurion
Svolk - Dead:30
Wizard - Heart Eater
Fleshburn - From The Inside
Krisiun - The sword Of Orion
A Plea For Purging - Room For The Dead
Griffar - Monastery
Sick Of It All - Clobberin' Time
Sick Of It All - GI Joe Headstomp
Sick Of It All - Scratch The Surface
Mortal Sin - Down In The Pit
Ana Kefr - In The House Of Distorted Mirrors
Gloominous Doom - Cosmic Super Ghoul
Warbringer - Living Weapon
Megadeth - Deadly Nightshade
Banshee - Locked Inside
Rough Angel - Defiance
Riot - Sins Of The Father
Lance King - Sacred Systems
J.B.O. - Raining Blood
Dixie Witch - Let It Roll
Sulaco - On The Fence
Brainstorm - Temple Of Stone
StormWarrior - The Ride Of Asgard
Confused Little Girl - Have Another Popover, Froggy
Kyng - Bleed Easy
GWAR - Ham On The Bone
GWAR - Sick Of You
GWAR - Gorgor
Sincera - Cursed
Orchid - Masters Of It All
Iron Man - Run From The Light
Redemption - Hold The Line
Fuck The Facts - Die Miserable
Misfits - Land Of The Dead
October 29, 2011 - Halloween and Sulaco
So, we returned Friday night after pre-recording the previous week. I believe Azkath and/or Jeffie took care of that show. Haven't listened to it yet...almost afraid to, to be perfectly honest. Anyhoo... So, on to the actual show recap! So, in celebration of Halloween, I'd dressed as former ECW and WWE wrestler, The Blue Meanie. This came about from a discussion toward the end of summer when we were joking around about going as members of the Blue World Order (bWo). Joe suggested he could be Raven, and at the time we figured Josh could make a good Stevie Richards. Thing is, Bill could have pulled Stevie off as well, so either would have been great! I, of course, chose the Meanie, because with the right hair cut and the face paint (not to mention that I have his dance down pretty well...) I figured I'd pretty much own the costume. And I did! We had Chris and Brian from Sulaco in the studio, and they brought us up to date as we played some tracks from their newest release, Build And Burn. They were also kind enough to do a video interview with Rick and I. Speaking of these interviews, you can see them on YouTube under the metalwulff page. You can also find a direct linik to that page at the main website. There you'll find all the aforementioned interviews, live videos from shows we've attended, not to mention some other crazy shit I've put up.