2015

2015

October 30, 2015 - Halloween

Jeffie and RandyThis particular week wasn’t just special due to the fact that it was our Halloween show, but we also featured an interview with Chastain vocalist, Leather Leone. Gotta say, the new Chastain album is pretty incredible! But, yes, this was our Halloween show, and Jeffie had completely ruined the holiday for me. Honestly, my favorite day of the year. The one holiday I truly embrace whole-heartedly. And that goofy son of a bitch totally fucked it up for me. In previous weeks, the plant growth that was slowly spreading over my body was staying pretty well hidden beneath my clothing, but not this week. My face and hands were partially covered in what looked like mulch, along with some leaves. And, to top it off, a big yellow flower was growing out of my forehead... And, to make matters worse, I’d addressed the issue of the “twig and berries” literally turning into...a twig and berries... And let’s not forget the indignity of lactating maple syrup! Oh, yeah, that’s loads of fun! I may as well cover my nipples in velcro, the effect is pretty much the same! And based on Jeffie’s negative experiences when trying to eat pieces of me, I’m pretty sure Randy-syrup is not likely to get marketed by Aunt Jemima any time soon... Jeffie took a moment during the Leather Leone interview to put on his Halloween costume, and you can imagine my dismay as he came out with his goofy dinosaur hat, which had been adorned with Spanky’s horn. And he was also wearing part of Spanky’s hide over his back. Aside from those things, that is ALL Jeffie was wearing... And, of course, he just had to take it all one step further by mocking me in Spanky’s voice, suggesting that it was my fault that Spanky was dead, which I obviously know is not true, but still, that was pretty fucked up! Have I mentioned that Jeffie’s got a LOT to answer for in the coming weeks? We finally got the full story of what happened to Joe that week he was missing, which you’ll remember was also the week that Jeffie returned and revealed that he had murdered Spanky. Anyhow, it seems that Jeffie and Joe went on a picnic. Now, I find it very hard to believe that Joe willingly took part in this venture. This is the guy who complained weekly about recording outdoors during the summer! Aside from the occasional softball game and perhaps mowing the lawn, Joe doesn’t do “outdoors”. But, Jeffie insists that they went into the woods, got lost, and had a picnic. He even went so far as to suggest that Joe was snuggling a raccoon, which I never would have believed, if not for the photos. Oh, yeah, Jeffie supplied photographic evidence of the “picnic”, and to say that the evidence provided was shocking would be an understatement. Let’s just say that Joe wasn’t precisely conscious for the festivities. It certainly appeared that Joe had been roofied...and that nuts and tossed salad were on the menu at this picnic! And I won’t even go into what that raccoon was doing...

All of this was pretty much the straw that broke the camel’s back as far as Joe was concerned. Earlier in the evening he had mentioned possibly splitting off with Josh in the interest of forming their own show. Jokingly we’d all referred to that particular union as “Joesh” forming what would become the “Joeshow”...or would that be “Joesh Show”....hmmmmm... Anyhoo, Joe and Josh made good on their threat, leaving the studio once things started getting really out of hand, and the truth about his absence had been revealed. Oddly enough, Josh returned shortly thereafter, without Joe. And it wasn’t long after that someone burst into the building wearing a Richard Nixon mask, and proceeded to beat Jeffie to a pulp, concluding our Halloween festivities for another year.

- Randy Metal Wulf

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October 23, 2015 - Undead Messengers

MOWell, getting right down to business here, I should mention that Nathan returned to visit us on this evening, and he wasn’t the only company we had that night. Tim and Olivia from UnDead Messengers joined us as well, and this was their first time visiting The Metallic Onslaught. Not that they’re strangers by any stretch of the imagination. We’ve gotten to know them from seeing their band perform, as well as hanging with them on The Last Exit For The Lost periodically. Olivia actually proved to be very helpful to our resident stuffy, Gary, who still hasn’t quite gotten over the mistreatment at the hands of Eric Rodriguez last Christmas. Gary really did need a good supportive ear, poor guy... Nathan claimed to have dropped about five pounds from pooping, which likely makes him roughly 47 pounds with clothes on. Joe mentioned that he could possibly weigh Nathan with a set of postal scales at this juncture... Gotta say, poor Nathan put up with an abundance of abuse on this evening, mainly because he’s just that easy to pick on. And I thought I made a good target! Anyhoo, pretty early on he ran out of the recording area, as Jeffie had put on another “Retard-O-Tron” collection for our...ummmmm...entertainment... I guess Nathan has a low tolerance for girls doing Donald Duck impersonations. Things got a little weird when Jeffie broke out the gargantuan rubber band that he’d wrapped around my head earlier in the year. He got it around Nathan’s head easily enough, but Nathan went one better by pulling the rubber down all the way down his bony frame, essentially passing his entire body through it. And to think I used to think it was impressive to see Dano Voodie pass himself through a coat hanger back when he was in Stool! Jeffie took a moment to put that damned rubber band on my head again, pretty much causing Nathan to go fetal in disgust. It IS pretty grotesque what that thing does to my dome. To make matters worse, Jeffie got it in his head that he may be able to get MY body through the rubber band. He didn’t get past my neck, making breathing just a mite difficult...

Somewhere along the line Nathan felt that it would be a good idea for him to attempt lifting the anvil...which he did, much to our amazement. As a matter of fact, that little shit actually got it up to his shoulders! Almost as impressive was the fact that he continued to carry it throughout the building, pretty much crab-walking it from room to room. We’d been tormenting Nathan with various implements of destruction throughout the evening, but it really got disturbing when one particular piece of wrongness made an appearance. Once upon a time, on The Last Exit For The Lost (actually it orginated on The Metallic Onslaught one night, then went to LE), there was a little bathroom plug on a chain, and the chain was connected to a little plastic penis. Last Exit co-host, EVD, had taken this item and duct-taped it to a Whiffle Bat at one point, essentially creating what came to be known as the “D-Bat”...that’s “D” for “dick”, of course... Well, the “D” made an appearance that night, and Nathan was suffering a bit of abuse from it. I don’t think he got violated too horrifically with it, but it’s kinda hard to gauge that kind of trauma. I mean, it certainly wasn’t nearly as bad as Spanky puncturing his starfish over the summer! Speaking of Spanky... Jeffie had offered me some Gummi Bears during the course of the evening as a peace offering, and having s bit of a sweet tooth, I didn’t turn them down. Although, I did spit them out pretty quickly when he’d mentioned that they’d been made using Spanky by-products (gummi’s have gelatin...gelatin can come from horse remains...) Needless to say, that just adds to the level of payback that Jeffie will have to eventually endure. I mean, as if the Gummi Bears weren’t bad enough, he turned around and left some gifts around my apartment...one of them being Spanky’s horn, which he left sitting in my toilet bowl! Have I mentioned that Jeffie is a total fucking tool? I should also mention that his spore powder is continuing to make life very difficult for me. Bastard was even pulling flowers outta my ears throughout the evening! Anyhow, I can’t remember what we were discussing as the night came to a close, but I’d said a particularly naughty word, which forces Azkath to have to edit. He doesn’t really like having to bleep things out, and our videographer, Arydaea Insanity, took a moment to cut my tongue out as a lesson. That was pretty painful and gross, but on the plus side, I think this plant DNA from Jeffie’s spore powder is actually helping me to heal even faster!

-Randy Metal Wulf

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October 16, 2015 - Joe is Back

MOWe’d seen the return of Joe this week, and I was still in mourning over the murder of Spanky by our resident idiot, Jeffie. Joe seemed really confused over the whole incident, which he’d missed, although he insisted that he was there the previous week. We assured him that he had been among the missing on that evening, but he was just not having it. Rick took a moment to announce an upcoming show we’re hosting at the Eagle Hotel in Lodi, NY for our birthdays. He and I, along with Josh, all have birthdays within roughly a month of each other, and Rick and I will both be celebrating landmarks, as he’ll be turning 40 and I’ll be hitting...ugh...50... Anyhow, that show will be held on December 12 and will feature Never The Voiceless, Revival, Order Of The Dead, UnDead Messengers, Ruination, Age Of Shadows, and Inhumatus. Quite a diverse line-up, and should be a lot of fun! Joe had actually gotten Josh to denounce Iron Maiden, believe it or not. Of course, if I know Josh, he probably wasn’t completely serious, but he did actually denounce them. And it was like pullin’ teeth to get him to do it, too. Threat of the anvil dropped on his nuts? Nope, wouldn’t denounce them. Threat of a sweaty jock strap held to his nose, after I wore it while doing squats and lunges for an hour? (Yeah, that’s gonna happen...) Nope, still wouldn’t denounce them. As a matter of fact, we’d pretty much acknowledged that Josh was a Superfan, until Joe suggested using said jockstrap on Josh’s girlfriend. He immediately denounced Iron Maiden and proclaimed Black Sabbath to be his new favorite band. Gotta give the guy credit, he sure didn’t cave in easily! Jeffie returned once again, now that he’s established that I hadn’t killed him. Josh acknowledged that Jeffie seemed to be more bad-ass, although the better description was that he’d been “jerkified”...and he certainly is a jerk! As if I needed any more proof of his jerkiness, he made a confession regarding some itchiness I’d been experiencing. As it turns out, it wasn’t actually jock itch powder he’d doused himself with the week before. Seems that whatever it was had a number of bizarre spores contained in it, which had started growing on me. Not so evident as of the night we recorded this show, but it’s become a real pain in the ass afterwards. I’d pretty much described it as being like “Day Of The Triffids” in my nether regions. Jeffie mentioned that I was like Stephen King’s character in Creepshow, which really isn’t far off the mark. And, of course, showering just makes it worse, and Jeffie made a point not to shower, so the spores never started maturing and growing on him. Joe, being the smartass that he is, suggested that I might turn into Groot from Guardians Of The Galaxy. References were made to me possibly peeing sap. Threats were made in the form of weed whackers. On the plus side, Josh acknowledged that by turning into a plant, I’ll be producing oxygen, meaning that I’ll actually become useful...gee, thanks... The evening closed out with Jeffie leaving me a little gift in a box. Obviously I was skeptical, but he insisted that I open it, so I did. Big mistake, as he’d cut off Spanky’s...ummmm...other head...and presented it to me, with the promise of more gifts to come. Really not looking forward to it, to be honest...

-Randy Metal Wulf

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October 9, 2015 - The Return of Jeffie

Jeffie and RandySo, not only was Nathan not on hand this week, but our long-suffering host, Joseph Wyatt, was also among the missing. And, if that wasn’t weird enough in and of itself, Azkath had mentioned that he’d been hearing some strange things out back. In fact, he was pretty certain that there was something roaming around behind the building, but hadn’t caught sight of whatever it may be. Of course, my first thought was that it was likely Spanky, but Azkath insisted that he hadn’t seen any sign of our centaur/unicorn hybrid all day. And he also insisted that it was NOT Jeffie. My theory on the matter was that perhaps Spanky was roaming around out back, looking for Joe, and perhaps Nathan was riding Spanky as they both searched. At one point, Azkath was so convinced that he heard something outside that he had Rick and Josh join him while he took a peek. I tried to take a moment to share some details about a show that Joe and I had gone too the previous weekend, but Jeffie took that moment to reveal himself to me, right there in the studio. Naturally, I flipped, and Azkath, Rick, and Josh came running back in to see what was wrong. Of course they didn’t believe a word I said about Jeffie being right there, saying he was coming to get me. It wasn’t too much later when Azkath heard something again, this time going outside on his own to investigate. We heard a loud “thud”, followed by what sounded like Azkath calling for help. Of course, Azkath and Jeffie sound almost identical, so who the hell knew what I was getting myself into when I stepped outside? I’d only been out there a matter of seconds when a white, ghostly figure came dashing at me from the darkness...and caught me in a huge bear hug. It was, well and truly, Jeffie. He’d doused himself in a ton of what was probably jock itch powder, and glomped the living hell outta me, causing an enormous white cloud to puff out from the impact. Yes, there is YouTube content down below, and it’s a sight to behold... So, yeah, Jeffie was back, and had never actually been dead in the first place. He’d been haunting me and plotting his revenge for weeks, not to mention planning on reinstating himself as the “star” of the Metallic Onslaught. Yep, the guy is still delusional as ever!

The evening came to a particularly shocking conclusion after I’d mentioned to Jeffie that he’d missed out on me becoming a parent, although he insisted that he had, indeed, met Spanky. And, at the end of the show, he provided evidence of this as he left a large plastic case in the middle of the table...with Spanky’s severed head inside of it...

- Recap by Randy Metalwulf

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October 2, 2015 - Retard-O-Tron

Honestly, for the most part, this was a fairly uneventful week, and that doesn’t happen very often! Which is okay by me, because this also generally means that nobody’s at risk of getting demolished! We saw the return of Nathan, after he missed a week, which really seemed to tick Joe off. Joe seems to have taken a bit of a liking to Nathan... either that or he just enjoys having fresh blood to torment. But, who am I to say? You can be the judge of that! Nathan’s return coincided with another week where Azkath decided to subject us to yet another video full of wrongness, this one entitled “Retard-O-Tron”. Fitting, to be honest, considering the content. The worst thing about these videos is that we really can’t describe what we’re watching during talk breaks, and we end up needing an ample supply of eye bleach to cleanse ourselves after watching. Not fun. Then Nathan was actually kind enough to share some fun stories with us that, had they been filmed for posterity, may very well have been fit for inclusion on a “Retard-O-Tron” collection! But, then, who are we to judge, we’ve all done some fairly idiotic things on this show. Azkath had asked me if I’d been having any further Jeffie sightings, and as it turns out, I indeed had been. As a matter of fact, I shared one very specific example where I’d awoken during the night to find Jeffie staring down at me. This little episode startled me enough that I actually fell out of bed, bumping my head on the night stand. And when I finally got myself situated he was no longer there. This actually freaked me out quite a bit, because the locks on my door had recently been changed, and I’m the only one who currently has a key to my apartment. But, that didn’t freak me out nearly as much as getting a phone call from him during the show! Yeah, that was pretty bizarre, and nobody believed me when I said that it was Jeffie, and that he was coming to get me...

- Recap By Randy

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September 25, 2015 - Magic Mushrooms

MOThere was a bit of concern in the early running regarding the absence of Nathan. We honestly didn’t know if he just wasn’t there, or if he’d gotten so skinny that we could no longer see him. It was also speculated that perhaps he was out riding Spanky, but considering his prior little adventure didn’t work out so well, I had my doubts. There was even an attempt at calling him, to no avail. I guess he just wasn’t able to join us this week!

For some odd reason, Azkath seemed to think that I’d jumped off the barn the previous week, but I had no memories of anything like that, despite some strange evidence that was found around the backyard area. A mark on the ground where I could have potentially landed...blood splotches on the stairs to the barn...and also what Joe suggested was a hole out behind the barn, but who the hell knows what that came from? Unexplainable things aside, I was actually battling a touch of the plague on this evening. Damned late summer/early autumn colds suck, but it’s to be expected, I suppose. Of course, it probably didn’t help that I’d been packed like a sardine in a sea of people at a Gwar show just a few nights prior. Go from a hot and sweaty environment like that and into the chilly night air, you’re just asking to get sick. The show itself was a blast, featuring openers Battlecross and Butcher Babies. Solid night of music from start to finish, and it was my first time actually seeing Gwar. Sad that it took me so long to have my first Gwar experience, to be honest, would have loved to have seen them while Oderus was still with us. Still, the current lineup is pretty amazing, and the show itself was the most over the top night of craziness I’ve ever experienced. And yeah, I was close enough to get a full-on drenching, I wouldn’t have had it any other way!

Anyhow, Azkath decided that feeding me some of the enormous mushrooms that are growing in his lawn might make me feel better. I really didn’t see where this was a good idea, but before I knew it, there were mushrooms being shoved into my mouth, and I found myself swallowing them. It wasn’t long before my skin started turning fuschia and my hands began to blister. Then the chills started...and the vomiting...so much vomit... And it wasn’t like a regular session of puking. This was turbo-projectile puking. And also highly acidic, as it began eating through the grass...and the trees...not to mention my leg. And, oh yeah, one particularly large blast caught Josh full on, eating through his clothing, forcing him to remove every stitch that he was wearing. Azkath, being the standup guy that he is, found some old Worm shirts for Josh to cover himself in. Which is cool, because those things have been sitting around for ages. Nice to have found a use for them! Everything else after that kinda becomes a blur, though. I just remember becoming progressively more and more sick as the evening went on...and it’s all a blank after that. Still, once again, it must not have been so bad if I’m able to sit here and type this out now!

-Metal Wulf

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September 18, 2015 - Jumping off the Barn Happy Fun Time Show!

JoshandNathanThis show came along following the End Of Summer Metal Meltdown in Clyde, NY. Happy to say it was a solid event, with a great turnout, which really comes as no surprise, considering the fan base in our area. Always good to see people coming together to support local music!

Josh and I had been sharing out some Archway cookies on this evening, although Nathan seemed to be feeling guilty about indulging himself. Honestly, considering that he weighs less than 50 pounds and could potentially get blown all the way to Oz in a stiff breeze, I don't think a few cookies were going to really be a problem for our Brony friend. Joe did take a bit of offense when Nathan started eyeing his cherry pie, even making the obvious Warrant reference. Joe wasn't havin' it, though, and suggested that perhaps Nathan could eat the box...as it turns out, this was likely one of the dirtiest double-entendres in Metallic Onslaught history. Pretty sure none of us have a problem eating the box, Joe!

We were actually a little concerned about Nathan's well-being, considering all the damage he'd been put through in recent weeks. I mean, between getting Spanky's horn rammed up his ass (yes, it's confirmed, that horn went straight into the ol' starfish...), and then all the punishment we'd dealt him the prior week, well, it's only natural that the guy may not have been feeling up to snuff. I think we all felt bad for an entire two minutes, and then got on with the show...

Somehow Babymetal got mentioned, and we were reminded that Joe has still not been exposed to them. Luckily, Josh is almost never without his laptop, so we found some YouTube content. Sadly, the video just sat there buffering, so Joe was unable to take in said YouTube content. Which is a shame, because love 'em or hate 'em, you really need to see it to fully appreciate it.

Azkath had gotten it into his head that I would show my skills as a stuntman on this evening by throwing myself off the top of the barn. As a matter of fact, the way he put it was that we were going to have "Shove-You-Off-The-Roof-Happy-Fun-Time". I think it should go without saying that I wasn't buying it for a second. Oddly enough, and I don't remember how this happened, I ended up taking a warm-up plunge from the roof of our current recording space. I believe I ended up landing on a metal table, and was pretty sure I'd broken a number of bones. In fact, my right arm in particular seemed to have been damaged horrifically...yet I was in no pain. In fact, it was only a short time before it seemed like the arm was completely healed! Weird how that happens...but not as weird as Azkath's suggestion that perhaps the pain was a figment of my imagination. He, in fact, went so far as to suggest that perhaps they were all figments of my imagination...which is just silly...

As for the barn, I swore up and down all night that there was going to be absolutely NO jumping off. I mean, not only is it one hell of a climb to the top of that damned thing, but there are also numerous coyotes roaming about Azkath's domain, and rumor has it that they've somehow been acquiring meth. Now, I don't know about you, but climbing to the top of a barn while meth coyotes are nipping at my heels is NOT my idea of a good time! And this is where I things get weird again...I have vague memories of being on top of the barn, but no idea how I got up there. Thankfully, I don't remember seeing any meth coyotes...yet, I do seem to remember falling and hitting some steps...and then...nothing...

Yet, here I am, typing this recap, so maybe it really was all a figment of my imagination!

- Metal Wulf

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September 11, 2015 - Nathan Abuse

MOWe had David Henninger join us this week for a bit of last-minute promoting for the End Of Summer Metal Meltdown show at Donselaar's in Clyde, NY. This show was actually considered to be a "part 2" to Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and featured a solid lineup of ten local bands. All said and done, it was a great way to cap the summer off!

I got my balls busted a bit for taking in a Salt N' Pepa performance while visiting the NY State Fair. As a matter of fact, Azkath suggested that I may have outdone myself, having seen a potentially worse show than Jackyl five years ago. Truth is, my girlfriend and I were enjoying a bit of lunch in the vicinity of Chevy Court (where the show took place), and we decided to check it out for a bit...and ended up watching the whole thing! Okay, so it ain't metal. Truth is, I'm not the only person on the Metallic Onslaught who's been to a hip-hop show, and Salt N' Pepa actually came from a time frame where I didn't really dislike that kind of music...at least, not as much as I do these days. But, in all honesty, Rick and Josh have been to hip-hop shows that could be considered to measure higher on the bad-ass scale, such as Snoop Dogg, Wu Tang Clan, Ice Cube, Public Enemy...and by comparison... I saw Salt N' Pepa... Okay, so maybe I deserved that ball-busting just a little...it was still a fun way to kill an hour at the fair!

Nathan returned once again. In the days following his previous visit, he'd actually posted a photo of him on his bathroom scales, with the weight showing 131 pounds. We all called shenanigans, of course, because those could have been anybodys feet showing in that pic. Besides, I'm still pretty convinced that Nathan might weigh about 57 pounds right before a good dump... Truth be told, we like Nathan. It's always good to have fresh blood on the show. As a matter of fact, we all took turns attempting to spill some of that blood throughout the evening! In all honesty, Nathan HAS stated that he'd like to be put through a table, so it's not like he's an unwilling participant! I can't remember specifically how it all began, but Joe decided that he really wanted to superkick Nathan out of his chair, which he did...TWICE! This led to a demonstration of Josh's mastery of Air-Fu (it's a sight to see, lemme tell ya!), and I was able to get an Atomic Drop on the little guy in the early going. Good thing for Nathan there was a nice, cushiony leather couch set up near the barn for us to throw him into! Things got a little weird after a bit, though. As the abuse continued, I felt compelled to protect Nathan. Every time somebody went to take a shot at him, I'd have to intervene. This was an insane contradiction, as I genuinely wanted to take part in the abuse, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to lift a finger against him. I just wanted to continue stopping everybody else. And then things got stranger, because no matter how badly I wanted to protect Nathan, I couldn't interfere with anything Azkath was doing! My brain's hurting just thinking about the moral dilemmma. I mean, look at it this way. I WANTED to hurt Nathan...but I couldn't! I felt compelled to protect Nathan...but I couldn't, at least not from Azkath. Before the night was over, though, things seemed to balance themselves out once again, and I was able to body slam Nathan onto the couch and follow it up with a couple of splashes. We all got in on it, actually, with the worst possibly coming from Rick, who chokeslammed out little Brony onto the couch. Yes, I'd say that Nathan has been well and truly initiated into the fold.

- Metal Wulf

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September 4, 2015 - Nathan Returns

MOWe were visited once again by Nathan Bobbett, who shared some Brony-Con stories with us, probably the most amusing of which was how there was a noticeable lack of heavy metal music. This forced him to take breaks in his hotel room to get his fix of brutality. Nathan claimed, on this evening, to be approximately 134 pounds, but we weren't convinced. Azkath is pretty sure he's doing what some professional wrestlers do, exaggerating his weight to appear heavier than he really is...which is approximately 55 pounds soaking wet...give or take. He also got to finally meet Spanky, which is only fair as he was the one to...ummmm...father our centaur/unicorn...thing. Nathan was almost immediately scooped up by Spanky's horn, possibly getting his rectal cavity ruptured. Spanky tossed Nathan on his back before darting off for a run through the nearby woods. The sound of clopping hooves and agonzed screams filled the countryside.

I had some Jeffie sightings throughout the evening, usually when I stepped out among the trees to pee. Nobody else has seen him, and Azkath insists that there have been no signs of Jeffie being back among us. My argument to that, of course, is that if Jeffies' ghost is haunting me, there wouldn't be any physical evidence to be found. I was so afraid to urinate at one point that Azkath and Josh joined me, just for company's sake. Of course, they took that opportunity to taunt me, actually frightening me in the process...causing me to pee on myself. Never a fun time... I got so frightened that I actually ran deeper among the trees...and then lost track of things, waking up to find myself tied to a chair in the barn, where Azkath found me. And, now Azkath seems to think I did this to myself, and doesn't believe for a moment that Jeffie is actually haunting me, which is utterly ridiculous...but it's a bit hard to prove that I'm actually on the level. What can I say? Hopefully time will tell!

-Metal Wulf

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August 28, 2015 - Is Randy Being Haunted?

It seems that Azkath has found yet another table by the roadside, and is itching to put somebody (me) through it. He seemed sincerely disappointed, in fact, when he asked if I'd been smoking recently, and I responded with "No". To his advantage, it seems that our occasional visitor, Nathan (aka The Brony), actually WANTS to be put through a table! Problem solved, right? Perhaps not... You see, Nathan weighs about 70 pounds soaking wet, and would probably just bounce off anything made from something heavier than balsa wood. Worse case scenario, he'd snap like a twig, and we really don't want that to happen. So, we spent a bit of time discussing ways we could put Nathan through a table without completely destroying him. It was even suggested that I could be the one to put him through the table. Obviously moonsaults and senton bombs are out of the question... I actually suggested elbow dropping him, or perhaps leg dropping. Splashing him would probably kill the guy, so that's a no-go. Of course, the problem of getting me on a surface high enough to pull this off came up. As Azkath put it, most of my springs are pretty much shot. Still, If I got two or three rungs up on a ladder, I think I could effectively get him through with an elbow drop. I mean, if that's what he really wants...

The topic of Century Media's acquistion by Sony came up. Overall, the general consensus seems to be that it may not be such a great idea. I mean, Century is pretty much a giant when it comes to indie labels, and while I'm sure the move was more than financially lucrative, in the long run it will likely be the bands that suffer. Still, there's no saying another label won't rise up to fill that void. Time will tell!

Another debate centered around weather patterns in our area. Granted, we've had our share of brutally hot days, but the point I was trying to make was that Summer weather seemed a bit late in arriving. It just seemed to me that we had a bit of an extended Spring, followed by monsoon season (so much more rain than sun for a good stretch...), followed by the arrival of actual Summer around mid-July. Honestly, I've been saying for years that central New York weather is more or less a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down... For the record, though, the days where it's in the low 80's, with low humidity, are just about perfect. For me, the suffering doesn't begin until the humidity goes over 60%, and the temperatures spike at 90 or above.

We played a new Iron Maiden track, "Speed Of Light", from the new album The Book Of Souls, which is now available as of this writing! General consensus...the track is okay, but not among their best songs. Honestly, the video is actually cooler than the song. This actually led to the question of when Josh (probably the biggest Iron Maiden fan on the planet) started listening to Maiden. Seems that Josh started getting into them during the time that Blayze Bailey was replacing Bruce Dickinson on vocals. I should note that for many, this is widely considered Iron Maiden at it's lowest point. Not that Blayze is a terrible vocalist. In all honesty, while those two albums he was on will never be among my favorites, there ARE actually songs on them that I liked...not many, but a handful. And, if you take the time to peek at YouTube to listen to Blayze singing some of the Paul DiAnno-era Maiden tracks, he actually sounds quite good singing those songs. But...he just couldn't cut it when it came to singing the Bruce Dickinson-era songs. And let's face it, not many people could have possibly filled those shoes. The important thing here is that Josh got into Iron Maiden and liked them enough that he visited the back catalog, thereby discovering the band at it's best. Which is as it should be!

The last item of note that I'll be bringing up this week is that I'm pretty sure Jeffie's ghost is haunting me. It's been a couple months since I killed the last one, and Azkath insists that he hasn't cloned anymore, because it's too much of a hassle, especially when we keep killing them off. But, seriously, I've had moments where I've looked out the window of my second story apartment and seen him on the sidewalk, just staring up at me. And I've also gotten phone calls that consist of nothing but laughing and giggling that sounds way too much like Jeffie to be anybody else. And, yeah, considering that Jeffies started out as faulty clones of Azkath, it would be really easy for him to PRETEND to be Jeffie, just to bust my balls. And this is something he absolutely WOULD do...except, he insists that it isn't him, and I believe him. Honestly, the guy's way too damned busy to resort to such methods.

- Metal Wulf

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