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April 16, 2011 - Barbed Wire Therapy...

Recap by Randy aka Wulfie, who is dreadfully afraid that the Croctosquatch may be real...

Before delving into the meat and potatoes of this weeks' recap, I'd like to point out that I have NEVER owned or worn a Tuggie... We had members of Spater on hand, as we begin some serious promotion for the upcoming 2011 edition of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest. Another upcoming event, one that we're really not as excited about, is No Pants Day, which is really beginning to creep up again. Hard to believe that it's just under three weeks away. I mean, just tossing around suggestions for this years' celebration was disturbing in and of itself. I mean, somebody actually recommended I wear a Tuggie! (For those who have no clue as to what a Tuggie is, just think of a Snuggie for the male parts...) Okay, granted the Tuggie suggestion came after I jokingly mentioned wearing a banana hammock for that show,but I can personally guarantee that the last thing I'm going to do on No Pants Day is subject folks to that sight. I mean, it may be all well and good for Dave and Just Joe to waltz around in their boxers, but  I'll probably just make due with a good ol' comfortable pair of shorts. Leave that other crazy shit for someone else! (For those who have no clue as to what the big deal about No Pants Day is, feel free to check out the trailer on our Facebook page, or on the main web page. If you really feel the need to see more after that, check out videos from the past two celebrations, also on the main web page AND on YouTube!  Consider yourself warned...) 

Sometime after the arrival of Azkath it was mentioned that perhaps we should do a No Pants Day invasion of The Last Exit For The Lost. Personally, I'm pretty sure that one night is going to be more than enough. Actually, I honest think No Pants Day has had more than enough mention for this recap. It'll be here soon enough, unfortunately. Movin' right along... So, one of the more humorous moments of the evening centered around the title of a song by a band I believe to be called Motherboar. The song title being (and I hope I've got the spelling right...) "Croctosquatch". You can imagine the hilarity that ensued, seriously... I mean, what the fuck is a Croctosquatch? The Satanic offspring of Wally Gator and Bigfoot? (As in, "Run for your life, it's the Croctosquatch"! Or maybe some kind of diabolical form of STD? (As in, "I've got a really, REAAAALLLY itchy case of the Croctosquatch!") The name just SOUNDS creepy! EWWWW! Something tells me we'll be playing that one again. Probably frequently... 

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April 9, 2011 - Scott Columbus Tribute

Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

This edition of the Onslaught saw us paying our respects to yet another too-soon-departed Brother Of Metal, this time Scott Columbus. Scott was the drummer for Manowar for many, many years, playing on all but two of their studio albums. This guy was a heavy hitter if there ever was one, and he complemented Manowar's musical style better than anybody else that sat behind the kit for them. To describe his sound as "thunderous" would be an understatement. In tribute, we dedicated a full hour of time to some of his finest work with Manowar, and you'll be able to see our selections once the playlist for this week is posted. I'd say we did Scott justice, all in all. He's gonna be sorely missed...

Really not a whole lot left to mention. Outside of our tribute to Scott, it was a relatively uneventful evening. There was some awkwardness in the early going, as Rick took over the board in Joe's absence. Seems our long-suffering host had gotten himself a dose of the 24-Hour Plague. All told, though, Rick came through with a minimum of difficulty. Wasn't his first time behind the wheel, and probably won't be the last! Josh was in the control room, sitting in Rick's usual spot, which became referred to as the "Rick-hole". You don't really need an overly dirty mind to guess where that line of thought went... Azkath arrived, and surprisingly didn't beat the snot out of me for my continued smoking habit. Although, there was the confession that I'd spent a lot of time during the week calling Joe and trying to sing Bon Jovi songs for him. I say "trying" because eventually Joe just stopped answering his phone. Wouldn't even go to his answering system after the first couple of days... Oddly enough, the whole urge to sing Bon Jovi when I smoked went away after the Demon arrived. Instead, I felt this uncontrollable need to hug somebody every time I wanted a cigarette. Strange... Even weirder is the urge I now have to go to Joe's and give him a hug whenever I have a craving for tobacco. Unfortunately, I now have no idea of how to find Joe. He's been in hiding since the first couple attempts at hugging him at home. Oh well, I've still got a few days before the next Onslaught, and if he's feeling better, he'll probably be there to receive a WHOLE WEEK'S worth of hugs!

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April 2, 2011 - Randy is Still Smoking...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

My apologies to those who may have hoped to hear Lady GaGa or Justin Bieber on this edition of the show, as we advertised. Actually, if you honestly hoped to hear any of that crap, you probably shouldn't be listening to the Onslaught, anyway... We'd thrown in some fun novelty tracks during the early portion of the show, in the interest of celebrating April Fool's Day, so if you were wondering where "Star Trekkin'" or "Earache My Eye" fit into the scheme, well, now ya know! Let's see, a couple of early discussions stood out. Somehow we got on the subject of video gaming, and Bill and I mentioned how we'd both been having marathon sessions with some recent favorites. For me, it's been Dragon Age II, an amazing sequel to Dragon Age Origins. I mentioned how I'd devoted a straight seven hours in one particular session. Bill, on the other hand, has been mixing it up between Darksiders, Castlevania: Lords Of Shadow, and Dead Space 2. Joe had asked how we handled bathroom breaks for those kind of sessions, to which I replied, "Well, that's what the pause button is for..." Bill, on the other hand, suggested something a little more hardcore, involving duct tape and a hose. Dwelling on that thought kinda makes me cringe, so we'll just move right on from there... Actually, Joe had suggested Depends, an idea that quite frankly never crossed my mind. And probably shouldn't cross my mind for at least another thirty years or so... A discussion about Primus resulted in further head trauma to myself. In a nutshell, Joe was doing a passable imitation of what most Primus songs sound like, leading Bill to mention that it made him feel like whamming his head into the wall. Well, next thing ya know... Wham, wham, wham... Of course, that wasn't the end of the head trauma, Goddess forbid I should catch a break for more than a week at a time. It's like this: Azkath seems to be on a mission to get me to quit smoking. Tough love seems to be be playing a large part in this process, so the blows to the head continued. Among Azkath's implements of "motivation" was a heavy plastic snow shovel. Not as bad as the drill, but damn, still pretty friggin' unpleasant...

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March 26, 2011 - A Quiet Evening

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

Let me stress right up front: I will NOT be getting a portrait tattoo of Rodney Dangerfileld on my butt, or anywhere else, thank you very much. Ah, Rodney, not even in death, my good man, not even in death...

We featured some tracks from new releases from Amon Amarth and Winds Of Plague this week, and I've gotta say Rick was pretty damned pumped to have his copy of the Amon Amarth special edition box, featuring a very cool little collectible figure! One Winds Of Plague song bears mention. "The Warrior Code" features an intro from none other than WWE Legend, the man formerly known as The Ultimate Warrior, and now just known simply as Warrior. Pretty surreal, but if you're familiar with the Warrior's old promotional rants, you pretty much know what to expect. All in all, it was a very quiet evening, pretty uneventful overall. For the first time in quite awhile, it was only Joe, Rick, Josh, and myself for the majority of the show. Azkath and Foul Mouth Girl were both at The Haunt in Ithaca, as they were putting on a Last Exit For The Lost Presents show, featuring the last performance by New Animal. Bill had a date, and we suggested early on that maybe if he popped in afterward, we could grill him on how the evening went. Funny how, even though the character of Wulfie has been pretty much abandoned (thanks to Jeffie...), we still find fun ideas to incorporate him. The first idea was in response to a recent video I'd posted of a Bigfoot sighting, a five second clip that someone from North Carolina had filmed just last week. If you've seen the clip, it's pretty much what you'd expect. What I didn't expect, however, was to see "Bigfoot" actually waving at the camera as he crossed the road... Anyhoo, it was discussed that perhaps we should film a tribute clip in honor of Bigfoot sightings, with me in the Wulfie get-up. I'm happy to tell you that we successfully pulled off that clip while visiting The Last Exit For The Lost last night, and you can see all forty seconds of it on the Metallic Onslaught Facebook page, right now! The other idea is going to be a little difficult to pull off. Josh had mentioned having me go to Holland to get the new Pestilence CD, and when I explained that it may be a bit difficult, as I have neither the cash for airfare, nor the necessary passport, it was suggested that maybe I could throw on the Wulfie gear and fly in the cargo hold, in a pet carrier. Yeah, don't see that happening right away. Sorry, Josh... It was also suggested that I'd probably find far too much to entertain me in Amsterdam. Probably best that I just state state-side...

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January 2, 2010 - Lance Returns

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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Tim, from Century Media Records, was there, as was Lance, who hasn't been there in so long, we were certain he was dead. Apparently he is not, because, YAY, LANCE, LANCE, YAY LANCE(!), was indeed there! *clap, clap, clap, clap* Tim has a podcast, you can listen to. Jeffie said that his Internet license had been taken away by the Internet police, so he couldn't use computers. He didn't want to say why his license had been taken away, just insisted he hadn't done anything illegal, insisted a bit too much there, so you know it was something illegal. He told Rick that it hadn't been his idea to have him kill Josh in the death match 3 weeks ago. Rick didn't believe him, no matter how many times he insisted, and neither did anyone else. This year, New Year's Day fell on Friday, so the 1st 3 hours of this program were on New Year's Day...
 
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July 1, 1989

As far as we know, this is the oldest show still in existence from The Metallic Onslaught. This dates to July 1, 1989, and was one of the first, if not the first, show that Joe hosted. Joe was hosting a show in Auburn, NY prior to this, but this may have been his first time on The Metallic Onslaught. This is not the whole show, but it is all we have.

Joe 1994

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Metallic Overkill - Late 1988

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So this is only a few minutes long. A snippet in time. The Metallic Overkill was the show Joe Wyatt hosted in Auburn, NY on WDWN prior to taking over The Metallic Onslaught. This may very well be the only recording in existence of it. The sound quality is poor, but as a piece of history, it is what it is. 

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