Recap by Randy MetalWulf: And the denial continues!
Yep, nobody believes the issues with my knee are real, nobody believes I’m having surgery (less than a day away as of this writing), and everybody believes that I’m afraid to face Jeffie in that stupid death match! Oh, and apparently I’m officially the “Eeyore” of the Metallic Onslaught...
Look, the match is gonna happen! Just not now! If all goes well, we can do this long before summer is over! Joe even insisted that I was having crying jags when he came to train me, insisted that all I did was whine about being afraid of Jeffie, blah, blah, blah...hell, he even claimed to have a jar of my tears! LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!
And then Azkath comes along and says that he may not be able to clone me in between matches (this is best of three deaths, after all), although he has a huge storage facility with tons of back-up Jeffies. But, apparently it’s more difficult to clone me, and there may be difficulties doing so this time. So, I guess they’re going to have to go with necromancy to raise me from the dead, assuming Jeffie succeeds in killing me even once...
Speaking of Jeffie, he showed up to rub his supposed training regimen in my face, part of which has been lifting a towel with his...you know. Yeah, apparently he dangles weights from the towel. What he plans on doing with that thing when we have the actual match is anyone’s guess. I cringe just thinking about it...which made it worse when he confiscated my phone and took pics of the results.
Imagine a wart on a fettuccine noodle...
He also took the time to tell us about this new game he invented...pee pinball. Literally, you control the flippers with your urinary control. I’ll just leave that thought there for your brain to process, and perhaps you’ll understand why Jeffies have been routinely killed off over the years.
Joe felt the need to really get under my nerves with some stupid business regarding my thoughts on Richie Sambora not touring with Bon Jovi. I made it quite clear that I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything to do with that band, or it’s members, or the majority of their fan base, as far as that goes. As a matter of fact, I’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty to make it abundantly clear that I hate Bon Jovi almost more than any other 80’s artist. (Of them all...I hate only Britny Fox and Winger more...).
And yes, fine, it hasn’t always been that way. There was a time when I actually liked to listen to a bit of Bon Jovi. I was never a huge fan, but there was some decent music on the first two albums. It wasn’t until Slippery When Wet came out and got smeared all over the airwaves and MTV that I really began to despise them.
But, Joe insisted on getting my opinion, and I gave it...and made it necessary for Azkath to edit some bad words from the broadcast, despite making a strong effort to not curse.
I think that Bon Jovi conversation was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I got so fed up with Joe later in the evening that I made a confession. I mean, I’m all for having this death match after I’ve healed, but I admitted that I’m glad we won’t be able to do it for Joe’s birthday. After all, my victory was going to be a birthday gift for Joe, but if he’s going to be such a complete dick, I really don’t want to give him a birthday gift!
Yep, fuck that guy, I’m GLAD this has to wait!