October 9, 2015 - The Return of Jeffie

So, not only was Nathan not on hand this week, but our long-suffering host, Joseph Wyatt, was also among the missing. And, if that wasn’t weird enough in and of itself, Azkath had mentioned that he’d been hearing some strange things out back. In fact, he was pretty certain that there was something roaming around behind the building, but hadn’t caught sight of whatever it may be. Of course, my first thought was that it was likely Spanky, but Azkath insisted that he hadn’t seen any sign of our centaur/unicorn hybrid all day. And he also insisted that it was NOT Jeffie. My theory on the matter was that perhaps Spanky was roaming around out back, looking for Joe, and perhaps Nathan was riding Spanky as they both searched. At one point, Azkath was so convinced that he heard something outside that he had Rick and Josh join him while he took a peek. I tried to take a moment to share some details about a show that Joe and I had gone too the previous weekend, but Jeffie took that moment to reveal himself to me, right there in the studio. Naturally, I flipped, and Azkath, Rick, and Josh came running back in to see what was wrong. Of course they didn’t believe a word I said about Jeffie being right there, saying he was coming to get me. It wasn’t too much later when Azkath heard something again, this time going outside on his own to investigate. We heard a loud “thud”, followed by what sounded like Azkath calling for help. Of course, Azkath and Jeffie sound almost identical, so who the hell knew what I was getting myself into when I stepped outside? I’d only been out there a matter of seconds when a white, ghostly figure came dashing at me from the darkness...and caught me in a huge bear hug. It was, well and truly, Jeffie. He’d doused himself in a ton of what was probably jock itch powder, and glomped the living hell outta me, causing an enormous white cloud to puff out from the impact. Yes, there is YouTube content down below, and it’s a sight to behold... So, yeah, Jeffie was back, and had never actually been dead in the first place. He’d been haunting me and plotting his revenge for weeks, not to mention planning on reinstating himself as the “star” of the Metallic Onslaught. Yep, the guy is still delusional as ever!

The evening came to a particularly shocking conclusion after I’d mentioned to Jeffie that he’d missed out on me becoming a parent, although he insisted that he had, indeed, met Spanky. And, at the end of the show, he provided evidence of this as he left a large plastic case in the middle of the table...with Spanky’s severed head inside of it...

- Recap by Randy Metalwulf