September 11, 2015 - Nathan Abuse

We had David Henninger join us this week for a bit of last-minute promoting for the End Of Summer Metal Meltdown show at Donselaar's in Clyde, NY. This show was actually considered to be a "part 2" to Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and featured a solid lineup of ten local bands. All said and done, it was a great way to cap the summer off!

I got my balls busted a bit for taking in a Salt N' Pepa performance while visiting the NY State Fair. As a matter of fact, Azkath suggested that I may have outdone myself, having seen a potentially worse show than Jackyl five years ago. Truth is, my girlfriend and I were enjoying a bit of lunch in the vicinity of Chevy Court (where the show took place), and we decided to check it out for a bit...and ended up watching the whole thing! Okay, so it ain't metal. Truth is, I'm not the only person on the Metallic Onslaught who's been to a hip-hop show, and Salt N' Pepa actually came from a time frame where I didn't really dislike that kind of music...at least, not as much as I do these days. But, in all honesty, Rick and Josh have been to hip-hop shows that could be considered to measure higher on the bad-ass scale, such as Snoop Dogg, Wu Tang Clan, Ice Cube, Public Enemy...and by comparison... I saw Salt N' Pepa... Okay, so maybe I deserved that ball-busting just a little...it was still a fun way to kill an hour at the fair!

Nathan returned once again. In the days following his previous visit, he'd actually posted a photo of him on his bathroom scales, with the weight showing 131 pounds. We all called shenanigans, of course, because those could have been anybodys feet showing in that pic. Besides, I'm still pretty convinced that Nathan might weigh about 57 pounds right before a good dump... Truth be told, we like Nathan. It's always good to have fresh blood on the show. As a matter of fact, we all took turns attempting to spill some of that blood throughout the evening! In all honesty, Nathan HAS stated that he'd like to be put through a table, so it's not like he's an unwilling participant! I can't remember specifically how it all began, but Joe decided that he really wanted to superkick Nathan out of his chair, which he did...TWICE! This led to a demonstration of Josh's mastery of Air-Fu (it's a sight to see, lemme tell ya!), and I was able to get an Atomic Drop on the little guy in the early going. Good thing for Nathan there was a nice, cushiony leather couch set up near the barn for us to throw him into! Things got a little weird after a bit, though. As the abuse continued, I felt compelled to protect Nathan. Every time somebody went to take a shot at him, I'd have to intervene. This was an insane contradiction, as I genuinely wanted to take part in the abuse, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to lift a finger against him. I just wanted to continue stopping everybody else. And then things got stranger, because no matter how badly I wanted to protect Nathan, I couldn't interfere with anything Azkath was doing! My brain's hurting just thinking about the moral dilemmma. I mean, look at it this way. I WANTED to hurt Nathan...but I couldn't! I felt compelled to protect Nathan...but I couldn't, at least not from Azkath. Before the night was over, though, things seemed to balance themselves out once again, and I was able to body slam Nathan onto the couch and follow it up with a couple of splashes. We all got in on it, actually, with the worst possibly coming from Rick, who chokeslammed out little Brony onto the couch. Yes, I'd say that Nathan has been well and truly initiated into the fold.

- Metal Wulf