September 3, 2011 - Bleach Drinking and Sad Whales...

There was some discussion regarding the State Fair. Seems I'm the only one who went this year, so it was my turn to face the ridicule. Not so much for seeing REO Speedwagon, who actually were quite good. I'd see them again, to be honest. However, I DID get busted on for just mentioning the possibility of going to see Starship. I understand the reasoning, believe me. Starship started to suck as soon as the stopped being Jefferson Starship, and got even worse with the departure of Grace Slick and Craig Chaquico. And really, the songs that were released after they became Starship? "We Built This City"? Bleah... Better off passin' that one up! I also got busted on for having my picture taken with cute sea lions. It was actually quite enjoyable. Don't know why folks don't like sea lions... Besides, they weren't letting us get out pics taken at the bear exhibit, which would have been REEEEAAAALLLY cool! Oh well... So, one more thing to mention about the fair. I don't understand it, but there's been this odd trend in recent years regarding deep-fried foods at the Fair. Literally, deep fried anything. At least it seems that way. Here are some prime examples of what I saw on menus: Deep Fried: Pickles, Oreos, Pizza, Peanut Butter And Jelly, Twix, Reese's Cups, Apple Pie, Cheese Curds, Snickers (bacon-wrapped, no less! Bleah...) among others. Seriously, I think I prefer my junk food just a little more pure than that... Oh, let's not forget the Donut Burger, because ground beef is just so much tastier on a glazed fucking donut! Mmmmmm... And of course, if you happen to look at the people lined up in front of these places, you'd b e amazed. Most are skinny as a rail, totally unexpected. Well, a few more years of that kind of cardiac abuse, and they'll be lookin' plenty different! Of course, by this point Jeffie had joined us, and he'd suggested deep-fried bacon weenie. Nobody seemed to find that appetizing for some reason...

Speaking of Jeffie, he now claims that he comes in 78 delicious flavors. Obviously, nobody was about to do a taste-test to find out... I had a lot to share with Jeffie this week. Specificallly that my doctor would love to talk to him, as well as some of his colleagues. Quite frankly, Jeffie has successfully baffled science. Here's the deal: Not only am I a clone (yeah, I know, I didn't believe it for the longest time, but apparently they did kill me that night, and Jeffie somehow made another "me"...), but it seems that he'd incorporated wolf DNA into the mix. And he did it in such a fashion that I won't experience any adverse effects until the full moon... They'd love to know how Jeffie did this, and are talking about considering him for the Nobel Prize. Yeah, it makes MY brain hurt, too... Of course, Jeffie says he has NO idea how he did it, and claims that I'm a werewolf only because he super-glued the mask to my face last week. Well, the blood work was confirmed before the gluing happened, so who can really say. Apparently I'm gonna be Wulfie for real, now. I guess we'll find out in the coming weeks...

Let's see, what else... Jeffie was on this kick about impersonating a sad whale. Okay, I admit it was just silly enough that I had to join in. We soon had the sound of a whole pod of sad whales. Bill even gave us a dose of what a sad Wookie would sound like (he does a GREAT Chewbacca impersonation!) As the eveing started to wind down, Jeffie decided to share some bleach with me, claiming that since we were both clones, we'd be fine. I really didn't believe it was bleach at first. Stupid me... Okay, so I now know what the effects of bleach drinking are on clones. You eventually become a tickle monster, and you sing bad television theme songs, and then you have Jeffie shoot little foam darts at you, from the toy machine gun he found upstairs. Or at least that's how the show ended this week...