June 25, 2011 - Fixing Randy...

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
MOSo, the latest edition of the Onslaught capped off a very cool week, I must say. As of last Sunday (June 19), we hit a big mark on our Facebook page as we finally achieved 666 "Likes", and we're now pushing for the 700 mark, which we really aren't so very far from at the moment. And while this may seem like we're pushing it, we'd love to hit 1,000 Likes by the end of the 4th of July weekend. Still, we're just gonna think realistically and continue to just be grateful for the continued support of the local and regional music scene (fans or bands or both), as we continue to support them! Really, it's pretty damned cool how things just come together sometimes!

So, we had a big focus on new music last night, and there were definitely a few things that stood out strongly to me. Pagan's Mind (from Norway) seems to be an extremely tight power metal combo, and I was greatly impressed with the track we played from them. Must hear more! Headcat is a rockabilly combo (yeah, I said ROCKABILLY!!! Just deal with it...) that features Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, The Stray Cat's Slim Jim Phantom and The Lonesome Spur's Danny B. Harvey. Not even remotely metal, but cool as hell nonetheless. Take my word for it, they're well worth a listen or two! Gentleman's Pistols (from Great Britain) impressed me as well, a nice throwback to a sound similar to what was popular around the late 70's and early 80's. Just good, hard rocking music. I have a suspicion that these guys could actually be a big deal in the future. Check 'em out!
Played a new Anthrax track ("Fight 'Em "til You Can't", which was AMAZING! Can't wait to hear the full disc when it comes out, which I believe should be out sometime in September. If the rest of that disc are as good as "Fight 'em...", then it should be more than worth the wait! Joe assigned me a bit of homework regarding another new release, this one being Rev Raptor by U.D.O.  Joe wants to know if there's any significance to  the U.D.O. logo looking like an acronym. Personally, I think the little guy has just been toying with our heads for the past 22-23 years... Still, I promised to look into it, and I fully plan on doing just that! Stay posted!

So, after all that great music, what was left? The usual assortment of goofy wrongness that everybody has come to expect from us, of course! An early discussion centered around the selling of my man-kini after No Pants Day 2012. Now, I was willing to entertain the thought of putting it up on E-Bay fresh out of the wash, but... Okay, for some reason somebody (Will) thought it would be more entertaining to sell the man-kini after it's been worn every day for the next ten-and-a-half months, and to me, that's just pushing the wrongness scale a little too much. I assure you that there is no way that I'm wearing that thing every day until next May, through the steamiest, hottest, most ball-drippingly gross days of summer and beyond, only to put that sweaty, unwashed thing up for bids without being run through at least ONE rinse cycle! I mean, anything less would just be disgusting, ya know? Let's see, a discussion regarding Bill wanting to get cheap palm trees at BJ's led to something being said about Bill getting cheap BJ's...from cheap hookers...at BJ's... Yeah, probably shouldn't pursue that one too far... Moving right along! 

Jeffie was on hand once again. Yeah, it's a little weird getting back into that kind of vibe. It's been so long since we've had a Jeffie showing up regularly that it's been a little stressful trying to adapt once again. I mean, really, we've all gotten so used to NOT having our personal belongings shoved down Jeffie's pants that it almost came as a complete gross-out shock when the ear buds to Josh's MP3 player went right...into...Jeffie's boxers... How 'bout a little ball cheese to go with that ear wax, Josh? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Had another Olaf moment, which is still really awkward. I mean, it's just weird not being myself for these unknown stretches of time, only to come back to find myself holding a large hammer, or wearing a silly cloth helmet... Anyhoo, after a couple of Olaf moments, Jeffie decided to take some action. Apparently he thought he could cure me of Olaf by throwing a chair at my head. In the end, the only thing he really succeeded at was hitting me, HARD, and making me bleed. A LOT... I mean, even after another set of music, I was still bleeding. I was actually getting a little delirious  as well. Brain damage? Loss of blood? You're guess is as good as mine. All I know is that at one point I was singing A-Ha's "Take On Me"...badly! Of course, it probalbly wasn't too good that we discovered that part of my scalp was hanging off, and when the issue was addressed Joe just called me a wuss... In the end, things just got worse, as my whining and bad singing prompted the suggestion that my mouth be glued shut. And let's not forget the idea of stuffing a full bag of Skittles up my nostrils! Yep, grand plan, guys, thanks a bunch! So, the last thing folks heard on this week's show was the sound of me trying to scream and curse through a pair of glued lips, at the same time trying to expel a full bag of Skittles through my nose. Yeah, it was EVERY BIT as unpleasant as it sounds, thank you very little!

Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Pyramaze - Bring Back Life
Symphony X - Bastards Of The Machine

Death - Lack Of Comprehension
Whitesnake - Crying In The Rain
Twisted Sister - One Man Woman
Pagan's Mind - Eyes Of Fire
Morbid Angel - Blades For Baal

Headcat - American Beat
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Grave Robbers Work
August Burns Red - Cutting The Ties
Cypherseer - Dying Force
Fleshburn - Live Thru Pain
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command

Clutch - Soapmakers
Deceased - In The Laboratory Of Joyous Gloom
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
U.D.O. - Motor-Borg

Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
Ark Of The Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses
Dynasty - Wisdom & Truth
Nightshade - Lose Your Friends
Affiance - Call To The Warrior

Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Polkadot Cadaver - Bloodsucker
TYR - Fields Of The Fallen
Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
Anorexia Nervosa - Sister September

Book Of Black Earth - Research And Destroy
Black Sabbath - The Fallen
Black Sabbath - Trashed
A Pale Horse Named Death - To Die In your Arms
Black Tide - walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Sourvein - Holy Transfusion
Order Of Nine - Gods At War
Vanna - Breathing At the Bottom
Draconian - Elysian Night
Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction

The Clandestined - Swinging Like Judas
Chained And Desperate - Rely On Fears
Acid Drinkers - Seasons In The Abyss
James Byrd's Atlantis Rising - Fallen Warrior

Ozzy Osbourne - Steal Away (The Night)
The Rods - The Code

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